Filthy Mouthed Wife… & more on DrSuzy.Tv!
Length 01:29:43 Date: Sept. 14th, 2019
It’s the second Saturday night of Self-Love September 2019 and, though the Internet imbues the month with exalted ideals of self-esteem, here on DrSuzy.Tv, we feel self-love needs a little self-pleasure to be fully loving and esteeming of the body, mind and soul.
So let’s hear it for playing “strokemon,” beating the bishop, polishing the pearl, wanking, fapping and my fave, Firing the Surgeon General. Ah, dear Dr. Joycelyn Elders, if only, instead of making you resign, Bill Clinton had listened to you and just masturbated instead of spilling his presidential seed all over that blue dress, we might all be in a better place.
Speaking of which our new/old video, “How Can I Climax with My New Lover?” has been added to our Sex Calls collection, and part of the answer to that questions is (with apologies to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi) to Know Thy Orgasmic Self, which you can do through conscious masturbation, or “medibation” (with a hat tip to Dr. Annie Sprinkle), that is, meditation during masturbation, awareness of what actions and thoughts turn you on and make you come.
Not only will you almost certainly like it; you will get to know your orgasmic self so well you can help your lover(s) “give” you orgasms.
From spanking the monkey to spanking the Presidunce!
Thanks to Drumpf, the term “Filthy Mouthed Wife” has been trending all week, as has “Pussy Ass Bitch.”
Seriously, this is our Presidential (Presiduncial?) discourse in the age of Drumpf.
It started with Adolf Twittler tweeting: “boring… musician @johnlegend , and his filthy mouthed wife” not praising him on John Legend’s interview on Prison Reform. The ”filthy mouthed wife,” whom Drumpf dare not name, let alone tag, is model and comedian Chrissy Teigen who happens to be John Legend’s wife, but does not even appear or get mentioned in the interview.
No stranger to Drumpf rage, as she has been trolling Trump since at least 2011, Teigen reacted to the Trump Tweet by calling him a “pussy ass bitch” for not tagging her. Perfect! Especially for the self-confessed Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief.
Then “Pussy Ass Bitch” started trending, as well as “President Pussy Ass Bitch.” When Twitter appeared to shadow-ban that phrase, “President PAB” set the trend.
So now my Twitter bio proudly states that I am a “filthy mouthed wife.”
There are T-shirts and even pillows proclaiming the same.
I am also calling all subbies into humiliation, “President pussy ass bitch.”
So, what’s the reason for this name-calling Twitter war started by a Presidunce?
Aside from the Trumpus just being a pussy ass bitch alone late at night with no one to hold him close but his Twitter lemmings?
Well, Legend was doing an interview on the topic of prison reform, and yes, Trump signed the bipartisan Prison Reform Act of 2018 into law which I gave him credit for on this show. It’s for federal prisons only, but it does serve as an example to state prisons and local jails, a very bonobo reformation of America’s Prison-Industrial Complex (PIC), encouraged by Jared Kushner who is usually nothing short of a loathsome cuck (with apologies to nice consensual cuckolds) for murderous dictators, but in this case, really did the right thing. After all, when your loved ones are incarcerated, as Kushner’s dad was, you get a glimpse of the festering evil of the PIC, which is just as unbonobo as the MIC (Military Industrial Complex). Of course, it’s a lot easier to handle if you’re rich, but still extremely oppressive. So, kudos to Kushner—and tRump—for that.
Nevertheless, this narcissistic, self-loathing, tyrannical Toddler-in-Chief’s bottomless need for kudos is beyond disturbing, not to mention embarrassing for the entire U.S. of A.
Rush Slut-Shames Krystal Ball
Onto Rush Limbaugh who tried to slut-shame another progressive woman by the name of Krystal Ball (yes, that’s her actual name) by falsely claiming she posed nude when she was 14 or 15. When she proved it wasn’t true, that it was based on photos of herself and her husband checking out sex toys at a party, Rush issued a retraction. Guess he’s too busy chomping cigars fatter than his penie-weenie and playing golf with President Pussy Ass Bitch to bother fact-checking.
Of course, Rush tried to slut-shame me too—over my Post-Trump Sex Disorder analysis—but as soon as I ReBUTTed that big, butt-faced bullshitter, he took down the whole segment.
Though you can still see/hear it on My Rush Limbaugh ReBUTTal.
Yes, before the Trumpus made “hate” his platform, Rush Limpballs spewed hate from his microphone, and the old bigot is still spewing… though maybe in his apparent dotage (tRump isn’t the only dotard out there), it’s just dribbling.
Lying Crying Rapey Fakey Brett Kavanaugh
New rape allegations have emerged against Supreme Court Judge Brett Kavanaugh from my alma mater—all hail Yale—corroborating fellow Yalie Deborah Ramirez’s account of Kavanaugh sticking his penis in her Freshman face at a drunken party.
During his Senate testimony, Brett said that if the incident Deborah described had occurred, it would have been the talk of the campus. Well, according to the New York Times, it was. People saw it, and people talked about it.
Kavanaugh was a privileged Yale legacy kid. Ramirez was not. As opposed to legacy kids who got into Yale because of family connections, Ramirez made it into Yale on her merits. In terms of making it through Yale, well, one merit we nonlegacy students soon discovered we needed to cultivate was the ability to handle the Yale legacy kids’ entitled, obnoxious behavior.
Deborah Ramirez gave the FBI a list of 25 people with corroborating evidence of her story. Despite their availability and willingness to testify, the FBI interviewed none of them. One fellow Yalie Max Stier said he saw Brett Kavanaugh with his pants down at a different drunken dorm party, where friends pushed the now-notorious Kavanaugh cumgun into the hand of a female student (who doesn’t remember the alcohol-fueled incident). Mr. Stier notified senators and the FBI, but the FBI did not investigate, hamstrung by Mitch Bitch McConnell and other Senate Republicans who were determined to ram Kavanaugh into the Supreme Court like a bunch of rapists pushing their drunk dicks into an unlubricated hole.
Let me be clear: I’m all for drunken dorm party sex. I’ve HAD drunken dorm party sex, and I’m not sorry I did. But, and this is a big BUT, drunken dorm party sex or any kind of sex is only okay if it’s consensual, which it rarely really is because somebody or both somebodies are usually too blotto to consent.
The point is, if you’ve had drunken dorm party sex—consensually—just own it. Don’t be a hypocrite crying crocodile tears. But of course, Crybaby Brett’s sex was never consensual; certainly, Deborah Ramirez did not consent to Brett Kavanaugh sticking his dick in her face.
Chances are young Yalie Bretty didn’t know the meaning of the word “consensual,” though he did know “virgin” which, he probably figured, was just about getting it in the babymaker hole, not sticking it in unwilling girls’ faces. So he insists he was a virgin until marriage, a technicality that many Catholics hang their panties on.
Three cheers and a bonobo beer for my Yale classmate Jane Mayer, who wrote a piece about Deborah Ramirez’s accusations against Brett Kavanaugh, along with Ronan Farrow, exactly a year ago.
As I write this, alt-right dweeb Ben Shapiro is demanding a description of Brett Kavanaugh’s dick, which he will presumably compare with what’s actually under Judge Bretty’s robes.
Porn ‘n’ Comedy
Now onto my fabulous guests!
I have a porn star and a comedian. My assistant Sunshine McWane and I tell our Facebook Live audience if anyone can figure out who is the porn star and who is the comedian before I introduce them, they’ll win a Speakeasy Journal, but nobody commenting (and there are a fair amount of comments, as usual) can figure it out.
Maybe it’s because our comedian guest is sexy enough to be a porn star, and our porn star guest is funny enough to do stand-up.
Though actually (and unfortunately), I think that as we keep broadcasting live on FB—and since I’m not posting anything myself on FB these days—my FB audience is getting dumb and dumber, saying the dumbest things on the live feed… with certain notable exceptions like Daniele Watts, Mistress Phoenix Steele, Bob Gryszka and the great Willem de Ridder. But otherwise, it’s a bunch of people saying “hi” and attempting to make irrelevant, not-very-funny jokes. Perhaps, it’s a slightly depressing sign o’ the times; my old radio and public access audiences seemed much more alert. Then again, maybe it’s me. I’ve been broadcasting for over 30 years, and perhaps I just don’t “get” the modern significance of saying “hi” on a Facebook Live feed. Fair warning: If you just say “hi” on my Facebook Live feed—unless you are Chrissy Teigen—I will delete it!
Sizi Sev Back on DrSuzy.Tv
The Womb Room was packed that night, so we really didn’t get a chance to learn much about Ms. Sev, but we do on this show.
Sizi sizzles in glitter eye shadow (that happens to match my sparkle whip!), a Strokies tank top (perfect for Self-Love September) and short shorts that show off her fine bootie much better than the jeans she wore on Scorpio Passions.
Photos 1 & 3: Oscar Dhingra. Photos 2 & 3: Bianca
Her unusual name is Turkish, as is she, in part, though she was born and raised in LA.
Sizi’s Twitter account still sports the catchy slogan “ILikeMyClitSucked,” and she explains to us just how she likes it sucked, not licked, but sucked like a little penis (not Kavanaugh’s—yuch!). She explains it very precisely and, like a lot of porn stars who know more about the mechanics of sex than the rest of us, she might have a future as a sex guru.
Just her voice is so erotic (check out my NPR interview for more on audio erotica) that Facebook censors our feed and puts us in Facebook Jail, but I “appeal” their sentencing, and miracle of miracles, they reverse their decision and apologize. Actually, this has happened a few times with FB: Censor first, ask questions later. I imagine that a lot of people who aren’t brave enough to “appeal” have their innocent voices silenced by the FB monolith of anti-erotic injustice. Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.
Maybe it’s because I call the show “Filthy Mouthed Wife.”
Sizi’s waters run deep, and I’m not just talking about her female ejaculation abilities. On the day of the show, she posts a video on Twitter of herself in tears, asking, “Is anybody going to be my therapist right now? Because I guess I’m crying. I don’t know why I’m crying. And nobody that I try to talk to knows how to talk. And it’s annoying because who am I supposed to call when I need to talk to somebody? All of them want to be your friend, but when you need a fucking friend, they don’t know how to fucking be a friend. And it’s like it’s been four people today that I’ve called that I tried to talk to and they’ve got shit going on and they can’t talk to me. So now I’ve got to talk to strangers, so I can get my mind off whatever I keep crying about.”
This is the cry for help that so many of us feel inside, so many of us cry about, but so few of us rarely talk about. But then she takes it down and posts another one smiling in the sun and saying “okay guys, I’m bi-polar, so I’m not mad anymore. I don’t know why I was crying like a bitch…”
I’m not Sizi’s therapist, but I talk with her on the show about the videos, how so many of us are hurting inside just like she describes, even those of us who put on a happy-faced mask. Sometimes, like Sizi, we’re lucky enough to snap out of our funks, thanks to a ray of sunshine, a puff of pot or a friend calling back, but sometimes we’re not.
Photos: Oscar Dhingra
This is one reason I firmly believe that therapy, including sex therapy, should be subsidized by a good socialist government, like the kind that Bernie might create if the Democratic power brokers would give him a chance, which they probably won’t.
We also learn that Sizi did her first “anal” scene on film, and though it took a lot of time (good anal always does), it was ultimately awesome, and she even had an analgasm! The lucky guy was Jax Slayher who’s also had sex with porn star Teanna Trump, the only Trump I really like!
Good thing our Bonoboville Communion doesn’t involve any beef products. More about Communion in a minute!
John Yabes in the Womb Room
Our comedian guest is cute and funny John Yabes, born in the Philippines and raised in Hawaii.
According to his Twitter timeline, John is yet another comic who “hates” himself. Is that a resume requirement to do stand-up? Maybe so. The best jokes come from bad things, not good things.
This is one reason that so many comics—and newscasters—love tRump. Just saying his name gets laughs… or screams of anguish… which are two sides of a coin, in a way.
Speaking of which, John is not a tRump fan, but he does love professional wrestling. This brings me to my assessment of the Trumpus as a Heel. The “heel” is the bad guy in wrestling, while the “face” or “hero” is the supposed good guy, and of course, it’s all fake, like Mango Mussolini.
Trumpers love Trump like the fans love World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) heroes and heels, with tremendous, testosterone-pumping, erotic passion. This is especially true for the homophobic yet homo-eroticized fans. As the meme says, “WWE is just gay porn with no sex.”
How unbonobo is that? At least, the “no sex” part is unbonobo. Of course, pro-wrestlers are just “playing,” and they don’t kill each other (on purpose), so that’s pretty bonobo. And we all can agree that we love Dave Bautista.
Actually, John seems like he could get into The Bonobo Way, especially if an attractive bonoboësque female takes him by the hand. But then, almost all of our male comedian guests seem that way.
One reality-challenged Facebook commenter asks if John is wearing a “corset” which, of course, John is not. Said commenter later says “Trump’s underwear is too tight,” which makes more sense, then finally admits that his English is not too good. Well, at least he says more than “hi.”
We haven’t done Bonoboville Communion in a few weeks; the shows have just been too busy with other stuff… or we were talking about something, like Dolphin Sex, which didn’t seem too compatible with ritualistic titty-licking.
But this is the show for it, and when you haven’t tasted something you like in a long time, it tends to taste even better.
And this is one tasty Communion… in four parts.
Photos: Oscar Dhingra
Actually, before we commune, lovely Sunshine does something funny: She removes her boobs.
No, not her real boobs. Just the little silicone pads in her bathing suit top, which she describes as “chicken cutlets”… which they really do look like.
Chicken breasts? Ana, don’t put Sunshine’s boobs in the freezer next to the pork chops!
Not that curvaceous Sunshine needs padding.
Photos: Oscar Dhingra
I, on the other hand, have so much padding built into my industrial-strength bra that when it’s my turn to play Altar Girl, I just pull my nipples out from the top.
Who knew good old-fashioned Communion was a drinking game?
If Brett Kavanaugh had communed with nice filthy-mouthed ladies like us, maybe he wouldn’t have drunk-molested girls in high school and at Yale.
But no, contrary to Kavanaugh’s under-oath testimony, “Devil’s Triangle” is not a “Beer Game” similar to “Quarters.” It is two guys having sex with one woman (which sounds a lot like what Dr. Ford was saying young Brett and his falling-down drunk buddy Mark Judge were trying to force her into).
Back to wholesome, loving Bonoboville Communion: It’s Sizi’s turn to be Altar Girl.
She’s also wearing a padded bra. Apparently, we’re all looking for that ultimate cleavage, but unlike the ladies of yesteryear, we’re not embarrassed to show our padding.
When Sizi pulls her bra and tank top up, her beautiful natural tatas bounce and her nipples stand out straight, perfect for communing.
Photo 1: Oscar Dhingra. Photos 2-5: Bianca
Also perfect for Sunshine to enjoy a little finger-titty-fuck play.
Sunshine and I lick up the salt from her at the same time.
I actually do a little sucking. Remembering that she likes her clit “sucked, not licked,” I figure she feels the same about her nipples. Judging by her reaction, she does!
Photos 1 & 2: Oscar Dhingra Photo 3: Bianca
Technically, the Bonoboville Communion Altar Girl gives the Waterboarding to the Communer, but since Sunshine and I already Waterboarded each other, and since I can tell Sizi is thirsty and we’re short on time, I decide to Waterboard her.
She’s a natural Altar Girl and Communer.
Just in case you don’t know, the salt-on-boobs signifies the “body” (of Christ, the Goddess or whomever you prefer to worship), like the Catholic wafer.
The Agwa represents the “blood,” like the Catholic wine.
Though Sizi, who grew up “Christian,” didn’t get wine or even grape juice, but “cranberry juice.” Maybe her pastor figured cranberry red was closer than grape to the color of blood.
John grew up Catholic and he’s next up for Bonoboville Communion.
“Anything for a drink,” he quips, having finished his vodka shot at the start of the show.
He licks the salt from my nippies, then really relishes receiving his Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style.
If only the CIA did waterboarding like we do it here in Bonoboville, we might get a lot more truthful information, not to mention “accidentally kill” a lot fewer prisoners.
When I throw the Agwa lei around his neck, saying “You got lei’ed on the Dr. Susan Block Show,” he beams like he won a spot on SNL.
After all, he grew up in Hawaii, where guys get “lei’ed” all the time… though not in as sexy a way as we do it in Bonoboville.
Emmys, Pool Time & Mutual Marital Self-Love September
Between the show, pool time in the afternoon, the Wild Parrots of Arcadia, the full moon and the Emmys party, Prince Max and I receive a lot of stimulation for our Saturday night orgasms.
The Emmys party, a reception for this year’s nominees for Documentaries and Reality TV, was a lot of fun, giving me a chance to see some old friends from my HBO days and meet a few new ones.
I’ll post a blog about it in a couple days with all the silly, smiley Emmy-branded photos.
As for pool time, even though it’s just a little inflatable rubber basin, I love to take a dip (not a dive!) and chill out on these crazy-hot, climate-changing days.
The show is a Filthy Mouthed Wife’s delight, and a very nice combo of comedy, therapy, philosophy, politics, porn talk and titties.
Photos 1,3, 5: Selfies. Photos 2,4: Oscar Dhingra
#FreetheNipple! Especially on Facebook, where they now allow you to show titties if you’re nursing, but not otherwise.
I do understand this.
Still, it’s a little weird that Facebook will let you show your boobs only if there’s a kid sucking on them. Actually, really weird.
Free the fucking nipple.
Though I’ve got to admit, breasties are erotic. All those freed nipples are aphrodisiacs for old married Max and me.
And then, there’s the calendarian fact that it’s Self-Love September, “self-love” being something you can do—physically or metaphysically—by yourself or with someone your self loves.
So we mutually self-loved each other into that special post-orgasmic place where Filthy Mouthed Wives and their Prince Charming Husbands float on the clouds, in each other’s arms, laughing and looking down on the President Pussy Ass Bitches burning in their own personal hell below.
© September 14, 2019. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and a #FilthyMouthedWife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.
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