Pansensual Chef Be*LiVE & Daniele Watts take Bonoboville!
Length 1:44:07 Date: August 27, 2016
My Womb Room explodes in bacchanalian ecstasy as naked celebrity newlyweds Danièle Watts and Chef Be*Live lead the good citizens of Bonoboville in a group wedding dance of orgiastic, artistic, giggling, wiggling, intergalactic proportions in an amazing night of bonoboësque, fluffy-pink fun and deep, penetrating Weapons of Mass Discussion.
PHOTOS: SARAH BELLA
Our journey begins with a veganic herbal aphrodisiac, the calming yet stimulating StarRawks Tea Latte. The frothy, sweet tonic is whipped up by award-winning gourmet raw foods movement pioneer, Juice Bar co-producer and consummate “Rawkstar” Chef Be*Live.
His co-chef is his new wife—or “Wif,” as he calls her—the extraordinarily talented, irrepressibly adorable actress Danièle Watts. Perhaps best-known for her captivating cameo as “Coco,” the beautiful house-slave kept like a house pet, in Quentin Tarantino’s disturbing Southern masterpiece Django Unchained (fast-forward about an hour and ten into the film, and you’ll find the sexiest phallic corncob-munching moment in cinematic history), as well as her recurring role as sexy cop Angela Mullen in Showtime’s Weeds, Daniele also stars in the cutting edge, taboo-rattling indie productions Babysitter, The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo, Neurotica and the darkly perverse short film, The Strange Thing About the Johnsons.
A refreshingly different kind of Hollywood power couple, Danièle and Chef Be*Live gained fame as the interracial twosome cited by the LAPD for allegedly having sex in a parked car, though they were fully clothed at the time. Their stirring public display of love (apparently reported to the police by a shame-filled voyeur), and Daniele’s principled refusal to hand over her ID without just cause resulted in a barrage of gossip-fueled publicity and a sentence to community service for our brave dynamic duo.
Last seen on DrSuzy.Tv stealing the show at the Captain’s and my 24th wedding anniversary, the Chef and Danièle were so inspired by our zany, bonoboësque marriage—as well as their sobering LAPD dust-up—that they spontaneously “tied the knot” of marital bondage themselves last month in a fast and fabulous Vegas wedding.
PHOTOS: AL TOM
This show celebrates their blessed newlywed union of five weeks and marks the successful completion of their community service just the day before. Cleaning up the freeways of our fair township, though wearisome, is a lot better than jail or getting shot by one of these “I feared-for-my-life!” trigger-happy “peace officers.” Still, it feels good to be free, free at last! Thank Goddess almighty, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners. singers and swingers, bonobos and bacchantes, ye who are stressed, blessed or Rawking Chefs: Fire up the Vitamix, and let’s party like bonobos for freedom!
To make that whirring blender sound more like a party and less like getting a root canal, Danièle and Be*LiVE’s musical friend, Jah Rah Zen, plays tribal drums and blows his horn. Actually, it’s a didgeridoo, which is such a well-hung instrument, I just have to straddle it like an eight-foot dong with a six-inch peehole. Whee!
Colorful, sparkling Shamanatrix Missy Galore, who just won a 2016 Global Peace Song Award for her song “Love’o’lution,” adds to the music, performing her agave-sweet and catchy “Fluff the Goodness,” as we fluff our feather boas, moving to the groovy sounds, rising pheromones and other moans.
It’s not long before our celebrity newlyweds strip down to the blessed, unclothed state of “Adam and Eve” before the fall.
Much booty-shaking, bush-revealing and testicular testifying ensues, along with Bonoboville Communion, taken with gusto from naked booties, boobies (it’s “Go Topless Day” eve, if you’re tuned in live) and bellybuttons, including “Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style,” with Agwa di Bolivia Herbal Coca Leaf Liqueur.
Before we get really wild, I snatch a moment to ceremoniously present Danièle with a certificate of honor and a crisp $100 bill courtesy of Bonobo Way reader, philanthropist, political activist and male feminist Malcolm Jones and The Bonobo Way Female Empowerment Outreach Project.
The invigorating aroma of fresh money is almost as much of an aphrodisiac as The Chef’s StarRawk Tea Lattes, and before we know it, our winner Danièle is squealing, stripping, kissing her Chef through the Ben Franklin’s face and dancing again. #GoBonobos for Danièle Unchained!
Speaking of the great unchaining process, the actress learned a liberating lesson from Django Unchained, which inspired her to look into her own family history to discover that her great great granddad was one Newton Knight (subject of the Matthew McConaughey film Free State of Jones), a Confederate army deserter and lover of “freedwomen,” including her great great grandmother.
Danièle speaks passionately of the value of artistically depicted violence in films like Django Unchained, which I enjoyed despite feeling the need to cover my eyes during the numerous bloody scenes. Artistic or comic, they still disgust me viscerally as well as symbolically, but Danièle’s remarks opened my eyes to the idea that perhaps bloody Hollywood movies function in our murder-riddled, Perma-War-saddled society rather like BDSM. Both are consensual, artistic vehicles for expressing and exploring the violence within us without actually killing anyone. In that sense, both are paths along the Bonobo Way. Still I’d rather see a naked breast than one bleeding from a bullet wound; unfortunately, the latter is far more common in mainstream Hollywood cinema.
Mixing it up with the naked fluffy vibe, the sultry and statuesque, black-booted Shannon Coronado steps onto the stage with auto-fellatrix, Jay Toriko, dressed up in a plaid skirt and pink collar as a Hello-Kittycat schoolgirl. They’ve brought a new friend, 6’8” Sean Dunlap who, Shannon whispers through my headphones, happens to be blessed with a 10” tool. When I ask Sean to “drop trou” and show us, he barely hesitates before obliging. Soft and hanging at about half of his full 10” (probably due to a mix of whiskey-dick and camera-shyness), Sean’s phallic display is as courageous as it is un-pornographic. Much later in the afterparty, in the midst of showering us with a dazzling cascade of anthropological factoids, Sean informs us he has Asperger’s syndrome, making this already interesting guy a little bit more interesting. Much more convivial than our stereotype of Asperger’s, Sean confesses that the Bonoboville vibe has him feeling more relaxed than he’s ever been with a group of fellow humans.
Then Chef Be*Live’s ex-GF Carmen Foxx, steps up, meeting Danièle for the first time and coming out to the world as a proud escort. We’re not sure what the LAPD might have to say, but we’re happy to provide a platform for her sex-professional revelation. The Chef confesses that he used to be a sex worker too.
Isn’t it time we decriminalize this oldest and most healing of professions?
The song climaxes with The Chef springing a woody, happy as Pan Himself, and Danièle playing out a fantasy with Shannon from the Erotic Theater of Her Mind, seguing into an outercourse orgy of half a dozen, rubbing, loving bonobo sapiens on my broadcast bed and more ecstatic dancing as the show closes, featuring an exquisite naked pas de deux by Danièle and The Chef.
On we dance into the afterparty, swinging through the starry lights of our garden of delights. Danièle gives a dramatic, downright operatic reading from The Bonobo Way, tickling my author’s fancy as Chef Be*LiVE tickles the keys of my great grandmother’s 1926 Steinway baby grand piano.
Friends and lovers flirt, kiss, touch, dance and meander through the garden and gallery.
PHOTO 1: UNSCENE ABE. PHOTO 2: SARAH BELLA. PHOTO 3: SEAN DUNLAP
There’s Brendan Sharkey who introduced us, there’s Arts Alliance for Humanity principle Obi Ndefo, a fellow Yalie (BA in psych and MFA from Yale School of Drama!) and chief content creator for Juice Bar, soon to be a major television series: Cheers for the New Age.
On and on we play and sway, the good vibrations eventually turning into actual vibrator vibrations and an orgasmic connection.
Curling up with the newlyweds, I think of my mentor, Dr. Betty Dodson, with whom I celebrated her 87th birthday last Saturday, as I pick up the technologically magical Hitachi Magic Wand that Betty (and Max) introduced to me decades ago, and now I introduce Danièle to its gentle plugged-in power, loud as a Vitamix and soft as a tongue, until an exquisite climax rolls over the three of us.
Then I slip away and climb the stairs to my prime mate, and our lovemaking releases all the pent-up excitement from the night’s juicy, pansensual outercourse adventures, my Womb Room exploding into boundary-shattering orgasms, RƎVO˩ution and agave-sweet dreams.
© August 28, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.