L’Chaim! What a sexual revelation!

Hamantaschen, Hot Babes and Horny Kings

Praise the Lord and the Lady, and Blessed Be The Sexy, Who Knoweth The Piquant Pleasures of Bible Sex in our Porn ‘n’ Purim Bacchanal, now playing for your free listening and viewing pleasure on RadioSuzy1TV.

Story Time at the Speakeasy . Photo: Crystal Eyez

Believe it or not, I used to be a Sunday school teacher, and in a way, I’m still teaching Sunday school, except now I do it on Saturday nights and half my “class” is naked.

What Have We Here? A Porny Purimschpiel. . Photo:Erika Icon

Traditionally, Purim is the “Jewish Halloween” or “Yiddishe Mardi Gras,” but there has never been a Purim celebration as wild and orgiastic, not to mention inter-denominational – as this one. Correct me if I’m wrong about that, and be sure to send pictures.

The Harem of King Ahasuerus at Dr. Suzys Speakeasy

Our festivities begin with a Porny Purimschpiel performed by The Dr. Susan Block Commedia Erotica Speakeasy Players, an exotic, erotic, improvisational, politically incorrect and hilarious theatrical presentation of the Megillat Esther (click here to read my version of the story), complete with horny kings, hot wives, political intrigue, Weapons of Mass Seduction and the secrets of the harem – from how to disguise your true identity to how to female ejaculate.

Kelly Leigh squirts for peace.. Photo: Andy Martin

This is our third erotic improvisational production of the Purim Story, now evolving into a Speakeasy tradition, like Eros Day with schmaltz.

Esther unveils before the king. . Photo: Kyle

This year’s characters, most of whom are selected for their roles just moments before the play begins, prove to be remarkably well cast.

Sexual Seduction For A Worthy Cause Photo: Eban Lehrer

Adorable porn starlet Regan Reese (who rocked the Speakeasy when she joyously blew two hung guys at our Erotic Insurgent Masquerade) is exquisite in the title role of Esther, her dark eyes flashing above her veil, and her delectable body undulating beneath it, as she seduces the king into saving her tribe from genocide.

Do not try this at home, unless you are the King of Persia . . Photo: Eban Lehrer

As King Ahasuerus (the historical King Xerxes), veteran porn star Jack Lawrence shows the crowd why “it’s good to be the king,”screwing scores of luscious ladies in and out of his harem, making them worship his golden scepter, as well as his other scepter.

My, what big swords you have!

Red hot redhead Mae Victoria turns in a brilliant performance as Queen Vashti, the king’s first wife who refuses to dance nude for him and his drunken princes.

Vashti confronts her fate

Stripped naked anyway for her insolence, she is then shackled to the Bondage Cross, her lovely porcelain skin flogged mercilessly – and you can flog as mercilessly as you want with my beautiful new elk skin leather flogger, and it doesn’t hurt a bit.

Flog her! . . Photo: Jes

Later, Mae as Vashti has a passionate love scene with Chris Pesos playing a palace guard. This provides our very own Commedia Erotica “Midrash”: Why does Vashti refuse to dance naked for the king? Because she has fallen in love with a handsome young guard.

Sister Mae Squirts Holy Water, as Brother Chris Bares Witness . . Photo: Bromeo

Also later, after we take a call from Gigi who wants to know how to better use her 38DD boobs to seduce her new husband, Mae slides between my legs and goes down on me with the tongue of an angel.

Mae experiences the Vibrating Glove . Photo: Andy Martin

Somewhere between the licking, the action on the Cross, and cracking open the Easter eggs filled with Condomania condoms, I declare that Mae represents the resurrection of Jesus. Hallelujah! It’s a holiday show.

The Resurrection of Mae . . Photo: Lydia Teez

When not playing rebellious Biblical queens or making me imagine she is a kinky Christ figure, Mae is a writer. Like most writers, she does something else to pay the bills, and Mae’s something else is, well, the title of her first book (a very good read indeed) is “Hooker,” so you figure it out.

Mae & Me . . Photo: Lydia Teez

Mae is as beautiful as she is gifted with the gab of the leprechaun land of her ancestors. And she squirts! That’s another treat you get to see inside the harem: the natural human miracle of female ejaculation.

Pimpin Cousin Mordecai, rewarded with the Kings Harem Girl . . Photo: Eban Lehrer

Rounding out the cast is Tony Award-winning mainstream actor Barry Miller, giving a subtle but strong performance as Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai, and Chris Floyd who reprises his role as that Villain we love to hate with the hat we love to eat, Haman the Aggravating Agagite.

Haman on the Cross. . Photo: Erika Icon

Then there are the lovely ladies of the harem, most prominently, Savannah Jane playing a virgin nymphomaniac who has wild passionate porn star sex with King Jack in and between all the scenes.

The King in His Harem

Statuesque Bellydancer Samraa Sharise gives us a glittering, jiggling demonstration of the authentic ancient art of bellydancing. Later, the preternaturally gorgeous Kat comes in, decked out in urban tribal regalia, and reveals the more unconventional side of the seductive art of the bellydance.

Samraa Sharise teaches Esther the Art of Bellydance . . Photo: Lydia Teez

Kelly Leigh, a friend of Mae’s and a force of nature, enters the harem a little late in the story, but makes up for lost time by being a raging sex goddess, squirting sweet-smelling amrita all over Mae. Later Kelly squirts all over me, with the help of a beautiful XTC glass G-spot stimulator.

XTC Glass works its magic on Kelly

Sara Sioux Robertson is Hookah Girl, puffing her trademark smoke rings in a shimmering sari. I could have sworn I saw one ring settle around Jack’s scepter, but before I could say Smoke ’em Sesame, it disintegrated.

Hookah Girl . Photo: Crystal Eyez Ent.

Rounding out the harem are Teri London (also our Guest Coordinator) and Beckie Beardsley, plus another sexy Sara and a couple of mystery women stroking feather boas, smoking the hookah and playing with Doc Johnson Pocket Rockets.

Drop Pocket Rockets, Not Patriot Missiles!

And what’s a harem without eunuchs?

Eunuchs are vital to the harem

The Story of Esther features several eunuchs, i.e., Biblical post-op transsexuals. Essentially, these are guys who have been literally castrated for one reason or another. Their main job is to take care of the harem girls with no impregnation, which is the sole prerogative of the king. Aside from the humiliation factor, the excruciating pain of having your penis and/or testicles removed must have been awful, but at least if you’re a eunuch, you can always get a job in a harem.

Girls Nite Out at Dr. Suzys Speakeasy . Photo: Dr. Michael Perry

And it was the ancient beginning of a transgendered community, although in Biblical cases, being transgendered was not usually consensual.

Carmen Cruz on The Cross . Photo: Erika Icon

Vivacious transsexual porn star Carmen Cruz gives an eye-popping performance as the chief eunuch of the king’s harem, though she is most distinctly a pre-op TS, and may never get an “op,” as she seems quite comfortable with her lovely functional penis which she graciously brings out of her gold lamé panties and strokes for the appreciative crowd.

Both Pre- & Post-Op in The Speakeasy Harem

Carmen also brings a bevy of colorfully attired trannies with her, and we have a few of our own, so it turns out to be Eunuch Night in addition to Porn ‘n’ Purim at the Speakeasy.

King and Queens

Speaking of dicks, the sacred Phallus of the Harem is played with towering panache by the one and only Dickey Balls, a seven foot furry dick with balls, not to mention arms and legs, styled like a Disneyland cartoon character. Dickey hovers gaily (and sometimes eerily) over the harem like the horny phallus that he is, then proves his mettle by hiking up his balls and driving Queen Esther and me in the rickshaw as we give hamantaschen to the hungry.

Thwarting expectations, Dickey Balls mounts the rickshaw and drives us around the Speakeasy! Dickey, you can drive us anytime :-)

Then there are the palace guards, each wielding a condom-covered silver sword/dildo, played by Brandon Hale (who helped create the costumes for many of the harem girls and other characters), Chris Pesos (Vashti’s “love interest”), and Norman Alexander Gibbs (another one of our mainstream actor friends) who dramatically taunts Vashti on the Bondage Cross as he whips her natural red-haired Delta of Venus with my fabulous new red, black and blue flogger.

Flogging the Wench

After the “formal” Purimschpiel climaxes with the flogging of Hamen/Chris, the Speakeasy erupts (yet again!) into a carnivalesque orgy, reaching even deeper levels of communal ecstasy than usual.

Bless you, My Child

Or maybe it just seems that way to me, having grown up with Purimschpiels, dressing up as the seductive Queen Esther and the nasty Queen Vashti, having great fun, but harboring erotic Purim fantasies that, of course, could never be fulfilled in my conservative synagogue celebrations. Now that I have my own temple, they are being fulfilled, and then some.

I feel so blessed, wandering through the Speakeasy Gallery, from Bill Pacak’s beautiful exhibit of handcarved vulva pipes to the dazzling XTC Glass diplay to people happily flogging each other on the Cross to other people squirting on the sofa to more people feeling each other up with our heavenly Vibrating Gloves to even more people riding our new Double Monkey Rocker to a hot trannie riding Grandpa on the red leather couch, as Dave Schulz plays my grandmother’s 1926 Steinway along with DJ Leo9’s ultra-danceable tracks. And the band plays on…

In and out of it all, various Jewish couples and singles, of which there are a few more than usual, come up to say “shalom.” Some are surprised at the level of Biblical wisdom being transmitted along with the eroticism.

Sandy & Sara K get a Speakeasy Bible lesson

Despite the wild sex scenes that don’t always follow the plot (the King’s scepter finds its way into harem girl Savannah Jane more often than his “beloved” Esther), we do manage to tell most of the original Story of Esther with almost all its Byzantine plot twists and turns.

Queen Esther seduces the king to save her peeps, or Sometimes a Queen has Gotta Do What a Queen has Gotta Do

Well, as those of you who know me know, I’ve been an amateur Bible “scholar” ever since my older brother scared the crap out of my five-year-old self when he read me the first chapters of Genesis. In fact, I believe there is a direct link between the Old and New Testament studies of my youth and my current work as a sex therapist.

Dildo Mask by Bill Pacak. Photo: Robert M

I see the Bible as a great literary document of the ancient Western and Middle Eastern human spirit. Of course, it isn’t literally “true.” And of course, the best parts are the sex parts, which I embellish through my own “commentary,” as the rabbis do when they compose Midrash.

Erotic Midrash . Photo: William Fruehe

Not that I’m comparing myself to a rabbi (Oy, God forbid!); unlike the rabbis (ministers, mullahs, priests), my midrash is physical as well as spiritual.

A Melo Moment . Photo: XsickX

Ah yes, the physical plane, oh, how I love that deliciously nasty physical plane…

Sara K: first time on the Bondage Cross . Photo: Andy Martin

And so, covered with the female ejaculate of two women, I go in unto my king, my H, and I seduce him like Queen Esther (without the genocide threat, thank God). He comes into the depths of my warm wet harem, and then I come and come, over and over, around his royal scepter. L’Chaim!

Kelly eats me like a hamantaschen