F.D.R. (F*ck Da Rich): Sticky Situations
Length 01:38:06 Date: May 15, 2021
by Dr. Susan Block.
The virtual DrSuzy.Tv reunion strums on through mid-Masturbation Month, as the F.D.R. Self-Love Train rolls down the track, picking up some exciting pre-Coronapocalypse comrades. We also address some serious subjects—particularly Israel’s shameful occupation and recent atrocities in Palestine; sorry if that breaks your stroke stride, but sometimes you—and in this case I—have to speak out against evil. But never fear for Mr. Pecker, Dear; we spend most of the ride sharing sapiosexual stories and solo-sex confessions filled with tips, kink, eargasms and good vibrations.
All aboard the Bonoboville Streamliner, as Capt’n Max—presiding over “one fine liquor monastery” at the Buddha Bar (as Reddit’s Mister Zeen on puts it)—Mariah, Unscene Abe and I pick up our Clubhouse moderator, marvelous MILF/MFA, “Most Well-Rounded” SUZY award winner, independent filmmaker and avid masturbator, Rhiannon Aarons, and the fun begins before the train leaves the station.
Now, let’s get STICKY!
Firing the Surgeon General
Catching our Self-Love Train at the Clubhouse station is award-winning filmmaker of Sticky: A Self-Love Story (among other independent films), as well as (proving he does more than masturbate) the doting Dad of a 17-month-old, Nicholas Tana.
Tis the “Sticky” Season, after all. Just as in December, many of us watch It’s a Wonderful Life and Krampus, the merry Masturbation Month of May is time to watch American Pie and… Sticky: A Self-Love Story, featuring an array of our long-time friends, lovers and fellow solo-sexperts, like Dr. Betty Dodson, Joani Blank and Nina Hartley. Most of the film is joyful and fun, but some parts are very sad; for instance, a teen died by suicide over masturbation shame. What a deadly feeling shame can be. Mostly, Sticky aims to end or at least reduce the shame surrounding this common, normal, natural yet still taboo pastime.
I met Nicholas, along with his delightful partner Denise Acosta, at our old friend David Bertolino’s Golden Age of Adult Cinema in the Cupcake Theater. Almost immediately, we realized we had something very special in common: wanking.
Actually, it’s something everyone has in common, but we like to talk about it.
And talk about it we do, plumbing the many deeper meanings of solo sex, how self-pleasure can lead to self-reflection or “medibation” (to use a Dr. Annie Sprinkle term), as well as why such a harmless, healthful, safer-sex activity is so often censored. Sticky has been a Big Tech censorship victim, getting flagged and taken off Amazon—after having won Amazon awards. Fortunately, Sticky’s back on the Bezos plantation again, so you can see it, albeit via “second party sellers.”
Capt’n Max, a veteran of sexual censorship and repression since the 1970s, talks about Ebay’s *new* rules against showing female nipples and, the worst “rule” because it’s so vague: “no sexually suggestive” images. One person’s “sexually suggestive” image is another person’s shoe ad.
On Nicholas’ first appearance on DrSuzy.Tv, we bonded over our mutual admiration for the patron saint of Masturbation Month, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders who appears in Sticky, defending her sensible yet somehow shocking statement that masturbation ought to be taught as a safer sex option in public schools. President Billy Jeff Clinton (who hired her) should have just shut up and taken that advice instead of firing her for it and getting himself a Lewinsky in the Oval Orifice.
Now Nicholas is making a new bio-pic, tentatively entitled Firing the Surgeon General (now slang for masturbation, of course), all about Dr. Elders (now 88) and her amazing life, an especially great inspiration in these Black Lives Matter times. Born into a poor Southern Baptist sharecropper family, Elders spent her early years picking cotton in the fields and studying hard at school, and she became the first in her family to receive a medical degree, went on to become a doctor and then the highest-level physician in America, the first female and first person of color to be named U.S. Surgeon General.
A woman of faith who’s also an avid scientist, Elders has always been honest to a fault. At least, her sanctimonious, mendacious, rightwing adversaries would consider it a fault. In a way, Elders’ candid answer to that question at the U.N. was a “Masturbation Confession,” a testimony to one of the basic truths of self-pleasure, that it is relatively healthy and harmless. Later in the show, I elaborate on this theme with the 5th Great Virtue of Masturbation: It’s Safe.
The message of masturbation is personal liberation. This is why Dr. Elders was fired… And this is why we ought to learn about our own bodies and erotic minds through sex-for-one before we share orgasms-for-two or three or a Bonoboville orgy. Because masturbation is Basic Sex 101.”
Though her progressive views had already gotten Dr. Elders into a bit of what the late great John Lewis would call “good trouble,” Nicholas describes how surprised she was to be fired simply for acknowledging that masturbation is a type of safer sex. Like many of us (#MeToo!), she couldn’t imagine that such basic science would be turned into a “political thing.” Little did she—or any of us—know how bad the right-wing war on science would get.
The message of masturbation is simple but revolutionary: that you can help yourself to the greatest sexual pleasure, so you really don’t need to kowtow to the demands of an unreasonable asshole husband, a withholding bitchy wife, a crazy sex-negative religion or a repressive fascist government. Only then can you truly love your spouse, your god or your group out of shared joy, not needy desperation and befuddled fear. The message of masturbation is that you have nothing to fear (excepting the occasional stupid accident like getting a light bulb stuck in your rectum—ouch!). Your pleasure, your stress-release and your freedom are literally at your fingertips.
The message of masturbation is personal liberation. This is why Dr. Elders was fired, and this is why we need masturbation education for personal liberation. And this is why we ought to learn about our own bodies and erotic minds through sex-for-one before we share orgasms-for-two or three or a Bonoboville orgy. Because Masturbation is Basic Sex 101. Moreover, masturbation is Basic YOU 101.
You DO You.
No wonder it’s still so taboo.
We also talk about how funny masturbation, sex and life in general, even the worst parts, can be. Nicholas points out, referencing Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankel’s famous book about finding hope in the Nazi Holocaust, that a quirk of Jewish humor is finding comedy in horrible situations. Unfortunately, I’m not in the mood to discuss quirky Jewish humor, as I’m really burning up over Israel’s recent atrocities, which I delve into later.
Meanwhile, we look forward to seeing Firing the Surgeon General… though Nicholas is currently struggling with various logistical issues, including how to film post-pandemic and other challenges of the indie-film trade he imparts to an inquiring Rhiannon, also a filmmaker. All of which means, there’s no time—and he’s too “tired”—for masturbation, Nicholas confesses wearily when I inquire about his personal practice… except for a little of the mutual kind with Denise, in between baby duty, film shoot prepping and Clubhouse meetings.
Thanks for taking a moment from your busy life to stop by and get this broadcast off to a Sticky start, Nicholas!
The Feeling is Mutual
Speaking of mutual masturbation, this Mother Confessor must confess that my Captain and I enjoy a little of that (plus more) the morning of this broadcast.
We probably should have recorded our orgasms to use as sound effects signifying the screams of a wild banshee under attack by an even more feral nonhuman animal.
Sorry for the noise pollution, Comrades!
Amor Finds True Amor
The next blast from DrSuzy.Tv’s bacchanalian past is the glamorous, adorable and amor-able Amor Hilton, aka “Baby Block,” prodigal *daughter* of Capt’n Max and me, at least in the erotic theater of Amor’s mind.
Though we’d generally prefer to see the dazzling human eye candy that is Amor Hilton, it’s nice to hear her sweet voice cooing, “Mommy I miss you!” in between declarations of passion for her newish boyfriend (together a year), tattoo artist Eric Wurx (check out his shop on Hollywood and Highland), and their earth-shaking sex, especially the way he goes “boom boom” in her Womb Room (aka her Gucci Coochie), as well as her Anal Apartment. Ooh-la-la!
We’re just happy our Amor found her TRUE Amor… in her Boom Boom Room!
She also provides a bit of news about “Uncle” Ron Jeremy, still locked up on sexual assault charges in Twin Towers. Without delving into any details of his case, we commiserate about our mutual friend, now approaching his final years of life, trapped in the steely clutches of the American Prison-Industrial Complex, perhaps never to know freedom again.
Like too many Americans, Amor isn’t sure whether or not she’ll get vaxxed, so I tell Baby Block in my best Scolding Mommy voice that she’d better hop off the fence and “Join The Herd, Young Lady,” so we can all party again. She also talks about how turned on she gets receiving tattoos (funny how she likes tattoo needles, but hates vaccine needles), how she doesn’t use toys (“just fingers, Mom!”), and how “bad” she is at phone sex.
Of course, we love phone sex—a fabulous, disembodied, yet often very intimate accompaniment to masturbation—here at the Institute. We even incorporate it into therapy.
Can’t wait to see you again, Baby Block Amor!
Breaking with the merry masturbation exploration, I take a moment to talk seriously about Israel’s horrors currently devastating Palestine. I don’t often address Israeli apartheid, but this week’s events are such outrageous, gut-wrenching atrocities, I have to say, I feel deeply embarrassed as a Jew.
Yes, as a Jew. No, I’m not an Israeli, certainly not a Zionist, and not a religious or even a practicing Jew. Actually, I’m a pretty blasphemous Jew (especially on my show), as well as a Wandering Jew, an agnostic ethical hedonist bonoboësque Jew; but a Jew nonetheless, certainly by Hitler’s standards.
So, for me, as a Jew, Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians is, in addition to being an atrocity, a tragedy and a war crime, an embarrassment.
In Yiddish, they call it a shanda, a terrible shame, and that’s what I feel: Ashamed.
I often say we should not feel ashamed of our sexuality, that various religions, governments, parents and schools throughout human history have made us feel ashamed in ways we really shouldn’t. But we should feel shame if we do something wrong, that is, something that hurts someone else, sexually or otherwise. There is also such a thing as communal shame—just as there is communal ecstasy and grief—when a community you are connected to has done something wrong. Though I personally haven’t done anything wrong here and have long opposed Israel’s apartheid in Palestine, nevertheless I feel shame for the appalling actions of some of my fellow Jews in Israel, aided by America.
Yes of course, aided by America, Israel’s bestie, and being American, I feel double the shame because all of those deadly bombs Israel has been dropping are being paid for by the place where I live and pay taxes. Some say this means the Jews control America, a twist on the old antisemitic Protocols of the Elders of Zion that suggests Jewish people somehow control the world. Though there are a few Jews in high places—the odious Henry Kissinger, Javanka and Stephen Miller come to mind—I think it’s mostly the other way around. America controls Israel, though neither country likes to confess that truth. In a way, the much ballyhooed Israel Defense Forces (IDF) are a branch of the American Military-Industrial Complex. Every bomb killing Palestinians makes money for some Americans.
As my Counterpunch editor Jeffrey St. Claire tweets, “There’s a theory that Israel controls US politics, that the most powerful war-making state the world has ever known is a mere puppet of Israel, incapable of asserting its own agenda. But in fact the US finances Israel. It is dependent on us. Its crimes are ours. We paid for them.” Now Israel’s crimes are multiplying so fast, we can’t keep up with them.
John Oliver offers a good tip on what it means to be besties: “America is an unwavering friend to Israel… and at the end of the day, I would hope that a real friend would tell me when I’m being an asshole, and definitely when I’m committing a fucking war crime.”
Exactly, friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Israel is now intoxicated on “expansion” (a euphemism for ethnic cleansing), and America needs to take the keys—the bombs, the money, the support—away… like, yesterday.
Here’s what Newsmax host Grant Stinchfield has to say about Jews like me: “If you are Jewish and you are a Democrat and you are living in America today, how do you support an administration that turns its back on your home country?”
My home country? Sounds like the former guy telling the Squad to “go back to where they came from” even though three of them were born here. I visited Israel once for six weeks at age 16. Before that, in my very American Sunday school, I was taught that Israel was “a land without people for a people without land.” When I got there, I was naïvely shocked to see there were people in that land, and then, slowly, I came to realize a genocide was being committed against them in the name of “my” people, the Jews.
What a lie I (and so many more) had been taught. This lie was a lot worse than that silly little lie about Fake Elijah drinking the wine on Passover that I refused to believe when I was five years old, B.I. (Before Indoctrination). Though, one lie leads to another.
According to Newsmax, if I’m not rooting for my “Home Country” like a home team, no matter what, I’m a bad Jew. Of course, I’m already a bad Jew for various reasons, but not because I don’t support Israel’s vicious bombing and apartheid treatment of the Palestinians whose main “crime” is to be simply living in their “home country.”
If I have a “home country,” it’s Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S.A., or maybe Los Angeles, California where, between the two, I’ve spent my life squatting on land stolen from the Natives in an American genocide which inspired the atrocities of both Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu.
Several of my fellow Counterpunchers, as well as Bernie Sanders (“Palestinian Lives Matter”), David Steinberg and even the MSM have said that Bibi diabolically orchestrated the current mess to maintain power because he was losing it, which appears to be working, as now he’s back in the saddle again. It’s true that sleazy Bibi, like his Zionist mentor Ariel Sharon, have made Israel even more militaristic, fascistic and geared to the odious Religious Right, including many Christians that despise Jews and want them in charge of Israel for that reason, as well as ammosexual Orthodox Jewish extremists and even Israeli Proud Boys. Yes, it’s gotten that bad.
Israel has become what my late grandmother might call “a shanda for the goyim.” According to the Jewish Language Project, “To be a ‘shanda for the goyim’ is to confirm the most hurtful stereotypes, thereby doing damage twice: a Jew who dishonors Jews by not only doing something bad, but doing something that confirms the worst fears of others about Jews in general.”
Call me a “self-hating Jew,” if you like, and right now, I do *hate* that side of myself that’s genetically and/or ethnically related to these despicable destroyers of apartment houses, media buildings, medical facilities, family homes and the people inside them—broken bodies, lost lives—unspeakable brutalities! Yet we must try to speak about them. And I must try to speak out against them, or I am complicit, like those Germans who didn’t speak out against the Nazis exterminating some other distant relatives of mine (and theirs) who happened to be Jewish.
Right now, we have an opportunity to be heard, so we need to speak louder.
So, that’s what I try to talk about on this show. Even though it’s embarrassing. Even though some dickface on Reddit says I should “get back to talking about sex.” But sometimes you have to get embarrassed and piss people off before you can confess your hidden truth and do something about it.
Capt’n Max reminds us of all the atrocities being perpetuated in the world, most of which are paid for by the U.S.A. He’s right, of course, but I’m still especially infuriated that these atrocities are being perpetrated by people with whom I could have gone to Sunday School… or their grandchildren.
All too often, especially in the vulture’s nest that is Twitter, I can’t find the words to express my fury, nor do I have the background in Middle Eastern history to back it up succinctly, so I’m grateful for Abby Martin’s tweets, many of which I RT, in support of the Palestinian cause.
Unscene Abe gives Abby a shoutout for her outstanding coverage of both the atrocities and the protests around the world. We love Abby (who I interviewed in 2014) and her brother Robbie Martin (who recently interviewed me)!
On the other side of the family table is underwear–fetishizing Uncle Alan Dershowitz saying Bernie’s criticism of Israel makes him a “self-hating Jew.”
I myself am an Allan Dershowitz-hating Jew.
On second thought, “hate” is too strong a word for my feelings about Dersh the Douche; “loathe” is more to the point.
Regarding the Israel/Palestine “conflict,” everybody’s got to follow their conscience. If your conscience tells you what mine does when you see the images and hear the screams of helpless Palestinian civilians being slaughtered by Israeli weapons that are gifts from America’s so-called “Defense” department, join me in speaking out against it, and maybe there will be an end to the war crimes being committed by my fellow Jews in Israel.
John Oliver says it well. “America is an unwavering friend to Israel… and at the end of the day, I would hope that a real friend would tell me when I’m being an asshole, and definitely when I’m committing a fucking war crime.”
Last week, we tried not to gloat about those poor farmers, Bill and Melinda Gates, splitting up after 27 years of marriage; meanwhile we’re still going strong after 29.
Now we’re hearing that Bill doesn’t just identify with bonobos theoretically. Well, there’s been a cascade of gossip emerging. As of the broadcast, word is he’s sort of a swinger who, supposedly with Melinda’s permission, has gone on many vacations with at least one past girlfriend, as well as others. Are there any illegal “others”? We don’t know, though it sounds like Melinda’s “permission” didn’t extend to Bill’s friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. And now news is streaming in (as I write this) that some of Bill’s erotic adventures were embarked upon without Melinda’s *permission.* In other words, Bonobo Billy cheated… with a company employee six years after his wedding.
Actual bonobos don’t “cheat” because they all know and can usually see everybody else playing the field (though they are not immune to fits of jealousy). However, when a human tries to live “like a bonobo,” while appearing to be monogamous (ie., single but married), cheating and divorce are likely to follow.
Before he proposed, Bill was so on-the-fence about marriage that Melinda said he made a pros and cons list. I actually think that can be a good way to gain perspective on a complex question, but it’s not very romantic.
Indeed, as Bill allegedly confided in his golf buddies this past week, it was a “loveless marriage.” Melinda characterized it as “irretrievably broken.”
Cue the Moptops… “Can’t Buy Me Love” (1964), one of my all-time favorite songs.
“Money can’t buy me love.” Simple, basic, no hidden meanings, but oh so true. I’ve lived by it, loved by it (for over three decades), and it led to this show.
Fuck Da Rich! Money can’t buy you love, either.
Poor Bill and Melinda.
Actually, each of those poor billionaires sounds like they could use a hug.
They also need to get fucked. And right now, I mean financially. Tax these poor befuddled billionaires for their own good, not to mention the good of society.
Masturbation Not Occupation
Back to wanking…
In a way, that’s what you feel like you’re doing when you *talk* to one of these Big Tech Bots, says Max.
And just wait—Bot Sex is coming! In fact, it’s already here: Sexi Siri @ Your Service…
Not everyone is tangled up in technology, as we received greetings from Amish Country in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where I lived and “worked” on a Mennonite farm for a month at the age of 16 (the same summer I visited Israel); all of it getting me into a Weird Al Yankovich’s Amish Paradise state of mind.
Well, there’s masturbation material in every culture. Self-pleasure is universal, after all. People of all ages do it everywhere, even when their religion declares it punishable by death, blindness, impotency, hair on the palms, devastating shame or an eternity in hell.
Before this train runs off the track, I deliver one more virtue of the 8 Great Virtues of Masturbation, and the self-love continues into our fabulous after-show throwback from 2013, a multi-orgasmic roller coaster ride of Masturbation Liberation, Education, Domination, Deprivation, Humiliation, Stimulation, Vibration and Revelation.
With all these relevant rhymes and more (titillation, sensation…), somebody could write a hit self-love song…
“Masturbation Liberation” is also a twist on the original title of Dr. Betty Dodson’s Sex for One: Liberating Masturbation, which gave me my first voluntary orgasm. Very liberating!
The show features a galaxy of stars and sexpots, including Aaliyah Corsets, Johnny Chorizo, Evilyn Fierce, Candis Higgins, Livia Godiva, Rev. Mitcz, Mistress Eva, but lovely, lapsed Catholic, libertine Lotus (who loves alliteration) Lotus Lain: steals the show. First in this show to drop her top for Bonoboville Communion, she also enjoys a new Swingtastic Toys vibrator, rides the Sybian to three riproaring orgasms, then dominates her subbie Johnny and a cuckold named Steve, conducting hilarious and humiliating (albeit arousing for Cuck Steve) penis size comparisons (do not try this at home!) with studly porn newcomer Rome Major.
Awomen, Sister Lotus. And wow, what a show.
Masturbation Not Occupation… even in Sticky Situations!
© May 15. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.
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