by Dr. Susan Block.      

Our Vice views are climbing (now past 121,000!) on a staircase of virtue.

Virtue? Yes, we try to be virtuous and loving, ethical and responsible in our phone sex therapy practice and Bonobo Way philosophy, as well as our bacchanalian orgies, all of which are explored in the Vice documentary.

On the other hand, many of the almost 600 commenters might vehemently disagree, deploring our “wickedness” and “perversity” with the absolute certainty of the deeply ignorant, incurious, erotophobic and the Christofascist.

Such is the Apocalyptic battleground between “Vice” and virtue currently being waged in our Vice TV show’s comment section that serves as our main topic of discussion on this rollicking ride on the Love Train. Joining me are my beloved co-conductor Capt’n Max and our engineer Unscene Abe, plus two of the brightest stars of the Bonoboville Reunion section of the Vice doc, Django Unchained actress Danièle Watts and vegan culinary artist Chef BeLive, together known as “BeDaLoveLiveLight,” as well as our Callin comrade in Texas, Brady Crow. One of our frequent Callin commenters “Cut The Pentagon,” aka Fahim, even expresses fear for our safety when he sees the vivid threats to our lives from some of the more virulent crusaders on the Vice video.

“We do things without thinking about them at all. And we think things without having the slightest intention of doing them.” – A Penny for Your Thoughts (The Twilight Zone)

Many are what we call “Thought Police,” intent upon punishing people for their taboo thoughts, dreams and fantasies—with arrest, imprisonment and execution or, at the very least, shaming at a fever pitch. They are most up in arms about a therapy client who talked with me about his fantasies of his teenage niece—which he never acted on. Despite his real-life innocence, these Vice Thought Police are clamoring to virtually lynch this guy for, essentially, thinking bad thoughts.

Twilight Zone of Thought Police

It brings to mind an old Twilight Zone episode, “A Penny for Your Thoughts,” starring Dick York (Elizabeth Montgomery’s husband Darrin in Bewitched) playing “Mr. Poole,” a bank executive who suddenly discovers he can read people’s minds. At one point, he *hears* another bank employee, “Mr. Smithers,” thinking about robbing the bank and spending the money on a trip to Bermuda. Poole tells the bank president who orders the guard to stop and search Smithers on his way out of the vault. When they find nothing in poor Smithers’ bag but Kleenex and socks, the boss fires the mind-reading Poole who feels—appropriately—like a fool.

That’s what happens when you play “Thought Police.” After all, as Poole finally realizes, “We do things without thinking about them at all. And we think things without having the slightest intention of doing them.”

Food for thought, eh?

Unfortunately, the Thought Police crusading through our Vice comments section don’t do much critical thinking. This is partly due to the Trumpian, slut-shaming, Jesus-freaky zeitgeist of our times, but it’s also provoked by Vice itself.

While we really like our new documentary—and even love some parts of it—there’s no doubt that Vice is portraying us as, well, “controversial,” and not very virtuous. A few days ago, they changed the title from the rather catchy “Dial ‘O’ for Orgasm: Dr. Suzy’s Controversial Phone Sex Therapy” to the more salacious and provocative—not to mention cumbersome—“Masturbating During Therapy: Dr. Suzy’s Controversial Phone Sex Therapy Sessions.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but then I’m not a regular Vice viewer, so when the producers sent me a heartwarming, uncontroversial piece on a Jewish Santa Claus, saying they wanted to do a documentary like that on me and Bonoboville, I believed them. Turns out their piece on us feels more like what I now see is their usual fare—exposing drug dealers, murderers, mercenaries, traffickers, rapists, kidnappers and, well, “vice” criminals. Live and learn.

Not that it’s all bad. In fact, it’s mostly great. Danièle and BeLive are thrilled with the piece. They even showed it to a cop who paid their car a friendly visit (they were naked), and sent a link to Danièle’s Seventh Day Adventist father. Their excitement turns the Love Train into a party on wheels. No wonder they’ve won the “Most Bonobo Couple” SUZY award for five consecutive years.

Having just seen Oppenheimer, they wish old Oppy had experienced a bit of Dr. Suzy’s Controversial Phone Sex Therapy. “If only Oppenheimer had found release in explosive orgasms rather than exploding atoms,” muses Danièle.

Brady chimes in, having just seen the piece and gives it an A+: “That is one of the best Vice pieces ever…It’s a classic already… Bonoboville looks like Paradise on Earth. I’m very impressed actually… Ya’ll are the real deal. Ya’ll are making sex a less toxic, more positive thing for everyone on planet earth.”

Wow. That sounds even better than the Jewish Santa Claus.  

See it for yourself and decide which side of the “controversy” it’s on: Vice or Virtue… or a little of both?

Farewell “The Fantasticks”

Unfortunately, at least one friend or celebrity who’s influenced us seems to take that last train out to the “other side” every week. Last Saturday, it was Peewee Herman, aka Paul Reubens, and the week before Saint Sinéad O’Connor. This week, the victims of the horrendous Maui fire tug at my memories of beautiful balmy Hawaii, and paint a horrifying picture of our relentlessly profit-driven, tragically unbonobo society’s ecocidal future, burning down all we hold dear.

At least “The Fantasticks” writer Tom Jones got to die of natural causes at the ripe old age of 95. At 16, I played Luisa, aka “The Girl” (while my boyfriend at the time played “The Boy”) in our oh-so-romantic summer camp production of this longest running musical of all time (42 years, from 1960 – 2002). Memories!

After the show, Danièle remembered herself singing my favorite song of the play, “Much More” with the best line (“Please God please don’t let me be normal!”), and sent us a video…

As I “Try to Remember” the romance of that long-lost moment in time, I recall the dramatic “Rape Ballet,” a fantasy within a play; eventually the title had to be revised to “The Abduction Ballet,” because the original was so triggering (Alexander Pope’s “Rape of the Lock” notwithstanding). Apparently, I’ve been wrestling in this never-ending cage match between fantasy, reality and the Thought Police most of my life.

Speaking of cage matches, we consider the Zuck the Cuck vs. Elona Musky billionaire bozo challenge (or is it a dick-measuring contest?)… coming soon (or not) to be silly distraction from their megalomania, but Brady takes the male kink for fighting way too seriously.

And just in case you don’t know, I’ve been nominated for the 2023 Urban X Award for “Most Popular Sex Educator.” I’m pretty sure I won’t win, but it’s great to be nominated. We probably won’t broadcast FDR live next week, as we’ll be attending the awards show at the Globe Theater in DTLA. It’s open to the public, so… Come one, come all or just come!

Unless you’re one of our threat-issuing Vice comment section trolls, in which case, please don’t come. Just stay home and masturbate…

It’s a virtue!

© August 12,  2023 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950.