Length:  109:31 minutes          Date: 12/17/2011

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Mix a professor, a porn star, a rapper and a squirter, and what do you get?  A hot holiday freestylin’ free-for-all that fires up all the erotic cylinders—body, brains and soul—whether or not they serve a clear procreative purpose.  From sexual evolution to a hip-hop squirting revolution, from a heated academic debate on Darwin, orgies and squirting to titillating topless Agwa shots, a bottom-less squirt-flowing orgasm, a rhyme-flowing grand finale and a big sloppy kiss to Time for making all of us “protestors” Person of the Year: Viva la Revolución! Viva la Evolución!

Featured Guests:

Dr. Stephen Sanderson: Author of The Evolution of Human Sociality: A Darwinian Conflict Perspective and “The Sociology of Human Sexuality: A Darwinian Alternative to Social Constructionism and Postmodernism” and UC Riverside professor of Sociology, Dr. Sanderson pays his first visit to the Speakeasy, regaling us with Darwinian explanations of procreation and recreation, though he and I disagree about whether our prehistoric ancestors were promiscuous enough to have had orgies, and he admits to being perplexed as to the reproductive purpose of female ejaculation.

Danielle Bauman:  On her second appearance on RadioSuzy1, the Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend “Featured Fuck” columnist volunteers to squirt for us! Nostalgically, she recalls the day she discovered her female ejaculation abilities while squatting on all fours with a huge penis in her mouth as the penis owner’s fingers played her G-spot like an instrument.  Then, with my hand on the Hitachi, and hers on the Screaming O Ogee Twistee G-Vibe, she breaks out in orgasm and though, it doesn’t shoot to the ceiling, it does soak the Love Mat in fragrant feminine Holy Water.

Maya Hills:  This Eskimo-blooded beauty flies in from the North Pole to join us just for XXXmas.  Having reached the ripe age of 24, Maya got her own twin peak set of hills surgically augmented to enhance her porn career.  Proudly, she displays her new majestic mountains, like perfect igloos or giant scoops of peach ice cream with cherries on top, and shares her delicious dessert with several of her fellow guests’—and host’s—hungry tongues.  Dr. Sanderson is an enthusiastic supporter of this quick evolutionary mammalian growth, as are the Wu Tang affiliates in the room.

King Kaseem:  A virgin to the Womb Room, this hip-hop emcee of Wu Tang affiliate, Killarmy, gets a tongue taste-test from one of Maya’s new hills before he drops some sexy rhymes for us. He explains that all the white girls may want to touch his fro, but let’s add that all the guys want some of that hot girl-Eskimo!

Kinetic 9: King Kaseem’s Wu Tang Killarmy cohort and fellow Speakeasy newcomer serves us a cold shot of a cappella rhymes, and the hottest hunk of beefcake we’ve seen since last week’s Dave Bautista show, once he peels his Pimpster shirt off for Maya’s Agwa lime salt licks.  Then he starts Wu-ing me to be on one of his Hip-hop tracks, and since I can’t say no, I pretty much say yes, yes, yes….

Esteban:  Back again on RadioSuzy1, as editor and publisher of Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend, he’s here to support his columnist’s squirting efforts and entice us with the promise of UVSF promotional orgies and more.

Chris Gore: Back again at the Speakeasy, mainly to flaunt his homemade XXXmas sweater—now we know that Santa’s been a lot more naughty than nice!

Tasia Sutor: Producer.  Justine Middleton: Editorial Assistance.

Weapons of Mass Discussion:  Professors & Porn stars, Squirters & Rappers, Orgasm as the Little Death, Holiday Sex, Saturnalia, Phalloi, Improvisational Squirting Demonstrations, Procreation & Recreation, Evolutionary Adaptation through Reproductive Success, Female Orgasm Possibly Byproduct of Male Orgasm Like Male Nipples Are Byproduct of Female Nipples, Female Ejaculation, Pee Before You Cum, Feminine Prostatic Fluid, Rhythmic Contractions Drawing In Semen, Squirting is Expulsion, People Having Sex around a Fire, Weenie Roast, Prehistoric Orgies, Bonobo Orgies, Human, Chimp & Bonobo Ancestry, Sex at Dawn, Female Bonobos Holding Power, No Russian Igloos, Advertising the Estrus, Sexy Swollen Ovulating Red Chimpanzee Bottom, How Female Bonobos Give Each Other Orgasms, Confusing Constellation of Wu Tang Armies, Guys Rap to Get Chicks, Guys Do Anything to Get Chicks, Music is for Mating, Social Brain Theory, Cheating, Property and Monogamy, Polygyny as a Norm, Guys at the Top with a lot of Bitches, Power Equals Pussy, Father Funding Dominatrix Panties, Mother Listening on the Radio, Don’t Let Anyone Really Hurt You: Preserve your Body for Yourself & Your Fans, Merry XXXmas, Kinky Kwanza, Horny Hanukkah, Screaming O’s, Time Magazine Makes “The Protestor” Person of the Year, Does Quentin Tarantino Have a Big Dick?, We’re out of Iraq, Occupy Everywhere.

Performance erotica:  Gift Basket Filled with Screaming O Cock Rings, Buddies & Vibes, Divine Interventions Baby Jesus Butt Plug & Dildo Nativity Scene, Making Out & Heavy Petting with Roommate, Elaborate French Kisses, Kiss ‘n Run, Candy Cane Kisses Under the Falling Snowflake, Dropping the Betsey Johnson Panties for Panty Boy, Showing the Nice Natural 34C Boobs, Keeping on the Slip, Dripping on the Lube, G-Spot Stimulation with Screaming O Ogee Twistee G-Vibe, Clitoral Stimulation with the Hitachi,  Rapper Dudes all Staring at the Pussy, XXXmas Red Condomania Condom on the Hitachi, Vulva Swelling and Opening up, Squirt-Flow, Internal Orgasm, Spanking, Caning, Sitting in the Wet Spot, Modeling the Outfit, Showing off the New Tits, Impressive Tongue Skills, Buff Stuff Under T-shirt, Licking Salt Off New Boobs, Licking Agwa Salt Off Man Muscles, Variety of Girl Toys, Squirting Dildo, Freestyle Flows, Wu-ing Me into Being on a Hip-hop Track , Porn Star Sitting on Professor Santa’s Happy Lap, Rickshaw XXXmas Trolley, After-Party Spanks and Shots, Hula-Hooping, Evolving Revolving Barstool Evolution Debate, Candy-Canings, Lots More Sloppy Kissing & Lots of After-Party Sex in Private Rooms.