by Dr. Susan Block.     

Blooming with the scent of wildflowers, the music of the birds and the pollinating bees, the excitement of mating bonobos and dating humans, the Love Train roars through Winter 2023 into Spring!

Spring Cleaning & All That Jizz

It really does feel like Spring in Bonoboville on the day of this live broadcast, as we head into the Vernal Equinox, the sun opening our hearts, warming our bodies and heating up our brains, and it feels so good after many days and nights of “atmospheric rivers” of rain that could have drowned Noah’s ark.

But as I write this now, it’s raining… again, with even more precipitation in the forecast. Dry old So Cal is now as wet as a hotwife’s panties. Well, rain falls in Spring, and one of our favorite Vernal Equinox throwbacks is Spring Showers 2011, featuring one of the wettest female ejaculatrixes ever—and a very womanly woman to honor in Women’s Month—that great Texas Geyser of Desire, Deauxma.

It’s also Noruz, the Persian/Iranian New Year, as “CutthePentagon” informs us in the Callin chat, and it’s Resurrection season, time to catch Spring Fever and make love through the March Madness.

Spring is also a good time to clean house, mind, body and spirit. Like winter, the old Capitalocene is going out of season. It’s time for the Bonobocene and a Bonobo Spring Cleaning!

“Carnal” (love the name which reminds me of one of my nicknames for the Block Institute: The College of Carnal Knowledge), calling in from Georgia, believes that the primeval “Spring Cleaning” involved early humans cleaning up all the fallen pollen, aka “jizz” from flowers, as Walrus Hung puts it—though spellcheck turns jizz into “jazz,” which isn’t so wrong, since the word “jazz” comes from “jasm” (sounds like jism), meaning “pep,” aka Springy sexual energy. Carnal also talks about gold (he’s got a bigger gold fetish than tRump) which lead to a comparison of whoring and hoarding (whores win, hands down).

Does Porn Imitate Sex or Does Sex Imitate Porn?

Later on, Rudi calls in *for* Stoopycat who wonders if “sex imitates porn” more than “porn imitates sex” these days—a rather complex, almost existential question, and we give her such a nuanced answer you’ll have to listen for yourself.

Joining the show from Buenos Aires, Cele says she doesn’t like guys who watch porn or just focus on their own needs during sex, instead of intimacy with her. Can’t say I blame her—though to each their own with porn use, as long as its consensual.

Cele also wants to have a “sex workers union”—shades of Lusty Lady (the famous strip club where Sunshine McWane worked), and we like it!

Together we decry the Religo-fascist War on Women, the War on Pleasure and the War on Women’s Pleasure.

Somehow the subject of “sex on the farm” (just with fellow humans, not with the cows—though maybe in front of the chickens) comes up… Maybe it’s a Spring thing…

Trump AND Putin Warrants!

Finally, our old friend Brady joins the Spring Fever Callin Caller Block Party—from Georgia to Argentina by way of LA, and now Texas—with me and Capt’n Max, sharing the good news that, thanks to our sexy lefty influence, his “Proxy Party” platform includes a call for subsidized sex work. Amen and Awomen.

Though Irish, Brady doesn’t celebrate St. Paddy’s Day, triggering our retelling of the story of St. Patrick chasing away the “snakes” which are really medieval code for the poor, peaceable Celtic pagans and Druids.

I also realize that the dreaded Leprechaun pinch can be delightful when done consensually and sensually; in fact, we call such pinching “massage.”

He may loathe St. Paddy, but Brady’s got the Gift of Gab, sharing that tRump dated Jeffrey Epstein’s ex-girlfriend, Norwegian heiress Celina Midelfart (predictably eliciting a gale of gas jokes) before Melania who he also met through Epstein. Note: Not that we’re defending either of these douchebags, but both women were consenting adults, so who cares?

We’re just excited for Trumpty Dumpty being indicted this week, thanks to Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg and our heroine whom we’ve been cheering on since 2017: Stormy Daniels!

With Putin’s arrest warrant for war crimes issued by the International Criminal Court, perhaps these two malevolent lover-clowns can share a prison cell somewhere (anywhere!) and resurrect their old bromance.

Maybe they can get bailed out by their favorite lender, Silicon Valley Bank, that tRump deregulated to the point of collapse. What do the SVB failure and East Palestine disaster have in common? Trumpocalyptic deregulation!

‘Shrooms, Cops on Horses, Cuckolds, More Censorship & Palestine

Adding to my various Spring Fever sex tips, Brady suggests making love on psilocybin “magic” mushrooms. It’s a nice idea, and in my hippie days, I enjoyed lots of hot trippy sex myself… though good old ‘shrooms can make you feel like you’re having a four-hour orgasm while doing nothing at all. This can cause relationship issues when one of you wants to get laid and the other would rather just lay down. Moreover, strong hallucinogens are a little unpredictable for me to recommend to everybody. “Low dose,” counters Brady, and if you’re up for some Spring Fever tripping—with or without the sex—that’s good advice.

We also express support for the growing Israeli uprising against the reactionary and ridiculously corrupt “Crime Minister” Bibi Netanyahu, though we’re hoping it will get more pro-Palestinian. Seeing the Israeli police on horseback abusing the protesters reminds me of American and Aussie cops doing the same thing which is not *just* frightening, violent and potentially lethal for the protesters but also a particularly virulent form of animal abuse.

Police on horses, soldiers in tanks, lunatics in their SUVs and Nazis in the parks… and everyone is flourishing—and using!—their weapons of war, as the mainstream media fans the flames just for clicks that clank with *gold.*

Keep your gold! We’ll take peace and good sex. Make Kink Not War!

As life gets regressively more and more confusing, here’s one rule of thumb (literally): The Bigger the Gun the Smaller the Dick.

There may be a few women and trans folks in the club that runs the show, but it’s mostly rich men with small dicks and big bombs.

In Censorship News: YouTube bots are still leading me on a Kafkaesque wild goose chase to resurrect my channel, but the Block Curse has shown its power, and it’s Spring, so I have—soon-to-be-dashed, I’m sure—hope.

I’m not alone, of course (though sometimes it feels that way). Censorship of words and images of all kinds is descending like a dark cloud over the formerly bright and promising land of the Internet. For example, one of my sex therapy clients, a cuckold, used to love “Blacks on Blondes,” one of the oldest interracial sites on the web. He says that now many terms are being censored, like even the word “black” itself. Forbidding racist slurs is understandable, but… censoring the word “black”?

Like a lot of us libs of a certain age, I’m working on my Farewell to Jimmy Carter while listening to the sweet and sexy Allman Brothers (and no Max, that’s not “almond,” though Jimmy was a peanut farmer and a Ramblin’ Man), remembering how Jessica was the soundtrack to some of my sexiest Spring ‘shroom trips, and hoping for a Stormy Monday. More about Jimmy and me coming soon!

Meanwhile, check out some of our Spring Fever Bacchanals, like Spring Showers, Bonobo Spring Equinox Bacchanalia 2013 and more!

And rain or shine, now’s the time to catch Spring Fever and fall in love!

© March 18,  2023 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950.