XXXmas Bacchanal 2018: Jingle Bell Orgasms to “O Holy Night,” Baby Jesus Buttplug & Honoring International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers
Length 01:48:52 Date: Dec. 15th, 2018
What a very merry XXXmas in Bonoboville filled with kinky Santas, “naughty” elves, a traditional nude caroler, a nasty Grinch and a hot “horny” reindeer.
Instead of “dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh,” our sexy Santa’s helper dashes through the orgasms on a 500-horsepower Motorbunny, moaning, jingling her bells and, intermittently, “laughing all the way.”
Ho Ho Ho!
Merry Xmas! Merry Merry Merry XXXmas!
There’s a reason ‘tis the season for that X and even the XXX. Over 2000 years before Christmas existed, Mesopotamia’s Winter Carnival featured mummers-style parades with floats carrying XXX-rated scenes of sex among the Gods. The Greek Winter Festival honored another populist Son of God with a human mother who worked miracles, made wine and was resurrected after death; His name was Dionysus.
The Roman Saturnalia featured the first Xmas Carols, and these were truly X-rated, as carolers sang in the nude (or very scantily clad), while everybody partied like pagans, masters serving their servants and Saturn, aka Old Father Time (an older, thinner Santa) chortling “io io io” –which the Christians later modified (without crediting the pagans, of course) to Santa’s signature “Ho, ho, ho.”
You think there’s a War on Christmas? Ho, ho, ho!
Really, there’s a 2000-year-old War on Saturnalia.
Red Hot Hope & Evergreen Joy to the World
Christmas, Saturnalia, Dionysia, whatever you call the festivities, all fall on or around Winter Solstice or “Sun Birthday”—when the sun, after being at its lowest, is “born again.”
See, being “born again” doesn’t automatically make you an anti-sex right-wing hypocrite… at least not if you’re the sun.
In pre-Christian societies, Winter Solstice tended to be a good time for holiday sex, which would have been more than just a cool way to keep warm, but also an ecstatic—sometimes intimate and sometimes communal—coming together, celebrating the erotic fecundity of life, red hot hope and evergreen joy to the world in the dead of cold, dark, colorless winter.
With Christmas, at the epicenter of that “joy to the world” is this miraculous divine birth, the Nativity. As a sex therapist, I’m naturally suspicious of any kind of procreation without sex (at least sperm fertilizing egg), especially in pre-cloning Bible times, but I’m happy to suspend disbelief for the sake of seasonal merriment. In any case, according to all the Gospels, Mother Mary and Stepdad Joseph are refugees, just like the millions of modern refugees from the wars in the Middle East (most of which we started) and at the American border in the Caravan.
With all-American racist hypocrisy, many in the “Religious Right” attack the Caravan(s) as if the poor bedraggled people in them are invading armies, supporting the use of tear-gas and concentration camps; refusing to acknowledge that within this or that caravan (there are many) could be Mary, Joseph or Jesus. What if the “next Jesus” was a girl? A seven-year-old Guatemalan girl named Jakelin Caal died the other day of dehydration and septic shock, separated from her father, in U.S. Border Patrol custody. I relate personally since I almost died of septic shock 12 years ago, but the USC doctors caught it just in time to save my life. Fighting septic shock is about time, and the US Border Patrol just didn’t give this girl time. There’s no single person “at fault,” and no bright “sexy” side. It’s just the new America. Same as the old America. Murderous. Greedy. Racist. Sexist. Uber-hypocritical. And cruel to children, any of whom could be Jesus.
Baby Jesus Buttplug Nativity
Having opened our Xmas show on that low note, I’ve got no place to go but up.
Here in Bonoboville, we have our own kinky version of the traditional manger scene, a Divine Interventions Dildonic Nativity.
Cries of “awww” fill the Womb Room as I reveal the central character in our Dildonic Nativity, the Baby Jesus buttplug, almost like he’s the real Baby Jesus, though this Holy Child certainly puts the “anal” in Bacchanal.
When you insert him, you can say with some accuracy, “Jesus is in me now.”
Photos: Jux Lii
You could also say that about the Jesus Jackhammer hovering in the attic of our manger, though he’s more appropriate for Easter, while the Baby Jesus is tended by a Mother Superior dildo, a Buddha Dildo, a Bill Clinton dildo named “Billdo” and a small bonobo doll.
International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers
It’s no stretch to combine our Xmas Bacchanal with a remembrance of International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers (technically Monday Dec. 17), first recognized in 2003 by our friend Annie Sprinkle in memory of some 50 victims of Seattle’s Green River Killer, including many sex workers.
Jesus loved the Sex Workers after all.
Stop the War on Whores!
“We all know prostitution is the “oldest profession,” probably one of history’s earliest forms of human commerce. I’d say that it’s older than humanity, since plenty of other animals practice their own versions of prostitution. When a male chimp goes up to a female chimp with a banana and an erection, and she takes both, but insists on getting the banana up front, what is that? Okay, so I’m anthropomorphizing a bit, but not much.
“Back to human history. Though some say prostitution is the epitome of sacrilege, it wasn’t always so. There was a time when prostitution was a vital aspect of religion. The ancient Hebrew word for “prostitute” is k’deshah, which means “sacred” or “holy.” Organized prostitution was first practiced by temple priestesses in Mesopotamia, ancient Greece, Crete and Canaan, and the money they made was used to support the temple. To be a sacred temple prostitute was to be a powerful, respected woman. To have sex with the temple prostitute was to commune with the Goddess, to have a religious experience. Some were career prostitutes, others were placed into the “service” for a few months or years by their families, rather like a family might send a son into the military.
Temple prostitution, along with the general sexual freedom of women, was crushed with the rise of various patriarchal tribes, such as the Hebrews who called it an “abomination,” and was virtually wiped out with the spread of Christianity and Islam. Over time, all prostitution became synonymous with illegal, immoral, sacrilegious sexuality, but it never disappeared. And it never will. Why? Because good sex is very valuable. Hey, even bad sex has value to some people. And some people will always be willing to pay for it.”
Since then, society has become in many ways more accepting of sex work. But with the recent passage of SESTA/FOSTA, signed into effect by America’s most famous John, the uber-Hypocrite-in-Chief, “David Dennison” tRUMP), we have taken a giant step backwards into a new Sexual Dark Age.
And yet, whores are more powerful than ever. And it might be a not-so-humble sex worker who brings down the evil Trumpus. Woohoo, Stormy Daniels for President!
Ron Jeremy Slides Down Our Chimney
Now to my fabulous guests gathered around me in the Womb Room sanctuary of the little Love Church of the Bonobo Way in Bonoboville.
One of the first to arrive and last to go is none other than my old friend of over 30 years, porn icon Ron Jeremy. Much beloved by his many millions of fans around the world and across generations, Ron is also hated in some #MeToo circles, accused of sexual harassment and even banned in some places (like AVN), though he’s welcome in Bonoboville, which some may criticize, and I’ve addressed those complaints and explained my reasons, as a supporter of #MeToo, for continuing to welcome my friend Ron in previous blogs.
Among other benefits, Ron is a repository of porn cultural history. He may have to give up his title as “World’s Most Famous Porn Star” to Stormy Daniels, but he’s worked with Stormy (and her dog!), as well as just about everybody in porn who was anybody, at least before 2012 or so, and (as he humbly reminded us on this show) he’s featured in more music videos more than any other single human being.
It’s also serendipitous to have Ron on this Sex Worker show, since it was he who discovered his friend Dennis Hof just after he died. We already said farewell to the World’s Most Famous Pimp, but Ron was Dennis’ close friend and expressed his grief and shock, not to mention the fact that he’s “changed” by the fact “Trump from Pahrump” appears to have kicked the bucket shortly after having had sex.
Of course, as Ron reveals on this show, Hof’s Last Round was not calm, de-stressing sex with someone he knew well and trusted, as we usually recommend for men older than 60, especially those with diabetes and heart conditions such as Dennis suffered. This was wild, show-off, Viagra-pumped, party-like-a-rock-star sex (it was his birthday and he’d just won the Republican primary) with a near-stranger, a relatively new sex worker in Hof’s stable.
And so, on Dennis’ last day, the “little death” may have precipitated the Big One.
Ron is here once again with porn veteran Lilith Lustt who has new piercings and tattoos for the holidays.
Jingle Bell Jugs & a Sexpot Reindeer
Wearing “jingle bells” on her pasties and g-string so that she jingles as she moves, Rhiannon embodies the Spirit of XXXmas, especially later in the show when she rides the Motorbunny though jingle-jangling orgasm after orgasm, as well as in the after-party as Ron eats and fingers her into more orgasms.
Jingle All the Way!
Coming around the bend is a very sexy, horny and horned reindeer. At first I’m not sure who it is, but lo and behold, it’s Mother Tink with fiber-optic light-up antlers!
Naturally, this Reindeer Mistress is accompanied by a precious Bambi of a dog, Fizzgig the Pomeranian Party Pup.
At one point, Fizzgig settles into Ron’s lap, in a déjà vu of Stormy’s dog, like two “bros” watching hot chicks get it on as one strokes and pets the other…
The dark side of Santa is Krampus, the horned (and horny) devil of Alpine folklore and Hollywood movies.
Of course, it’s not between “consenting adults,” but if it were, Krampus would be a great BDSM holiday.
There are always lots of new kink games in town, but the venerable old Club Threshold has been bringing consensual BDSM players together since the 1980s.
Virgins to the Womb Room, our next guests are Threshold board member and kink educator ‘Miguel‘ (from Mexico) and “Squid” (from LA, though she was “born a Squid,” so she says, and she loves Bad Dragon tentacle toys), his submissive (who’s also a switch), clad in schoolgirl plaid skirt and sexy geek eyeglasses.
Like Santa with a sack of toys—or more like Krampus—Miguel comes with a box of spanking implements which he demonstrates quite deftly on Squid’s bottom.
At my request, he gives his judge’s hammer a bang on Reindeer Tink’s bottom too.
What a cute kinky couple! Bottoms up for going beyond your “Threshold”… consensually, of course.
Radiant Elena Rayn
Last but never least in the showtime opening circle is singer/songwriter extraordinaire Elena Rayn.
An activist for Sex Workers rights, Elena is happy to celebrate the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers with us.
Elena works her musical magic through her nightingale voice, seductive lyrics and smoking hot body. Her first song, “Pretty Women,” is so sweet even the angels smile. Though she keeps the smoking hot body under wraps for this first song, her voice is a call to ecstasy.
Even Ron Jeremy awakens from his intermittent slumbers (the secret to his longevity) to ask Elena “who are you?” Whether he’s eager to sign her to a record label or grab her boobs, his interest is clear.
Later, she reveals those beautiful boobs, doffing the dress to be our Xmas Altar Girl for Bonoboville Communion before singing another song.
The lucky recipient is Jingle Bell Queen Rhiannon, who licks and sucks Elena’s very pert nips like Xmas candy.
I sprinkle a little salt on the candy and make it even more delicious, or that’s how it looks with Rhiannon’s tongue lapping away.
What a miraculous XXXmas sight to behold! The Three Kings would be impressed.
Then, in the second half of the show, Elena turns up the heat with “Hustle” as she does a full striptease, at my admittedly lascivious request.
Stripping as she sings, sensuously as a snake, she writhes around from lap to lap, taking off and pulling down articles of clothing until she’s naked, from neck to knees, as one of the original Xmas/Saturnalia Carolers.
Merry Merry Merry XXXmas!
Green Grinch Putin & the Trumpus do the Bumpus
Sometime in between Elena Rayn’s songs, in the middle of all this Saturnalian XXXmas merriment, a green-faced Putin (played by TMI) appears in a stocking cap, robe and red thong, clutching the Trumpus by the “neck.”
In the real world, as we turn the corner into a new year, there is that red-hot hope that the Trumpocalypse Nightmare might be over soon. Not the WHOLE nightmare of anti-sex, capitalist, ecocidal existence, just the Trump part, which is a big part. Yes indeed, it could be coming to an end, or at least a climactic finale with the Trump Crime Family winding up in suits as orange as Trump’s hair…. if reality has any meaning, which is not a sure thing in these days of “deep fakes.”
The good news is there’s a hot new dance in the Trump circle. It’s called “flipping.” Michael Cohen is flipping. David Pecker of the National Enquirer is flipping, and when you can’t trust your own Pecker, who can you trust? Paul Manafort tried to flip, but he couldn’t or just didn’t, or you could say he “cucked out” if you said such things, which I don’t, though I just did. See how flipped you can get? One of Trump’s Apprentice aids, now a comedian, flipped on his nondisclosure to let us know Trump snorts Adderall. Now all that sniffing makes sense.
More good news: the Senate is ending support for war in Yemen. Yes, the Republican Senate is repudiating Trump, Mohammed Bone Saw—bin Salman… and the horrific war on Yemen. #GoBonobos for Bernie! And #GoBonobos for Nancy Pelosi, who just might become the first woman U.S. President, if justice is served (also not a sure thing these days). She’s the most powerful woman in America now, and one of the most powerful humans, taking on the Trumpus.
Meanwhile Veep Mike Pence catches up on sleep during the meeting. Or is that a DeepFake Pence?
They’re all a bunch of corrupt oligarch-fellating plutocrats, but maybe the tide is at least turning blue.
Or green! Green Putin clutches the Trumpus’ little Mario Kart mushroom peepee so hard, it falls off, then gives Trump’s rump a good schtupping, again putting that “anal” in “bacchanal.” Very Saturnalian.
Xmas Surprise: Daniele Watts & Rawkstar Chef BeLive!
Suddenly, just as I’m about to give a Krampus-style flogging to my naughty assistant Blossom Green for speaking off-mic, there’s a commotion at the entrance.
Then, like Santa and Mrs. Claus sliding down the chimney, into the Womb Room saunters a sparkling Daniele Watts and colorful “Rawkstar” Chef Belive.
No matter how hot things are, these two always manage to make it hotter.
Daniele’s outfits, which she gets from “the trash,” are reaching new heights of outrageous spectacle. Her gauzy pink wrap-around creation with push-up bra and hat is something I might concoct, but she’s completely outdoing me on rings, wearing gigantic sparkly confections on every finger. Meanwhile, Rawkstar BeLive is rawking a Hawaiian shirt and a string of pearls you might see on Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Always a little “off” where holidays are concerned, they come bearing a giant bunny blanket; they are Mary and Joseph of the Caravan with Bunny Baby Jesus.
Daniele explains that she can’t ride the Trump doll because she’s on her period, but she takes a wad of Trump toilet paper to stuff in her Look at Meow panties.
On a side note, the backs of Daniele’s lovely legs are featured on the back of our Xmas postcard.
Peace on Earth * Pleasure for All!
I love holidays. Actually I love “perverting” holiday rituals in fun, erotic, ironically meaningful ways. After all, in a sexually twisted society such as ours, you often need the friction of naughty in order to feel nice. No offense to your religion, but Happy Horny Hanukkah, Merry Sexmas and Ho, Ho, Ho’s for Saturnalia.
O Holy Jingle Bell Motorbunny
Now it’s time for Rhiannon’s ride on the one-horse open Motorbunny sleigh.
On her way to her sleigh, Miss Jingle lets Ron cop a feel of her bells.
Blossom grabs Daniele’s big bunny to put under the Motorbunny which she and Be*Live wrap up in Saran. Safety first on DrSuzy.Tv!
I’m on the controls as Rhiannon flies like a bird, her jingle-bells jangling as she comes and comes and comes.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Through it all, Elena and Daniele are singing “O Holy Night” (composed in 1847) like crazed angels.
Sacred orgasms and divine operetta, what a combo. One harmonizes with the other so that we’re not sure which we are hearing.
The Motorbunny Sleigh keeps dashing through the snow as Ikkor the Wolf takes the mic.
For all the “naughty” girls and nasty women, he sings “She Bad.”
As usual, he gets the whole Womb Room congregation dancing—on the floor, on the bed, in their seats… though Ron is sort of “sleep-dancing” (as usual).
Dazzling Daniele receives the magazines in the banana envelope with great grinning, sparkling emotion, like a parody—but a very sincere parody—of a Hollywood actress (which she actually is, or was) receiving an Academy award .
All this, while she’s receiving an exquisite butt massage from Reindeer Mother Tink.
Then before we know the show’s over.
Thanks again to Ashley Judd for mentioning bonobos on CNN (5:45), and to Daniele for alerting us to the interview.
Even Ashley, a self-described “Christian,” is on board with the bonobos and, in her own “Christian” way, with the Bonobo Way.
Meanwhile here in Bonoboville, the show’s over, and the after-party ensues with peace on earth, pleasure for all, good cheer and a little hula-hooping.
Oh, and Ron makes Rhiannon come a few more times.
And then a few more times.
The Old Hedgehog may be slowing down (partly in hopes that he can last a little longer than his dearly departed buddy, the Viagra-popping Hofmeister), but he shows Bonoboville that he still knows how to ride that sleigh.
After 4 or so, Captain and I make our great escape, as a few Bacchanalians linger in the Womb Room.
Then we get under the mistletoe, and I jingle his balls as he stuffs my XXXmas stocking with love.
© Dec.17, 2018. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.
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