by Dr. Susan Block

Merry Masturbation Month, Brothers and Sinners, Wankers, Yankers, Sperm-Bankers and Monkey-Spankers… In this bubbly celebration of self-pleasure, broadcasting live from Bonoboville, we kick off the M Month with a bang, a buzz, an orgasm, a squirt and a rush of pink-and-blue May-Day-infused communal ecstasy. It’s the pre-game show, bonobo-style. We also lick up some luscious Bonoboville Communion, take in a little M Month history, share funny masturbation stories and present my 8 Great Benefits of Masturbation… because self-pleasure doesn’t *just* feel good; it is good for you.

I open our blast-off into the Mmmm Month straddling the Sybian—an excellent mechanical masturbation device that, without attachments, makes me feel like I’m riding an extra-special vibrating horsey on a magical Merry-Go-Round—which I continue to ride merrily throughout much of the evening.

So yes, those sighs of pleasure you hear from me on this show are quite real. You can also hear a variety of sighs, gasps, gigglegasms and screams of climactic joy from my fabulous guests and crew live on the eve of the M Month.

Savannah Fyres Up Masturbation Month

Our featured guest is Savannah Fyre, a webcam and porn performer with 360 Models Agency, a real-life MILF who looks like she’s still a college girl. In fact, Ms. Fyre is a graduate of the University of Maryland with a major in psychology and a great personal interest in bonobos which she first learned about in one of her (and my) favorite books, Sex at Dawn by Drs. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethas.  For that, I give her a good sorority-sisterhood book-spanking and then a book-signing of The Bonobo Way.

Indeed, Savannah is quite the bonoboësque gal, with her lovely, limber, plastic-surgery-free body—all natural 32C’s, pert butt, curly-haired bush, curious mind and liberated attitude. She’s also very helpful—a very bonoboësque trait—acting as much like an on-set assistant as a featured guest—until she steals the show.

PHOTOS 1 & 2: ANDREW SKORS.  PHOTO 3 & 4: ONO BO.

That’s when Ms. Fyre really releases her inner bonobo, bringing the night to a dramatic, sexy and soulful climax. A few minutes before midnight chronologically launches us into the M Month, Savannah places a Glyde America vegan condom-covered Hitachi Magic Wand on her moist vulva, and proceeds to launch herself into a powerful orgasm and the rest of us into a state of collective erotic rapture. And so cums Masturbation Month as we cum into it!

Is Savannah’s orgasm real? Debates arise during and after the show; after all, she is a webcam professional. I believe her orgasm is real and, if not, she is an excellent actress. I am right next to her as she cums, and her body language is genuine and natural as her curly brown bush. Plus she squirts!

PHOTO 1: ONO BO. PHOTO 2 & 4: ANDREW SKORS. PHOTO 3: UNSCENE ABE

Dayton Rides the Mad X Bike

Savannah isn’t the only active muffin-buffer on this show. Our very own Dayton Rains—award-winning porn star, webcam and phone therapist with the Institute, as well as associate producer for DrSuzy.Tv—greets the merry month of May with a number of intriguing vibrating devices. She even has a vibrating massager bed chair backrest in which she reclines while polishing her pearl with a Trojan Bullet. Now all she needs is a beer and a ballgame on the boob tube, and she’s all set for skiddle-diddling couch-potato heaven.

Dayton’s own boobs are on full display in her lovely springy pink and blue bikini, perky and large (32DD) doing a Bosom Ballet to welcome the M Month, and even dancing around a “Maypole,” as we discuss whether titty-fucking is a type of masturbation. The verdict? It isn’t, unless you’re really stretching the meaning of masturbation to include having partner sex with someone who treats your body like a jack or jill-off toy.

PHOTO 1: ONO BO.  PHOTOS 2 & 3: ANDREW SKORS

Dayton also rides the Mad-X-Bike, or at least gives it the old pornstar college try.  But the fact is, over the last year or so of multiple trips and orgasms—with many thanks to the likes of Odette Delacroix, Layla Sin, Amor Hilton, Monica Monroe, Loni Legend and Onyx Muse to name a few—we have ridden the wheels off this thing. Not that it ever had wheels, but the original dildo attachment fell off. So our in-house Villa Bonobo master mechanic Gonzo “fixes” it with a Sybian attachment duct-taped to the bike. Not only does the duct-tape make the thing look like something out of Red Neck Repairs Digest, but the dildo keeps slipping out, and we all know how frustrating that can be. Dayton tries riding it in every position, even reverse cowgirl, which does give us a nice view of the condom-covered dong, slathered in Astroglide, going in and out of her Womb Room. Finally, she faces forward and hunkers down on the Mad X Bike’s internal Hitachi, and that seems to almost get her off, but it’s just too funny, and she bursts into gales of laughter and has a gigglegasm, which can be almost as good as an orgasm.

Nevertheless, we can’t wait until Nick Salazar sends us a NEW (and improved) Mad X Bike (hint hint)!

Me$$ed Up Manhandles His Manhandle

This incites a sapiosexually stimulating conversation about performance masturbation versus private masturbation. In performance masturbation, which both Dayton and Savannah do with some frequency, its all about exhibiting your body to please your audience; more about showing off than getting off. Private masturbation is focused on you and your pleasure. Both are wonderful sexual activities for different reasons (see our list of 8 Great Benefits), and we celebrate both in the M Month.

Suddenly, into our Mad X Jill-Off party strides a masturbating man! Yes indeed, our own Me$$ed Up, aka Roberto Bonobo, who wowed the crowd with his rap-and-roll at our 24^th Wedding Anniversary, enters the show wearing nothing but pink boxers, cock in hand, wanking away, welcoming the month of May.

This brings out the “getting caught” masturbating stories from both Me$$ed Up and Capt’n Max. True confessions time…

PHOTOS 1 & 4: ONO BO.  PHOTOS 2 & 3: UNSCENE ABE

You’ll have to listen to or watch the show for details, but one of the “morals” of these stories is: if you get caught masturbating while working, perhaps you need to get a job masturbating while working. Nowadays, with camming as easy as using your phone, anyone can try it, though only the best can make a living at it.

Catholic Bonoboville Communion

Most organized religions are anti-masturbation, and over the years, Catholicism has posed some of the sternest injunctions against masturbation, as well as most other types of sex too, though some of the worst damnation is reserved for wankers. So it is with great passion and a spirit of adventure that Catholic-raised Savannah Fyre takes her first Bonoboville Communion with Agwa from our Altar Girl Dayton Rains’ busty altar. And the congregation sings Hallelujah! Amen. AWOMEN. Another sublime Blessing of the Boobies.

Then, transfixed by the transcendent Divine Interventions Jesus Jackhammer dildo, Savannah slides it between her lips, whereupon I declare, “Jesus is in her now!”

Jake, Snake & Yossi’s Cake

Also in tha house: Kinkstar Simon Odysseus Blaise, here in support of friend Savannah Fyre, and Handsome Hollywood Jake, also supporting Savannah as she takes off his shirt and he removes her dress. In the beginning of the show, Snake Eve (now 16 years old!) makes a brief appearance as we talk about how snakes masturbate by rubbing themselves against rocks. Post show, the sculptor Yossi Vardan presents us with a large “Happy M Month” chocolate cake, drizzled with sperm-white cream and berries. and an even larger bottle of vodka.

PHOTOS 1-3: UNSCENE ABE

Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, we have much to celebrate and even more to anticipate! Sexual Positions this Saturday, DomCon on May 21^st, and AASECT on June 11 in San Juan, just to name a few…

Meanwhile, let’s dance around the Maypole or in the Womb Room and celebrate the Month of May. Of course, you can masturbate any month, any day or time you want. But Masturbation Month is when we celebrate and honor the art and science of self-pleasure. And if you need a hand, you know who to call…

© May 1, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.

 

Length 1:37:11 Date: April, 30 2016