by Dr. Susan Block.

Bookending the High Holidays of Love with a little romantic V-Day sex, my Valentine and I take the Love Train between orgasms, celebrating Lupercalia, the original, pagan, februa-flogging Holiday of the Heart, and World Bonobo Day, honoring humanity’s closest Great Ape cousins, the Make-Love-Not-War, female-empowered, male-nurturing, sharing, caring, peace-through-pleasure-loving bonobos.

Happy Valentine’s, Lupercalia & World Bonobo Day from Bonoboville!

Valentine’s Day exalts romantic love between couples, which Capt’n Max (whom I’m now calling my “V-Day Senior Sex Machine”) and I have been blessed to enjoy—even in marriage!—for over 30 years. But I’ve never liked the pressure, commercialism and exclusivity of V-Day, which is one of many reasons I enjoy Lupercalia and World Bonobo Day, celebrating a more inclusive love—on the kinky, consensual, pan-sensual, polyamorous Pan-Horns of Lust—in the community.

In that spirit of communal ecstasy, we are delighted to reconnect with old friends and lovers from orgiastic Lupercalias past on this ride, like SUZY award-winning “Most Bonobo-Sexy Couple” stars of the legendary Lupercal of 2018, Daniele Watts and Chef Belive (currently grappling with mistreatment by an Atlanta yoga studio!), and that “Most Adorable” Valentine Princess, Amor “Baby Block” Hilton. We hope to see them all soon in Bonoboville when Vice-TV comes to film a documentary about what “icons” we are.

We also help caller “Jack” get on the path to releasing his inner bonobo, and we review current events in our inimitable F.D.R. fashion, as well as the mounting censorship-fueled, sexual counter-revolution, including the awful anti-Free Speech “Earn It” act, and my recent State of the Sexual Union address on Hartley Pleshaw’s Lowell, Massachusetts-based “Active Radio” show on WCAP-AM.

WATCH THIS WEEK’S THROWBACK:
VALENTINE LUPERCALIA RISING & SQUIRTING MMXIII

Show Length 01:49:59  Date: Feb. 16, 2013

This week’s exciting throwback is LUPERCALIA MMXIII: Rising & Squirting, celebrating love, lust, impact play, Roman history, comparative religions and the fine art of female ejaculation.

That should stimulate you into a gloriously lusty celebration of whatever High Holiday of Love you prefer this year, next year or anytime you feel the spirit of Pan within you.

And/or tune into F.D.R.’s sultry sapiosexual “Lupercalian Bonobo Valentine” podcast above or below, or if you’d rather read than watch or listen, check out the transcript.

© February 12,  2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.

LUPERCALIAN BONOBO VALENTINE PHOTO GALLERY

Can’t Watch or Listen to the Show Now? Read the Transcript to “Lupercalian Bonobo Valentine” (or follow along as you listen)

Transcript 

MAX 

All right, let’s start all over again. We just got on the train. We had some issues with the engine. The spring to the left wheel had to be changed, and, so, that took a little time.  But now we’re chewing along. And like always, we’re going to talk about things that you may like and things that you may not like. And of course, it’s Valentine’s weekend kind of thing, and I’m here with my sweetheart, Dr. Suzy, and we’re going to talk about different things. I don’t know what she’s going to talk about. I kind of know what I’m going to talk about and I sure would love to invite you to chime in and you can call us at 213-291-9497. OK, so don’t flirt with the receptionists. None of that stuff oK and just tell them what you want to talk about and then they’re going to put you through to us. In the meantime, I’m going to uh, tell you Frank Sprig is our engineer and Dr. Suzy is sitting next to me. How you doing Dr. Suzy? 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m doing great Capt’n Max. 

MAX 

Ohhhh, look at you, Wow! 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m ready to celebrate the high holidays of love. Valentine’s Day and Lupercalia and World Bonobo Day. 

Yes indeed happy, healthy, horny-Love holidays.  So we’re going to talk about all of them tonight. 

Oh, and Valentine’s Day, I also hear it’s tortellini day, which you might like.

MAX 

Totally needed. 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m not so much into tortellini. But it’s sometime around this period. And it is a period, so to speak. It’s the color of a period, red is the color of the Valentine, the heart. It is the holiday of the heart, and it originates with Lupercalia which I’m going to talk about in a little while. Yes, captain Max. 

MAX 

Oh, that wire is like, you put your arm over…

Dr. SUZY 

It’s OK, it’s just a wire. You want to play with my wire? You want to wire me up, yeah?  Umm, so we have had a nice Valentine weekend, have we not, Captain Max? 

MAX 

Yes, we have. We’ve had, sex you know, sex, some sex, sex, sex, yes. 

Dr.SUZY 

Yes, sex for two, you know. We kicked off the Valentine weekend with orgasms, one each so far, and yes, you know you should get it out of the way.  I mean, you can always do it again, but if you keep putting it off and then something comes up, you’ll regret it. So it’s a long Valentine’s weekend. Get it going on now! I don’t mean to put the pressure on. In fact , I want to talk about how to take the pressure off with Lupercalia. Because Valentine’s Day does tend to be a high-pressure holiday. A little bit like artificial sweetener and like See’s Candy makes you sick to your stomach. Although it tastes so good going in, but it feels so over-bloated once it’s there and it’s very commercialized and very oh, well, I mean romance is great, right, Captain Max?

MAX 

Romance is wonderful. I love romance. 

Dr. SUZY 

You are really the romantic. Do you want to wax romantic now? 

MAX 

Oh darling. I found you in the mist in the grass of the estate. You were naked and running around. I didn’t know if you had escaped from ooh, somewhere. 

Dr. SUZY 

I was naked last week on FDR. 

MAX 

Right? 

Dr. SUZY 

What does FDR stand for? Fuck Da Rich. Also Franklin Delano Roosevelt, one of our sexier presidents you know, just goes to show you, you can be sexy in a wheelchair, absolutely. But, in any case, yes, I was naked for the past couple of weeks, but I decided to dress up for the high holiday of love, the holiday of the heart. I decided to put my horns on, my Pan horns. So, I am ready to explain all of that to you. Tell you the story of Lupercalia, but I also would like to just know what’s going on with you?  What are your Valentine fantasies and NeoPuritan nightmares? That was the title of our show last Saturday and yes, there are many NeoPuritan nightmares going on right now. I talked about a few of those on somebody else’s show this morning. Hartley Pleshaw did a show with me on WCAP radio in Lowell, MA and I delivered a State of the Sexual Union address. Not quite so fancy with the “I have a dream. I have a fantasy” routine that I did last week and last year. This year I just kind of reformed it and talked about what was on Hartley’s mind, and much of it was sex, and it sounded like not getting it or just a kind of concern with what is going on with women and how to be a politically correct man and how so many men are just raging and following people like Joe Rogan and following very right-wingers like Dr. Jordan Peterson. Then there’s the left wingers…. Is this a note for me? Oh, we have a phone caller. Oh Yeah, maybe we do. And maybe we don’t. So I should give out the number. I should give this to you. There you go if you want to give us a call, it’s 626-461-5212 and we can talk about Valentine’s Day Lupercalia, ooh whip it up for Lupercalia and thank you, Goddess Phoenix for my beautiful fiber optic flogger and it’s also World Bonobo Day, Valentine’s Day, and yes, we have a caller on the line. Where is that piece of paper, so I know the name. Jack. Jack, what a sexy name. Hi Jack. 

JACK 

Hi, how you doing? 

Dr. SUZY 

Good, so you’re in New Jersey, is that right? 

JACK 

Yep, for the moment. 

Yeah, yeah. 

MAX 

For the moment?

Dr. SUZY 

For the moment, oh, you are a traveling man. 

JACK 

Well I can be, yeah. There’s so much you know to explore, you know. 

Dr. SUZY 

There is a lot to explore and places to go. 

MAX 

I’m from New Jersey myself. 

Dr. SUZY 

So, I see a question here.  Yeah, yeah, that’s right, you are. 

MAX 

I’m from Montclair, NJ right? 

Dr. SUZY 

Right Montclair, NJ and my first boyfriend was from Cherry Hill, NJ. so we’re from Jersey. 

JACK 

Yes, longer. 

MAX 

We love Jersey. 

Dr. SUZY 

But, we left, and notice we’re here in California. 

MAX 

It was cold. It was very cold. 

Dr. SUZY 

And, very hot.  Summers are so muggy. 

JACK 

It is very cold. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, it’s cold in the winter, hot in the summer. 

JACK 

I mean, I don’t mind both, but I just like to do activities. It’s good, you know, yeah. 

Dr. SUZY 

So Jack, I see a question from you here on the piece of paper, but would you like to ask it in your words? This could be the receptionist’s words right here. 

JACK 

Nah, pretty much just letting go of the past and starting over, you know. 

Dr. SUZY 

How do I start the new me and let go of the old me? 

Dr. SUZY 

What’s the difference between the old you and the new you? Is there a big difference? Some people just kind of evolve. 

JACK 

Yeah I’m just open minded. I’m not judgmental and I’m

Dr. SUZY 

Is that the new you? The old you was judgmental?

JACK 

Towards myself, yes. 

Dr. SUZY 

Towards yourself? And what did you judge badly about yourself? 

JACK 

What I thought was different. I guess you know for years. What’s that? Just like how can I? say like my hobbies or my beliefs in other people’s lifestyle. They move my different opinions. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh OK, I get it. I mean, I’ve always been a little bit different,  and right now I have horns coming out of my hat, so I’m still different. I just make it work for me. But it took a while, you know and absolutely it was an evolution more than a total revolution in my life. But the fact that the sexual revolution was going on when I was a kid did help me, and I know that right now we have sort of the opposite. We have almost a sexual counterrevolution going on, so it’s kind of difficult to express yourself sexually, but it’s not impossible. You just have to be careful. So, is that what you’re talking about when you say you’re different? Are you talking about kinks or things like that? 

JACK 

I don’t know if I am. I’m trying to be careful though. 

Dr. SUZY 

What are your kinks?

JACK 

I’m still figuring them out. 

Dr. SUZY 

Okay, well, whatever they are, you know you always have to be careful, to be consensual. That is almost a given. 

JACK 

I know that. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, yeah, but, you know, it’s one thing to know it in your mind and it’s another thing to know how to handle it in practice with real people. 

JACK 

It’s hard cause you can’t see it here. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard to see it or feel it or smell it. 

JACK 

Here by yourself it’s weird, it’s hard. 

MAX 

To keep by yourself. 

Dr. SUZY 

Keeping by yourself is hard, yes 

JACK 

You know, if you’re by yourself trying to turn learning or experience, it’s hard. 

Dr. SUZY 

You know you gotta get out there and get with new people. And fortunately, the pandemic seems to be lifting, I think, though maybe not. I don’t know, but in any case, hopefully… Pandora, make hope good for us! So anyway, hopefully, it’s a good time to get out there and explore some of your kinks, though I’m still not sure what your kinks are. 

JACK 

I’ve been trying to do that.

Dr. SUZY 

Okay, so how can I help you? 

JACK 

Just how will I be more comfortable? 

Dr. SUZY 

Comfortable with what? 

JACK 

With exploring those different types. 

Dr. SUZY 

But I don’t know what you want to explore. 

JACK 

Things that I haven’t found yet. 

Dr. SUZY 

Okay. Though maybe you shouldn’t be comfortable with certain things. 

JACK 

True, you’re right. 

Dr. SUZY 

I mean, if you have an interest in nonconsensual sexual violence, I’m not saying you do and you said you understand the importance of consent, but then of course you shouldn’t be just releasing your feelings. 

I mean, if you have a foot fetish maybe you could do some exploring. On the other hand, you can’t just go up to a woman and say I want to smell your feet. Let me take off your shoes, I wouldn’t do that either. 

JACK 

Yeah, that’s true. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK, good I guess now the best thing to do is to navigate the dating sites and find people that you can express yourself with. There’s also going to events, but I don’t know what you’re interested in, so I don’t know what events to tell you to go to. 

JACK 

Well, you know I’m always open to experiencing things, so it’s just like you know, I don’t want to start up conversations no more. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well that’s a whole other subject My darling Jack. 

MAX 

It’s hard to start a conversation about anything you know? 

Dr. SUZY 

But the best thing to say is, hey. Do you come here often? I mean, I’ve been here before. I haven’t seen you here. Or, this is my first time here. What’s good to drink here? Talk about the place that you’re in. That’s usually a good way to interact with somebody that you don’t know. Talk about where you are. Don’t talk about them too much because you don’t know them yet. Until you’re comfortable. That’s a good way to introduce 

MAX 

Nice jugs. 

Dr. SUZY 

Nice jugs?

JACK 

I don’t know, it’s just. I don’t know what to do with myself too. 

MAX 

So what do you?  What do you do there in Jersey? How’d you end up in Jersey? 

JACK 

I’ve been living here my whole life. 

MAX 

Oh, you live there. 

Dr. SUZY 

What do you do? Do you work or are you student or…? 

JACK 

Yeah, yeah, I’m looking for work, yeah. 

Dr. SUZY 

And about how old are you. 

JACK 

I’d rather keep that to myself. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, you seem like you like to keep a lot of things to yourself. That’s fine, and I understand that. But, there’s something that you’re keeping under wraps and that thing is in the way. I’m not sure what it is, but it sounds like you could use some therapy..

JACK 

I’ve been trying to find out about that, and it’s not working. 

Dr. SUZY 

So, whatever it is, it’s something you got to talk to somebody about. You got to trust somebody and tell them these things that you won’t tell me, and I understand we’re on the air right now and who knows, the whole city of Jersey City could be listening now, so I understand you don’t necessarily want to tell me what’s really going on with you now. Although some people love to be open about their kinks right on the show. But not you. So, you should find somebody you can really talk to. 

JACK 

Yeah. 

MAX 

You know what I came up in, a pretty conservative conservative family, and actually what changed me from sort of this right wing rightist right wing kind of situation is reading, reading.  Being radical people who have different views of the world, it helped me tremendously. Great authors. 

JACK 

You’re not to blame either for how you were raised, you know. 

MAX 

I know that I’m not, I’m not but I, you know, I didn’t choose my parents. I just kind of landed there, but reading to me was something that really radically changed me. So and it made, and it made me different, and it made me proud of being different. 

Dr. SUZY 

Here’s a good book, the Bonobo Way. Reading is a groovy thing, you know, and make like bonobos, not baboons.

MAX 

And that, and that’s why they’re trying to ban certain books. Now in the library. 

JACK 

You all hear everything. 

Dr. SUZY 

Because books revolutionize you, and that’s good because it sounds like you need a revolution in your life, not just an evolution. So maybe you do need to read some of those banned books, Jack. 

MAX 

I love banned books. 

Dr. SUZY 

And sexy books. Read sexy books. We like those too. But we got to go because we’ve got lots of stuff going on tonight. But, good luck to you and keep us informed. Happy Valentine’s Day. Celebrate Lupercalia and happy World Bonobo Day. 

JACK 

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. Love you. 

MAX 

And check out our TV. Everything is everything is free. Pretty much on our own sites and everything is free, except Clip-O-Rama.

JACK

What’s on that? 

Dr. SUZY 

Clip-O-Rama is for when you just want to watch a clip and focus on a very particular erotic thing. We charge you a couple bucks, but if you want to watch our shows with lots of wild sex, including tonight’s throwback show, which is Lupercalia 2018 and it’s squirting Lupercalia, it’s free. Do you like when ladies squirt? 

JACK 

Of course. 

MAX 

Quite alright. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh well, I don’t know. Not every guy likes that. Good for you that you do. That’s a point for you.  That’s ten points. That’s very good Jack. Alright so squirting Lupercalia is playing tonight free. . 

MAX 

Right hey keep watching and thanks for calling us huh and say hi to New Jersey. 

JACK 

Now where do I watch? 

MAX

Just go to drsusanblock.com. or Google Dr. Suzy. Oh sure, that’s right. Oh yeah, drsusanblock.tv. I think it’s all on drsusanblock.TV tonight. OK, you take Care now. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK happy V day weekend. 

JACK 

You too. Thank you 

Dr. SUZY 

And so. We’ve got Banks Spike saying all aboard the love train, F.D.R. and yes, it stands for Fuck Da Rich because we are a little bit socialist and Valentine’s Day tends to be so capitalist. That’s one of my big problems with it. I mean, it’s beautiful to be in love and I’m very lucky that I am in love. 

Dr. SUZY 

Although you don’t always feel equally loving every 24 hour period, so it’s hard to balance it all out. Love is great, but, the problem I really have with Valentine’s Day is how commercial it is. Just, you know, the See’s candy, the fancy cars you’re supposed to buy your lover, the diamonds, De Beers mining atrocities, of course, and of course everything can be gotten on Amazon…. Anyway, Michael Dopchie says “Susan is sexy” and he wants to see my stiletto high heels…  So, so there we go, Michael Dopchie. Red stilettos for Valentine’s Day. And that’s all I can show you because YouTube censors me for I don’t know what. I really don’t even know. Suggestive things. But I didn’t mean that in a sexual way, YouTube, that was kind of like a Rockette thing. You know, a kick-up, right? 

All right, Banks Spikes says he thinks saying WCAP is enormously funny. I do too and that is the radio station that I was on this morning with Hartley Pleshaw and the show is called Active Radio and it’s live and this show is Love Radio. Lupercalia tonight and Bonobo Valentine’s Day weekend. And of course, Galentine’s day for the gals among us, and guys can be gals too, if you want… Shall I tell the Lupercalia story or would you like to discuss some current events of any sort? 

MAX 

No no no no no. I will. After you go ahead with Lupercalia, don’t worry about it. Tonight tonight. Tonight’s tonight. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK, so Banks Spike just told me, “Preach Dr Block!” Amen and Awomen. And yes indeed, I am the Reverend Dr. Susan Block your humble servant. And tonight I embody the spirit of Pan. Lord Pan and well in my case Lady Pan because I am a lady. I use those pronouns. She her. So I’m Lady Pan, the Lady of the Wild, because Pan is usually known as the Lord of the Wild and Pan is the original President of Valentine’s Day, except of course, it was a very different kind of Valentine’s Day Way back when in the days before Rome was Rome, when it was just some hills and people running around whipping each other that’s right. Yes indeed, brothers and sisters. 

I know you might know the original Valentine fairy tale. Actually it’s not original, it’s more of just the fairy tale that’s been created by the church and embellished by hallmark and disseminated by Amazon and that is that there was this blind Priest, a Christian priest in the days of Roman heathens when Emperor Julian forbade anybody from getting married. And this priest, St Valentine, he would marry couples in his little basement and they didn’t have churches then. This was before the church, really it was just right after Jesus, supposedly walked on water. 

And so St. Valentine would marry these Roman soldiers who were forbidden to get married. Because of course, even then they knew sex and war are kind of opposites, right? And if you channel your desire into love, you won’t have much leftover to fight and kill. So emperor Julian supposedly he forbade these soldiers from marrying and St Valentine before he was a St. He married them in secret and he got caught and he was sentenced to be executed. And then the executioner’s blind daughter fell in love with him and just before he was executed he cured her of her blindness so she could see. But he was one. Though he left something for her to read and it said I love you. Your Valentine… Oh, isn’t that beautiful? 

MAX 

Yeah yeah, that is very beautiful. 

Dr. SUZY 

And actually it’s just a myth. Well, a lot of the stories we tell each other are myths, but this one is a total myth. There is no proof of any St Valentine doing anything like that, and in any case. You know, if he was a St, He was probably celibate, so why should he be telling us what to do about our sex lives? And so in any case, the true real-life origin of Valentine’s Day is very, very different. Connected to the earth and to sexuality. And whereas Valentine’s Day is very exclusive all about having a single Valentine. Be Mine Valentine. And it’s great and very romantic to have one lover, like one god, exclusive. But Lupercalia the original Pagan Valentine’s Day. It’s inclusive, including all the Gods and the whole community is involved and it doesn’t really matter if you’re married or single. 

MAX 

It’s all part of the celebration. 

Dr. SUZY 

And I know that people try to do Valentine celebrations like that, big parties, singles events. But really, then you don’t have a Valentine, it always feels weird. And when you do have a Valentine, you feel a lot of pressure that you’ve got to have sex and love each other a lot. And don’t do anything to upset each other, and really, you’re kind of walking on egg shells and eating lots of candy. And if you’ve got money spending it. And if you don’t, maybe feeling bad that you don’t. So the real Valentine’s Day Lupercalia evolved way back before the founding of Rome and it started in the area we now know as Rome and it also was based on a myth, a very different kind of myth, but, of course also something with gods and goddesses, and in this case it was about a couple of twin brothers, Romulus and Remus. You might remember them. They founded Rome, right? But I’m getting ahead of myself really what happened first is that their great Uncle Amulius, took over the throne when they were born, they should have gotten the throne, but he didn’t want to let that happen. Of course he was very greedy and he was a thief. He had stolen the throne you know about stealing power, don’t you? And he would stop at nothing to keep that power. And so he tossed those two baby twins into the Tiber River and Max would always play great Uncle Amulius. 

MAX 

Mama Mia pasta. 

Dr. SUZY 

Right, so Max would play mean old Uncle Amulius. Although one year Tim played him as Trump. Anyway, he would throw the twins into the sea and the sea would be played by a couple of naked ladies holding long cloths Right? And making it look like a sea and then Romulus and Remus would just be tossed back and forth and sometimes Romulus and Remus would be naked just like babies in the river.

I remember when Danielle Watts and Chef Belive played Remus and Romulus in that order and they were naked. 

They loved to be naked and I guess one time Jux Lii was Romulus and Bambi Leigh  was Remus, we’ve had all kinds of great Romuluses and Remuses. So anyway they thrown into the sea. And you know, this is the way that abortion was conducted in those days. I guess. Actually a lot of kids were gotten rid of that way. It wasn’t very nice. But this is what happened sometimes. And sometimes the kids would survive, like in this case. So the story goes… the wolf or the Luper. Luper means Wolf in Latin and interestingly, Lupa means prostitute sex worker and in a way, the Luper is a Lupa and we’ve had different people play the Luper in Bonoboville, but I think the best Luper we’ve had has been Rhiannon Aarons who is Aaron’s who is. Very zaftig, so she’s got the right kind of mammories to nurse a couple of twins and she’s just very focused and she wears these ancient looking wolf masks and they look very effective and so the wolf would suckle the twins in her cave and The Cave was called the Lupercal there you go. You’re getting the Good News, Brothers and Sisters. And when Romulus and Remus were big enough to go on their own, they went to a village and then a Couple raised them and then they got very big and strong and they went back to their hometown and they found mean Old Uncle Amulius and they killed him. We don’t kill anybody in Bonoboville. Of course we are bonobos, but we usually whack, that is spank, whoever is playing Uncle Amulius and since Max doesn’t like to get whacked we will whack somebody else, but when Tim as Trump played mean old Uncle Amulius, then yes, we did have Romulus and Remus whack him with a Nancy Pelosi paddle. And so….

Oh, I see. David D comments here: “If my professor looked like Dr. Suzy, I’d definitely pay more attention in class.” 

MAX

That’s right you would.

Dr. SUZY

So listen up class. This is your Roman history lesson. 

And yes, even though there may or may not have been a Luper that nurtured Romulus and Remus, who knows? I mean, it’s just as plausible as a virgin birth, probably more plausible, actually. I think I’ve heard of kids really being raised by wolves, so it might have happened, but in any case they kill their uncle Amulius, but they don’t want to rule their old hometown. They give it back to their Grandfather or their Mother and they go off to found a new town and this becomes the Great city they’re to found on seven hills and they start to build this beautiful city on seven hills. It’s going to be their city, Romulus and Remus, But they have a quarrel. And what do they quarrel over? A wall, of course, a wall and walls are very contentious things and they were building a wall and they had a fight, and Romulus killed Remus. 

I mean, it’s sort of like half an accident anyway. Whether or not it really was an accident, he immediately regrets it having killed him, he goes, “Oh no, I killed my beloved brother!” Fratricide is what they called it back then. But he’s not that upset about it or else he would have called the place Reme. And he didn’t. 

He called it Rome. After himself. Poor old Remus didn’t get nothing. 

Well, he did get something. Actually, there are two colleges of frat boys, one from the Remus College and one from the Romulus College, and this really happened that they would gather together every year in February. In The Cave where they believed that the Luper, the wolf had suckled their great, great, great, great, great, great grandfathers, Romulus and Remus. And in that Cave, the Lupercal, they would gather and drink a lot of wine and they would kill a goat and they would eat the goat and they would take the goat skin. Then they would make it into loincloths to wear. And also into these leather whips that they called februa right, my Februa are made by Jux Lii of Jux Leather and of course these februa have created our name for the month February. 

So the februa were in the hands of these kind of drunk brothers, not really brothers, but you know, members of the fraternities and they would go forth from the Cave on the Ides of February (around what’s now Valentine’s Day) with their februa and they would wield them gaily, and they would smack the willing hands or butts or backs of the Roman citizens that wanted to be smacked or you could say spanked. or you could say flogged or whipped and that’s Lupercalia! Floggers not flowers. That’s why we call it the holiday of the heart. Because after all, a heart Valentine like this? A Valentine doesn’t look anything like the cardiac organ inside your chest, but what it does look like is a well whipped set of buns. Red buns also, the red is for the goats blood. And by the way, I forgot this part: Before they go running out into the Roman countryside they paint goat’s blood insignia on each other’s foreheads and this sort of like sacred symbols of something. 

Dr. SUZY 

But I put a heart on my forehead. And yes, in Bonoboville we would always paint the foreheads of our participants in Lupercalia. But because goat’s blood is kind of smelly and gross, I think we would use lipstick which is what I’ve used here. So yes, they would go forth and spank and whip the townspeople, and this was to bring good luck and warmth. You know it’s the end of winter and of course, this makes them want to have sex. Because people would get excited after all that spanking and whipping. They loved it and they would have big festivals with orgies and Pan. The Lord of the Wild would preside over the festivities and it was a good time had by all except the Church. 

Of course, so the Church basically took poor Pan and turned him into the Devil and took Lupercalia and turned it into Valentine’s Day. And so you get some candy. And that’s it. Anyway, here we are on FDR. and Chef Belive says Da Love, and that would be Danielle, who calls herself Da Love sometimes, wants to know if the februa whip is where the name February comes from, and obviously this class is not listening to every word I say.  You don’t get any candy. 

MAX

Go to the principal’s room. 

Dr. SUZY 

But you do get horns on your head.

MAX 

Horns, yeah. At first, I thought you said corns on your head. 

Dr. SUZY 

And maybe a nice horn up inside your favorite place. Yeah.  Februa is where the name February comes from. That’s one of the fun things about learning all about Lupercalia. 

Dr. SUZY 

Hartley Pleshaw is always very excited about that. People get so excited about etymology. It’s very funny, but language is so important to us. Of course, it’s exciting to know that our words have meanings and those meanings unlock our history and tell us something about who we are and the holiday of Lupercalia is very socialist, very egalitarian. Everybody gets a whipping. It’s a little different than Valentine’s Day. But I like them all. Valentine’s Day Lupercalia Galentine’s Day and World Bonobo Day. So all these beautiful things are happening while terrible things are happening in the world. Would you like to tell us about some of the terrible things? Captain Max. 

MAX 

Some of the terrible things. OK, so you know I’ve been, for a good part of my life, I’ve been one of those kids when you say to him, shut up, he doesn’t shut up. That’s how I was, you know, and my Dad was like that. 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m a little bit like that. Yeah, we’re both trying to shut each other up all the time, right? 

MAX 

That’s what that’s why we do radio too you know. But radio is just free speech. Yeah, it’s just in our house through technology. Right, so anyway, I don’t know why I’m talking about that, but I think it was very important. But I did want to talk about Elon. 

Dr. SUZY 

Musk. 

MAX 

Elon Musk. 

Dr. SUZY 

Right, and I did give him an award for nastiest billionaire…And did I call it or what? 

MAX 

Yeah yeah, nasty racist. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, I wasn’t that specific. 

MAX 

Well, let’s be specific so if you support that kind of thought in your life, it’s not going to be easy. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, and after all, it’s not surprising no one is surprised that Elon Musk and his company Tesla is now being accused of severe racism. From what I understand, rampant and chronic. 

MAX 

Severe racism. 

Dr. SUZY 

And so why are we not surprised? Well, he comes from Apartheid Country, right? He comes from South Africa. Not that everybody in South Africa is racist at all. First of all, there are Black people there. But there are also some white people that are not racist in South Africa. However, there was a very racist system in place in South Africa, so it was you know, kind of a natural thing, so to speak. 

MAX 

Right run by the Dutch and the Germans. 

Dr. SUZY 

And the English, yeah, I mean, the English were very big in South Africa after all they spoke English. 

MAX 

Or in the English, yes that was there. 

Dr. SUZY 

They spoke a little Dutch but mostly English. Now of course it’s not so Apartheid because they had a revolution. It was a terrible violent revolution, but they had to do something because it was a terrible violent situation. Just everyday life. 

So Elon Musk was born in that and left, I guess. Early, but still, I guess. He comes from that and I don’t know him, so I don’t want to pass a lot of judgment just a little bit, just to say that he is the nastiest billionaire and a part of that nastiness is this racism that is rampant in his company apparently.

MAX 

Yeah, and this is a guy that’s a brilliant man. He sends his Teslas up into the skies, which at some point is going to hit something. Yeah, we just landed our first piece of garbage on the moon. 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s bad enough we have all the garbage down here on Earth, let alone throwing garbage up into the sky. 

MAX 

You’re not going to be able to travel up there because there is so much garbage it’s going to look that, like the ocean there with full of plastic. It’s just God awful anyway. He is who he is and they’re all around you, folks. 

You know it used to be years ago that you know now slavery is with consent. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, you mean like BDSM? 

MAX 

I forgot what I said, ’cause I’m a little stoned but it’s OK. 

Dr. SUZY 

But we shouldn’t call that slavery. That’s not really slavery. 

MAX 

What going to work for every day through traffic? 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh OK, I thought you meant OK. 

MAX 

That’s what I’m talking about. No, this is voluntary. 

Dr. SUZY 

What is slavery really that is not voluntary is prison. Our prison system is a slavery system, some of it is. 

MAX 

Well, there’s that yeah, the prison system. They even have the prisoners working and that’s supposed to be a privilege, even though they make about $0.13 an hour. 

Dr. SUZY 

So that’s real slavery. There’s so many different types of slavery. There’s also consenting slavery. 

Where you’re happy to be a BDSM slave in your cute collar and you get whipped with a nice beautiful fiber optical whip like mine from Goddess Phoenix. Woo Hoo. 

MAX 

Right, that’s what I’m talking about. 

Dr. SUZY 

Or maybe you get shackled and it’s usually a sexual fetish or kink. But that’s consensual slavery. Then there is wage slavery Captain Max that you were talking about. 

MAX 

And then there’s so much economic slavery in Dubai all over the world. 

Dr. SUZY 

But that’s not. 

MAX 

It’s consensual. 

Dr. SUZY 

Wait, that’s like our volunteer army. 

MAX

That’s what I’m saying. Most slaves now volunteer for $300 a week for $4000, whatever it is, and as a good slave you have to show up to work you have to do all of these things that we really don’t want to do. Why would you want to do that? You know? So anyway, I want to go on to somebody else ’cause this guy is just a trip. And all these kinds of strange, weird people, they’re all in Texas. 

Do you, do you know that AT&T donates millions of dollars to the suppression of voters rights? 

OK, we’re going to wait a little bit. I’m going to drink a little beer. Yeah, and I don’t drink too much. Just drink enough, so he hopes that the freedom convoy disrupts the Super Bowl. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh Rand Paul. 

MAX 

And that it fucks with the State of the Union delivery which is coming up apparently in Washington. 

Dr. SUZY 

Right? 

MAX 

Then there’s Rand Paul. Well, what is he? 

Dr. SUZY 

He’s pretty much a creep. Yeah, he is. 

MAX 

He, I mean, that’s my opinion. He’s an offense to Libertarianism.

Dr. SUZY 

Rand Paul has given libertarianism a fascist name, and he is the son of someone who isn’t so bad, Ron Paul, who actually used to write excellent anti-war editorials on Counterpunch. And of course, I am also a Counterpunch writer so I always have kind of a soft spot for Ron. Well, I guess I try to find the humanity in people and it’s hard to find it in Rand Paul. Obviously, his neighbor couldn’t, and I wouldn’t want to be his neighbor and start hacking him up in little pieces or whatever his neighbor did, but I do want to convert him to the Bonobo Way, please Rand. 

MAX 

Well, I mean this guy didn’t even read his dad’s writings. No no, I would because he’s a fucking Right Wing libertarian fascist, who, now libertarians, would like to take away my free speech. That’s where we’ve come now.  So all this libertarian kind of stuff.  No no no no. 

Dr. SUZY 

I have some comments. BeLive says “We had a kind of dramatic revelation tonight that we’re coming down from.” So I wonder what that dramatic revelation was. Something about februa, I imagine so anyway, we’d like to hear more about it. Was it a sexual revelation? An emotional revelation.  A spiritual revelation. A revelation of Jesus.  A revelation of Pan? A revelation of St. Valentine? A revelation of the Luper who’s also a Lupa? The wolf who’s also a sex worker who suckles. Our heroes. 

All of our heroes need suckling of some sort, or else they will become ammosexual incels and we don’t want that. At least I don’t want that. Although I have to say Romulus and Remus were not exactly peaceniks, they were not Bonobo boys, they were pretty violent but that’s the story, and Lupercalia is a very kinky holiday that we love to celebrate. 

So Andromeda Decker. That sounds familiar. I think I know Andromeda Decker from Bonoboville, I think Andromeda Decker used to be like in the inner circle of Bonoboville. Anyway, she says “I’m just joining in now. Sorry if I missed any information about the Druids,” well. 

MAX 

Sorry, you should be. 

Dr. SUZY 

And Henry Hernandez says he can “finally hear the crickets chirping.” Well, we have a cricket tonight as our special guest and Henry is very perceptive as to the cricket’s point of view and the cricket is probably warning us about climate change. 

MAX 

All right, yeah? I’m sure. 

Dr. SUZY 

That’s why the cricket has joined us inside. Lupercalia is also very much a holiday of nature. Pan is the Lord of the Wild and so yeah, I mean Valentine’s Day. I guess you can be in nature if you want, and many people are, but it doesn’t ever strike me as a nature holiday. It’s more of a we’re going to go out to dinner and eat this big dinner and drink and then we’re going to have sex on a very full stomach. 

MAX 

And farting and smelling up the place often. 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s kind of weird if you do it the way that the commercials show you should do it. 

MAX 

And burping. 

Dr. SUZY 

That’s why I think you should create your own type of Valentine’s Day. And that’s why I give you Lupercalia. You know? Maybe dress up, maybe do a little whipping. It’s great foreplay after all, they didn’t just do the whipping around Lupercalia time. 

MAX 

No no no. 

Dr. SUZY 

There’s a lot of beautiful wall hangings in that city, what is it? The Mount Vesuvius? 

MAX 

Hey, Pompeii si si.

Dr. SUZY 

Pompeii has a lot of these wall mosaics that survived because they were buried in ash and they show Lupercalia scenes of whipping and sex. It’s like they’d whip during the day and have sex at night.

MAX 

Not only am I from Jersey, but I’m also from Pompeii. Hey ’cause that’s where my family is from. 

Dr. SUZY 

Ah, we have online Chef BeLive and Daniele. And I see that they said Kanye West said slavery was a choice. And yes, when he said that, I said he must be talking about BDSM In the case of BDSM, slavery is a choice. Kanye does like to wear a lot of leather and latex and that kind of thing so you know he dresses his woman who’s no longer his woman and he is into public disgrace of himself, so Kanye is obviously very kinky, but not in the way I like to be kinky. 

MAX 

Yeah, no me, I was looking at Bell Bottoms today. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, you like bell-bottoms? 

MAX 

I don’t know. I want to bring him back. 

Dr. SUZY 

Low rise, I like bell bottoms. 

MAX 

I like miniskirts. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, well I’m wearing a mini skirt right now. 

MAX 

Yeah, I always like miniskirts. 

Dr. SUZY 

Mini miniskirts with garters. Ha ha. Anyway, OK Banks Spike says, “are you serious?”

MAX 

About what? 

Dr. SUZY 

He says he will switch wireless carriers. Michael says “Dr. Suzy is a super sexy Valentine.” Well, thank you I know I’m kinky but it’s nice to know I’m sexy. 

MAX 

Maybe soon there’ll be some comments about me.

Dr. SUZY 

Of course. Well, let’s show you. 

MAX 

Surely not. 

Dr. SUZY 

Are Daniele and BeLive there or not? I know I was told they were there. 

MAX 

Yes, Sir. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, I hear them OK hey guys. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Hi, and I have a comment for Max. Hi Max! That’s all ’cause I get so nervous with Max I don’t know what to say. 

Dr. SUZY 

There he is hi. I know it’s ’cause of your daddy issues. 

MAX 

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah oh. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, here he is. He looks a little like Jim Jones, right? With the sunglasses.

DANIELE WATTS 

I wish that we could be watching you and talking to you at the same time, but we had to turn off our video to call us. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, that kind of sucks all right, because then you could see. 

DANIELE WATTS 

‘Cause I dropped my phone in the bathtub last night. 

Dr. SUZY 

Max and his shades right now. 

MAX 

Yeah, so let me ask you something. I mean and truthfully, always tell the truth. If you can, if you can’t, sometimes you gotta lie, but, uh who do you like better looks-wise? Captain Max, or that other guy Joe. What’s his name? 

Dr. SUZY 

Joe Rogaine. 

MAX 

Joe Rogaine. 

Dr. SUZY 

The one who sells the hair products.

MAX 

Who is more handsome? 

DANIELE WATTS 

I thought of course you are. I don’t even know what that other guy looks like, I don’t. I wouldn’t even spend a minute looking at him. 

MAX 

He’s very good like he’s a very good-looking guy. His head looks like a bit of a penis, just the tip of it and but he’s you know he’s pretty cool. Right, yeah, he’s cool. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh OK, are we gonna have another conversation about Joe Rogan? 

MAX 

No, no, no.

Dr. SUZY 

The only cool thing about him is he interviewed Abby Martin and Bernie. 

MAX 

Yeah, that. What did you want to say? 

DANIELE WATTS 

If he had anything anywhere near as sexy and interesting, and like world-changing to say as you did, I would pay attention to him, but he doesn’t have anything like that turns me on the way that you and Dr. Suzy do, so I mean. But BeLive is trying to say something in the background about how he hasn’t eaten enough acid, and you know, who knows, maybe that has something. 

MAX 

He hasn’t taken enough acid.

Dr. SUZY 

That’s my turn. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Know yeah I don’t know. 

MAX 

Well, you know. 

Dr. SUZY 

I said I’m ready, I’m ready for my trip, my Valentine trip. 

MAX 

How much is it? 

Dr. SUZY 

You know Lupercalia is very trippy. I remember when you were Romulus and Remus on Lupercalia running around the garden naked in Bonoboville it was very trippy. 

MAX 

Hey, perhaps we should tell who we’re talking to. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, we are talking to Da Love Live AKA Daniele Watts. 

MAX 

Because she’s just very special. 

Dr. SUZY 

Who is one of these starring actresses of Django Unchained. She appeared as Cupcake the Slave. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Quentin always says that I wasn’t. 

Dr. SUZY 

She was a slave. It was her choice to be a slave. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Quentin says that I was a kept woman, but you know. 

Dr. SUZY 

No, you were a slave. Hey honey. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Everyone else is too that I was a slave, but-

Dr. SUZY 

You were, you were just a house slave. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Quentin’s vision was that I was kept as a special girl, like a cupcake, like a girlfriend, to Leonardo Dicaprio’s character and he had a whole other scene that didn’t make it into the film of all of the kept black women who were kept in this little house. But clearly, I’m dressed like a French maid, so I’m sensibly I’m there to serve, right? 

MAX 

She’s also a performance artist. I know you do a lot. Old films kind of that I’ve enjoyed anyway. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Oh, I didn’t know that you enjoyed that Max. 

Dr. SUZY 

I really liked watching you play a cop in Weeds and make out with somebody. 

DANIELE WATTS 

We are processing that, but I didn’t think you’d like me with a gun, Dr. Susan. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, it’s just a movie and you don’t actually shoot it. 

MAX 

And you don’t talk. 

DANIELE WATTS 

But I am more confident in that role than I am in some of the other ones so I can see how you’d like that. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, that’s very sexy. The way you move and in the uniform, I got that feeling. Yeah, cops are sexy. You know, in the uniform I just don’t like them being so lethally violent all the time. Or at all violent? 

DANIELE WATTS 

We met a very sexy blonde cop in Georgia recently. She was called because BeLive was dancing in front of the grocery store and someone called the police on us. And four police officers showed up, but I was so happy because there were 2 blondes and they looked like it could have been your cousins Dr. Suzy, very strong and like from Jersey or Pennsylvania. You know like and sexy and they Dom’ed me. They truly Dom’ed me. I burst into tears but they Dom’ed me and by the end of it I was like well they were right. They were doing their job and that’s maturity. That’s growth, thanks to the Dr. Susan Block Institute and all this fucking therapy I’ve had with you guys I was able to acknowledge that they were actually doing their job. And dominating me the way that I needed to be dominated. Eight years ago I wasn’t able to do that. I threw a tantrum and the whole world heard about it and it was ridiculous and I was everything that was wrong with America. I was everything that was wrong with black people in America. And I was everything that’s wrong with Black History Month. I mean I was all of that. 

Dr. SUZY 

I thought you were great then and you’re great now, and I don’t think you should have any regrets about your tantrum. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Oh, it’s not regrets it’s just that I’m admitting my wrong, I think you helped me do that. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, OK, I guess if I helped you I’m happy, but I don’t think you were wrong. 

DANIELE WATTS 

I think I was wrong. 

DANIELE WATTS 

To melt down and not be able to stay in the center of myself. That’s what you do so well, Dr. Suzy. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, OK. 

DANIELE WATTS 

People can piss you off. People can make you angry but you don’t burst into tears like a little baby. You stay in the center of yourself and you speak to them with so much sensuality that they can’t help but listen. And you too Max 

Dr. SUZY 

Wow, well that’s really nice. I wish I was as great as she’s saying on but I just want to say yeah that is a beautiful way to be. 

DANIELE WATTS 

That’s why you always be with me. 

Dr. SUZY 

But every once in a while, you gotta have a good cry over something. And I have, and I will again. 

DANIELE WATTS 

I was just I was just. crying, listening to you talk about capitalism because we just got bribed. We just got offered a bribe to not speak up about another discrimination that happened to us in Atlanta, GA. You know on, during Black History Month. Not that that means anything really to anybody. 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s a talking point. 

DANIELE WATTS 

That’s why it’s a month because there’s a

Dr. SUZY 

It is, it is. 

DANIELE WATTS 

A lot of people who feel oppressed by this capitalist racist society who needs to be reminded that they have a voice. People like me. And you know you helped remind me that I have a voice. And also a policy. And we also deserve to feel pleasure and that you know guided us to doing 30 straight days of yoga at this yoga studio in Atlanta only to find out on our last day that everyone had been gossiping about us. You know basically laughing about us behind our backs. Because we were falling into step with everyone else, we weren’t doing the exact postures the way everyone else was and he lives over here. 

Dr. SUZY 

I think one of the sub-themes of the show is being a little bit different and how that upsets people so much and yet. 

MAX 

Yeah, bring their friends. But we, he, you, me, and all kinds of other people are living art. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Yes, so we got in. 

MAX 

You jump out of a storybook. You jump out of mind. 

DANIELE WATTS 

We got in trouble for attracting attention and the only thing that we were doing. We weren’t breaking any policies was listening to our own bodies at our own practice of yoga which is essentially yoking our own pleasure with our movement, essentially because the goal of yoga is a public, you know, the divine bliss. 

MAX 

Yeah, of course. 

DANIELE WATTS 

In the gods and goddesses of India, of course, right so we were just yoking ourselves with the postures and bliss and BeLive is over here, hitting himself in the head. He wants to speak so badly because-

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, let him because we only have 5 more minutes. Oh fifteen oh never mind 15. He got in trouble.

MAX 

15 more minutes. 

DANIELE WATTS 

He got shamed for it for making a sound, for when he was having a relief he got incredibly shamed. 

MAX 

He got what? 

Dr. SUZY 

He got shamed for saying “mmmm” and looking blissful over a yoga move. 

MAX 

Oh yeah, yeah, sure. 

DANIELE WATTS 

And then after the class we got messages from the studio owner saying you guys were clearly on drugs. They’re not allowed back at the studio, so of course we FaceTime them so that they could see that we weren’t on drugs. They wouldn’t receive our FaceTime call, and then when they called us back they just continued to project the same bigoted idea that it was. That that were all kind of not welcome there. And so we spent the last two weeks writing a letter to them where I tried to clear out any anger, any aggression, any corny kind of energy and after 13 days the divine feminine number we wrote them this letter and they responded. The studio owner responded asking us if he could give us money to take down the recording where I record him saying you guys sound like you’re on drugs. He asked if he could give us money to take down that recording and to not ever say anything about it publicly. 

MAX 

Yeah, yeah. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, you just did. 

DANIELE WATTS 

And so I’ll criticize it because what kind of money? What kind of money could buy back my Integrity, Liberty and my husband’s dignity when all he was doing was practicing yoga. So let me let me pass this on. 

Dr. SUZY 

Money buys integrity and dignity every day brothers and sisters. So kudos to you for hanging onto yours because it’s much more important not to sell your dignity than it is not to sell sex. 

MAX 

Yeah, no matter, no matter. What they do to you? 

CHEF BELIVE 

That’s the thing. 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s cool, but selling your dignity and integrity, don’t do it. Just don’t do it, and you didn’t. So I’m proud of you guys. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Exactly exactly exactly, you know. Doctor Suzy and Max, I for like 51 years. I for literally 26 of those 51 years almost now I had done yoga, but this last this specific session of 30 days, the last day where literally Daniele, Da Love and I parked around one of the five yoga studios so that we could do a mass on a yoga class. 60 other classes that day. I have been so high on yoga and this experience of like just being in my body, but it like when they called halfway through and threatened us there with this. 

It literally like it was frustrating so so saddening and angry. To me, the way like Da Love was just showing that I just wanted to chime in. I was so yeah and Dr. Suzy. We did a sex therapy call with you last week. And went and got to go into all this. This has been such a huge thing. To me, like the fact that I went so deep into my tantric, like erotic sensuality, part of myself that I’ve been releasing. 

DANIELE WATTS 

So you heard it first, Bonoboville and Dr. Susan Block. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Thank you, thank you, thank you thank you, thank you. 

DANIELE WATTS 

This is gonna be this- I think this deserves to be a news story. I mean, so this is the yoga studio broke, voted best quoted best in Atlanta, Atlanta being a city where all the civil rights leaders of America have come to remind- 

MAX 

We stand with you. Right? 

DANIELE WATTS 

People that we don’t hide in the shadows and let bigotry just run rampant. No, not at a yoga studio that’s supposed to yoke your body, mind and spirit into a higher level of consciousness where you’re an example to the world of what a physical body, a healthy body and mind and spirit, Fuck that shit no.

Dr. SUZY 

Yep Fuck that Shit. Go Bonobos. Yes, tell the world, Daniele, tell the world. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Exactly, and I think the world deserves to hear because right now we’re in the middle of a pandemic where things like yoga saved people’s lives, keeping people from jumping off a cliff and killing themselves. 

Dr. SUZY 

That’s true, that’s true. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Not to say that death is the end I really don’t believe it, but yoga is very Bonobo and it sets the stage. 

Dr. SUZY 

And yoga is very Bonobo. 

DANIELE WATTS 

For the kind of physical release that lets you be a Bonobo. 

Dr. SUZY 

Happy World Bonobo Day, Daniele. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Word Bonobo Day. Yes, that lets every cell of our bodies, just like animals, know that our impulses and our instincts are sucking their truth. They’re the truth. You know you can’t deny me. 

Dr. SUZY 

Amen and Awomen. 

DANIELE WATTS 

You see sick kids in a room and tell them that they don’t deserve to feel good. But eventually, those kids are going to wake up and start sending naked pictures of themselves to each other just so they can feel a little bit alive. 

Dr. SUZY 

Wow, so what are you doing to feel a little bit alive this Valentine’s weekend? 

DANIELE WATTS 

I’m looking at you babe. I’m looking at you and your monkey. 

Dr. SUZY 

Me and my monkey. 

DANIELE WATTS 

We pulled you up on our on our iPad thank God and I can see you. I can see you and your monkey and I’m looking at you and your horns. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh Daniele, I love you. I’m a Bonobo though, I’m not a monkey, I don’t have a tail. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re beautiful. You’re a beautiful Bonobo, I’m sorry I called you a monkey. 

Dr. SUZY 

Thank thank you, thank you. 

DANIELE WATTS 

I was watching the video of the woman who hugged the primate, the OG, Jane Goodall hugging a chimpanzee this week and I thought, oh I had never seen it and it was so touching but nothing compared to this beautiful Bonobo that you are. Ah well. 

MAX

That’s part of the gang. It’s part of the game. Part of the gang. 

DANIELE WATTS 

The purity of Mr. Rogers for the world. 

Dr. SUZY 

Did you know Tom Quinn calls me Jane Goodall After Dark? 

DANIELE WATTS 

Yes, and in the light with Vice and in the light. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh yeah, we’re going to be doing a Vice piece. What do we call it? A documentary that’s it, yeah. A segment? A show? 

CHEF BELIVE 

Documentary.

Dr. SUZY 

Hey Chef BeLive. 

MAX 

Actually, we were members of that Documentary group right? 

Dr. SUZY 

The documentary crew of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. 

MAX 

Right? And by the way, before I go and before we run, I want to say BeLive is also an artist. 

Dr. SUZY 

Food Art 

MAX 

But he’s extraordinary. 

Dr. SUZY 

He’s a food artist. 

MAX 

Yeah, but he’s an extraordinary chef and food artist. Yes, raw. You got it raw, a promoter and a practicer, and you know also he eats a donut once in a while, but I think that’s OK. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Think of eating. We have Valentine’s candy. 

MAX 

Oh, we have Valentine’s. 

Dr. SUZY 

It looks stale. Bad old Valentine’s candy. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Dr. Suzy, oh. 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m not going to have it. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Thank you. 

Dr. SUZY 

I’m gonna feed it to the bonobo.

CHEF BELIVE 

So thank you, Dr. Suzy, I love you. 

DANIELE WATTS 

I wish that we I wish we could be there to feed you raw sauces. 

Dr. SUZY 

I know I did that opening of the Valentine’s candy just to make you feel bad for me. 

CHEF BELIVE 

You will be. 

Dr. SUZY 

Send me some of your raw vegan sauces in a jar. Yes, yes, and you could put a label on it and I’ll show it on the show. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Do you really want my sauce? 

Dr. SUZY 

And I eat it on the show. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Do you really want my raw sauce? 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh I don’t mean that sauce, you know, Oh my gosh! Well, you could obviously put a little of that sauce in, and I probably wouldn’t know. Or would I? 

CHEF BELIVE 

I would tell you to both. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, now you’ve told me so. 

DANIELE WATTS 

That’s a great idea. 

Dr. SUZY 

Now I’m going to suspect that it’s in there. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Hey, you know I didn’t squash this special. 

Dr. SUZY 

Quasi consensual. 

CHEF BELIVE 

I did the special sauces, all vegan for the splosh episode. So hey, who knows what went into those? 

Dr. SUZY 

Yes, that splosh episode and you guys were on a couple of our best Valentine Lupercalia shows. There was the Valentine’s Splosh show. And then there was Lupercalia, which I think was the year before that when you were Romulus and Remus. And then at a certain point, Daniele became Putin. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Yep, Yep. 

Dr. SUZY 

And she was fantastic as Putin. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Amazing, we better do better. 

Dr. SUZY 

She was naked with a Putin mask and she was loving our Trump and of course Tim was playing Trump and he was loving everything. But it was just a beautiful political art moment that was very spontaneous. It wasn’t a planned sort of political theater. 

MAX 

No. 

Dr. SUZY 

But it was a political theater that came out of Bonoboville. That erupted out of our Erotic Theater that we were doing, and we had this Putin mask and suddenly it’s on Daniele and she became Putin but herself. Da Love Putin. 

CHEF BELIVE 

Yeah, who better to love Trump and Putin AKA Daniele. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, yeah, everybody needs Putin love right now. Biden could use some Putin love right now. 

MAX 

You’re not alone. The police is looking at you. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Thank you, my thank you Max I will. 

MAX 

They’re looking at us they’re looking at anyone that doesn’t fit the mold. And if you’re black then you’re fucked. OK ’cause most of these people are just racist. Ooh, white racist the white race. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Why I have to I have to thank my mother and Dr. Suzy for reminding me to smile? I said my mother and Dr. Suzy as they are distinct individuals, but my mother always reminded me to smile and Dr. Suzy does such of good job of making, you know, we have all these, we have Kim Kardashian. We have all these celebrities Megan Fox, and they’re almost never smiling. You know, they’re the sexiest women in America, but they’re not you know enjoying themselves and Dr. Suzy you know you remind us to smile. I just love when I see Max smiling. I just love when I see him smiling. 

Dr. SUZY 

I do too. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Because she’s supposed to be smart. 

Dr. SUZY 

I know so many people think you gotta not smile in order to be cool. I’m into the joy into the pleasure. 

MAX 

California, California, California is known for the smiles. Everybody has a smile out there. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, so David D says, “My girlfriend wants me to talk dirty in bed, but I feel so silly doing it. I can’t do it. I feel like a fraud. ” 

MAX 

Oh, have her call me yeah, no problem. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, right right me. 

Dr. SUZY 

Ah help. Well, actually he should call us to get comfortable with talking dirty. 

MAX 

Are you, that’s right. Right and I should talk with her. 

Dr. SUZY 

You just want to talk with her Captain Max captain. 

MAX 

Do it, do it. 

Dr. SUZY 

Max loves to talk too. 

DANIELE WATTS 

What would you talk to her about? Captain Max I want to. 

Dr. SUZY 

He likes to talk dirty. 

MAX 

Second, I would have to. 

DANIELE WATTS 

What would you say? I’m just curious it’s there, could you? What would you say, Captain Max? Give it a sample. 

Dr. SUZY 

Let’s put the spotlight on you. 

MAX 

We’re out of time. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, he’d say that we’re out of time. 

DANIELE WATTS 

He’s such a massive tease.

Dr. SUZY 

That would be kind of a party pooper? Oooh, Amor Hilton. What she’s somewhere she says, “Mommy!” on Instagram. Mommy, I guess she’s just on Instagram. We love Amor Hilton. Have you met Amor, Daniele and BeLive? 

MAX 

No, I don’t think so well. 

Dr. SUZY 

Actually, you know what she was at our first meeting when you guys came to our 24th wedding anniversary, she was there. She’s a beautiful cupcake type of blonde just like Playboy used to be. Anyway, you’ll meet her. One day you’ll meet everybody, maybe even soon because we are going to be doing some sort of gathering for Cice so we’re really excited. We hope you have lots of orgasms Daniele and BeLive for Valentine’s Day and Amor is on the line so we have to hang up to talk to her. 

MAX 

Oh, I love Amor.

DANIELE WATTS 

We love you. 

Dr. SUZY 

We have so much love tonight. 

MAX 

Yeah, yeah. 

Dr. SUZY 

Really, yeah so much love call us next week. 

DANIELE WATTS 

I’m going to have an orgasm. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK have an orgasm and call us in the morning. 

DANIELE WATTS 

From all the chakras. 

MAX 

We follow your life. 

Dr. SUZY 

Mmmm mmm ohhh ohhh OK bye. 

DANIELE WATTS 

Have fun with Amor, we’ll be listening, yeah? 

MAX 

Put Amor on. 

Dr. SUZY 

Hello MI amore. Amor Baby Block Hilton is on the line, my Valentine. 

AMOR HILTON 

I miss you! I had to. I was like it’s Valentine’s Day, how could I not call her? 

Dr. SUZY 

Absolutely well. 

AMOR HILTON 

You and Maximillian have been my Valentine for so many years. Like how could I not? 

Dr. SUZY 

Here’s Maximillian.

MAX 

I know. 

AMOR HILTON 

Man, that’s hot, baby. 

MAX 

Oh, I love her. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yes, Max loves you Amor.

AMOR HILTON 

Give him a kiss for me. 

Dr. SUZY 

And I love you too. 

AMOR HILTON 

It’s my kiss. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK kiss OK I have to try to lean over now and we have to kiss for Amor.

MAX 

Yeah yeah sure OK, watch out. 

Dr. SUZY 

How I can do it? 

Dr. SUZY 

But I have to move the table. 

MAX 

And no, I’ll come around there, not even. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, you’re going to come around OK? 

MAX 

Ah, OK. 

Dr. SUZY 

Max is going to come around because he’s like that. 

AMOR HILTON 

Oh my God, I wasn’t there. 

Dr. SUZY 

He’s so gallant he’s a gallant Prince. 

AMOR HILTON 

Oh yes, Max is a perfect gentleman.

Dr. SUZY 

And he’s going to come around. 

Dr. SUZY 

Are you watching us on Instagram? Can you see? OK, then we’re going to give ourselves a kiss for you, Amor. Mmmmwah! 

AMOR HILTON 

If you guys give a kiss for every Valentine’s Day you’ve had, how many kisses would that be? 

Dr. SUZY 

Hi that would be 30. Yeah, we’ve had 30 Valentine’s. We’re going to be celebrating our 30th anniversary soon, but, you know, we were together for a year before that, so. 

AMOR HILTON 

You know I love that. 

Dr. SUZY 

30th wedding anniversary and you should come be part of the Vice documentary. We’re going to be doing a Vice documentary and you’re the Queen of Vice or the Princess. 

AMOR HILTON 

I want to see where it’s right inside. 

Dr. SUZY 

Anyway, I guess I’m the queen, but not really. That sounds bad. 

AMOR HILTON 

Vice is most people. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, vice is pretty much like NBC these days so. 

MAX 

Or like your device. 

AMOR HILTON 

It makes sense, but they’re more cool. 

Dr. SUZY 

Or like device right? A little more cool but like one of my clients says, “Vice? Oh my God, that sounds really scary, like they gonna shoot you up with heroin.” 

AMOR HILTON 

No, they’re like cool. 

MAX 

Can I ask her something? 

AMOR HILTON 

Oh my God. 

Dr. SUZY 

Captain Max wants to ask you something. 

MAX 

I’ve seen a lot of I’ve seen a lot of great pictures of you that you’ve been putting up in your story, and so what are you doing? 

AMOR HILTON 

Yes, my love. Thank you. 

MAX 

Are you modeling or you? What do you? 

AMOR HILTON 

Yeah, I’m still getting my name out there, but not doing like you know… I’m always gonna take naked pictures, like that’s a given. But you know those videos, no. And I actually reconnected with someone from the past so it’s kind of sent me on a like more straight path.

MAX 

You better learn to act straight ’cause they come. 

Dr. SUZY 

And what about Valentine’s? 

AMOR HILTON 

Uh, I don’t know. Luckily, he lives across the street. 

Dr. SUZY 

What are you doing for Valentine’s? No pressure. 

AMOR HILTON 

Look at it right now. Like this is my Valentine’s. I’m with you. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, you are with us…

MAX 

Hey, can I get a beer? 

Dr. SUZY 

I love you, Amor.

MAX 

Thank you. 

AMOR HILTON 

Can I get a beer? 

Dr. SUZY 

You bet we only drink Corona around here, you know. Don’t blame the beer for Corona. 

MAX 

I mean, there’s good sales on it, it’s cheap, it’s good. 

Dr. SUZY 

So you reconnected with an old beau? 

MAX 

Thank you. 

Dr. SUZY 

Chris Hollywood this is your new beau. 

AMOR HILTON 

Yeah, doesn’t that ring a bell? 

Dr. SUZY 

Kinda, but anybody named Hollywood would ring a bell  

MAX 

Yeah, ’cause it’s of the Hollywood sign. 

AMOR HILTON 

And Hollywood Blvd. 

Dr. SUZY 

I remember a beautiful pornstar named Hollie Wood who passed away of cancer. 

AMOR HILTON 

Wait, that rings a bell. 

Dr. SUZY 

Yeah, she was really great. And they changed the Hollywood sign to Holly Boob for about an hour. 

 AMOR HILTON 

Oh Mom, do you remember when they changed it to Holly Weed? 

Dr. SUZY 

And Holly Weed, right? 

MAX 

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 

AMOR HILTON 

That was the main thing. 

MAX 

It’s like asking for trouble that sign. 

AMOR HILTON 

That was the best day I ever woke up to. 

Dr. SUZY 

I remember you were here one Lupercalia, Amor ’cause I have a picture of spanking you on Lupercalia. 

AMOR HILTON 

I have many of them. 

MAX 

It’s part of the history. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, you are going to have to join us for Vice and what is your Valentine wish to the world Amor? 

AMOR HILTON 

Well, hopefully I get to see you and bring you not stale candies. And I have a new pair of beautiful little ears to give you. They’re all like rhinestones and so we can be twins. 

Dr. SUZY 

OK, well we’re all ears. I should get you horns and we can be twins anyway. We gotta go. But Mommy and Daddy love you. We are so into the incest taboo. 

AMOR HILTON 

I love you. 

Dr. SUZY 

This Valentine’s by the way, I just want to say to all the authorities, none of us are related to each other. But we like to play. It’s a joke. 

AMOR HILTON 

If I had a mom it would be you. 

Dr. SUZY 

I am your mom. I’m your horny mom. 

AMOR HILTON 

I love you Mom.

MAX 

Call in and let us know what’s going on in that part of the world. 

AMOR HILTON 

Well, my grandparents are still going at it so you never know, wow, OK? 

Dr. SUZY 

All right? 

AMOR HILTON 

Also, I’ll get your ears Mom.

MAX 

Gram, how old are they? How old are your grandparents? 

AMOR HILTON 

They’re about to be in their 90s and they-

MAX 

In their 90s. Wow, great wow yeah yeah. 

AMOR HILTON 

They’re like boom boom, boom all the time, yeah.

MAX 

Yeah, we yeah we care about old people. 

AMOR HILTON 

Old Lives Matter too. 

MAX 

We love you. 

AMOR HILTON 

But I can’t wait to see you guys happy Valentine’s Day to everyone at the studio to give everyone a kiss for me. 

MAX 

Keep performing. 

AMOR HILTON 

When are we not, baby? 

MAX 

Right? You just keep it up, yeah. 

AMOR HILTON 

Love you baby. 

Dr. SUZY 

All right, happy Valentine’s happy slappy Lupercalia. 

Dr. SUZY 

Happy happy happy happy happy. 

AMOR HILTON 

Always happy. 

Dr. SUZY 

Happy World Bonobo Day Amor. 

AMOR HILTON 

Love you Silly! 

Dr. SUZY 

Mom is a little silly, right? But that you know, releases you to be silly, and silliness is an important part of having fun. 

AMOR HILTON 

We never lose our inner child, so I think that’s important. 

Dr. SUZY 

Oh, letting loose our inner child… since saying child is a little bit dicey these days. I prefer to say Inner Bonobo, OK, we’re releasing your Inner Bonobo. 

AMOR HILTON 

Right.

Dr. SUZY 

We’re not doing nothing with no children. 

AMOR HILTON 

Mom, do you remember when I mispronounced the book on accident that one time? 

Dr. SUZY 

That one time. 

AMOR HILTON 

I was like stupid like. 

MAX 

Oh no, no, everybody mispronounces bonobo. 

Dr. SUZY 

You are not stupid. You are never stupid not my Amor Baby Block Hilton. All right, well, darling, we’d love to embarrass you some more and more and more or more. 

Dr. SUZY 

But we have to go. So happy Valentine’s happy Lupercalia happy Galentine’s too because we are gal friends. You know Mommy and daughter but gal friends. 

AMOR HILTON 

Til Death Do Us Part. 

Dr. SUZY 

Probably my death first, but whatever, anyway? 

MAX 

So how? 

AMOR HILTON 

Don’t you ever say such a thing. 

Dr. SUZY 

Well, of course, but I hope so. You’re a young little thing. 

AMOR HILTON 

I thought 

Dr. SUZY 

Anyway, we gotta go, we gotta go. We can’t get into a whole another discussion about death and aging and love and all that stuff so. 

AMOR HILTON 

Oh, we can dive into that. 

Dr. SUZY 

We are gonna say-

MAX 

They’re gonna hang up on you. 

Dr. SUZY 

We gotta go. 

AMOR HILTON 

Bye baby. 

MAX 

We love you so. 

Dr. SUZY 

Right, so now it’s just you and me. Oh, and the other people. So what do you want to say, honey? Oh no, oh you took your microphone off. But that’s alright, I’ll say goodbye. 

MAX 

Hello hi OK. Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. SUZY 

Well now. We’ve got to go. We didn’t even get a chance to complain about the “Earn It” act, which is now in the Senate, or it just escaped from the Senate and it is worse than SESTA or FOSTA. And it will definitely censor everybody on the Internet. 

MAX 

It’s called the police state. 

Dr. SUZY 

Whether you talk about sex or anything controversial. 

MAX 

And we’re not talking about pictures here. We’re talking about words. 

Dr. SUZY 

Everything would be controlled for your protection. 

MAX 

Or the meaning? 

Dr. SUZY 

The idea is it protects somebody, protects billionaires. I guess it used to protect the platform operators from being sued. That’s what they’ve had. They’ve had section 230 and this would take away that section so tell your congresspeople not to support the Earn It Act. It’s imperative. 

MAX 

Yeah, and don’t let the Right-

Dr. SUZY 

Don’t support the Earn It Act, and by the way it is being pushed by a bipartisan group. 

MAX 

Take it away from you. Yeah, yeah. 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s not just the Right Wing. 

MAX 

It’s the future now the Right Wing is the Left Wing and the right joining together, right? 

Dr. SUZY 

It’s the Left and the Right against sex and for war. And we gotta go, so be good, be happy, try not to hurt anybody, including yourself. 

MAX 

Take care. 

Dr. SUZY 

Make like bonobos, not baboons, Make Love, not war for Valentine’s Day Lupercalia and World Bonobo Day. Make Love to someone you love tonight, even if that someone is you, I love you. 

Show Length 01:34:29  Date: February 12, 2022