Delay, Delay, Delay
by Dr. Susan Block.
It was another case of Arcadia City Council Hearing Interruptus.
However, in this case—our case—we welcomed the delay. In fact, we asked for it. Now that our evidence against the Arcadia City Inspectors is mounting, we need time to erect our case. I know what you’re thinking… inspections, erections, mounting—oh my!
Unfortunately, the aborted hearing wasn’t anywhere near that exciting.
We took the RV to Arcadia City Hall and slipped into the peanut gallery, my sexy mask covering my face and my scarf prudently covering my cleavage, cooling our heels, as the crowd filed in. Whispers circulated that our request might be granted, but the announcement of our “delay” was delayed, as Mayor Sho Tay brought the room to order.
Then a pale, frail but feisty-looking lady with a cloud of flaming red hair who had been sitting in front of me stepped up to the podium to recite a prayer, which we were forced to sit through, heads bowed. Well, most heads in the auditorium were bowed; mine was furtively looking around.
The atmosphere was heavy with performative piety, as if we were in Church among the Neo-Puritans of Arcadia, as we all declared our Pledge of Allegiance to the U.S. of A., including the “Under God” part.
What happened to our supposed separation of Church and State?
Also, this is going to make me sound like a pervert—though Arcadia City Inspectors (winners of the “Most Anti-Sex Officials” 2021 SUZY award Boobie Prize) think I am anyway (which is one reason why they’re harassing me)—but putting my hand on my heart felt like I was feeling myself up.
After our appeals to the Lord and pledges to what’s left of the U.S.A., Councilman Tom Beck took the floor.
In the commanding baritone of someone who has studied Shakespeare, he declared that he had read our rather “long” letter aloud to the other City Council members as if it was an assertion of tenants’ rights which, in a way, it was.
Then, like a decree handed down from “on high” (members of the Arcadia City Council do sit upon a divine dais about six feet high above “the people”), all the Council members agreed to Councilman Beck’s proposal to grant our request for a delay.
When it comes to “hearings,” what do they say? Delay, delay, and then again, DELAY.
But yes, though it might seem like a setback, delay, like “De Lay,” aka, “the act of getting laid,” can be a good thing…
So, finally, having blessed and forced us to submit to a little mild torture, the Divine Council released us so we could go back home to our lovely RV.
Interestingly, when they announced our delay, half the folks in the auditorium walked out with us.
Were they there to support us? Were they friends or foes? Will they return for our rescheduled hearing (the day after Martin Luther King Day)?
As least, no one attacked us like so many of our fellow humans seem to be doing everywhere these days—in airplanes, restaurants, supermarkets, schools, on our streets, in Churches, Temples, workplaces and homes. One person’s “safe space” is another’s ammosexual free-fire zone.
Meanwhile, the Coronopocalypse rages on, now dressed in the latest Omicron Winter fashions.
A little less lethal, so they say, but a lot more contagious; it is mutating, adapting to its hosts (us) so that it can thrive (at our expense).
Back in April, 2020, I called it a “Coronavirus Spring”; little did I know it would soon *evolve* into a Coronavirus Era, but here we are.
“Blessed” by Arcadia’s prayers to God or not, I am thankful to be healthy, but I can almost sense those spiky little balls of death buzzing all around us like an invading air force as we huddle behind barricades, booster shots, fantasies and hope.
Oh God and oh Goddess, I hope we don’t catch it at the next hearing.
Delay, delay, delay…
#GoBonobos for our First and Fourth Amendment rights!
© January 7, 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.
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