by Dr. Susan Block.     

It’s the Month of Masturbation and a gaudy Coronation, but beware the Ammosexual Incels shooting up the nation! How about some Universal Health Care instead of all these Perma Wars and Company Stores?  And why don’t we go the Bonobo Way instead of the Way of the Gun?

Thus commences our 100th royal ride on the F.D.R. Love Train, rumbling out of Bonoboville Station with a volley of words (censored on YouTube) from my latest pro-bonobo, anti-gun-violence manifesto, “Ammosexul Incels: A Primer.”

Unfortunately, it is all too timely, as just before our 100^th  live broadcast, America gets its 200^th mass shooting of 2023, a horrific multiple-murder at a mall in Allen, Texas, committed by an ammosexual security guard wearing SWAT gear and an “RWDS” (Right Wing Death Squad) Neo-Nazi patch as he sprayed seven children and adults with leaden death and wounded several more.

Governor Greg Abbot calls it “an unspeakable tragedy.” It’s a tragedy, yes, but no, it’s not “unspeakable.” It’s just that Ammosexual Abbott doesn’t want to speak about it. That is, he can’t speak about it because his mouth is stuffed with cash from the NRA.

Well, Capt’n Max and I speak about it here at the Speakeasy, even though it’s not easy to speak about. Rightwing politicians literally can’t speak about these issues (except to mumble “thoughts and prayers”), as they Deep Throat their benefactors in the gun lobby, war lobby and the well-armed-Jesus-fearing Church.

We also speak with several stimulating Callin callers, starting with Joe from Arizona who is passionate about FDR and “universalism” (we agree we need universal health care, though “universalism” is a bit too religiously-freighted a term for us), so passionate that when we have to bid farewell, his jovial attitude turns to rage. “You don’t love me!” he growls when we declare that we do. Though a bit disturbing, Joe’s on-air tantrum proves his point that we as a society desperately need health care—including mental health care—for all. We also need sexual health care, but let’s first handle the basics. We still like Joe, but it’s a good thing he isn’t prowling around Bonoboville with an AR-15. Then, shockingly enough, later in the show, we hear a strange dude shouting in our parking lot. Fortunately, it turns out to be just another lost soul (with no AR-15, thank Goddess) crying out in the wilderness, but wow, what a scare!

David from Pennsylvania, by way of Florida, is more relaxed—so relaxed, he endearingly calls me “Mrs. Block.” He’s also a longtime fan of ours, as well as Abby Martin, Mike Prysner, Robbie Martin and Dr. Christopher Ryan, and he loves bonobos almost as much as we do. In fact, his nickname is “Hybrid Bonobo.” Listen to the show to find out why.

Finally, Burt calls in to offer his two cents on the increasing ammosexual incel problem, compounded by economic inequity, that is literally killing us, community by devastated community.

So goes our 100^th ride on the Bonoboville Streamer, an auspicious milestone which we don’t acknowledge or even realize on the air. I guess we’re too busy mourning the victims of the latest ammosexual incel mass shooting, as well as laughing as we weep at Tampax King Charles III’s grossly opulent Royal Coronation (while many Brits can’t pay basic bills), steeped in murderous, slave-traffickin British colonial history. In any case, Charles III, crowned and draped in white ermine, has finally been granted his fervent wish to be tampon.

Our favorite ceremonial artifact is the clip of Scottish Celtic fans chanting, “You can shove your coronation up your arse.” We also like the humongous phallus etched perfectly into the Royal Crescent lawn; it’s too big to be a tampon (plus it has balls), so perhaps it’s a coronation gift for William, Prince of Pegging?

Speaking of royal wankers, we celebrate Masturbation Month 2023 with praise for the mystery lady having what sounded to many like a big “full-bodied” orgasm at the LA Philharmonic performance of Tchaikovsky’s 5^th Symphony. Whether it was due to masturbation, copulation, cunnilingus or a sweeping orchestral crescendo, what a mellifluous way to honor the self-pleasuring month of May!

Self-love is good love. Don’t be an ammosexual incel! Shoot the gun between your legs (and throw the other guns away)! Need a hand? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497.

And then there’s bad love, which isn’t love at all, an example being E. Jean Carroll’s case against Trumpty Dumpty for raping her in a Bergdorf Goodman’s department store dressing room. Hopefully, this lying, denying Pussy-Grabber’s self-incriminating testimony will give E. Jean Carroll a big win.

Coming up: the 50^th anniversary 4k restoration screening of one of the most iconic, historic and controversial films ever made: “Deep Throat”  “Deep Throat,” at the Laemmle Royal in Westwood on June 2 and at 910WeHo on June 3.  Join us at one or both as we watch, discuss and celebrate this wild, groundbreaking and controversial movie, that helped to energize the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, with Deep Throat director Gerard Damiano’s children, Christar and Gerard, Jr.

Also coming soon: our Bonoboville Reunion—and more—to Vice TV! While we’re waiting, see us in Sex Before the Internet.

Speaking of royalty, Dr. Block’s Pleasure Shop is delighted to feature fine jewelry fit for a Queen, Monarchy Jewels designed by our friend and favorite Animal Play Monarch, Madame Margherite.

And don’t miss the latest vintage installments of Sex Calls: “How to Orgasm with Your Husband” and “Reverse Cowgirl Positioning”… and go bonobos for love!

© May 6,  2023 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950.