Length 01:22:28 Date: April 10, 2021

by Dr. Susan Block. 

One score and nine years ago, we surrendered to the kinkiest kind of human bondage there is: marriage. Capt’n Max was, still is and always will be the “Captain of My Heart,” and I am the “Master of (His) Soul.” It’s inscribed on the insides of those golden shackle, our wedding rings.

All Aboard the F.D.R., celebrating 29 years of lawfully married love, lust, trust, romance, revolution, hot sex, antiwar, ethical hedonism, peace through pleasure and the Bonobo Way.

Chilling behind the F.D.R. Bar on Our 29th Wedding Anniversary. Photo: Selfie

Capt’n Max, Mariah, Abe and I take the slow streamliner this show, savoring the scenery and good vibrations, meandering from one love story to another as we interact with a bevy of “Happy Anniversary!” well-wishers, corny humorists and deep-thinking commentators on our various live broadcast platforms, as well as talk with “Most Bonobo Political Activist” SUZY award winner Chris Gagliardi, tirelessly helping to spread the word of “peace through pleasure” and soon to be honored with a Russ Berrie “Making a Difference” Award. We’re proud of you, Chris!

In the last third of our trip, “Most Bonobo Couple” Danièle Watts and Rawkstar Chef BeLive call in from their parked car—sexting us naked selfies!—and what a sensational, “synchro-mystical” (their term) conversation we have, touching upon the joys and challenges of married life; the benefits of grooming among humans and other mammals (sadly, the word is now getting a bad rap due to its current usage as a term for the beginning stages of sexual abuse); their first time on The Dr. Susan Block Show exactly five years ago at our 24^th Wedding Anniversary Bacchanal (which we play in the after-show); the odd legacy of my late co-author Dr. Toni Grant (their friend, Freckle, “made” Danièle read aloud from Being a Woman); dressing up as a French maid in Django Unchained, then turning down famed foot fetishizing filmmaker Quentin Tarantino’s invitation to make out; the erotic mysteries of faux cannibalism—a metaphorical way to #EattheRich, though Armie Hammer would taste more like baking soda than wedding cake.

Danièle Watts and Rawkstar Chef BeLive put their Best Foot Forward, calling into our 29th Wedding Anniversary show.

What a phenomenal couple to share our celebration of marriage: Danièle and BeLive!

It being my anniversary, I dress up in a glittery frock, hat, heels (which I only wear while sitting down), a matching sexy mask (we’re not out of the Coronapocalypse quite yet, Brothers and Sisters) and patterned fishnet stockings in solidarity with Dr. Jill Biden—whom the Rightwing ridiculously tried to slut-shame for her hosiery.

This is a 90% fun show, but we take on a few seriously harrowing subjects from raging ammosexual cuckolds to handling sexual assault. As always, we inject humor into the harrowing parts, so if you’re overly sensitive, go listen to Joe Rogaine.

The only time we don’t joke is when we talk (briefly) about the Derek Chauvin trial: For me, that onlooker saying, “You’re enjoying that shit!” just underlines George Floyd’s murder as a more obvious case of sadistic policing. Will the verdict reflect the obvious? We shall see…  

Beside our marvelous marriage, we continue our ongoing explorations of Max’s and my pre-marital days, including Max’s gallery of favorite European cougars and what I’ve taken to calling “My Swinging Life,” soon to be a docu-series along the lines of My 600-lb Life—but eating pussy instead of pizza. Oh, here we go back to faux cannibalism again.

Consensual sexual expression is vital to our “mental health.”

Sex scandal is all the rage; so many people (mostly male, but some female) in every profession appear to be doing something wrong in a sexual sense.

But some kind of good, consensual sexual expression is vital to our “mental health.”

We hear that term a lot these day; everyone from Prince Harry to Gwyneth Paltrow is trying to improve our “mental health.”

But how many are directly addressing the kinky parts of our well-being?

That’s what we try to do on this show, and that’s what we’ve tried to do in our marriage for the past 29 years.

So, relax, click the arrow to listen above or below, and turn the lights down low… to a nice wedding night glow…

Want more? Read on…

Lust Meets Trust on a Train

Make no mistake; the long-term romance of married life isn’t for everybody. Maybe not for most people, especially in these shaky days of divisiveness, alienation, intolerance and uncertainty.

But it is for Capt’n Max and me, and it has been for 29 years. In a world of divorce, our longevity is an oddity. By most judgments, we’re pretty wild, but we’re also very much married in a quasi-traditional way, sharing and acting as “witnesses” to each other’s lives, creating and constantly recreating the lust and trust that just seems to deepen—emotionally and orgasmically—with each anniversary, especially during tough times like this crazy Coronapocalypse.

Occasionally, we argue (okay, maybe more than occasionally), but like bonobos, we always find a way to kiss and make up. How can we not?

Our friendship takes us through the ups and downs of love, and our love takes us through the ups and downs of friendship. It’s a winning combination.

Still, no couple is an island. So, we are very thankful to everyone—friends, enemies, lovers, collaborators and the rest of the universe—for contributing, each in their own fashion, to us being so “lucky” in love, as well as our *cause* of the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure, bonobo conservation—and the right to party “like a bonobo,” consensually and with pansensual joy.

Though no outside guests are in-studio tonight, we’re super-lucky to spend this auspicious anniversary with our half-vaccinated, masked and physical-distancing Bonoboville crew.

The 29^th anniversary is a weird one, an after-thought wedged between more important years, without even a traditional flower or gemstone. “Furniture” is the designated symbol for the 29^th—a thinly disguised capitalist ploy to stimulate spending on big useless “household” items—and Bonoboville is already stuffed with plenty of those. However, we do dance and stomp around so much, we can always use a new rug, so that’s the “furniture” we gifted ourselves. But we’re so busy celebrating, reminiscing—and kissing—we forget to open the rug!

So much for my fantasy of a 29^th anniversary magic carpet ride.

We do “cut a rug”—verbally, at least—and lounge luxuriously on our Love Train ride through 29 years of great adventures. After all, it was on our first Great Erotic Train Ride that we fell in love.

Actually, we “fell in love” on many different occasions during the course of our six-year pre-marital friendship (yes, we’ve been friends for 35 years), and we tell the tales of just a few of those occasions on this slow, scenic ride.

If your orgasms are real and your diamonds are fake, your life will be awesome.

We also tell a few harrowing stories, from Max’s prison release and cougar adventures (all before we met), and the true tale of how my humble cubic zirconia engagement ring helped me to escape the clutches of a homicidal, ammosexual cuckold.

Moral of the story: If your orgasms are real and your diamonds are fake, your life will be awesome.

Speaking of really bad cuckolds, last Saturday’s reflections on “Church-Based Cuckoldry Gone Wrong” turned into a Counterpunch article (a sort of companion piece to Massage Parlor Massacre), so heed this “cautionary tale” and learn what not to do as a cuckold, hot wife or bull.

Another “falling in love” point at the conjuncture of friendship, romance and marriage was our politics. That is, we were both strongly anti-war, even in 1991 when the great majority of Americans supported and cheered the First Iraq War. Our mutual opposition turned into a radio show, Desert Susan, that we sent to the troops and generals to undermine the war effort, as well as our legendary series of “Fanatic Faxes.”

At one point, the F.D.R. Love Train Memory Express takes us back to three years before we got married, when we set up a delightful but romantically doomed date between pioneer radio psychologist Dr. Toni Grant (with whom I was writing Being a Woman at the time) and the actor Jon Cypher (best known for playing police chief Fletcher Daniels during the entire run of “Hill Street Blues”). For the occasion, Max dressed up as a butler, and I wore a French maid’s uniform, as we served our two celebrities with a wink. What a sexy night that was—though no one had sex. Actually, I did have sex later that night with my boyfriend at the time, but I was thinking of handsome Max the Butler!

Then, as soon as he and his wife separated (yes, he was married; that’s why we were both in the “friend zone”), I swooped down on him, and within a year, we were married, and now here we are, 29 seconds—I mean, 29 years later. Magic carpet or not, we’re flying faster and faster through time.

Listen above or below for more…

Stick around to watch our huge, orgiastic lavender carnival of celebrities, sexpots, singers, dancers, pornstars, poets and tricksters who join us for our epic 24^th Wedding Anniversary, the virgin show for Danièle Watts and Rawkstar Chef BeLive (thank you Brendon Sharkey), plus many more luminaries of the erotic underworld. 

We had SO much energy, right after that show, on our actual 24^th anniversary, we took the limo down the coast to see our kissing cousins, the “make love not war” bonobos at the San Diego Zoo.

What an inspiration to a couple of old antiwar lovers!

Before we can say “Happy Anniversary,” we’re rounding the bend on the Love Train into a third decade of scenic erotic adventure.

One of those adventures is orgasm. Unfortunately, the aging process tends to make arousal, erections, ejaculation, natural wetness and assuming gymnastic positions kind of tricky. Nevertheless, one sexual response that does seem to get better with age is climax, and we old marrieds take full advantage of that!

Between radio eargasms and anniversary orgasms, we have a little cake.

Eat the Rich!

Eat the Rich! Attempting to recreate our original Wedding Cake Feeding image. Photo: Unscene Abe

Our actual after-party is low-key and warm, filled with flickering lights and the merry eyes of our Bonoboville comrades peeking out over Weapons of Masked Seduction.

And let us not forget our adorable canine comrade, Chico Peggles Quintana, Pomeranian gender-fluid bonobo dog.

We love you all!

Without you, your support and creativity, I honestly don’t know if we could last two minutes, let alone 29 years.

Here’s to another three decades, at least! If Queen Liz and Pr. Philip can manage 73 years of marriage, my Prince and I can at least do 69.

Comrades in Lawfully Wedded Love for 29 Years.

April 12. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.

29th Wedding Anniversary Photo Gallery