Valentine/Lupercalia, Class of 2013: Mistress C, A.V. Flox, Dr. Susan Block holding JuxLeather flogger, Tiffany Starr, Eden Alexander, Sebastian Keys. Row 2: Master Liam, DrSuzy.tv Producer Tasia Sutor. Photo: JuxLii

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Once again, in a spanking hot, whipsmacking, flogtastic, female-ejaculating, breathtaking flurry of heart-shaped buns and floggers, we take back the original Valentine’s Day, The Lupercalia, and celebrate this erotic prehistoric festival of lust and thwacks in all its primeval glory.  Unlike the mostly private Valentine’s Day, the Lupercalia of pre-imperial Rome was a euphoric public holiday of communal sexuality, fertility, the rush of hormones, the howl of the wolf, the crack of the whip and the coming of Spring.

Beginning back in the days before Rome was Rome, a couple of “colleges” of nearly naked young men would meet in mid-February in the ancient cave where Romulus and Remus were suckled by a she-wolf (luper in Latin).  They sacrificed a goat, marking each other’s foreheads with goat’s blood (thus the signature red of the holiday) and drank a lot of wine, cut whips (called “februa”) from the goatskin, then raced through the hills and towns, gaily smacking the willing behinds of women looking for luck, love and perhaps a baby. For more about the history and meaning of the Lupercalia, and how it was outlawed and repressed by the Catholic Church, replacing it with the saintly, sanitized Valentine’s Day, click here.

Ah, the infallible Church, whose Pope is now resigning (so much for his faith) and whose scandals mount at higher rates than my guests ride the Sybian. Combine almost two millennia of non-stop Papal oppression and hypocrisy with modern day capitalists aching to turn all the significant moments in our lives into commercial shopping sprees, and you have our modern, often heart-wrenching version of Valentine’s Day.

Of course, it can be very nice, if you have someone special with whom to share it (if you don’t, what the hell are you supposed to do? Eat chocolate, go to a singles’ event or just try to pretend you don’t realize what day it is).  This past Valentine’s Day, Prince Max and I went to the beach at sunset and got a sensuous couple’s rubdown which was awesome for me, although the Prince fell asleep. Well, at least, he woke up later for sex in the jacuzzi.  Then we ate some mediocre Chinese food, had some more sex and passed out blissfully in each other’s arms.  Not bad, as Valentine’s Days go.

But it’s Lupercalia in Bonoboville that really turns us on. Forget the flowers and get out the floggers!  While Valentine’s Day is exclusive—mercilessly focusing its bright light of pressure on you and your honey (and your money), Lupercalia is erotically inclusive…you can whip any booty!  As long as it’s consensual, that is.  The only good sex—from flogging to fornicating—is consensual sex…which is why I call this show Lupercalia Rising, and have made it part of Eve Ensler’s One Billion Rising campaign, aiming to end rape and violence against women and girls (and everybody really!) around the world. Amen! Awomen! Fuck rape!  Make like bonobos, not baboons.

FEATURED GUESTS

Eden Alexander: Fetish star, webcam darling and female ejaculatix par excellence, Eden arrives for her virgin appearance on The Dr. Susan Block Show wearing a Valentine/Lupercalian red latex dress that keeps sliding down off her prominent nipples and up over her panty-less buns (“I could have sworn it fit when I left the house,” she coyly insists). After she whips her “hubby” on the bondage cross, Eden is the first guest to be initiated into the cult of the Lupercal as I draw a bright red Lupercalian heart on her forehead.  Then she is off and riding the Sybian (as she’s done before in a medical fetish scene, in a wheelchair!). As I paddle her behind, Max speaks Italian and off she goes into a wild wolf-howling orgasm.  Then she’s ready to squirt, and oh my goddess, does she ejaculate a shooting Fountain of Venus to rival Mount Vesuvius (and Deauxma!) soaking the Love Rug, splatting the ceiling of the Womb Room and baptizing me and all my onstage cameramen. Hallelujah, Sister Eden! It’s Holy Water: the very special Lupercalian blessing of Amrita.  We don’t believe everything we hear in the Womb Room, but when Eden tells us she holds the unofficial world’s record for longest squirt (12 feet), we believe it. Despite her talents, she’s not a natural-born female ejaculatrix; she had to learn to squirt—which changed her life.  And her sheets, many times over.

Sebastian Keys:  The charming Mr. Keys, happily lapsed Mormon, nudist, martial artist, human puppy, Kink.com star nominated for a Tranny Award as a non-TS performer (for his performance with Natassia Dreams, a guest on last Saturday’s Blow Me Away show) is Eden’s “husband” in lust and love.  Even if they don’t have a marriage license or rings around their fingers, they both—being BDSM switches—have chain-link collars around their necks, and that’s married enough for us.  I initiate Mr. Keys into the Lupercal, anointing his upturned forehead with a “666,” explaining that Pan, horny Lord of the Lupercal, has been vilified as the Devil, but really 666 (which happens to be the number of people I follow on Twitter) is a very lucky number.  Then we whip and flog his very lucky, Valentine heart-shaped ass on the bondage cross.  We even keep him shackled and facing inward as Eden rides the Sybian, frustrating his husbandly heart as he hears his hotwife’s screams of pleasure, but can’t even see her.  After she comes, we unshackle him and get the circulation back into his hands, whereupon he uses those hands to finger Eden into that shooting hurricane of female ejaculation.  Showing his devotion and thirst for Holy Water, he gets down on his knees like a good puppy to receive his wife’s juices wrung out of the Love Rug.  No wonder he’s a Kink legend! Curious, we try to pump Mr. Keys for information on Kink king Peter Acworth’s current scandal, to which he succinctly and diplomatically responds “Google it.”

Tiffany Starr: We’re always delighted to have our DrSuzy.tv Award Winner for “Wildest TS”, and the Nightmoves Transsexual Performer of 2012 (along with being nominated for several Tranny Awards) on the show, and we’re especially touched tonight since she passed up a big pre-Tranny Awards party to join us.  Appropriately, Ms. Starr gets a star painted on her forehead for her Lupercalian initiation… right between the letters “T” and “S.” She makes her DrSuzy.tv comeback with a brand new and expensive bubble butt, enhanced boobs, sculpted waist and some other fine “work,”, that she shows off for us. Then she whips Eden’s boy and slut-paddles show producer Tasia Sutor‘s Valentine heart-shaped ass. Speaking of butts, Tiffany’s was the first tranny butt that Tasia ever smoked out of, and looking at that butt, is there any doubt where the heart symbol comes from?

Mistress C: This is the well-known lifestyle domina’s second visit to my Womb Room, her first being Lupercalia 2012 when she sensuously flogged my bottom.  This time, after being anointed with her initials “MC,” she expertly flogs Tiffany’s new ass with my new Lupercalian red JuxLeather moosehide flogger, then whacks Mr. Keys on the cross with her own stinging crimson whip.  Mistress C now runs “The Lair,” the BDSM show at the AVNs, so be sure to visit her when you go!

A.V. Flox: Returning to DrSuzy.tv after being gone over a year (past appearances include Purim 2011 and Hollywood Sex Wars), A.V. looks radiant for her first Lupercalia in a ballet pink kimono dress hanging seductively off her shoulders.  A journalist and popular blogger on multiple subjects—all of them connected to sex—A.V. makes witty commentary while sucking thoughtfully on a penis-shaped rainbow-hued lollipop, pointing out the irony of it shrinking as she sucks when usually sucking makes a penis grow.

Master Liam Lockram and Tasia Sutor: Our resident master and DrSuzy.tv producer once again wow us with their Commedia Erotica performance skills. In his second Lupercalia, Master Liam reprises his role of Pan, horned, horny Lord of Lupercalia and the inspiration for the Christian Devil, aka Satan, whacking Tasia’s upturned ass, embodying the whipsmacking, heart-shaped, Lupercalian spirit.

WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION

Valentines & Lovers of Mine, Bacchanalians & Lupercalians, The Month-Long Capitalist Commercial We Call Valentine’s Day, Polyamorous Valentine’s Days Must Be a Lot of Stress, Lupercalia is the Original Valentine’s Day, History of Lupercalia, The Catholic Myth of Saint Valentine the Holy Ophthalmologist, You Can’t Trust the Catholic Church, Even Pope Benedict XVI is Resigning (Take This Papacy & Shove It), Lupe the She-Wolf, A Sheep Is a Goat in a Cloud, Yale University, Fraternities & the Lupercal, The Catholic Church’s Usurpation of Lupercalia, The Pseudo Infallibility of the Church, Fur Fetish, Kink.com King Peter Acworth’s Current Scandal, The Kink.com Shooting Range, Shoot the Gun Between Your Legs!, Get Well Wishes to Ron Jeremy & Tommy Gunn, Max’s Eulogy for Italian Actress Mira Selva (“She Had No Fear & No Hate”) & Their Inspirational Affair When He was 16 & She was 35, The Arlecchino Theater, Christian Upbringing, Mormon Upbringing, Love, Marriage, Coming Soon: New Bonoboville Social Media Site, We’re Looking for Real Estate to Buy to Open the New Bonoboville Institute/Hotel, One Billion Rising, Dr. Betty Dodson Wishes Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues Were “Vulva Monologues”), Ensler’s Work Against Rape in Congo & Around the World, The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure

PERFORMANCE EROTICA

Audio Tuning for Good AURAL Sex, Fine Handcrafted JuxLeather Whips, Strips (Lupercalian “Februa”), Crops & Floggers, Weapons of Ass Destruction, Pipedream Products Sacrifical Blow-Up Sheep & Leather Flogger with Crystal Dildo Handle, Red Yale University Thong Reveal, Chains Around Necks Instead of Rings Around Fingers, Anointing My Guests with Lupercalian Red Signs  & Symbols on Foreheads with Red Lipstick Signifying Goat’s Blood), Whipping Ass, Flogging on the Bondage Cross, Stockroom Shackles, Spanking, Dog Play, Howling Like Wolves, Naked Man with Socks On, Riding the Sybian, Cunnilingus, Intensive Fingering, Squirting to High Heaven, Wringing Love Rug Soaked in Squirt into Open Puppy Mouth, Showing Off Expensive New Plastic Surgery Work, Using a JuxLeather Mooseskin Flogger on a Brand New Tranny Ass, Paddling, Aftercare With the Chinchilla Glove, More Flogging Throughout the Speakeasy, Trapeze, Human Puppies Frolicking with Real Puppy

Show Length 01:49:59  Date: Feb. 16, 2013