01:30:32 Date: April 3, 2021

by Dr. Susan Block. 

It’s Easter Eve as our Love Train leaves the station, so we crack open an Easter egg of revelations regarding “The Resurrection” of Jesus, Persephone, Osiris, Dionysus/Bacchus, Spring and you. Yes, YOU. Want to resurrect your erection—or just your general lust for life… and the afterlife? Tune in!

Springing from the glories of Gospel heaven to the depths of Christian hell, we tell the cautionary tale of Oklahoma Pastor David Evans’ cuckold “love triangle” that started in a Super 8 Motel and ended in a murder with the victim’s own gun. If you’re interested in cuckolding, listen up and learn what NOT to do! As this tragic killing, the Massage Parlor Massacre and so many others demonstrate, we need gun control—for police as well as civilians. Nevertheless, a murder weapon can be just a knee on the neck of a handcuffed prisoner struggling to breathe, as evidenced by the sadistic policing that took George Floyd’s life, now on display in the harrowing trial of Derek Chauvin. For comic relief, we have Gaetz-Gate, wherein Far-Right Buffoon Matt Gaetz tries to drag fellow Far-Right Buffoon Tucker Carlson into his own sleazy circus of sex scandal. We love to see one of Drumpf’s favorite and most obnoxious punks take a pratfall for any reason, though we’re not judging his sexual behavior until more facts emerge. When a Cuomosexual listener wants us to weigh in on the New York Governor’s scandals, all we can say is he must be thanking Jesus this Easter for the heavenly distraction of Gaetz-gate.

In light of the most recent “gender reveal” tragedy, Capt’n Max, Unscene Abe, Mariah and I deplore the multi-tiered stupidities of gender reveal parties, from jinxing your future child’s sexuality to setting your neighborhood on fire. We then take a slight detour into movie-reviewing two new “buddy films,” one being our friend and “Funniest Fundamentalist Refugee” Suzy Award winner Luzer Twersky’s star turn in the soon-to-be-released “No Name Restaurant” (about an Orthodox Jew and Bedouin’s unlikely friendship forged in the desert), and the other being Eric Andre’s Candid-Camera-ish “Bad Trip” (the Chinese finger trap scene reminds me of male bonobos resolving conflict through “penis fencing”). How are “buddy films” like these, focused on male-male bonding as opposed to male-female relationships, connected with Jesus and all those male-bonding Apostles? Was/Is Jesus bi? Aren’t we all… at least somewhat?  

It’s just sexo-theological speculation; all I know for sure is that I love my Jesus Jackhammer dildo, one of the stars of our post-show bacchanal, “Easter Eve DTEASE Res-Erection on DrSuzy.Tv,” which also features Unlicensed Professionals Cat Imperio (the “Anal Artist”) and Samantha Fairley, Dayton Rains, sexy trans pornstar Chelsea Marie and amazing glam-punk sex-rock band The DTease (don’t miss it)!

We also gear up for next week’s 29^th wedding anniversary ride on the Love Train and, speaking of railroad romance, we’re excited for Biden’s plan to pump billions into public transportation infrastructure—including trains. Woo hoo and choo-choo! Yo Joe, we know you’ve got an Amtrak fetish, but how about throwing a bit of those billions to the F.D.R. Love Train?

All Aboard! Listen above or below to this deliciously heavenly show.

Want more? Can’t get enough of that Easter Eve stuff? Crave more deets on the Christian Cuckold Catastrophe? Read on…

From Whence Doth Easter Spring? 

One of the springiest themes of Spring is resurrection. The Earth is reborn in Spring, and Jesus springs back to life on Easter Sunday, after being officially dead for three days. Everyone loves the miracle of resurrection, and not just because it phonetically contains the word “erection.” Resurrection gives us hope of everlasting bliss, allowing us to escape the dreaded finality of death, making it one of the cornerstones of Christian faith.

But Jesus wasn’t the first human/god to be born again in spring. Long before there was a rebirth of a Holy Son returning to His Heavenly Father, there was the resurrection of the Holy Daughter coming home to her Earth Mama… in Spring. According to classical Greco-Roman mythology, the original bonoboësque festival of the year’s “first green” blossoms celebrated the resurgence of the radiant Goddess Persephone (Proserpina to the Romans) from the Bowels of Hell, where her Bad Boy husband Hades (Pluto) keeps her all Winter long. In Eleusis, the divine Daughter is “born again,” leaving the Realm of the Dead and rejoining Mother Demeter (Ceres), fair-haired fertility Goddess of the Earth, who is so ecstatic to embrace the resurrected Fruit of Her Loins that She showers the world in Spring.

This Mother-Daughter reunion is akin to what happens among the bonobo apes, where the young females migrate to new tribes when they reach puberty, leaving their mothers behind (in contrast, the males stay with their moms, happy “mama’s boys” that they are).

But at certain times, perhaps in Spring or maybe randomly, bonobo tribes do get together to share food, sex and conversation, and at such gatherings, there are mother-daughter reunions with as much emotional excitement as Persephone’s divine return to Demeter.

I imagine this resembles the mother-daughter reunions of our hunter-gatherer human ancestors, long before fathers even knew whose sons were whose and started fighting and murdering one another over such divisive, pre-capitalist matters as paternity and possession.

As men took the reins of human power on Earth, they also assumed all the leading roles in Heaven, and the sacred Mother-Daughter reunion metamorphosed into one between Father and Son. Several centuries before Christ, the ancient Spring Dionysia and Primavera Bacchanalia honored the resurrection of the Greek God Dionysus (Bacchus to the Romans), a “Christlike,” charismatic and bonoboësque God of Spring, One of his consorts is Pan, the horned, horny goat God of the Wild who lends his name to Pan paniscus, the scientific classification for bonobos. The Spring Dionysia featuring the great tragedies of Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides and the comedies of Aristophanes, and the Roman Bacchanalia included ecstatic rituals and bonoboësque orgies celebrating this extremely popular, complex deity who, in a number of intriguing ways, foreshadowed the coming—as well as the second coming—of Jesus Christ.

How could a God of Orgies have anything to do with Sweet Jesus?  Consider these intriguing similarities…

Both Jesus and Dionysus are especially adorable as babies (as are bonobos).
Both Gods never lose their youthful, androgynous good looks, also like bonobos.
Both Gods have human “virgin” mothers and divine heavenly Fathers.
Both Gods are liberators and revolutionaries, overturning the status quo—politically in the community & emotionally (spiritually) within the individual.
Both Gods treat women as equals, as bonobos do, and have passionate, prominent female followers.
Both Gods miraculously heal the sick.
Both Gods are intimately connected with wine.
Both Gods have, in a sense, their “flesh and blood” eaten and drunk by others.
Both Gods are charismatic “rock stars” with long hair, an entourage and adoring groupies – and both are opposed by uncool, older conservative types
Both Gods preach that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.
Both Gods are Masters of Seduction, saying that “Heavenly ecstasy is yours if only you follow Me.”
Both Gods die terrible bloody deaths, suffering for the sake of humanity.
Both Gods are resurrected in spring.

Holy Resurrection Connections Batman!

If Bacchus/Dionysus is so much like Jesus/Christ, why don’t we have Christian Bacchanalia?  Essentially, the early Church outlawed the old festivals, condemned all bacchanalian celebrations as “demonic,” identifying Dionysus’ best “buddy,” old, mischievous, pleasure-loving Pan, as Satan Himself. So, the bacchanalian, bonoboësque essence of Dionysus/Bacchus/Jesus has been repressed, oppressed and, for the most part, lost.

Fast forward a couple thousand years, and we find ourselves hit by the Massage Parlor Massacre, a horrible twisted orgy of violence spawned by a sex-worker-shaming, ammosexual cult of handguns and “purity” balls that I don’t imagine the *real* Jesus would appreciate.

Of course, there are many representations of Jesus, including AR-15-toting Jesus who adores guns and hates sex, but if you go by the Gospels, Jesus loves the sex workers.  He defends them from stoning and enjoys their foot massages. And who was the first person he saw when he was born again? His favorite Easter Bunny, Mary Magdalene. I think MM was probably his wife, his lover and his “Holy Grail,” and not a sex worker per se.

Though in Bible times with all those concubines, you could say all wives were sex workers.

Church-Based Cuckolding Gone Wrong

In keeping with this ride’s Easter Eve theme of death and resurrection, we tell a tale of death, with no resurrection.

READ “CHURCH-BASED CUCKOLDING GONE WRONG on COUNTERPUNCH

It takes place in the little town of Ada, Oklahoma (population: 16,810). Harmony Freewill Baptist Church Pastor David Evans, his wife Kristie Dawnell Evans and their boyfriend, Kahlil Deamie Square, engaged in what the MSM calls a “love triangle”—and which I call a case of cuckolding gone horribly wrong—that starts in a Super 8 Motel and ends in a cold-blooded murder with the victim’s own gun.

As long as it’s all between consenting adults, there nothing wrong with any of this, even if some of it sounds a little *strange* to many people. Consensual cuckolding can be a pleasurable and meaningful experience for all. There are many reasons it excites some people, including the arousing phenomenon of “sperm wars.” It’s surprisingly common, at least as a fantasy, and it’s becoming more popular for adventurous couples to explore as a reality. The “interracial” aspect is particularly popular, especially in somewhat segregated cultures or areas, like the American Midwest. Though controversial and at heart, racist, or at least, connected to racism (otherwise, why call it that?), being intimate with people one usually thinks of as *different* can be a very positive and even healing experience for all.

Then there’s the religion factor. Pastor David Evans was a devout, “driven” and beloved Christian clergyman who preached passionately against “the devil” to the parishioners of the Harmony Freewill Baptist Church in the little town of Ada, Oklahoma (population: 16,810), as well as on video where “there would be people even in Michigan that would be watching the services,” says Church member Alisa Mabry.

Religion isn’t always a problem when it comes to cuckolding and other kinks. There’s a fairly active, sex-positive tradition of Christian swinging and, Lord knows, there’s a lot of nonmonogamy in the Bible, especially the Old Testament, with all those wives and concubines.

As for the New Testament, you could say that Joseph, Mary’s patient and adoring husband, is the ultimate cuckold, with God as his bull.

Nevertheless, despite that divine precedent, for the most part, when an Evangelical Christian Pastor like David Evans preaches strict marital monogamy and doing battle with the “devil” by day, then indulges in clandestine and rather *devilish* cuckoldry by night, somebody is headed for Hell-on-Earth. Maybe a trio of somebodies.

Modern consensual cuckolding can be fun for all, but it can also be a disaster. It’s like any kind of date, but multiplied by an extra person, not to mention the weight of society’s disapproval, as well as potentialities for jealousy and misunderstandings. For the piously inclined (but horny), it might seem like the Devil Himself—who, I feel, gets a bad rap, but that’s another story—is in the room.

One sign of trouble ahead in Cuckold Paradise is secret note-passing. Indeed, it was on one of those “occasions” when our little faith-based ménage à trois gathered together at the swanky Super 8, that sly Hot Wife Kristie discreetly dropped her private phone number behind the back of clueless Cuckold Pastor Dave, whereupon Kahlil the Bull suavely scooped that little love number right up.

Soon Hot Wife Kristie and Kahlil the Bull were dating surreptitiously on the side, even as they continued their threeway meet-ups with Cuckold Pastor Dave.

You might think that Hot Wife Kristie was “having her cake and eating it too.” But no, Kristie was not happy. She complained that her husband of 30 years was “controlling” and “verbally abusive,” that he called her “fat, ugly and a whore.”

Whoa, them’s fighting words! But Kristie… Gurrrrl… murder?

No doubt Cuckold Pastor Dave’s words (the couple’s oldest child, Brittney Long, confirmed that he said them) were body-shaming, slut-shaming weapons of emotional destruction. Many sex workers and other sex-positive folks have taken pejorative names like “whore” and “slut” and made them our own, but that doesn’t give a controlling, devil-wrestling husband license to hurl those words as slurs.

All too often… when the arousal wears off and the shame kicks in, the blame lashes out like the snake in the Garden of Eden.

As a sex therapist who tries to help people handle cuckolding fantasies, fetishes and real-world situations, I caution my clients not to cast blame for their own mixed feelings of sexual shame and confusion onto their spouses and lovers.

Nevertheless, many people do this, nonconsensually calling each other derogatory names and lashing out in other ways, tortured by their own sexual guilt and inner turmoil. Men especially are prone to slut-shame their wives and lovers after they share an erotic adventure like cuckolding, even if it’s done at the husband’s suggestion. All too often, after a consensual, mutually pleasurable experience, when the arousal wears off and the shame kicks in, the blame lashes out like the snake in the Garden of Eden (speak of the “devil”).

Naturally, a background of religious sexual abuse, repression and misinformation makes these toxic reactions even more likely.

But murder? Whoa. How about just running away? Why didn’t Kristie and Kahlil leave? Kristie’s name is short for “Christian,” and she was a pastor’s wife. Did she consider leaving to be “unchristian,” but murder to be some sort of righteous blow against “sin” like the Massage Parlor killer? Did Kahlil? Did Cuckold Pastor Dave’s constant talk of “devils” and “whores” somehow bait them? Is this kind of hyper-religious, ammosexual thinking on the rise, even as more people become less religious?

Then again, maybe it was all about life insurance (and greed). Or utter, abject stupidity.

According to the arrest affidavit, “Kristie told Kahlil that it would be nice to have more freedom.”  

Freedom? Was Kristie imagining herself to be Catherine the Great of Ata, Oklahoma, and Kahlil was her Imperial Guard?

Whatever the motive, murder was the plan. Though it may have spun off from sex, this was no
“crime of passion.” Of course, the best-laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. And when the plans are laid this badly, whatever can go wrong probably will.

According to daughter Brittney, Kristie “begged” Kahlil to kill her husband. I imagine “begging,” perhaps on her knees, might have been a part of Kristie and Kahlil’s Hot Wife and Bull sex play, so this just took things to that *next* level where no one should ever go. You know how the dating sexperts talk about “red flags” in new lovers that should warn you to stop and run fast in the other direction? Begging you to kill someone is one of those red flags.

The begging appears to have occurred while Cuckold Pastor Dave was out-of-town on a “mission” trip to Mexico. Not that anyone deserves to be murdered, but let’s just mention here that “missionaries” are, by profession and by “calling,” religious predators, having been at the forefront of the genocidal Euro-Christian colonization of indigenous peoples around the globe.

But what about Kahlil? Was his brain colonized by nonsense, agitated by Pastor Dave raging against the “devil,” hypnotized by Kristie’s boobs and sadistic delusions of being the Zodiac Killer of Cuckoldry? Whatever his state of mind (or lack thereof), Kahlil the Bull soon gave in to Kristie’s begging, whereupon Kristie presented Kahlil with a handgun and a box of bullets that belonged to none other than her husband and future victim, clueless Cuckold Pastor Dave.

The moral of this part of the story is: The gun you own to protect you could be the one to kill you.

The NRA may be bankrupt (in more ways than one), but in Ada, Oklahoma, as well as Acworth, Georgia and a bunch of other pious little American towns, it’s easier to buy a gun than to vote. And you don’t even have to buy the gun if your husband already has one.

And so it came to pass… While Pastor Dave slept, probably exhausted from all that Mexican-missioning and devil-fighting, Kristie unlocked their door so Kahlil could slip in and shoot the poor bastard in the head.

The deed done, Kristie called 911, sobbing “Oh my God!” and pretending she didn’t know what happened, innocent and loving Church Pastor’s wife that she was. Indeed, the day before the murder, sweet Kristie had shared on Facebook that her husband had sent her necklaces from Mexico, burbling, “So, every day, I opened a card and was reminded of how blessed, loved and lucky I am!!! I love you so much, David!!!!”

How could someone who gushed such mush possibly have the dude murdered the very next day? According to Brittney, all of Kristie’s words of love were written at Pastor Dave’s divinely-inspired direction (you can’t trust anything you read on Facebook).

Within a few hours of interrogations, Kristie’s flimsy front collapsed like a cardboard chapel, and our Hot Wife Black Widow confessed to the whole damned mess, as well as ratted out the whereabouts of her gallant Bull. As of this writing, Kristie is being held at the Pontotoc County Jail, and Kahlil at the Cleveland County Jail. Nope, this bumbling Bonnie and Clyde aren’t even in the same jail. So much for finding “more freedom” at the end of the barrel of your victim’s own gun.

“She said that a life in prison would be freer than what she was dealing with before,” Daughter Brittney explained of her mother. “And she had already accepted that.”

But what about Kahlil?

Stereotypes are brain-frying, but looking at those mugshots, it’s hard not to see Kristie as the ultimate “Karen” from Hell who bitches and coaxes a man of color into doing her dirty work, with little regard for his life.

And what about poor old Clueless Cuckold Pastor Dave? On the morning before his murder, he also shared a post to Facebook: “Live your life so that people realize we are no longer dead, but are alive again.” [sic] Mixed pronouns aside, what the hell was he referring to… Easter?

Then again, perhaps Dave wasn’t so clueless after all, and had a premonition of his pitiful destiny at the hands of a lover and wife he’d tried in vain to control. Indeed, though Cuckold Pastor Dave is now “dead” as driftwood, his cautionary story is very much “alive.”  Viral, in fact.

Other notorious hypocritical cuckolds have dotted the political landscape in recent years, going in and out of viral circulation, including Jerry Falwell, Jr. and Paul Manaforte, as well as the eternally annoying Roger Stone who relishes calling his political enemies “cucks” as a slur, even as he himself enjoys being cuckolded as a fetish.

Doing Cuckolding Group Therapy session with Paul Manafort, Roger Stone and Little Daddy Trump on Robbie Martin’s Media Roots Radio.

A great many more don’t make headlines, and Cuckold Pastor Dave might have been one of them, if only he’d somehow been able to work things out with his wife, gone into couples counseling (not the Christian kind), perhaps gotten a divorce, or quit the Church to lead an honest, bonoboësque, pansexual life, or maybe just kept his gun locked.

Instead, he got his moment of fame, or infamy, as the controlling cuckold pastor murdered by his own gun, the trigger pulled by his bull at the behest of his hot wife whom he’d slut-shamed as a “whore”… all of it the work of that “devil” he’d been raging against for years.

It’s eerie how this latest Church-based, easy-access-to-guns-greased, taboo-sex-tinged murder comes so close on the heels of Georgia’s Massage Parlor Massacre. Both are cautionary tales about the toxic mix of guns, God, race and sex problems.

As for Harmony Freewill Baptist Church in Ada, Okahoma, the congregation is “grieving the death of our Pastor.”

“We are greatly saddened,” their statement says, adding that “even pastors can succumb to human frailty.” It’s unclear if by “frailty,” they mean partaking in erotic adventure, being a religious sexual hypocrite, calling your homicidal wife derogatory names, or what.

Meanwhile, I wonder how many Harmony Freewill Baptist Church husbands are now changing the locks on their guns.

READ “CHURCH-BASED CUCKOLDING GONE WRONG on COUNTERPUNCH

Don’t be like Cuckold Pastor Dave, Hot Wife Kristie or Khalil the Bull! If you need to talk about cuckolding, cheating, religious abuse or anything else that you can’t talk about anywhere else (if, for instance, you live in a town like Ada, Oklahoma), call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497. You won’t go to Hell… or jail.

Meanwhile, wear a sexy mask and follow the Bonobo Way!

April 3. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.