by Dr. Susan Block.     

Rumbling through the fogs of war, violence, pestilence and greed, we fear no evil, as we are guided by the light of peace, love and good sex along the bumpy but beautiful Bonobo Way. Be Bonobo. Save the Humans. Amen and Awomen! It’s all about sharing power, love and peace through pleasure, like our kissing cousins the bonobo great apes. This sharing principle is something we humans have found elusive—especially as of late—much to the detriment and demise of most of life on earth.

Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners… the news is appalling, the sky is falling, so, in a way, there is nothing left to say. Nevertheless, we do have a lot to talk about. For instance…

• Stop the War, It’s Better to Get Off!
• Violence, war and murder in Ukraine, Yemen, America and around the world is rising, gushing like floodwaters of blood. It’s “business,” say some of our listeners. The American War Business.
• For some reason, maybe because I’ve wandered through the N.Y. Museum of Modern Art, I’m especially mortified to hear of two women being stabbed there. Not at MOMA!
• Russian billionaires are playing a new game: “Hide the Yacht”
• It’s almost our 30^th wedding anniversary (April 12), so Capt’n Max and I reminisce about being loving friends who fell in lust—with multiple orgasms—partly over our mutual opposition to a very popular war—and here we are in another one.
• To be fair (to the millions murdered), there have been a lot of wars in between, all to the benefit of the money-making Military-Industrial Complex and its cheerleader, the Mainstream Media. Sadly but honestly, we haven’t actually stopped any wars, but through them all, over 30 short years, our antiwar romance has flourished and grown.
• Ammosexual War Porn is flooding all media, featuring sexy, fierce-looking heroes and adversaries, all toting deadly weapons. I’m all for defending your “homeland,” but the MSM is fetishizing guns and ammo. The folly of our rulers knows no bounds.
• Flag talk: that catchy turquoise and yellow Ukrainian style is much sexier and more modern than the two old Red, White and Blues. Yep, Russia has the same patriotic colors as we do. What else do we have in common? Duhhhhh…. Imperialism?
• Max reminisces about the joys of his boyhood masturbation to Nancy Drew. Interestingly, I read Nancy Drew mysteries for the female empowerment, while for Max, the plucky young detective was a sex symbol.
• “Danicka” calls in from Texas for a mini lesson in erotic teasing, a vital element of good sex. Everybody needs a little tease… at least sometimes. Men need to be teased because it makes them slow down; women need to be teased because it makes us come around. I’m generalizing (sorry, PC Police!), and timing isn’t easy, but always more likely when you pay attention.
• More with Danicka: How to communicate your desires with a know-it-all lover—both directly and indirectly (with teasing)—and the fine art of kissing.
• Apparently, this show stimulates women to inquire about their man problems, and I give Sarah Ann a few tips on how to handle her quick-on-the-trigger boyfriend who explodes in her mouth before she’s even warmed up.  So many sex problems aren’t “solvable,” but there’s a lot you do about this early, aka “Premature Ejaculation.” If, despite trying the “stop-start, squeeze and Tantric breathing techniques, he comes *too* fast anyway, remember, he can always keep going, now focusing on YOU, instead of his orgasm (since he already had one). Sometimes this leads to getting hard again or as Sarah Ann puts it, “push dat rope until it turn back into wood.”
• Sarah Ann’s vivid description of her man coming in her mouth without satisfying her in return prompts me to suggest she give him a “snowball.” Questions, explanations, reactions and much hilarity ensues. Snowball fight!
• What does it mean when that cute Karl Marx-reading minx Grimes—having had a second baby with Elon Musk after their alleged break-up—is now dating Wikileaks Whistleblower Chelsea Manning? Who knows, but hopefully, those two hot girls can siphon some of that Musky Money into freeing Julian Assange from the dungeons.
• Celebrity Idiocracy of Hypocrisy Gone Wild: Keeping Up with the Kardashian Family diabolical damage to our collective psyches—from Robert Kardashian’s OJ “Dream Team” to Kim Kardashian’s latest *advice* to budding businesswomen: “Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” How is it possible that such utterly tone-deaf inanities could slip past the Kris Jenner/Kardashian PR flacks? Or does this Richsplaining Billionaire Family Values Mafia know exactly how they’re hurting humanity, but feel that the eyeballs it brings—outraged or inflamed—are worth the price that we pay? Kim K’s current, soul-sucking family drama with Krazy Kanye doesn’t help. Hey, Skete-Pete Davidson, please keep Kim K’s mouth filled with snowballs so she can’t speak such vile nonsense. Fuck Da Rich, indeed.
• Sports vs. Real War vs. Sperm Wars.
• Daniele Watts (DaLove) pens another amazing erotic essay, inspired by F.D.R., and if anyone we know can “Be Bonobo,” it’s BeLive and DaLove.
• Get consensually and sensually kinky with Kink: Another Guide for the Perplexed (with apologies to Maimonides)
• Join us for DomCon 2022 where I will deliver “Make Kink Not War” The Bonobo Way.
• We support the Ukrainian people, but American Russophobia is getting out of hand. Youtube just took down all of Abby Martin‘s historic “Breaking the Set” episodes on RT (Russian TV). Censorship is ballooning. Soon we won’t be able to find each other…

Watch Our Wild Purim Rising Bacchanal (2013)

• As I write this, I realize we’re on the cusp of Purim and St. Paddy’s Day; though we usually celebrate both holidays separately, we honored their 2014 convergence with Ukrainian Baal Shem Tov descendant, Luzer Twersky and a couple of very sexy leprechaunettes. So, “Sláinte!” and “L’chayim” ya’ll.

Enjoy a Squirting St. Paddy’s Eve with Deauxma

• With missiles dropping near the U.S. embassy in Iraq and Putin still pummeling Ukraine, Max dreamed that the Bonoboville kitchen was bombed in what appears to be some level of WWIII emerging around the world and possibly in our kitchen, or any kitchen. Check to see if yours is there. Don’t. Look. Up.
• And whatever you do, through the darkness, confusion, war and war talk, keep your faith in sex and don’t lose touch with your sexuality, your life force, your LOVE force, the essence of your being. Be Bonobo. 

Can’t Watch or Listen to the Show Right Now? Read the Transcript to “Be BONOBO: Save the Humans” (or follow along as you listen)

MAX
We’re on, Dr. SUZY.

Dr. SUZY
Are you introducing me? Is that what’s going on right now? I can’t tell.

MAX
Ah yes, well.

Dr. SUZY
Try again.

MAX
Let me let me put it in a more formal manner. And now I am going to introduce Dr. Suzy. She’s my girlfriend actually and she’s going to talk to you tonight. Right?

Dr. SUZY
This is my introduction?

MAX
Yes, and you’re all going to listen for the wisdom that comes through these microphones to your lovely homes, no matter where you are- in a cardboard box or limousine and in prison. Right?

Surround yourself with good and she’s good. And I love her, and her name is Dr. Suzy. I call her Suzy. I also call her Booby Boobikins sometimes. You know what I’m saying? I bet you guys call each other really nice silly names. Here she is. Be Bonobo.

Dr. SUZY
Hey, hey, hey… “Be Bonobo.” That’s the name of our show tonight… because that’s our solution to the situation. You know the situation.

MAX
Yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Because you’re in it. We’re all in it. And we’re wondering, what is it? Is it a war? Is it the pandemic? Is it the end of the world? Or is it the beginning of romance? It could always be the beginning of romance, and I do prefer to see it that way.

MAX
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
It’s getting tough, but I’m going to try to open up the romance in your life and ours – mine and Captain Max’s. After all, it’s almost our 30th wedding anniversary.

MAX
Yes, it is, yes.

Dr. SUZY
Over 30 years ago, we fell in love.

MAX
We fell in love.

Dr. SUZY
Or I guess we could say we fell in lust, because we were already kind of in love for six years before that. We were friends that loved each other.

MAX
Right, right?

Dr. SUZY
We had a lot of love for each other, but the lust was simmering on the back burner. And what released it? Do you remember?

MAX
The war, the war.

Dr. SUZY
Right.

MAX
I’ve been through so many wars.

Dr. SUZY
This was a particular war, one of many that we’ve all been through, in a way, indirectly.

MAX
I got it.

Dr. SUZY
Though you went through your first war more directly, sort of.

MAX
Well, I was I was born in 1943, which was that the Second World War was right in the middle of it.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, you were born in the Second World War, right in the middle.

And we fell in lust at the beginning of the Gulf War, when you and I kind of merged over our mutual opposition to that extremely popular war.

Everybody thought Saddam Hussein was Hitler.

MAX
Yeah, the guy was writing movie scripts, he wanted to go to Hollywood.

Dr. SUZY
Anyway, he did not quite meet Hitler. We’re not defending Saddam, even though when I wrote an antiwar article, James Taranto of the Wall Street Journal told everyone that reads his silly column that I was “Saddam’s Sex Therapist.”

MAX
Right, right?

Dr. SUZY
All because I was vocally against the war in Iraq. It was dangerous to be anti-war at that time, during the First Gulf War and the second, which was, I guess, worse.

You could say Iraq War II was a true invasion with lots of bombing. Bush the Senior’s Gulf War was more of a Turkey shoot, the Iraqi soldiers fleeing Kuwait and being killed as they were fleeing by our brave soldiers. Excuse me if the sarcasm is dripping from my voice.

In any case, I was against that war. I’ve always been against wars and it’s part of who I am as a sex therapist, Make Love, not war. Lately I’ve been into Make Kink, Not War, ’cause love can be painful. So can kink, but it’s consensual pain – if you’re doing it right. Love has many aspects, not all positive.

But anyway, do “Make Love” – or make anything BUT war. War is about the worst thing you can make, or as my friend Daniele Watts would say, share. Daniele likes to say, “Share kink, not war.”
I don’t know if Putin and his people want to “share” war. Maybe if you said that that’s what they were doing, they would be so mortified that they would be so politically correct as to be sharing anything, that they would stop. Though I doubt it.

MAX
Yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Anyway, we fell in lust over our mutual opposition to a war, the Gulf War.

MAX
It was great.

Dr. SUZY
We made a tape called Desert Susan and we were so caught up in our lust. I mean, I almost felt powerful enough to end war forever in your arms. It was so beautiful, it was so sexy, it was so hot. But of course, we didn’t end that war.

MAX
It was up in the Barrington, the Barrington Plaza, a really classic old high-rise building.

Dr. SUZY
In Brentwood.

MAX
In Brentwood, yes.

Dr. SUZY
In Brentwood, just before the OJ murders, at least a few years before.

MAX
Which happened right down the street from me about 1/2 a block away.

Dr. SUZY
That’s why I always think of them because they were sort of in that neighborhood, but we were already out of there so OJ didn’t get us… if he did it. Of course, we don’t know. He was acquitted, and we believe that you are innocent until proven guilty. He was not proven guilty, actually. But a lot of people think he was, and he certainly made his lawyer very famous. I bet you don’t know which lawyer I’m talking about.

MAX
No, which one?

Dr. SUZY
Robert Kardashian.

MAX
Oh yeah, yeah, that guy.

Dr. SUZY
Robert Kardashian started a worse problem than murder, right?

MAX
Right.

Dr. SUZY
Well, no, nothing is worse than murder. But really the Kardashian problem, what a thing to sic on all of us, especially during these times of war.

Here we are in another war. We’ve been in a lot of wars.

MAX
Lots of wars.

Dr. SUZY
And yet we keep making love, we keep making kink. And if you want to join us in the effort of making kink, not war – and it is an effort because war is almost effortless – but being anti-war is not.

Right now, everybody is excited to either get the Russians or maybe they defend the Russians. And guns, guns, everywhere you see.

MAX
Give me guns, missiles.

Dr. SUZY
Guns, guns everywhere you see, ammosexual, sexy pictures of people with guns, great defenders of their homeland and listen, I am all for defending your homeland.

MAX
This holds people.

Dr. SUZY
But there are a lot of armchair warriors right now, just rah-rah-rah’ing World War III.

You armchair warriors should stay in your armchairs and use those arms to give yourselves some nice orgasms. Shoot the gun between your legs because you ain’t going over there to shoot any guns anyway. You’re just getting a lot of other people to shoot guns and die. That’s what a lot of people are doing right now.

There’s so many drums of war being beaten upon, and it’s tough, you know, just like it was tough with the Gulf War when they were talking about these Iraqi soldiers coming into Kuwaiti hospitals, tossing babies out of incubators onto the floor and stealing the incubators, leaving the Kuwaiti babies to die on the floor. A young girl told that story on the floor of Congress. Years later we found out it was a complete lie.

MAX
Bullshit.

Dr. SUZY
A fabrication, if you will.

MAX
Fake news.

Dr. SUZY
Exactly, and we didn’t know. Though we don’t know now what is fake news. I admire my Lonsman Zelenskyy.

MAX
Zelenskyy, yes.

Dr. SUZY
Zelenskyy with two “y’s”

MAX
But his last name starts with a Z, right? Do you know that all the Russian equipment that is invading are marked with this?

Dr. SUZY
Yes, it’s the mark of Z, and some people think it’s because of Zelenskyy, and so it’s for him.

MAX
Yeah yeah.

Dr. SUZY
They’re all aiming for him.

MAX
They’re coming to kill him.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, they’re coming to kill him. Unless “Z” stands for Zorro, or maybe Zelig. But yeah, they’re coming to kill him, of course, he’s the star of this U.S.-backed Ukrainian movie that Putin hates, and he’s, you know, a pretty good actor. He seems sincere. I like him. I am being sincere too in saying that I like him but… And this is a big BUTT. I like big butts and I cannot lie. I do, I mean some big butts, not all, but anyway, yeah… I don’t want to start World War III.

Volodymyr, I love you, I admire you, but I don’t want to start World War III, so please do not keep asking for the whole world to get involved in this war… even though the whole world is getting involved in this war.

MAX
Right.

Dr. SUZY
Too much violence, so much, and not just – I shouldn’t say “just” in Ukraine because Ukraine is like such an epicenter – but it does seem from the news that that’s all there is, and yet there’s terrible, terrible bombing and military destruction in Yemen, and Palestine, and Africa and let’s just say there were some bombs dropped in Iraq by I’m not sure who, but it seemed like they were coming from the direction of Iran.

And there are lots of other incidents of violence. For some reason one stood out for me that happened today, maybe because I feel like it could so easily happen to me. Two women were stabbed at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. At MoMA! How dare you?

When bombs are dropping on hospitals and maternity wards, and things are so crazy, I guess that’s how you dare. And to that, I say “Be Bonobo.”

And if we can be of any help to you being bonobo by improving your sex life, hey let’s focus on sex a little bit, as it’s almost as interesting as war. In fact, in some circumstances it’s a lot more interesting than war.

For instance, YOUR sex life. How about it? Is it any good? Is it better now or not so good? What’s going on? You could give us a call if you call now in the next hour and a half or so, the number to be on the air is 213.291.9497. If you call that number during the week, you would get our office and you could have a private phone sex therapy call. We are only on the air on Saturday nights live.

Sorry, “Saturday Night Live,” but we’re your competition, although we’re socialists, so we like to share. In fact, we just gave you a promo. Enjoy.

MAX
That’s funny.

Dr. SUZY
What’s funny?

MAX
Nothing, I mean, what you were just talking about. I was listening.

Dr. SUZY
Well, the name of the show is FDR, which is short for our 32nd President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, a war president, but also a little bit socialist, when the US really needed it. Actually, FDR’s socialism-lite prevented an American revolution.

And it also stands for Fuck Da Rich because Da Rich, dey need a good fucking, oh yeah.

Harry Sapien has a comment: “The problem with the US war economy is that being anti-war is seen as being anti American by the powers that be.”

Exactly! Because the US economy ever since World War II really has been entirely based on war.

MAX
Sort of endless war.

Dr. SUZY
So, a lot of people work for the war industry.

MAX
And they defend it.

Dr. SUZY
And you know what? I don’t think of myself as anti-American at all. I love to wear red, white and blue. Of course, those are Russian colors too. What do we do about that? Everybody likes red, white and blue.

Although the Ukrainians were very savvy in their PR, I must say, they picked very modern colors. I don’t think they even had turquoise when people were picking colors for their countries back hundreds of years ago, but this turquoise and yellow combo, very modern, love it. A really nice combo.

Gotta give to these plucky Ukrainians, and they are my lonsman. I have a grandfather from Ukraine and a great grandfather. Actually, my grandfather came directly from Moldova, although that could be because Ukraine wasn’t a country then. It really wasn’t. It was considered part of Russia, and yet it has always had its disagreements with Russia, and it’s been very mistreated by Mother Russia, and obviously it is being much worse than mistreated right now.
Making kink, not war!

So, no, I don’t consider myself anti American, but I have been called that. I was called that during the Vietnam War when I was just a kid and I organized a little debate in my school and I won, but I had a lot of haters that said I was anti-American. Well, I thought I won. Maybe they didn’t think I won. After all, if you don’t agree with somebody, then they don’t really win. And that’s going to be the Russians’ problem if they win this war. I guess WHEN they win this war because they have much greater firepower and Putin does not want to give up, so says Macron. So, considering all that, unless we get that brave dominatrix that I was fantasizing about last show who seduces Putin into letting her tie him up and maybe drugging him with one of those good Russian drugs, and then of course taking away the keys to the nukes to all the departments of the war, so as to…

Stop the war. We want to get off. We want to get out of the war. And we want to come because just as all this war talk is heating up, there’s a lot of sex negativity out there in the air. And we’re here to try to spread sex positivity.

MAX
Yeah.

Dr. SUZY
So, David D has written on YouTube: “War is big business. It is the only trillion-dollar industry in existence.”

Yes, David Dee. This is exactly right, which is why our campaign to “Be Bonobo,” to go bonobos, and also be pro Bonobo is so important.

MAX
Just don’t support this kind of thing in your personal life.

Dr. SUZY
It’s an uphill battle, but what else are we going to do?

MAX
We’re yelling at Putin, you know?

Dr. SUZY
And we should.

MAX
Yeah, we should, but we’re doing the same thing.

Dr. SUZY
We have been for many years. I guess really all the time.

MAX
And it was World War II that showed these people that this is big, big money and they’re going to take control.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, World War II really set off the general military industrial complexes around the world, under control of the American military industrial complex, so yes, the international spread of American militarism really went into high gear after World War II.

But really the whole American experiment is based on militarism. It’s based on genocide. It’s based on coming into a land that isn’t your land, not for a visit, not for a nice little selfie photo op, but to destroy the people in that land, and virtually destroy the land in your relentless exploitation and then to bring a bunch of other people over from another land, enslaving them for your exploitation. Or should I say “my” exploitation? I don’t know. My ancestors are from Ukraine. But still, I am American. I am not anti-American. I have been called Anti-American. I feel that I need to take responsibility, as should all of my fellow patriotic Americans, for being an epicenter of the war business, of this “big business,” as David D. calls it, that is war.

MAX
It’s also a killing business where we barbecue children with bombs. Hey, you know, and only 15 died today. Twelve were burned alive, you know?

Dr. SUZY
Yes, and what’s so crazy too is that, just as we’re barbecuing all these children, we also have these campaigns to keep women from optioning to not have a baby, maybe to have an abortion.

Why? Because we want more children to barbecue? I guess that that is the answer.

There’s a lot of people that like barbecued children in this world, and they are stopping women from exercising their right to choose an abortion when they need it because they like barbecued children.

MAX
I guess terrible things, terrible things are happening, and then the other night, can I speak?

Dr. SUZY
You are speaking.

MAX
Oh, I am speaking yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, you obviously can speak.

MAX
I can speak. Good, so the other night you said you were gonna go to the kitchen, and I said, the kitchen is not there anymore, Susan.

Dr. SUZY
Oh yeah, you told me that it was bombed. I think it was early in the morning and you were half asleep.

MAX
Right?

Dr. SUZY
I was getting up to get my coffee, so, I said “I’m going to go to the kitchen,” and you’re saying very seriously in your sonorous baritone…

MAX
Right, right.

Dr. SUZY
“The kitchen isn’t there anymore, Susan.”

And I know that you have this little camera where you can watch the kitchen, so I’m like looking at the screen and saying, “What? The kitchen isn’t there?”

“It was bombed,” you said.

MAX
I think I dreamt it.

Dr. SUZY
You seemed too sleepy to be making a joke. If so, it was a very bad joke.

MAX
A bad joke, that joke. But it was a dream.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, you might have been dreaming. I certainly go to sleep dreaming of bombs. Because after all, that’s what we all see, unless we’re looking at porn. Good reason to look at porn.

I mean, you even try to look at art, you’re in the frigging Museum of Modern Art and you get stabbed.

My fellow humans, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners… Be Bonobo.

Bonobos are the Make Love, Not War chimpanzees, just in case you don’t know. Unlike common chimpanzees, they have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Unlike common chimpanzees or any other great apes, including humans, bonobos are the only great apes who do not kill each other.

They also happen to be very female-empowered. In a way, the females are in charge. And the males are well taken care of, you could say. It’s a very male-supportive environment, although it is female- empowered.
How can that be? We seem in our society to be in a constant competition. Like if you empower the females, you take the power away from the males.

The bonobos show you that when you empower the females, if you do so in the Bonobo Way, then it’s good for the males. The males are happier, they live longer, they’re younger longer. They chill, they don’t go to war, they don’t get killed as easily by stronger other males and they get a lot of sex. They get fucked in some way either by the females that they desire, or maybe another female, or maybe a male, or maybe they do it themselves without shame. Because that’s OK among bonobos. Bisexuality is the way of the bonobos. Pansexuality, we could call it because they are pan paniscus in Latin, ruled by the great Greek God Pan, Lord of the wild.

So, the bonobos make peace through pleasure. They have a lot of sex in a Bonobo Sutra of positions. But it’s not just how bonobos have sex, it’s how they use sex that makes it important to Be Bonobo. They use sex to make peace through pleasure.

And yes, they can be like sex workers, like “I’ll give you a blowjob if you give me a banana.” Sex work is not just a human thing. A lot of other animals do it. And kudos again to John Oliver and thank you Veronica Monet and Don Pascal for pushing it over to me, John Oliver’s wonderful piece on sex work. Although Don Pascal is right that the one thing it doesn’t include is kind of a detour into why sex work is so denigrated in our society.
Other than it’s hard for the oligarchs of America to make money on it.

By the way, America has oligarchs, not Russia. Russia only has servants of Putin the dictator. We actually have oligarchs here that control our politicians. “Oligarch” sounds sort of like oil like I keep thinking they’re very oily, and they are. Oily Oligarchs.

These oligarchs are sliding their yachts with olive oil through the canals and back channels in order to try to get them into a tunnel.

MAX
I was thinking that I had if I had a half a billion-dollar yacht, I would be nervous about my yacht.

Dr. SUZY
Yeah, I mean just because you have a lot of money doesn’t mean that you have an anxiety-free life.

MAX
Right, especially when your yacht is missing, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Your toy.

MAX
Yeah, your ego, your beauty.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, it’s very tough to worry about your yacht.

MAX
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Your big penis substitute.

MAX
The yachts are like sex pills of some kind.

Dr. SUZY
Well, they are sex toys, for sure.

MAX
Right. Well, they’re sexy, yeah. Right, right? I always get horny on yachts.

Dr. SUZY
I noticed. It’s nice you like yachts. You feel sexy.

MAX
Yeah, well, I mean I do.

Dr. SUZY
You’re a Scorpio, you enjoy the water, that’s sexy.

MAX
It is, it’s very nice. I like.

Dr. SUZY
It’s also, I think, because you came over to America as a little boy in a big ship.

MAX
A big, big ship, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
The Italia. And it was very elegant. You were with a lot of royal family children.

MAX
Big, beautiful, beautiful.

Dr. SUZY
You were seven years old, and you were a little like Leonardo DiCaprio out there on the prow of the big ship. Except yours didn’t hit an iceberg, fortunately.

MAX
No, no, no. Right, but it hit these waves as the ship went in and out of the water, like some of the videos you see now on YouTube, that ships in a storm, right?

Dr. SUZY
It’s sexy.

MAX
Yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Unless you get seasick.

MAX
Or you get hit by a piece of furniture that’s flying across the room at who knows what velocity?

Dr. SUZY
Wheee…

MAX
Back to all of those things that Susan has talked about and about these beautiful, wonderful creatures that don’t kill each other.

Dr. SUZY
So far…
We just hope that humans don’t teach bonobos how to kill before bonobos teach humans how to save the humans.

MAX
So far, yeah, of course we know, right, right? That could happen. And that’s why I say, “be Bonobo” saved, right?

Dr. SUZY
Save the humans.

MAX
That’s where we have to save.

Dr. SUZY
Really, I mean we should save the bonobos too. Of course we should, and we actually helped to do that.

MAX
But we should save humanity.

Dr. SUZY
We support Lola ya Bonobo and the Bonobo Conservation Initiative and others that are helping the bonobos to survive, and so we are Pro Bonobo. And we encourage you to Be Bonobo.

MAX
Save the humans.

Dr. SUZY
And make some kind of love or kink, fetish, sex, art. Make noise. Make sports. Though one war problem is that the media treats the war like a sport.

MAX
Yeah oh, for the media, this is great, it’s better than the sport.

Dr. SUZY
Well, it involves a lot of real emotions. War is not a game. For instance, I am never interested in watching sports. Hardly ever. But news of war interests me.

However, I’m much more supportive of sports and you know, you guys just knock yourselves out with sports, that’s cool I do like watching the players’ asses go around on a football field. I gotta say the basketball uniforms are not like they used to be. The shorts were better back in the day, so these baggy shorts don’t do it for me but I love the football asses. So, sports are okay, but they don’t really capture my passion. But it’s much, much better than killing each other.

And so is sex.

And actually, sex interests a lot more people than sports really. Even though everyone is embarrassed to admit that they are interested in sex, especially these days. Well, maybe not everyone. After all, here we all are honking about it, but certainly a lot of people are afraid, and so I understand if you are afraid to give us a call here at 213.291.9497 during the show. You can always call during the week. You do have to pay for that, though, but at the same time you get complete privacy and confidentiality, and so maybe that’s worth it to you. I understand that. Believe me, I do. Because it is a bit of a battle.

I mean, hey, I’m a blessed person and I am glad not to be in a real battle, but there is a little bit of a sexual counterrevolution going on right now, and by that, I mean there is a NEO-Puritanism in the land. Maybe it’s in a lot of lands, but I’m particularly sensitive to my land of America, because I am so patriotic, and it is going down to the level of “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

MAX
Right.

Dr. SUZY
Although there’s some exciting things happening with celebrities. Well, weird things like Elon Musk’s ex-wife Grimes who he just had a second child with him, even though they’re divorced. But they broke up, and now she is dating Chelsea Manning, WikiLeaks whistleblower-

MAX
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Who was in prison for a while. Obama pardoned him. Thank you, Obama.

MAX
Yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Somebody should pardon Julian Assange. Free Assange! But Chelsea hitting that billion-dollar pussy there.

MAX
Yeah, right? Hey, hey, hey.

Dr. SUZY
I know that’s a politically incorrect way to say it, and I apologize to all who might be offended by that but come on.

MAX
Shocked, you know, somehow insulted.

Dr. SUZY
Well, if you’re shocked, it’s OK, but I don’t want to offend you. But it is ironic. I hope that maybe the money that Grimes can extract from Musk can somehow go to Julian Assange’s defense. And maybe some for helping Chelsea Manning out. After all, Chelsea Manning has suffered enough.

MAX
Yeah, that’s yeah, a lot of people are tired of that.

Dr. SUZY
So, hey, enjoy each other girls! And put that money to good use. I imagine that Chelsea Manning was turned on by those same hot photos of Grimes reading Marx during lockdown as I was. Do you remember those? Grimes reading Karl Marx?

MAX
Oh yes, yes, yes.

Dr. SUZY
They were hot. They seemed very staged, but nevertheless this relationship seems staged. There’s so much fake news about celebrities that you wonder.

MAX
Was it Nancy Drew? What about Nancy Drew?

Dr. SUZY
Nancy Drew?

MAX
Yeah, you know the books from the 50s?

Dr. SUZY
Yes, Nancy Drew. What about Nancy Drew?

MAX
Oh ’cause I used to read those just yeah, yeah, there’s yes.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, of course, Nancy Drew mysteries.

MAX
Yeah, those got me hot.

Dr. SUZY
Those got you hot? Ohhhh…. I used to read Nancy Drew too.

MAX
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, stuff was going on.

Dr. SUZY
But they didn’t really get me hot. Well, maybe a little.

MAX
Well, they got “him” hot, and then that got me hot.

Dr. SUZY
Well because it was about a girl.

MAX
Yeah, right, right.

Dr. SUZY
An investigative young girl who would solve crime mysteries.

MAX
A girl yeah, yeah, but she was also kind of a sex symbol of sorts.

Dr. SUZY
Well for girls…

MAX
She was for me.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, I understand that, and I’m glad to hear that because it is very good when a female empowerment symbol for girls is also a sex symbol for boys.
I think that’s beautiful.

And Nancy Drew wasn’t like a superhero, which is just kind of ridiculous, and a little bit Nazi, the whole idea of the superhero.

But Nancy Drew is a regular young lady who solves mysteries and is quite aggressive, independent and empowered and bonobo. And she’s out to take down the evil doers without killing any of them. You notice Nancy Drew never killed anybody. She was kind of bonobo. Of course, it was not because she was “bonobo,” as she was written for young girls, and hardly anybody knew about bonobos back then. But after all, she didn’t kill anybody, though she was a strong girl, so that is bonobo. And even though she was written for young girls, obviously young boys also enjoyed Nancy Drew with their dicks in their hands.

MAX
All my friends were into Nancy Drew.

Dr. SUZY
My goodness, I didn’t realize that when I was reading Nancy Drew. It’s kind of exciting.

MAX
Yeah, yeah, sometimes the most innocent things seem to arouse the human condition depends what condition were in.

Dr. SUZY
It’s very bonobo. But society fights over that the innocence, and whether it’s erotic or not.

MAX
And I don’t know, haven’t they lost their innocence? Everybody’s like got to have it. How about not getting it? And then what are you…?

Dr. SUZY
Continue.

MAX
I thought you were going.

Dr. SUZY
I’m not going anywhere.

MAX
You’re not going anywhere.

Dr. SUZY
No.

MAX
So I’ll be right back.

Dr. SUZY
Oh, you’re leaving now?

MAX
Well, that’s why I’m telling you.

Dr. SUZY
I thought you wanted to talk about certain things.

MAX
I forgot what I was talking about. My brain shrinking.

Dr. SUZY
Okay then, well, we’re talking about celebrity relationships here on FDR – Fuck Da Rich! – because all the celebrities are pretty rich and they’re all getting fucked in an apparently nice way, while the rest of us are getting fucked in the other way, the not nice way. And I think when you spend a lot of your time focused on these celebrities getting fucked in that nice way, well, just doing that is fucking you over in that wrong way, because it’s wasting your time and also enticing you to buy their stuff, watch their shows, add to their billions and poison your minds.

And I’m guilty of it, folks. I would love to have your help with stopping, but I know that people are interested in celebrities. They don’t even seem to want to talk about sex in terms of education and positivity, but more in terms of this celebrity sex that’s out there, so I sometimes take a look at it.

MAX
And there’s a lot of processing of people.

Dr. SUZY
And there’s a lot of war and there’s a lot of murder and mayhem and hate and imprisonment.

MAX
Right. Because we haven’t learned from another species the bonobos.

Danicka
Hello?

MAX
I think somebody is on the phone.

Dr. SUZY
OK. Hi Danicka from Texas.

MAX
Who is it?

Danicka
My name is Danicka.

MAX
OK, let me put my pants.

Danicka
Yeah hi, can you hear me?

Dr. SUZY
Hello Danicka, and how you doing down there in Texas?

Danicka
Very well, thank you. I’m a huge fan of both you and Max. I just wanted you to know that.

Dr. SUZY
Thank you.

Danicka
But I do have a question, Dr. Suzy. I wanted to ask I as a woman. OK, I have experience being with other women, which is, you know, women being with another woman seems, women seem to understand the art of teasing a woman and heightening, you know, a woman sexually. But, how can I get a man to slow down enough to tease me and slowly heighten me, you know, does that make sense?

Dr. SUZY
Sure, need to be teased because it makes them slow down. That’s one of my mottos and the other side of it is that women need to be teased because it makes us come around.

So teasing is the essence of the game of making everybody happy in bed.

And you know, very often two women having sex together are on that wavelength. And even if you’re not, whether you’re really purely lesbian or even bisexual, even if you’re just experimenting, I think you notice how a woman is on your wavelength and isn’t going at a different speed than you, right?

Danicka
Yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
And men are going at a different speed. God and Goddess, bless them, they’re just on a different wavelength, and hey, I do not want to be politically incorrect here, but I know that what I’m being when I say “men” or “women” are like this or that, so please, everybody and all your pronouns, I love you and I understand the trans experience.

MAX
Yep.

Dr. SUZY
So when I speak of men and women, I am generalizing, and I apologize for that because there’s not enough time to give all the pronouns the attention they truly deserve.

But to answer your question, it’s important to understand that male energy, or the man, is driven to penetrate. Or, if it isn’t, it’s driven to just absorb female energy like some men really like cunnilingus, and they don’t want to penetrate, maybe because they’re shy or for other various reasons. But in general, they want to penetrate and to have whatever they want as soon and as directly as possible.

Danicka
Right

Dr. SUZY
I think a lot of women, or you could say, our feminine energies, tend to be more circuitous. Men develop that desire to be circuitous as they get older, if they still want to have sex, which not all do, because of course, it takes them longer to get hard. But when they’re young, they want that sex! Young or old, men are, in general, focused on something that most women, not all, but most women don’t have. And what’s that?

Danicka
A penis?

Dr. SUZY
Yes, every time you’re with a man – just you and one man – you’re really in a threesome.

MAX
Yeah right.

Dr. SUZY
Him, his penis and you.

Danicka
That makes sense. Oh wow.

Dr. SUZY
It just helps to understand where he’s coming from. At that the penis wants to be hard, wants to enter the woman somehow, and you have to reassure the penis that he’s going to get these things.

But not right now. That’s the essence of the art of teasing a man.

Danicka
Yeah, yeah, sounds good.

MAX
Yes, and be very nice to him.

Dr. SUZY
Max is speaking for his penis right now.

MAX
I’m sorry.

Dr. SUZY
He’s like a pro-Bonobo lawyer for his penis, and he’s saying, “be very nice.” Now that’s Max’s penis. He likes it nice. Though there are penises out there who like it a little nasty. But you have to make sure of that because you just kind of do that… unless you really don’t like the guy and want to get your throat slit or something so..

Danicka
Or if it’s Trump right?

Dr. SUZY
Right! But I think Trump secretly likes it. I mean, he did like Stormy Daniels for a while, and she spanked him. A lot of domineering men want to be put in their place.

MAX
I’m sorry, what is your first name?

Danicka
Danicka from Texas.

MAX
Off that from where? Texas, oh Texas, right right?

Danicka
And then do you suggest is it better to kind of rather than use words but playfully guide them to what I may be wanting in that moment. So it’s not just a command?

Dr. SUZY
Well, sometimes words are great. I am a big word user. It sounds like you are too. It’s fun to communicate via words. It often is the most direct way to communicate.

Danicka
But I found they don’t listen.

Dr. SUZY
However, the penis and the man attached to him can become defensive if they feel that you are criticizing either one. And it’s very hard to tell them what to do without them getting this idea that you are criticizing them. So they become defensive when you’re just trying to explain what you like, and either they won’t do it or they don’t even want sex at all after that.

So it is kind of better, like I said to do different types of teasing.

Danicka
Thank you, that’s really helpful.

Dr. SUZY
Not to be so direct.

Danicka
You said one thing in the very beginning that really stuck with me too. I’m trying to remember what it was, when you were first answering the question. It was interesting. We said gosh, I can’t remember what you said now. Everything you said makes total sense.

And I guess my experience in the past with him with being with a certain person I, I was, you know, the person that he acted as if Oh my gosh, how can you ever ask me to do something? I know how to do it already. And I thought, Oh my gosh.

Dr. SUZY
Wow, well you’re not with him anymore, are you?

Danicka
Maybe that’s why. Younger men are better like that. Now this must be what cubs are then, right?

Dr. SUZY
Well, OK, so you just said a lot of things, Danicka. First of all in terms of whatever you forgot that I might have said earlier, once this show is over, you can listen to the tape because it’s live only once, but it’s on tape forever.

Danicka
Yes, great.

Dr. SUZY
In terms of a guy that says that he already knows everything. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty boring guy.

And OK, if he’s got a billion dollars and you’re going to have his baby and then get involved with an important whistleblower, maybe it’ll work out for you to go along with him saying that he knows everything, but really your sex life is not going to be good. And perhaps that is why Grimes left her billion-dollar man.

But in any case, guys when you say things like that, you’re not winning anybody over. You win them over, not by bragging, but by showing what you can do. And not doing it all at once. Tease to please.

And guys, listen to Danica, listen to what she’s asking for, because right now I know you’re not so defensive ’cause she’s not actually talking about you. Unless you are that guy, maybe you are. I guess Danicka’s boyfriend down there in Texas, he knows he’s being talked about right now, but otherwise, you can relax and just learn something.

Danicka
He, my boyfriend actually acts like, yeah, he acts like I’m able to go from zero to 60. An orgasm in this, you know, hot, gigantic fashion way and it’s like without foreplay or anything.

MAX
You can’t do that?

Danicka
Well, in some circumstances.

MAX
Yes, some circumstances.

Danicka
But it’s like geez. It’s, I don’t know, that’s a guy thing.

Dr. SUZY
I don’t know that it’s even a guy thing, you know. What a lot of people = I’m not going to blame guys for this – what a lot of people do is they work themselves up in the shower and then they come charging into the bed, and you’re lying there half asleep.

MAX
Oh yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
And they’re like, I’m ready! And hey, that’s cool. It’s not skilled lovemaking, but I’m OK with that.

MAX
He loves the shower.

Dr. SUZY
You just need to have a sense of humor about it, and understanding that maybe your partner needs a little time to work up to where you’re at. Timing is so difficult to get, and it’s never only one person’s fault. Not to blame you Danica, but if you’re with the kind of guy that is like that, and you want to be with him, either you have to tease him in a teaching way, coaxing him onto your wavelength, or you just use your vibrator in the bathroom and you come out and say, hey, honey, I’m ready.

Danicka
Yeah, this was my EX-boyfriend, thank goodness, so that’s over, but anyway, so now I’m yeah.

Dr. SUZY
So now, you don’t have to do that, which is great. I’m just saying in a pinch we can do that and there’s actually nothing wrong with that, if you’re up for it, and sometimes it’s a beautiful thing to do.

Danicka
Oh yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Let me say that as a woman that has been married 30 years and I have done that, and it’s fine. Sometimes your partner is ready and you’re not ready.

Danicka
Interesting.

Dr. SUZY
So you just get yourself ready.

Danicka
You know the hottest thing sexually though for me honestly, is kissing and seems like so many guys don’t want to kiss. That’s the hottest thing ever to me it’s the kissing.

Dr. SUZY
I love to kiss, don’t I, Capt’n Max? I’m the kissing bandit!

MAX
She loves kiss.

Danicka
It’s such a turn on. That is, that gets me hotter than anything.

MAX
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, that’s that’s hot.

Dr. SUZY
Kiss-kiss

Danicka
Thank you so much for your time you guys.

Dr. SUZY
Our pleasure, and we do have some other questions here, Danicka, including from Sarah and maybe you inspired her!

Danicka
Maybe, maybe I can meet her.

Dr. SUZY
Maybe! In the meantime, good luck to you, and my parting words are: now that you’re single, you have an opportunity. So, seize the time!

Danicka
Yeah, thank you so much.

Dr. SUZY
But don’t seize that penis too hard.

Danicka
Hahaha. You guys are awesome.

Dr. SUZY
Remember what Capt’n Max said? Be nice to Mr Penis, right?

Danicka
Oh oh, definitely.

Dr. SUZY
OK!

Danicka
Thank you.

Dr. SUZY
All right, so we are FDR which stands for Fuck Da Rich in terms of taxing their money, but we also help you to get fucked in the way you like.

MAX
Yeah wow, that was a thing.

Dr. SUZY
Get fucked in a good good way like Danicka.

MAX
You know, she reminded me of this woman that was around you a few years ago, who was quite a quite a character and her name was Dayton Rains.

Dr. SUZY
Dayton Rains, yeah, a little bit.

MAX
Little bit no, right?

Dr. SUZY
And she is in Texas.

MAX
Oh, she is.

Dr. SUZY
Dayton is in Texas, and so is Danicka.

MAX
Right, oh, and right with our other guy.

Dr. SUZY
Yeah, but I don’t think that was Dayton, and I know you guys thought that was Dayton when she first called in. You were making these movements that described Dayton Rains that were very politically incorrect, but I enjoyed them.

MAX
OK, that wasn’t Dayton.

Dr. SUZY
No, but we love Dayton.

MAX
Yeah, no, no, she was great.

Dr. SUZY
Hot, hot, hot, hot.

MAX
We went over to Berkeley with her.

Dr. SUZY
I don’t think she’s single. I think she has a boyfriend, and Danicka’s single.

MAX
Yeah now.

Dr. SUZY
So Sarah Ann has written in on YouTube to say, “I love my man but he can’t last for shit. One minute in my mouth or inside me, and he comes. I don’t know what to do.”

MAX
Oh goodness.

Well, OK. I will tell you what to do, Sarah Anne. And actually I could tell you a lot more if you called 213-291-9497 either now on the show or privately during the week, so we can focus in on you and your man. But I will tell you a few things. First of all, I will tell you to go to DrSusanBlockinstitute.com, and look in the area that says, “What can we talk about?” And you’ll see there’s a section called “Premature Ejaculation Combat Techniques,” even though I do not like the term premature ejaculation. I prefer the term early ejaculation. Because who’s to say when is the right time to come?

But if you come too soon for your partner, I guess it’s too soon. Or if you come too soon for yourself to have a good time, that’s too soon. That’s the problem.

Dr. SUZY
Obviously, Sarah Ann feels her “man” is a premature ejaculator, so that is what I’ll call it. My article about the subject, which basically gives you, in a kind of coconut shell, all the methods that work, and there are quite a few. This is not a big problem.

But there is a problem and here it is: Usually, the guy doesn’t really WANT to stop coming fast. He wants to come fast. At least, his penis does, even if he’s kicking himself for it.

If a guy wants to pull back, if he really wants to, he can learn how to do that. And guess what, even if he can’t, because there are some that can’t, he can just keep going. Keep having sex! If you are one of those premature ejaculators out there, boys, it is incumbent upon you, unless your partner tells you, with all convincing sincerity that it’s OK for you to go to sleep, I say it is not OK for you to go to sleep.

You need to keep going and do whatever it takes to help your partner enjoy him or herself. And in the process of doing that, you might just enjoy yourself because inside you is a bonobo too. Be Bonobo.

Get into sharing. You know what a lot of coming that quick is all about? It’s a little bit about selfishness, which is not so bad you know to be selfish in that way. Much worse to be bombing a hospital because you selfishly don’t want to lose a stupid war you shouldn’t have started in the first place.

That is much worse than being a little premature ejaculator.

MAX
Oh my God.

Dr. SUZY
Wow, but if you got a little premature ejaculator on your hands, hey, do the stop start technique,  or do the squeeze technique, or better yet, do both and also the deep breathing, yoga, breathing, tantric breathing. In fact, a lot of Tantra involves a lot of stop start technique which is basically a form of systematic teasing.

You just think of your arousal from 0-10 with 10 being orgasm and 0 being you don’t care, you’re not aroused at all. So everything in between is your arousal. And basically when you are a premature ejaculator, you’re going from zero to 10 without even thinking about what’s in between.

So, I’m telling you to think about each step to focus on it, to feel it, to enjoy it, and then to stop when you get to four or five. Or maybe you can last to 8. Who knows, it’s really something when you can last until 9 and you’re riding that train, wheee!

But don’t expect to last to 9 right away. If you can coast at 6, you’re good. You’re good. Learn how to do that. Teaching yourself it’s easier to learn when you’re masturbating than when you’re with a partner. And it’s a good reason to masturbate. There are a lot of good reasons to masturbate, especially right now when people are getting killed in museums and the pandemic is not over. Anyway, I hope I answered your question Sarah, and good luck to you.

By the way, I hope that when he comes in your mouth, you give him a snowball.

Maybe that’s what he wants.

MAX
Ai yai yai…

Dr. SUZY
What?

MAX
A snowball?

Dr. SUZY
Do you know what it is?

MAX
I have no idea.

Dr. SUZY
Why do you say “ai yai yai” then?

MAX
Sounds terrible.

Dr. SUZY
It’s not.

MAX
Is this like a snowball from snow?

Dr. SUZY
No, it’s not snow. Though it’s kind of whitish.

MAX
Does it have weed in it.

Dr. SUZY
It might. If you’ve been smoking weed, it would have weed in it. And it’s kind of like a shotgun, except what you’re doing is a guy comes in your mouth. Well, MY mouth, I would say, I don’t want you get too intimidating here. Gotta be very careful of male sexual ego.

MAX
OK

Dr. SUZY
So a guy comes in my mouth, and I hold onto that ejaculate.

MAX
OK. Got it. That’s it.

Dr. SUZY
Well, what do you mean? Other people might be interested.

MAX
Oh no, no continue.

Dr. SUZY
Oh, thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever done it to you directly.

MAX

No, I’m just going to put on my mask.

Dr. SUZY
Although I’ve kissed you after I’ve swallowed your cum but I usually swallow it all. I don’t usually hold it in my mouth like a porn star. I think I’ve done it like twice in my life or something. Anyway, in a snowball, you kiss the person afterwards with their cum in your mouth.

Or you could, get a load of this, kiss another person. How about that?

MAX
Aaaaaahahahah.

Dr. SUZY
Then you’ll be really orgiastic. Hey, it’s all a lot of fun. Just take precautions.

I used to know what kind of precautions to tell people to take. Honestly I have a confession to make. I am your Mother Confessor, but I have a confession to make.

Back in the day, I prided myself on always knowing what precautions to tell you to take, when to use condoms, how to make sure you know about this or that, meet here or there. Now there is so much danger out there and in here I don’t know what to tell you all, except I do know to tell you, do not give up on sex. Somehow keep it in your life.

MAX
Be Bonobo.

Dr. SUZY
Be Bonobo. Because when you give up on sex… I have a feeling Putin’s given up on sex. Or people he used to have sex with probably given up on sex with him and he needs it. Somebody needs to go in there as a humanitarian mission.

Obviously, he’s so alone. He just fired all these people from the spy network of

Russia, I don’t know if they’re KGB or who they are, but he fired a bunch.

MAX
He fired them.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, and when you get fired in Russia, I think you go to jail for 100 years.

MAX
Yeah, so you get that. And that’s very dangerous, ’cause somebody might be really pissed off. And you know what might happen.

Dr. SUZY
I hope. Mean somebody give Putin a snowball. No snowballs are nice. Michael Karl on Facebook says “I don’t mind a post swallow snowball.”

MAX
OK no, no, no, no.

Dr. SUZY
Now is that post swallow of just your cum? Or how about somebody else’s cum? I would like that to be specified in case you and I are ever in an orgy together.

Would you want a kiss from me after I suck Max’s cum?

MAX
Ai la la la la!

Dr. SUZY
Well, I’m just curious. It’s good to talk about these things.

MAX
Welcome to our intimate radio broadcast.

Dr. SUZY
And join us for an intimate understanding of your sex life and sex in the world, which is so much better for the Earth than war. It’s just a ridiculous comparison really. And yet. And yet war gets respect. Who gets all the medals?  Us sex Olympians? No. These warriors who lose all these wars get the medals, and by the way, everybody loses these wars, but I think the United States especially loses wars. And guess what? Putin’s losing this war big time.

MAX
Right.

Dr. SUZY
So, Sarah Anne writes, “OK, thank you. I will look up your article you wrote. And next time I’ll tell him the doctor says, don’t stop no quitting. Push dat rope until it turns back into wood.”

That’s right, that’s a good way to put it. There’s something kinky about that with the rope and the wood.

MAX
I like that.

Dr. SUZY
Is that something she made up, or is that like a phrase? It sounds like a good one for when a pornstar comes too fast, but then you push date rope till it turn back into wood now.

MAX
Oh wow. Look at that.

Dr. SUZY
Well, we are showing interesting slides tonight. If you’re interested you can look, but this is a radio show so you don’t have to look. You can be listening to us in your headphones.

We don’t want to frustrate you, but one of these days you should look ’cause it was kind of cool.  We just showed a picture of me with a bonobo on my head. Now, where was I?

MAX
So you were talking to these people that were from where?

Dr. SUZY
That’s no help.

MAX
No, I’m just trying to Orient My environment tonight.

Dr. SUZY
This show is called “Fuck Da Rich,” and the richest bitch is Kim Kardashian. Well, she might not be the richest, but she’s the most public. I try not to talk about her.

MAX
Yeah please.

Dr. SUZY
But alas, I don’t succeed. Listen to what this rich bitch who is the eldest daughter of Robert Kardashian who we talked about earlier. So just to establish a little thread through the show we were talking about how we fell in love at the Brentwood Plaza and that was very close to where the OJ murders took place. I’m not saying he did it, I’m just calling them the OJ murders. Who remembers anybody else’s name? Although I do remember her name. Actually I should respect Nicole Simpson and her friend Ronald.  Rest in peace.

MAX
Nicole Simpson.

Dr. SUZY
She died. She was killed viciously.

MAX
Died right, right, right, right.

Dr. SUZY
And Robert Kardashian defended OJ, and they won and then he died fairly soon after. But he, you know, made a tidy sum, especially from that case, but all through his life, I guess. But you know that case really made him.

And then his Family kind of took off into a show “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” which they’re still kind of doing, although they call it something different and his wife has some savvy, I guess, Kris Kardashian, and yet they were born into money, these Kardashians. And Kim’s business advice to women is. Stop being poor. Just be rich like me. Well, actually she didn’t say that. But she could have.

Here’s what she actually said when somebody said “what’s your business advice for women?” Kim said, get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” Can you believe she said that?

MAX
I can Yes I can believe it, certainly.

Dr. SUZY
I’m trying to understand who let her say that.

MAX
Well, yeah of.

Dr. SUZY
And of course, this thing is edited, so not only did she say that, but some editors and publicists decided that they should put that out there.

MAX
Yeah, right?

Dr. SUZY
I think, to use an FDR word, they’re fucking with us, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners. They’re rich and they want to say that because we’re not, it’s our fault, that we don’t work hard enough.

Of course, it’s to make themselves feel better because they are suffering. God and Goddess knows Kim Kardashian is suffering. You can see it in her plastic surgery-blanked-out face, and in the eyes that she can’t do plastic surgery on, the anxiety.

“I just left the crazy husband of my four children and I’m now with this comedian! I’ve got a billion dollars. I’m going to tell these people they need to work.”

So sick, but I can sort of identify with her.  You know, being a woman, that’s.

MAX
Go go go.

Dr. SUZY
Work, work, work. I enjoy work. But please don’t you tell us to work harder, Kim Kardashian. I prefer to hear you say people need to relax. Or why don’t you just give more of your money away? And get some sex therapy. I guess she’s getting some from the Saturday Night Live dude. Hey, Skete Pete Davidson, can you at least teach Kim how to tell a joke?  Instead of telling us to get off our fucking asses up and work? I mean she wasn’t very good at telling jokes on SNL, but that was better than her giving entrepreneur advice.

Dr. SUZY
Hey hey hey Bonobo says Mark my hair guy and he’s there because he knows I need to get my hair done.

MAX
Do you know that Mark skates?

Dr. SUZY
Of course I know Mark skates I give him likes and loves and all of that.

MAX
Oh OK, yeah yeah. Yeah me too yeah. Just testing you, yeah yeah, so I know, I know.

Dr. SUZY
He’s great. He wins awards. He wears glittering outfits and.

MAX
Right.

Dr. SUZY
Very, very romantic. Yes, so hey Mark, soon maybe we’ll be playing with my hair. Meanwhile, Jux Lii says, “pushing rope is a thing.” Pushing rope is a thing, well, I wonder Jux, is it a porn thing or is it what I said it is like when your dick can’t get hard for whatever reason, either because you just came or because you are on a Bender or you aren’t turned on. You didn’t take your Viagra this morning, is that what they call it? Pushing rope? Because it’s a good term for it. So Michael Karl says, “just mine. I’m picky.” You know what he’s referring to.

MAX
I have no idea.

Dr. SUZY
See, that’s why you people you gotta put your subject into the comment, although I know what he was referring to.

MAX
What was he referring to?

Dr. SUZY
His ejaculate. His snowball. He would take a snowball of his own, but not someone else’s. A lot of guys like to eat their own come. I think it’s cool. Try it, why not? I ate mine. I licked my juices from my fingers. It’s the same sort of thing. It’s a different chemical composition, but it’s licking your own juices. What’s wrong with that? You’re not going to hurt yourself.

Now eating your own poop might not be a good idea. Don’t do that. But drinking your own urine is OK. Famous people do that. It supposedly has vitamins, so you can do that and certainly golden showers are good for people who enjoy them, like Trump in Russia.

MAX
And I believe it’s actually sterile.

Dr. SUZY
Whatever that entails, but it also supposedly has vitamins, if you take a lot of vitamins, so that doesn’t sound sterile, no?

MAX
Oh yeah, right, right?

MAX
No need of ingesting the vitamins in the peak.

MAX
My first wife did that.

Dr. SUZY
She peed in bed?

MAX
No, no, no, no, no. She every morning she would drink like a small glass of her pee.

Dr. SUZY
Oh my goodness, did she like it?

MAX
She didn’t seem not to like it. I mean, you know, I don’t know how long she did it for.

Dr. SUZY
Did she tell you to do it?

MAX
Oh yeah, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Really, did you try it?

MAX
I did not. I don’t try those things.

Dr. SUZY
Well, you tried some of my pee.

MAX
Oh yeah, yeah, it depends whose pee we’re talking about, of course, yeah.

Dr. SUZY
Oh, OK. I’m glad you’re not in denial about that.

MAX
No, no, no, no, I.

Dr. SUZY
Though you haven’t done it lately.

MAX
Listen over the years I’ve done a lot of pee play in different ways and methods, but now…

Dr. SUZY
But it’s been pee play – not for medicinal reasons. Now you have medicinal issues.

MAX
The main thing is I don’t have a bladder.

Dr. SUZY
Right, you have a neobladder.

MAX
I have what they call a NEO bladder.

Dr. SUZY
It’s not always controlling things.

MAX
Well, it doesn’t know that it’s a bladder. I don’t think it knows that.

Dr. SUZY
Well, sort of half knows. A lot of half measures are going on nowadays, yeah? You know, like vaccines and all the different protections we have. Nothing is perfect. A real bladder is not perfect. So Neobladders have their place. At least it’s made from a real part of you.  It’s not like it was made from pig intestines, it was made from your intestines.

MAX
The man that got the first pig heart he went bye bye.

Dr. SUZY
Yeah, he’s gone. He went, but you know he did his thing.

MAX
He’s quite a hero.

Dr. SUZY
He went down in histories.

MAX
He was in coma. Uh, and then he was awake for a month.

MAX
And he could be with his family and and hang out, you know.

Dr. SUZY
It’s a nice example of technology doing good.

MAX
Give me that pig heart.

Dr. SUZY
Yeah, let me try that.

MAX
Let me try. I’m going anyway, right? I’m on my way Mom. I’ll be there soon.

Dr. SUZY
Transplanting a pig heart into a human is on the level of going off into outer space, but much more useful to humanity in terms of discovering things that can help us if only we can keep the Earth safe for humanity, if we don’t poison the earth against our own species and so many other species.

Be Bonobo. That means Make Love not war. Make kink, not war. Boy, I got a great note from Danielle, I’m just going to read a little of it ’cause we gotta go. Check out my kink article of course and come to DomCon. I will not be MC. I bowed out because I’m going to Yale the next week, but I’m going to give a seminar: Make Kink Not War: the Bonobo way.

And by the way, if you have any copies of breaking the set with Abby Martin, send them to Abby because Russophobia has set in and YouTube has taken down all RT shows.

MAX
Hundreds, hundreds of episode.

Dr. SUZY
It’s terrible, it’s not all the Russian people fault.

MAX
Well, certainly not her fault.

Dr. SUZY
Right?

MAX

She, she doesn’t work for them I that I know of right now.

Dr. SUZY
But she has all these shows. Why should they be taken down anyway?

MAX
Because she’s very radical and loud and beautiful.

Dr. SUZY
Because they’re taking down all the RT shows.

MAX
And yes, they’re taking that down. They’re taking down a lot of shows now, you know and. It’s not right.

Dr. SUZY
So Daniele Watts along with Chef Belive, they’re in Atlanta and hopefully will be here soon.

She writes, “The divine Dr. Suzy read my writing on her Radiant radio show this past Saturday night and the Great Souls of Villa Bonobo shared, tantalizing, wonderful transformationally playful therapy for our current circumstances.”

Then she puts in a bunch of flags to represent the war…

“While we listened from our little Alice in Wonderland room at my father’s house in Buford, Georgia we’re not just living in a tiny room. We’re also sharing a wonderfully White House on a slight hill, a top half an acre of once deeply wooded, Native American territory, now called Foxworth estates. Our backyard is filled with little plots we’ve dug out for a garden in the yard behind us has a coop of chickens that graze and Peck about cockle-doodling freely as they please. There’s also a flock of Guinea birds that visit squawking thanks and praise at us for collecting so many bags of compost. Leaves making nice homes for the tiny creatures they enjoy feasting upon there. And lots of wild songbirds we feed on our windowsill and our family dog diamond continues, who maybe adores me more than anyone else in the family. Belive continues to recover from a brutal attack on his life that happened outside of a local pizza Tavern. So as we sequestered ourselves in our tiny little magic room, lit with blue, green, and pink grow lights, the plants quivered a bit as the hypnotic voice. Of Susan M. Block  (that might be me) sent Dear husband to a regenerative dimension, some call sleep. I was only able to tease as the dear doctor astutely mentioned on the show, calling in as Belive returned from the Astral realm just as the show was ending. Nevertheless there was so much resonance and synchronicity in everything she and Max said. And the soothing, stimulating topics were so much more sensuous and sexy than last week’s Luzer War themed gab and as a total surprise she read my Facebook response To her Ukraine Love Train show, While she and Max spoke live lovely affirmations about my writing Being far out groovy and also I very much dug the married humor and graciousness modeled in her exchanges with Maximilian Lobkowicz, who is also an exiled Prince from a faraway land, warmed my heart and also my loins and the whole experience Was like getting personal ASMR autonomous Sensory Meridian response, brain, or Orgasm therapy, releasing endorphins. Oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin in such copious amounts that I prepared a supper of supreme slop to slobber husband with Brian was, after all, born during the Chinese year of the Golden Pig.”

MAX
Sensational!

Dr. SUZY
So she goes on and on in this beautiful essay that she writes that you can see on my Facebook page and soon it will be a guest editorial on DrSusanBlock.com. So thank you Daniele and Belive – even though it sounds like Belive fell asleep while we were doing the show last week, so I don’t know if we should be thanking him for that.

MAX
Could be it good for him.

Dr. SUZY
Yes, fall asleep if you like. Relax! We’re all about hypnotizing you, so we love you. And I think we got to go. What do you want to say?

MAX
Well, we’re leaving right now.

Dr. SUZY
All right, so be good, be happy.

MAX
Yeah, OK, great thanks be good.

Dr. SUZY
Try not to hurt anyone, including yourselves. Be Bonobo. Go bonobos. Pro Bonobo. Make like bonobos, not baboons, Make Love, not war. Make Love to someone you love tonight, even if that someone is you. I love you.

Be Bonobo!

Show Length 01:23:06  Date: March 12, 2022

© March 12,  2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.