by Dr. Susan Block.       

It’s our first ride on the Love Train since Capt’n Max’s 80^th birthday, so we’re still celebrating with cool callers and hot tales of this year’s erotic festivities; plus eight great decades of Max’s memories, from being born into war through a lifetime of advocating for peace, romance and great sex.

It’s also the 9th Anniversary of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure (now with over fifty five-star reviews on Amazon) which was my gift to Max for his birthday in 2014. In these dystopian days of perma war, genocide, ecocide and neo-Puritan neo-fascism, we need the Bonobo Way of conflict resolution, female empowerment, male well-being, sharing resources and peace through pleasure more than ever.

Happy Birthday Capt’n Max of Bonoboville! Photo: Rodrigo Alvarez

Yet opportunities to release our inner bonobos seem fewer and farther between.

We even took a trip to the Zoo to see the real bonobos for a Bonobo Peace Summit a couple weeks ago, as Israel’s retributive bombardment of Gaza began, so we could learn more about how to “Be Bonobo” and possibly save the world—or at least save our sanity in our own “little” worlds.

Happy Naughty November!

And it’s Naughty November, appropriately enough, as birthday spankings may be given to naughty birthday boys. Max is “naughty” in the best sense, especially for an octogenarian. Since his actual day of birth (November 8) fell on a Wednesday—the Hump of the Week—we kicked it off with a little humping.

Go bonobos for senior sex! It keeps you young. Max is now 80 years young and, despite a few disabilities that have now rendered him temporarily wheelchair-bound, he’s still having and giving great orgasms. I can attest to the orgasms he is giving (to me, at least) being somehow better than ever. And he’s having some pretty good ones too, thanks to his naughty Night Nurse (that would also be me) slipping into bed with him for “treatments.”

Laying of Hands on Birthday Max. Video Photo: Rodrigo Alvarez

I figure it’s best to have some kind of sex first thing to get the big birthday off to a sexy start, because you never know how the rest of your day and evening will go. The typical plan is to have sex at the end of a day of festivities, but the best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned, so maybe it’s better to have it first. After all that celebrating, the day’s end might find you drunk, exhausted or mad at each other—and then there goes the birthday sex! Best to do it first, just in case, and then you can always do it again. We were too drunk and exhausted for round two—but at least we weren’t mad at each other this year!

War Day

It’s also Veterans Day 2023, so we talk about how this somber military day of salutes, cemeteries and fighter jet ballets started out as Armistice Day, which celebrated making peace after World War I, the notorious “War to End All Wars.”

However, the wars didn’t end with WWI.

Our leaders turned Armistice Day, a holiday celebrating peacemakers, into Veterans Day, a holiday venerating the fallen troops of Perma War.

On the contrary, the American War Machine just got bigger and bigger with no sign of America ever going back to a “peacetime economy.” So, our leaders turned Armistice Day, a holiday celebrating peacemakers, into Veterans Day, a holiday venerating the fallen troops of Perma War.

Sanctions are almost as bad as war, since they tend to kill the poorest civilians, rather than the elites who wage wars and make policies that America doesn’t like. Burt Sesame calls in to ask, “Why don’t we drop care packages instead of bombs?” His suggestion for good-will drops of food, medicine and iPads is great, and very bonobo, though it reminds me of an incident in Iraq where children confused air-dropped care packages with cluster bomblets—both bright yellow.

That’s not the main problem with Burt’s idea, however. It’s that dropping bombs makes a lot more money for the American War Machine and its political handmaids than dropping care packages.

Birthday Spankings!

We prefer celebrating Naughty November to Dead Troops of the War Machine Day.

And Capt’n Max’s hump-of-the-week birthday party took it up a notch. Since Max was rooted to his wheelchair, we couldn’t give him his own birthday spankings. Fortunately, we had two beautiful butts volunteering for the honor.

Spanking Amor Hilton for Max’s Birthday. Video Still: Rodrigo Alvarez

Hot wiggling rumps for the hump!

First up for Max’s birthday spanking was the fabulous Amor Hilton  (no relation to Paris) who appeared to be in her birthday suit—at least from the waist down, her pale pink thong teddy matching her pale pink skin. Such a living Barbie Doll, with a purse made of white latex skeletons, it’s no wonder Amor wins the “Most Adorable” Suzy Award every year.

Admitting she was naughty and “deserved” a spanking, having missed my birthday show a few months ago, Amor subjected her pale pink ass to my rosy palm, complimenting my slaps with her squeals.

Adorable Amor also contributed a few well-placed wallops to my marathon spanking of Fawnia, our delightful, hot MILF real estate agent.

Fab Friend Fawnia takes 80 spanks for each of Capt’n Max’s 80 years! Video Photo: Rodrigo Alvarez

Fawnia had done nothing naughty, though some might use that adjective to describe her periodic boob-flashing throughout the party. However, she received the most spanks—80, to be exact—one for each of Max’s 80 years—with long pauses between spanks for Max to reminisce about that particular year in his long life of love and revolution.

What a good impact-play sport our Fawnia is!

Birthday Laughs & Love

Amor’s “date,” Mr. David Harris, arrived in a dapper purple suit and tie with matching fedora and purple heart-shaped sunglasses. He even led the toasts “to Max!” One toast led to another (thanks to scrumptious Barbancour Pango pineapple-flavored rum), and before we could say “birthday suit,” David had his shirt unbuttoned, and then completely off, though he kept his tie on, continually toasting “to Max!”

Fawnia and Amor showered Max with hugs and kisses (David also tried to, but Max held his boundaries). Amor even gave him her ring to wear around his neck, just like the old Elvis song (one of Max’s favorites), which Max wore through this show.

Amor gave him a flashcard that said, “I wanna spoon the fuck out of you.” “I wanna spoon the fork out of you” would be funnier, but whoever made the flashcards didn’t consult me.

Kisses & Cake for the Birthday Boy. Video Photo: Rodrigo Alvarez

As for cuisine, the hit of the party was Ana’s fresh, mouth-watering taquitos. My hairdresser Mark Brown brought more yummy appetizers, along with his professionally coiffed shiatzu-poodle Frankie. Dragon Steel’s giant ocean blue cake and twin captain’s hats (one enormous gold headpiece and another in Hawaiian-style floral green) made fun party favors, and Miguel, Mar, Dre, JD and Rodrigo (our multi-talented DJ photographer) rounded out the cast of characters, all of us surrounding Capt’n Max with the love and appreciation he deserves for making it to 80 with style and passion.

What a nice gathering—just enough to call it a party, and we did party with plenty of drinking, eating, speechifying, spanking, a little dancing and carousing, and no fighting. Fighting and shooting break out in a lot of parties these days, but not in Bonoboville, at least not on Capt’n Max’s 80^th birthday.

Three cheers and a bonobo beer for our great Captain!

CEASEFIRE NOW!

Alas, but it isn’t long before celebrations give way to lamentations on this show, as Bibi Netanyahu and the Zionist branch of the American War Machine continue to bomb Gaza into a deathscape of cataclysmic proportions.

Much as we—and billions of others—are screaming “Ceasefire Now!” in the streets, on our podcasts, in the offices of our representative and just about everywhere else except Genocide Joe’s own bathroom, our leaders are not listening. They are too busy raking in the cash from the Military Industrial Congressional Complex, aka the American War Machine.

These religious folks murdering one another in the name of their righteous God(s) ought to follow at least one of the Big 10 Commandments: “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” How about it, believers?

It’s also the 84^th anniversary of Kristallnacht, “the night of the broken glass,” one of the opening shots of the Nazi Holocaust, when Jews were killed and Jewish businesses were destroyed. Now the atrocity is practically in reverse, as Israel’s genocidal demolition of Gaza goes on, destroying schools, hospitals, humanitarian water trucks, refugee camps and all the innocent people in them.

Ceasefire Now and forever. No more killing in the Holy Land!

Maria, aka Smiley Red Herring, calls in response to our Gaza lamentations, but winds up partaking in Max’s birthday celebration, singing “Happy Birthday” with a bluesy lilt that has us applauding and cheering for more.

She’s a bit religious—or as she says, an “ecumenical” Christian with a fondness for the “digital” Gideon’s Bible—and certainly to the right of our sexy, lefty politics. Nevertheless we find ourselves in harmony on many things, from the joy of spanking (she prefers giving to receiving, and only when “in the mood”) to the pain of Palestine. She’s even watched our friend Abby Martin’s “Gaza Fights for Freedom.”

We also agree that all these religious folks murdering one another in the name of their righteous God(s) ought to follow at least one of the Big 10 Commandments: “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” How about it, believers?

Our descriptions of Max’s bacchanalian birthday also make an impression on Maria. “Ya’ll are making me freakishly jealous right now,” she confesses.

There’s only one thing to do about that: mellifluous Maria is hereby invited to the next Bonoboville bacchanal!

In the meantime, she’s off to check out the Christian crusading comments on our Vice TV piece, now reaching 265K views (though our uncensored Bonoboville Reunion version is much better)!

MAGAt Mike’s Johnson & Son

In the midst of all the celebrations and lamentations, we get a little comic relief. MAGAt Mike Johnson would be hilarious if he weren’t Speaker of the House, third in line to the highest office in the land.

Even then, he’s pretty funny. An ammosexual Christian nationalist, he blames school shootings on the teaching of evolution, claiming that if we learn that humans have evolved over billions of years from “slime,” as opposed to being crafted from dirt (it’s in the Bible) six thousand years ago by a guy in the sky, we can’t be expected to value life.

MAGA Mike is mega-enthusiastic about Covenant’s “accountability software,” which he has used religiously with his porn partner—I mean, his “accountability partner”—who just happened to be his son. Yes, House Speaker Mike Johnson and his then 17-year-old son monitored each other’s porn. Yikes.

Speaking of slime, MAGAt Mike has a big porn fetish, big enough that he has used a porn-monitoring system to catch his johnson when it gets slimy, and it’s called “Covenant Eyes.” If that sounds Handmaid’s Tale-ish—as in “Under His Eye”—that’s because it is. MAGA Mike is mega-enthusiastic about Covenant’s “accountability software,” which he has used religiously with his porn partner—I mean, his “accountability partner”—who just happened to be his son. Yes, House Speaker Mike Johnson and his then 17-year-old son monitored each other’s porn. Yikes.

In addition to the considerable creepiness of a father and son being each other’s “accountability partner” in porn, as others have noted, it’s pretty compromising for a member of Congress to allow a third-party tech company to scan ALL of his electronic devices daily and then upload reports to his son about what he’s watching (no worries, the images are discreetly blurred). And now this Johnson is the Speaker of the House.

And that, essentially, puts us all “Under His Eye.”  Creepy Covenant Eyes.

Lots more on this FDR, so listen up. Then tune into Coralyn Jewel’s interview with me on her show “Embrace,” and help us get social media censorship under control, as we take Zuck and META to arbitration.

Happy 80th Max!

And join me in wishing the happiest of birthdays to my beloved prince, my husband, my lover, my collaborator, my publisher, my witness, my friend, Capt’n Max, aka Pr. Maximillian Rudoph Leblovic di Lobkowicz di Filangieri, aka Mickey, aka Massimilliano. And those are just a few of your many names.

Happy Max & the Night Nurse. Photo: Selfie

Thank you for being such a great force of love and light in my life and the universe.  Thank you for living an exemplary bonoboesque life of love, and not war. Thank you for making me come, create, laugh and love every day in so many ways.

Capt’n Max’s Birthday Party Pics
Photos by Rodrigo Alvarez, Fawnia, JD, Amor Hilton & the Author

© November 11,  2023 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950.