Relaxation Day in Bonoboville
Length 1:42:42 Date: August 15, 2015
It’s Relaxation Day on DrSuzy.Tv, and boy, do we need to relax. Especially when sex is on the menu. Bonobos are experts in the erotic art of relaxation, but for us civilized humans, it’s not so easy. If we’re nervous or tense—fearing any real or imagined danger—our bodies tend to *defend* us against attack, but also against pleasure, all too often resulting in lost erections, missed orgasms, pain, shame, blame, tearful recriminations, hostility and in some situations, even violence. So best to learn to release your inner bonobo and relaxxx! Breathe deep into your pelvis, do a little yoga or just stretch, put on the right music, take a puff of ganja or a sip of Agwa, shake that bootie and let that tension go. That’s my sex-therapeutic takeaway for Relaxation Day.
On the other hand, you can be too relaxed, like to the point where you fall asleep which makes you a pretty boring sex partner for anyone but Bill Cosby.
Great sex thrives on a fizzy combination of relaxation and excitation. Which is just what happens on this show. Actually, when I start the show, I’m a pretty damn tense, having just heard that two of my scheduled guests are apparently soooo relaxed that they can’t even get their booties to Bonoboville. I will not mention their names as their crimes are not quite egregious enough for public shaming, but they know who they are… if they’ve woken up yet.
Fortunately, the lovely and talented Layla Blue Phoenix is here, along with a couple of her fun friends, and we have a relaxing but rousing Relaxation Celebration. We haven’t seen Layla since our wild Bonobo Spring Equinox show, and since that time, she confesses she’s been mostly avoiding sex—sadly, for everyone who lusts mightily after her, and there are hordes. Sometimes a period of sexual withdrawal is just what we need, in order to bounce back into the sexual swing of things when we’re ready and able to go after what we really want. This is especially true for gorgeous, generous 18-year-olds like Layla who are so overwhelmed by the erotic desires of everyone around them, that they have a tough time accessing their own wants or even needs.
But “no sex” doesn’t mean being a nun (although the fantasy of Layla in a nun’s habit is pretty hot), and Ms. Phoenix is still a deliciously seductive exhibitionist with a submissive streak. After some sexy snake play with Eve and a little more no-sex talk, Layla strips off her sliced-up leggings and doffs her top (but check out those freaky spike-heeled platforms) for Bonoboville Communion. Though, at 18, she’s too young to drink, she’s old enough to provide her beautiful natural naked boobies for our altar (not to mention, serve in the military). Chelsea and Biz join in, and pretty soon we’re putting the titillation into relaxation, and it’s a #FreeTheNipple Parade of pretty titties, all-natural and very relaxed, swinging between the girls, like a salty boobie hoka-hoka in the Bonobo Summer of Love.
Then in come some boys, on their virgin appearance on DrSuzy.Tv, one of whom is adorable transman Nico Xavier. The other is Cannibal, who is incredibly relaxed about things that make me nervous, like eating human flesh. Even though he says the “small” piece of thigh he devoured “long ago” was willingly offered, I have to get judgmental here and say “yuch,” do NOT try this at home or even take a seminar in it. Though cannibal fantasies are perfectly fine and some of our favorites to roleplay here at the Block Institute. And after all, regular oral sex shouldn’t involve digesting the meat, but it could include swallowing the gravy.
Luckily, Cannibal has other more palatable talents, such as pulling his “stunt cock” out of his pants, which he does for us quite amiably. Though it’s pretty relaxed (or is that nervous?) at first, it does get hard, and three cheers for Cannibal for sharing. It’s especially brave on his part since he pulls it out right after we talk about how male circumcision of babies is almost or *just as* wrong as the more exotic female circumcision that most Westerners excoriate. Nothing against your cock if it’s circumcised though, and Cannibal’s looks good enough to eat. But you might think twice before you let anyone—rabbi, mullah or doctor—nip it to your kid. Remember these circumcision professionals get paid extra for the effort, so their advice is not objective.
It must be cock-showing night in Bonoboville, because we are also treated to a close up view of Nico’s goodies. Yes, Nico was born into the “girl” gender with pink bows and a clitoris. But as he grew up, he realized he was more of a he than a she and is now taking male hormones that give him everything from a moustache to a happy trail to an enlarged clitoris that looks very much like a penis—and even sports a nice foreskin—which Nico has endearingly christened “Darryl.” What a reminder Darryl is that men are not from Mars nor are women from Venus; even our genitalia closely resemble each other, give or take a few hormones and skin cells.
For the sake of sex education, not to mention our own admittedly prurient interests, we get a good look at naked Darryl in the after-party, after which I give him a book-spanking with The Bonobo Way, not because he’s “bad” for showing the world his weiner, but because it’s fun, and kind of relaxing.
I also give a book-spanking to Layla, and Chelsea spanks and flogs her too, even breaking a Pipedream crystal dildo-flogger in the effort—but Layla keeps twerking for more. I guess all that “no sex” makes a girl crave spanking. Well, some girls. Speaking of cocks, Layla is rather adept at holding the microphone between her legs, especially as Biz simulates fellatio on it. A little nipple-popping hula-hooping (which, once you get the hang of it, is very relaxing), banana play, and, lo and behold, despite two of my featured guests being too relaxed to show up, it’s a great night of Relaxation Celebration with pinches of excitation and stimulation.
I’ve said it before, but it really applies to this show: The best-laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. But if you can relax, go with the flow and make the best of things, you can still have fun, get things done… and get yourself laid.
Speaking of which, Capt’n Max and I are feeling so relaxed, we go to bed (our other bed) early. Of course, all the stress, erotic interaction and hormonal excitement of the show agitates us into some pretty hot sex for old married folks, the friction building and building until it’s resolved with tension-shattering orgasms and… finally… release into total, blissful relaxation. Sometimes you need to really tense up before you can full relax. We are blessed to be able to help each other relax like this for so many years, and yes, sometimes we can be the very cause of each other’s tension. Such is married life in Bonoboville. Tension goes with the territory, but we don’t kill each other, and euphoric relaxation is one of our little heaven-on-earth rewards.
And we celebrate it with passion! With all of our war holidays (Veteran’s Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day) and Labor Day (that joyous celebration of burning flesh and corporate slavery), it’s great to have a holiday that celebrates peaceful sloth and bonoboësque leisure.
And now, it’s time for a commercial, but one that might just help you to relax. If you’re finding it tough to chill out, you might want to try erotic hypnosis. Let our skilled therapists relax your body through your mind. Unlike the show which puts all of us on display from now into eternity, erotic hypnosis and other forms of telephone sex therapy with the Block Institute are absolutely private and confidential (we don’t even keep records on computers). So give us a call anytime you’re stressed or just need to talk to someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else. Just talking with a good therapist can help many of us “Civilized-to-Death” humans to release and relax—with a hat tip to Christopher Ryan’s upcoming book Civilized to Death; speaking of which, his interview with me is now playing on his podcast “Tangentially Speaking.”
Yawn. Now that the tension of celebrating and bloggamizing Relaxation Day has been released, I’m ready to really relax… oh Capt’n, where’s our yacht?
© August 16, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.