Length 1:32:07 Date: Aug. 1, 2020

by Dr. Susan Block.

Two beautiful Dominatrices join me to explore kink, love, cupcakes, sex worker politics, the power of money and their new project, “Bigger than Sex,” in my 19^th Bedside Chat of the Coronapocalypse. They also happen to be best friends.

Inspired by FDR’s Fireside Chats, my Bedside Chats are here to comfort and inform you in tough times, as well as to eroticize and inspire you to seize the day, the Bonobo Way.

I start with another homage to the Naked Athena, brave bonoboesque Goddess/Protester rising up from the tear-gassed streets of the Battle of Portland to confront the camo-clothed, heavily armed fascist Federal goons invading her fair city, speaking Naked Truth to Fascist Power.

My article about her, combined with a review of Mary Trump—a literary Naked Athena stripping down Uncle Donnie to show his shortcomings, is on Counterpunch. And thanks to Naked Athena, the Wall of Moms, the Fathers Against Fascists, the Teachers Against Tyranny, the Wall of Vets, the Wall of Lawyers and all the rest of the courageous, tireless Portland protesters, the fascist Federal goonies have retreated.

We the People—from the Wall of Vets to Naked Athena—can prevail against the fascist madness, using the peace-through-pleasure tactics of The Bonobo Way

Even though Doofus Trumpus tweeted they weren’t leaving—around the time he also tweeted his support for a doctor who believes “demon sperm” cause Covid-19, as well as floating the idea of delaying the elections to distract from his limp dick of an economy—all reports now are that they left.

Of course, they might come back, and they’ll be invading other cities, but this shows that We the People—from the Wall of Vets to Naked Athena—can prevail against the fascist madness, using the peace-through-pleasure tactics of The Bonobo Way.

Meantime, Coronavirus continues to sweep the land, so mask up, Brothers and Sisters!

We do.

Sex scandal mania, a.k.a. sex panic, is also spreading like the ‘Rona because people love sex, but they were raised to believe sex is bad; thus, they can only talk about sex in negative terms. With a good sex scandal, especially one involving celebrities, they can condemn the naughty (or evil!) celebrities and the sex, while getting aroused by it. Their vigorous condemnation “frees” them from guilt.

I’m not going to list them now, but there are tons of sex panics going around these days. Some sound awful and some ridiculous. No doubt some are true, but some are not.

As a sex therapist who values the sexual health of our society, I hope the current wave of sex panics, mixed in with the drop in sexual activity in the Coronapocalypse, doesn’t set back all the sex-positive progress we’ve made over the last few decades.

Can sex kill? Sure, but sex heals a billion times more than it kills. Can sex be bad? Of course, but it’s mostly good, and it’s the essence of peace through pleasure, the Bonobo Way.

Welcome Back Lilith Kat

My first guest is stunning goth pro-Domme Lilith Kat.

“Lilith” is the name of the first woman, according to Judeo-Christian scriptures, created from the same dust of the earth as Adam. She’s also the first FemDom, whom Adam rejects because he can’t dominate her, leading lusty Lilith to satisfy her desires with demons.

When I ask Lilith Kat if she sleeps with demons like the original Lilith, she nods, replying that her favorite sleep shirt says “Satan is my Daddy.” And she’s got the fangs to prove it.

A natural FemDom, Lilith has never been a submissive and started dominating willing subjects at the young age of 19, bringing Shawna Kenney’s book I was a Teenage Dominatrix to mind.

The product of a Christian upbringing, Lilith is proof that early religious training ironically often leads to a kinky lifestyle. Later she confesses that she keeps her pro-Domme life pretty separate from her private sex life where she has “vanilla” sex with lovers and has participated in swing parties. Knowing that must excite her cuckold clients.

Though Lilith’s parents don’t approve of her profession, they still love her, which is nice to hear. Where there’s love, there’s hope.

Lilith unleashes a torrent, a Golden Waterfall or, as Mistress Tara put it, “the Car Wash technique,” turning the Marmalade Mussolini into a glistening yellow puddle.

At first, Lilith is pretty quiet on her virgin appearance on The Dr. Susan Block Show with the Dominatrixes Against Donald Trump, aka D.A.D., run by Mistress Tara Indiana, with Rhiannon Aarons, for a Russian Pee Party on our April 7, 2018, “Orgy Erotique with D.A.D. Politiques.”

But when Mistress Tara asks her to dominate our Trumpty Dumpty surrogate, she comes alive, sternly and firmly grabbing and twisting his balls, straddling his back and whacking his bottom with a rolled-up copy of the Forbes with which Stormy Daniels says she spanked him.

Then it’s Russian Hooker Pee Party time, and Lilith pushes Donnie Boy down on his back and pisses all over him. Most of us pee on tRump, but Lilith unleashes a torrent, a Golden Waterfall or, as Mistress Tara put it, “the Car Wash technique,” turning the Marmalade Mussolini into a glistening yellow puddle.

Wow, what a show! Watch it now on DrSuzy.Tv.

Lilith reports that, though D.A.D. is still going, the group’s activities have slowed down in the Coronapocalypse.

Nevertheless, Lilith is as anti-tRump as ever, maybe more so.

But now she’s also involved in another socio-political sex worker movement called “Bigger Than Sex.”

A few weeks ago, she messaged me, inviting me to participate in a “movement to empower sex workers within our community and capture the genuine diversity within sex work.”

She asked me, and many other sex workers, to “express your gratitude for someone in the sex industry.”

I loved that idea. There are a million people I could thank, so it was hard to whittle down to just one. In the end, I decided to thank a very special, iconic sex worker, whom I had the honor of interviewing (her first live interview!) back in 1996: the late great Bettie Page. There’s a chapter on her in my Spank ‘n’ Art Speakeasy Magazine, along with many amazing photos of D.A.D. in action.

So I thank Bettie for helping me see how vital sex work is to a healthy sex-positive culture, plus we both love bangs.

Lilith used to have Bettie Page bangs too, but she just cut them shorter at an angle that frames her pretty pale face in an interesting, op-art way.

King Lexa

When I ask Lilith whom she thanks for their help in her gratitude video, she names King Lexa, her best friend, Orange County neighbor, fellow Dominatrix and founder of the “Bigger than Sex” movement.

It just so happens that King Lexa is my next guest.

Why, you may ask, is Lexa a “King,” not a Queen?

She explains that, despite her feminine curves, she’s always felt very masculine and powerful. Her strong physicality (she works out every day) and commanding personality give her a regal air.

A one-woman religion, she even calls herself “King Lexa God.”

A Pegging King, Lexa also packs a mean strap-on, calling herself “The Only Female King.”

“I don’t get fucked,” she explains. “I fuck.”

Indeed, she prefers not to have PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex.

“I don’t get fucked,” she explains. “I fuck.”

King Lexa also a FinDom, a.k.a., a financial dominatrix, who prides herself on extracting as much money as possible from her clients, who love being dominated financially as much as “Fin-Daddy” loves to do it.

Like everyone, she has relationships outside of work, but even those lovers pay her handsomely, at  least the guys do. She doesn’t tend to charge her female submissives.

Interestingly, she only got into pro-Domme work a short time ago, thanks to her best friend Lilith’s encouragement. Before that, she was a personal trainer, which is a rather like being a Domme, in that you consensually push your clients to their limits and beyond.

Rather quickly, she made enough cash to satisfy most of her financial needs. That’s when she started fishing around for something else to do, asking her Life Coaches and Twitter followers to recommend a good charity that helps sex workers in need.

A group called the Cupcake Girls was first to respond, so she told them about her idea for a “Bigger than Sex” movement, and they loved it, so she and Lilith launched it about a month ago.

There seems to have been at least one other group calling themselves “Cupcake Girls,” including one that I’d heard about a few years ago from strippers who said that a group of nice ladies would come to the club with cupcakes and beauty products. They also encouraged them to leave sex work and devote their lives to Jesus.

These Cupcake Girls call themselves “secular” and don’t say anything anywhere about urging sex workers to leave their professions. Lilith and Lexa seem to prove that point, as the only religion that Lexa belongs to is the Church of “King Lexa God.”

The Cupcake Girls also help “trafficking victims,” but only the ones who come to them.

Of course, sex trafficking and all human trafficking is slavery, and it’s as wrong as wrong can be. But I’m concerned that the very worthy fight against Sex Trafficking endangers consensual Sex Workers.

The SESTA/FOSTA laws passed in 2018 (just before Lilith’s debut on DrSuzy.Tv), are a case in point.

SESTA/FOSTA laws don’t do a damn thing to stop sex trafficking. Instead, they endanger the lives of adult sex workers and their clients, as well as drastically curtail the Freedom of Speech of all Internet users.

Essentially, SESTA, the Senate’s “Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act”—passed by all U.S. Senators except Senator Ron Wyden (D-Oregon; Yay! Go Portland!) and Rand Paul (R-Kentucky; often a radical libertarian nutcase, but sometimes on the ball as on this vote—and FOSTA, Congress’ “Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act,” signed into law by the John-in-Chief who likes having sex with sex workers, but not keeping them safe.

The titles of these bills sound very worthy. Who doesn’t want to stop unsavory pimps from forcing underage girls and boys into prostitution?

The problem is that the SESTA/FOSTA laws don’t do a damn thing to stop sex trafficking. Instead, they endanger the lives of adult sex workers and their clients, as well as drastically curtail the Freedom of Speech of all Internet users.

The day before that D.A.D. show, the Feds busted BackPage, seizing their sites, and 20 FBI agents raided co-owner Michael Lacy’s home. Scared that they will be busted, or maybe just seizing an excuse to “clean house” for more corporate advertising revenue, Craigslist shut down its personals section and has never revived it.

High-end sex workers like Lilith and Lexa can still find ways to safely screen potential clients, but lower-income sex workers can’t. They often have to walk the streets for business (though that’s been cut down in the Coronapocalypse).

SESTA/FOSTA also decimates Section 230, the federal provision shielding web publishers and platforms from certain legal liabilities from things users post. Meaning, if a “sex trafficker” posts an ad, image or message of any sort on a website, the site owners face “sex trafficking” charges. Nobody wants to be accused, let alone convicted, of sex trafficking which is tantamount to child molestation mixed with pimping. So social media sites—and any site that allows its users to post content—are scrambling to censor, delete and restrict their users.

As a longtime sex publisher, Capt’n Max has had first-hand experience being punished and incarcerated for publishing the first reader-written sex magazines; now almost everything is reader-written, but Max was a pioneer.

Meanwhile, Lexa and Lilith are finding great success in raising money for the Cupcake Girls, hosting “Drinking for Donations” parties on the Internet that sound like a lot of good alcoholic fun for the benefit of sex workers.

I ask Lilith and Lexa if the Cupcake Girls are using some of their funds and clout to repeal SESTA/FOSTA; they don’t know, but they agree it’s a worthy cause for active, adult sex workers.

How about decriminalizing prostitution? Some sex work is legal—like my own profession as a sex therapist— but most is not.

Even if it’s legal, it’s often stigmatized and discriminated against by everyone from social media to credit card companies.

Nevertheless, not only is “sex work” the world’s “oldest profession,” Americans are not all that bothered by it, even when it’s been revealed that the President of the United States not only paid cash for sex, but had his lawyer pay more cash to the sex worker to keep quiet about it. So, now’s the time to decriminalize!

Sex is much bigger and more important to our health and well-being than our society generally acknowledges.

I applaud the Cupcake Girls for helping sex workers, and I hope they work to decriminalize illegal sex work, such as prostitution, as well.

It’s also important to destigmatize sex work. Lexa’s Bigger Than Sex project helps in that regard, improving the image of sex work by showing the diversity of sex workers, as well as the fact that we are not *just* high-priced sexpots, but caring human beings who are grateful for our friends and mentors, just like everybody else.

The Cupcake Girls also help sex workers with referrals for therapists, doctors and accountants, and sometimes they even pay those bills, which is great, especially in the Coronapocalypse.

Will they work towards decriminalization? Hard to say. I heard a couple of these Cupcake Girls, along with King Lexa, on Marabelle Blue’s podcast where she also did an excellent interview with me. Though they’re not sex workers themselves, they seemed nice enough and sincere about being helpful, unlike those other Cupcake Girls trying to “save” consensual adult sex workers from sex work, enticing them into their Church with cupcakes, makeup and sympathy.

There’s nothing wrong with Church, which is what Bettie Page devoted herself to when she quit sex work in the 1950s. Jesus loved the hookers, after all! Though most Church activists don’t love or even tolerate sex work.

Bettie loved Jesus and the Church, but I can hear a note of wistfulness when she talks about how much fun she had in her sex worker days.

No doubt, lots of sex workers could use a cupcake, some nice makeup and sincere sympathy, especially in the Coronapocalypse when in-person sex work is nearly impossible, and virtual sex work takes some cultivation.

Everybody’s disappointed that we can’t hold an in-person DomCon this year, but virtual DomCon is better than no DomCon at all, so I’m excited for DomCon 2020, August 28-30 when I will be one of two Mistresses of Ceremonies (the other is the fabulous Simone Justice)!

Strippers are especially hard-hit in the Coronapocalypse. For instance, Portland’s Lucky Devil Lounge (yay Portland!), guests on Bedside Chat 2, had to close, leaving their strippers and other employees pretty much without income. They applied for COVID-19 relief but were rejected by the administration whose Presidunce frequents sex workers. Lucky Devil already served food, so they expanded that service to take-out and delivery, cleverly christening it “Boober Eats.” The strippers deliver, but the money they make is nothing compared to what they used to get stripping. Now some are suing the government and might hopefully get the relief they deserve as much as any industry.

I think “Bigger than Sex” is a worthwhile movement, and I love King Lexa and Lilith Cat.

But I have to say I’m not totally on board with the name. I didn’t think about it much when I made my gratitude video; I was just excited to thank Bettie Page and support sex work and sex-positivity.

Of course, the phrase “Bigger than Sex” has two of my favorite words—“big” and “sex” —so that’s cool, but then there’s the word “than,” implying sex itself isn’t so big or important, that there are other things that are bigger and more important.

I guess that’s a popular opinion, which is one reason we have so many sex panics, sexual abuse and even trafficking. Our leaders say that sex *shouldn’t* be such a “big” deal or so important to human beings.

But it is.

My view as a sex therapist and sexologist is that sex is much bigger and more important to our health and well-being than our society generally acknowledges.

I’m not just talking about reproductive sexual intercourse, though that’s pretty big; that’s the way we’re conceived.

I’m also talking about so-called “recreational” sex, the sex drive, the drive to connect, to eroticize, harmonize, share and enjoy each other.

Considering that King Lexa’s specialty has been Financial Domination, I feel that a more appropriate name would be “Bigger than Money,” though I realize that’s not as catchy in our sex-negative, money-loving culture.

And now that Bigger than Sex is taking off for Lexa and Lilith, I don’t want to spoil the cupcakes for everyone. Nobody likes spoiled or stale cupcakes.

But for me, and for so many people, sex is pretty damn big, and sex workers provide a huge, important service to society, and they should be honored, not vilified, for that.

It’s the Bonobo Way.

Sex is my work, my play, my love, my life. It’s also the reason I made the video, to connect with sex workers and honor Bettie Page, an icon of sex, who tried to find God, went to Church, but ultimately returned to her sexual center by doing that interview with me, her book and another interview before she died.

Then before we can sing “Amen” and “Awomen,” the show’s over.

Good news: Ana is getting better so fast we can’t keep up with her here in Bonoboville.

But in the Coronapocalypse, we have a considerably scaled down staff.

The night winds into morning as we all enjoy after-show champagne, Harry Sapien’s shepherd’s pie (good rich comfort food for the Coronapocalypse) and fresh peaches from the Bonoboville Gardens.

Then Capt’n Max and I fall into each other’s arms for orgasms and intimacy.

Though we’ve been married over 28 years, with an ongoing business, political passions and a “good cause” that helps save the highly endangered bonobos from extinction, good old-fashioned SEX is a BIG part of our lives.   

We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Bedside Chat 18: Best-Friend FemDoms

August 1, 2020 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.