Porny Purim 2017 in Bonoboville!
Length 01:47:02 Date: March 11, 2017
Purims in Bonoboville tend to be a cross between a Sunday school play and an orgy of Biblical proportions. This Purim is all of that and then some, beginning with a Porny Purimspiel featuring the brave, bawdy and utterly unrehearsed Commedia Erotica players, with stand-out performances by Jewish porn icon Ron Jeremy as Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai, and voluptuous archivist Rhiannon Aarons as a saucy, stripped and whipped Vashti, and climaxing with Vashti climaxing all over Mordecai’s righteous kosher schlong… as the waters of the Red Sea gush forth.
Wait a sec—the Red Sea is part of Passover, not Purim! Well, that’s just one of the ways that this Purim overflows with surprises, some of which may seem “blasphemous” to some people. Trigger Warning: As always in Bonoboville, “this is not your Bubbe’s Purim.”
The first surprises aren’t really so surprising, just maddening; the two gals that are supposed to play the lead roles of Esther and Vashti are both no-shows. Thank God and the Goddess, that there are always sexy ladies in Bonoboville willing to show off and roleplay for a good cause. So, with a few bellydance scarves here and a hijab there, we’re ready to play the Catskills, with an erotic exotic twist.
More thanks to God and Goddess for my darling, enormously creative Capt’n Max and the Bonoboville crew (special shout-out to Ana and Miguel) who turn the Womb Room into a harem, the king’s court, a St. Andrew’s Cross “gallows,” a masquerade party and a royal orgy romper room, helping me tremendously in my crazy, horny, somewhat spiritual, quasi-annual quest to bring the Purim story of my Conservative Jewish childhood to authentic XXX-rated life.
PHOTO 1: JACQUIE BLU. PHOTOS 2 & 3: CLEMMY COCKATOO
The Purim Story, Wine & Pussy Cookies
If you don’t know Purim from puree, don’t dismay. Here’s pretty much the whole story, as I see it.
For the condensed “Reader’s Digest” version, recently published in Elephant Journal, here’s “Purim: The Seductive Religious Tale We Never Talk About.”
If you want to fact-check my erotic exotic midrash (“interpretation” in Hebrew), here’s the Scroll of Esther (Megillat Esther) in the original Hebrew with English translation.
As you can see in all the versions, one of the reasons that Purim is always a little out of control is that the story itself, as well as the ritual celebration of the Feast of Esther, is drenched in alcohol, where one is “commanded” to drink “until one cannot tell the difference between the hero and the villain” (Babylonian Talmud, Megillah 7b).
As always, Bonoboville obeys this important commandment to the fullest, starting with the recitation of the Hebrew prayer over the “fruit of the vine,” then diving headlong into that rushing Red Sea of Manischewitz (in keeping with the Purim Masquerade theme, its deceptively sweet, grapejuicy taste masks the 11% alcohol content, making it seem the opposite of an “adult” beverage), and winding up with at least one guest leaving his car in the studio parking lot and taking a Lyft home because friends don’t let friends drive while obeying important Purim commandments.
We also have two different kinds of hamantaschen (hard and soft) from Fromin’s Deli (if you’re a fellow entrepreneur, check out Dennis Fromin’s Mordecaic blog), groggers from Traditions Jewish Gifts, and ancient scrolls of Esther from my Hebraic youth. Speaking of hamantaschen (also spelled hamentaschen or homentaschen) and the young, I’d been taught (like most Hebrew schoolers) that the triangular cookies were made in the shape of the villain Haman’s pirate-like tri-corner hat.
Then sometime around Purim 2008, I realized that hamantaschen could also be seen as resembling an open vulva, with sweet jelly or “seeds” in the middle. This struck me as perfect for the one Jewish holiday that revolves around the heroism of a sexy, empowered woman, and it’s lot more interesting than Haman’s hat. Later, I discovered that I wasn’t the only one to see women’s genitalia in this traditional German-Jewish pastry. So here in Bonoboville, we started calling hamantaschen “pussy cookies.”
Porny Purimspeil 2K17
Sweet wine and pussy cookies aside, the story of Purim is the heart of the holiday. However, since you can read the story here or here, listen to me tell it in the audio archive above or watch it on DrSuzy.Tv or in the Bonoboville Lounge, for your sake and mine, I will not reiterate it in this blog.
Photo 1: Clemmy Cockatoo. Photos 2 & 3: L’Erotique
I will shout-out the members of our fabulous Purim 2017 Commedia Erotica cast, starting with Queen Esther herself, played with grace and good humor—since she was cast, dressed, veiled and thrust into the spotlight at literally the last minute—by the statuesque and sexy Rachel Magenta, usually Nori Carter’s GF, but on this very special occasion, a virgin who becomes a queen—and topless sexpot savior of her people.
The King is played by buff-and-ready porn performer, Rick Fantana. Rick looks regal in his kingly robes, gold crown and tight St. Paddy’s green boxer briefs, wielding a royal scepter topped with a gleaming gold dildo. Shout-out to Clemmy Cockatoo for her Midas’ Touch in turning our scepter-dildo gold. Like many a King Ahasuerus before him, Rick never tires of invoking the old Mel Brooks truism “It’s good to be the King.” Though he takes a while to warm up to his role, by the second half, he shows us just how good it is to be king, revealing what he’s been concealing and getting his personal scepter royally sucked by his two personal “eunuchs” (that’s Bible-speak for the nonconsensually castrated transwomen who serve the King in his harem and private quarters), ably played by the vivacious, Kristen Kraves, as well as our own Jacquie Blu. Then, “wearing nothing but (his) crown,” he hops in on the tail end of a daisy chain of fellatio, analingus and anal sex (thanks for helping us to stay safe, Glyde America condoms, in this spontaneous sex scene and so many others) which kicks the royal orgy into overdrive. More about that in a minute.
But speaking of anal, shout-out to Cosmopolitan Magazine for running my Q&A on anal play and butt plugs this month. So timely!
Ron Jeremy Mordecai & the Gushing of the Red Sea
Also cast at the last minute, but acing her role like she was born to it, is Rhiannon Aarons as Vashti. Despite her Hamish-sounding last name, Rhiannon is not Jewish, at least not the “Aarons” side of her family, which fits, since Vashti is supposed to be a hot shiksa. Well, maybe “hot” isn’t the best adjective for Vashti who refuses the king’s request that she appear before him and his royal drinking buddies “wearing her royal crown,” which I learned in advanced Bible class meant “wearing nothing but her royal crown.”
In the Bible, the King banishes (or, in some translations, executes) Vashti for her disobedience. Here in Bonoboville, we prefer to punish her for refusing to strip naked by stripping her naked and then flogging her voluminous breasts and exposed, neatly shaved hamantaschen on the Cross.
Doing the “tough job but somebody’s gotta do it” of stripping Vashti/Rhiannon stark naked, shackling her to the cross and flogging her silly, is “Captain” Jack Cannon, who makes his first appearance on DrSuzy.Tv. Jack, a nice Gentile boy, is well-acquainted with the Purim story, and he plays the part of the palace guard, “executioner” and chief torturer with sadistically congenial panache, aided by his leather flogger with an ornate metal handle that looks like it was forged in ancient Persia (now modern Iran), the land of our Purim tale. Captain Jack is rewarded mightily for all that strenuous shackling and flogging with a classic blowjob from the orally skilled palace eunuch, the sleek, busty and multi-talented Kristen Kraves.
As mentioned, Mr. Jeremy, world famous porn icon and bar mitzvah boy, plays Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai, Esther’s avuncular relative who (in my view) righteously “pimps her out,” putting his “comely” cousin forth as a prospective bride for the hedonistic King, grooming and advising her in this incredibly skillful seduction that stops a genocide. Ron certainly looks the part, complete with tallit, kippah, kosher schnaz and schlong. Also, he may be partially channeling his old friend Dennis Hof, Nevada’s most popular pimp and legal brothel owner. Mordecai/Ron also plays a medley of Judaic tunes (yes, Havanagilah) on his SUZY award-winning harmonica, tells some bellylaughing Borscht-Belt style jokes and, after his cousin Esther saves the day with nothing but her pert natural boobs, he celebrates with “much gladness and merrymaking,” by screwing a resurrected Vashti/Rhiannon on my broadcast bed.
The screwing gets underway after an intense fingering session that not only makes Vashti/Rhiannon come, but also squirt, and then gush blood as red as the center of a cherry hamantaschen. Thus, the Red Sea analogy. Glory be to the Goddess, and towels to the rescue (thanks Harry Sapien)!
Big Trigger Warning—especially for Orthodox Jews and other religious folks who subscribe to the belief that menstruating women are “unclean” and shouldn’t be touched by men, let alone made love to. Nothing against anyone’s belief system, but this winds up meaning that for about half the month, even a husband and wife can’t have sex, even though “period sex” often feels quite good and can help ease the woman’s menstrual cramps.
In any case, Hedgehog, though respectful (kissing his tallit before putting it on, he keeps wondering aloud what his rabbi will think) moves forward and shows us why he is still and forever the “Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz,” as well as the Mayor of Bonoboville, going downtown on Vashti/Rhiannon’s bloody pussy cookie, earning his “red wings,” then parting that Red Sea like Moses with his staff, and giving it to her with the putz that’s launched a thousand orgasms (at least). Then, in celebration of the Feast of Esther, he gives Vashti/Rhiannon a few more. What can we say? Call it “Vashti’s Revenge.”
Haman and Harem Girls
The Purim Story is utterly incomplete without a good villain, and for Purim 2017, we have a very good Bad Guy indeed. Cast just before the show begins, our beloved cameraman, Sean Riedy, makes a surprisingly excellent Haman.
Who knew that sweet Sean could portray pure Evil with a capital “EEEeee!” so convincingly and gleefully, strutting his noxious bigoted self like the Stephen Bannon of Bible times. In his ignominious end, our Haman/Sean takes his “execution” well, allowing himself to be shackled to the cross and flogged mercilessly by Captain Jack, a bonoboësque substitution for execution, murder, war and other forms of lethal violence. Then, in the afterparty, it seems that even Haman goes to heaven, as our loveliest of harem girls, Gypsy Bonobo, smartly flogs his wicked, happy back.
Photos 1 & 4: Clemmy Cockatoo. Photos2 & 3: B Natural
Rounding out the Commedia Erotica cast are more hot harem girls, the deliciously zaftig Karla Lane (in her first appearance on the show) and the sensuously slender Madame Margherite (always one of our favorites). And a special shout-out to Ikkor the Wolf, just for hanging around Shushan town looking fine in his #Bonoboville shirt.
Purim and Trump
After we act out the story, I invite some nice Jewish girls turned dominatrices to sit around in the harem and chat with me and some of the “cast,” Talmudic style, just before the orgy gets underway. In fact, all that Talmudic talk gets the orgy underway.
The marvelous, garrulous Sheree Rose even shows her boobs and dubs Purim 2017 “the best Purim ever,” and she’s been through a few, including some where she was Queen Esther, and for that I give her a crown.
PHOTO 1: CLEMMY COCKATOO. PHOTOS 2 & 3: B NATURAL
Also part of our Talmudic pussy circle is Mistress Tara Indiana, whose real Dad was a rabbi, and who now, only somewhat ironically, runs an exciting organization called, “DAD,” an acronym for “Dominatrices Against Donald (Trump).”
Ms. Tara, last seen on DrSuzy.Tv leading the full-bladdered FemDoms of Bonoboville in a Golden Shower party all over the helpless, half-naked Trumpster, demonstrates some of DAD’s core objectives by beating and stepping on our Trump doll penis pillow as punishment for “stealing” the King’s crown, with a nod to current events.
And yes, as I mention in the Elephant Journal piece, “Parallels to current events abound. Without taking it literally, perhaps those of us who want to keep our gold-loving man-baby, King Trump, from signing Hamanësque chief strategist Stephen Bannon’s ominous edicts (a.k.a. executive orders) can learn something from Esther’s approach. All of us can learn the value of seduction in achieving our goals. Without firing a shot or even breaking a nose, seduction can ignite tremendous passion, put a leash on a tyrant and even, as in Esther’s case, stop a holocaust.”
PHOTO 1: JACQUIE BLU. PHOTOS 2 & 4: L’EROTIQUE. PHOTO 3: SELFIE
Then again, maybe Trump really is a pretender to the throne, and the Purim King doesn’t represent Trump at all. Maybe Haman really represents Trump as well as Bannon, Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan and the whole conniving-to-harm-us Republican leadership, all rolled up into one evil, seductive, deceptive villain just out for his own aggrandizement. In this parallel, the drunken, hedonistic, borderline-bonoboesque, easily led or misled King represents the American People.
Considering this 2017 American Purim Midrash, the lesson is one that some of us clueless liberals need to learn from Queen Esther, as well as Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai. That is, how to seduce the American People (the King) back to our progressive ways.
Many of us refuse to even entertain what we feel are “foolish” desires on the part of Trump supporters. That’s a bit like Vashti refusing to appear naked before the King; noble, perhaps, but futile politically. If we want to win favor, and elections, we need to curb our Vashti-like attitude, at least on some issues, and try plying our “petitions” with the grace, teasing charm, creativity, determination and erotic courage of Queen Esther. Click the link for this Bernie Sanders appearance before a bunch of West Virginian Trump voters, and you’ll see what I mean.
And hey, it’s the Bonobo Way.
Check out some of these amazing Past Purims in Bonoboville:
Thanks to this week’s volunteers and staff: Camera Operator – Sean Riedy, Conwell Stewart; Photographers – B Natural, L’Erotique; Christian Leplus; Jux Li; Bartender – Mei Taylor; Intern –Luis Guereca; On-Campus Bonobos – Abe Perez, Del Rey, Gypsy Bonobo, Harry Sapien, Jacquie Blu, MarsFX, Johnny Jungle, Clemmy Cockatoo, Ana & Miguel.
© March 12, 2017. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.