Length: 1:21:03 Date: Feb. 23, 2013
It’s another amazing, erotic, educational, transformational Porn ‘n’ Purim Bacchanal in the Womb Room as the Commedia Erotica cast of porn stars, comedians, transwomen and Hollywood socialites reenact the sexiest story in the Bible (or the second sexiest, if you prefer “Song Of Songs”): the Book of Esther, aka Megillat Esther, which tells the tale of the ancient Persian Jewish beauty contest winner who saves her people from genocide by using her Weapons of Mass Seduction. The storyline might be familiar, especially if you got Bar Mitzvah’ed, but believe me, this is not your Bubbe’s Purim.
Keep in mind that, in true Commedia Dell’Arte tradition, this reenactment is totally improvised—no rehearsal, no script, no net but the Internet—with parts, costumes and sex acts determined just moments before our live-on-the-air performance! Fortunately for those players and viewers who don’t know a hamantaschen from a hard-on, you also get a little guided narration from your Irreverend Rebbetzen here who, once upon a time, was a Sunday school teacher. In a way, I still teach Sunday school, except now I do it on Saturday nights and half my class is naked. This Saturday turns out to be quite a lesson in human behavior—both during and after the Purimschpiel (Purim play).
I’ll get to “after” later; first let’s talk about the show—which happens to be one of our finest Purimschpiels ever (see Purim 2008 and 2011 for oldies but goodies)—exciting, provocative, ridiculous and erotic. Of course, with a cast of some of the world’s hottest porn stars, even reading Facebook’s Rules and Regulations would be erotic. But much of our Purimschpiel’s eroticism lies in the original story. This makes it stand out against most of the Hebrew Bible, aka the Old Testament, which is only “pro-sex” when it comes to procreation. Just about every other kind of sexual relation is presented as “unclean” or an “abomination,” often punishable by death or even fire and brimstone for the entire community. But the Purim story is a very sex-positive one: a feminist tale in a patriarchal time, beginning with the feast of a king and the disobedience of a queen and ending with the obedience of a king and the feast of a queen.
I won’t go into all the details (though if you’re a Purimschpiel fetishist, you can read my full erotic exotic interpretation of the Story of Esther here)….This ain’t Sunday School, though you may call it Sex Education Bible style…Sunday School Purimschpiels don’t feature golden dildo scepters! Basically, there’s this Persian King named Ahasuerus (sometimes said to be a version of the ancient Persian King Xerxes), who ruled over 127 provinces from India to Ethiopia, and, once upon a time, he throws a six-month drinking, eating, gambling, and sex festival (and you thought Charlie Sheen was decadent). During the climactic week-long feast, King Ahasuerus, “merry with wine,” orders his wife, Queen Vashti, to display her beauty to him, his court, and his people, in an ancient version of striptease (i.e., naked). In a pre-feminist act of feminism or just an ancient outburst of bitchiness, Vashti refuses to strip down for her royal hubby and his drinking buddies. For this, she is banished or beheaded (depending on the translation), though our Bonobo Purimschpiel just flogs her royal naked body on the cross. In an ancient Persian version of “Who Wants to Marry a King?”, the king calls for a new queen, to be chosen from all the kingdom’s virgins (you can imagine the comic erotic possibilities of casting porn stars as virgins—thank you Ideal Image Management!). The king chooses Esther, a Jewish girl entered into the contest (aka pimped) by her cousin, the hero of the story whom I lovingly call “Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai.”
Like I said, I’m not going to tell you the whole story (find those juicy details here), but needless to say, Esther arouses the king, and when she kisses the “tip of his scepter,” and wow, she gets him big and hard as an iron sword. But all is not rosy in Shushan (the magical city where Purim takes place), as the king’s evil right hand man, Haman, like a lot of ambitious politicians throughout history, has a thing against Jews who won’t bow down to him (like Mordecai), and he devises an extermination plan that would—and did—make Hitler smile. After a bunch of twists and turns—all illustrated with X-rated panache in our Purim play–Queen Esther fetes, fellates, sucks and seduces the king into saving her people from genocide. She’s quite a powerful sexual woman, Queen Esther, whether or not she really existed—right up there with Cleopatra and Scheherazade—and that is why we celebrate her and her Weapons of Mass Seduction here in Bonoboville. By the end of our Purimschpiel, the Jews have been saved, the king has been schtupped, and everyone has been treated to a healthy spectacle of Biblical sex… both on stage, and continuing into the afterparty. Whew, whatta lotta L’Chaim!
BUT…sad to say, there is a disturbingly dark side to Purim’s *happy ending,* as there is to our after-party. In terms of the story: Though the king revokes the genocide edict, he cannot call off the hordes of swordsmen hell-bent on killing Jews; he gives his royal permission for gangs of Jewish swordsmen to kill thousands of their enemies in “self-defense,” including Haman’s 10 sons, some of whom are too young to even lift a sword. According to the Bible, this awful orgy of bloody revenge is all part of the “gladness, feasting and holiday-making.” For a peacenik like me, who so appreciates Esther’s ability to seduce her king away from killing, this part makes me want to toss my hamantaschen. Is this what the rabbis mean when they tell us that, on this night, we should drink so much we can’t tell the good guys from the bad? Must the oppressed become the oppressor? Must the cycle of violence go on?
Not that I’m surprised. The Biblical and real histories of Judaism, like its offspring: Christianity and Islam, are densely littered with the dead victims of God-loving, righteous, racist mass murder. Check it out; it’s all right there in your Bible, Koran, Bhagavad Gita and other so-called holy books.
Which brings me to the dark side of Purim 2013 in Bonoboville, and it pains me like a heart attack to write about this, but I feel I should bloggamize the bad along with the good that goes on here, as I have always done. Anyway, on Purim, we’re “commanded” to drink so much wine that we can’t tell the difference between the good (Mordecai) and the bad (Haman). That sounds like a lot of wholesome inebriated fun, and usually it is, but of course, it can be dangerous. So, after a terrific Purimschpiel, several hours of erotic peace through pleasure, and too-enthusiastic an attempt to honor the Purim drinking tradition, one of our staff members “lost it” and became crazy-violent. It was a tremendous shock to the Bonoboville system, as violence like this has never happened here before in over 20 years of shows and wild bacchanals. Then it escalated, other staff members got involved and it got even worse. I certainly don’t want to go into detail here or name names. Not at this time. I do want to apologize to all of our guests who were here and let you know that, though we are devastated by this barbaric outburst, we are trying our best to deal wisely with the situation and ensure that nothing like this happens here again. It’s not easy, to say the least. I’m just grateful that no one was seriously injured–or worse. Fortunately, none of the people involved had guns (another reminder of how important gun control is in these psycho time)! But incidents like this painfully remind me of why I’m dedicated to the cause of peace through pleasure. It’s something I’m constantly studying, trying to understand in relation to bonobos and humans. Having such senseless violence explode in your midst—seemingly out of nowhere (though it’s never just “out of nowhere”) like a terrorist attack on all you hold dear—is a terrible trial by fire. Fortunately, some heroic members of our staff helped diffuse the situation in the most bonobo manner possible under the circumstances, so it didn’t get even worse. Thank you, Brothers and Sisters, we appreciate your efforts, we love you, and though we have been wounded, our wounds will heal, and we will get through this better than ever, as we have gotten through all of our fiery trials.
We’re also proud that this show, as well as all of our February shows, is part of Eve Ensler’s One Billion Rising movement to stop violence (including rape) against women and everyone else. We each have to try to stop the chain of violence in the world and in our own backyard, as we learned in this after-party. But I don’t want to let this stupid after-party incident take away from our marvelous Purimschpiel performers. So without further ado, here they are….
Tee Reel: It’s fitting that the King of Ideal Image Management plays our King Ahaseurus. It’s good to be the King! And Tee is a natural for sitting on a throne commanding “virgins” to do his lusty bidding. Before the end of the evening, he has his royal scepter kissed and sucked, and I mean both the golden dildo he actually carries as a scepter, and his actual royal member. And with a royal member like Tee’s, it’s obvious why he’s the king.
Amor Hilton: It’s such a joy to have our favorite Hollywood socialite, who also happens to be a nice Jewish girl (on her mom’s side) back on DrSuzy.tv. We’ve missed her! Amor is always a pretty princess, but this time we make her a queen: the prudish or willful (depending on your interpretation) Queen Vashti who refuses to dance for her hubby the king, only to be stripped by the guard, hung up on the cross and flogged as naked royal eye candy for all to ogle.
Lya Pink: Our Esther is another Ideal Image Management star, batting her dark seductive eyes from behind her veil (The root of Esther in Hebrew is hester, meaning “hidden”), persuading the king to choose her above all the beauties of his harem. Then she opens up her most powerful Weapon of Mass Seduction: her mouth—to both plead her case and give the king’s royal scepter the best head of his life.
Dark Phoenix: Reprising his signature role, the Phoenix rises from the ashes to give a great performance as Haman, the Jew hater, garbed in Nazi gear and a tri-cornered hat, at whose name the entire Bonoboville audience shakes its groggers (noisemakers) with glee. Ah, the joys of hating a common enemy! Hamen gets his revenge in the end, however, abducting a beautiful harem girl and having hot torrid sex with her well into the after-party, then suspending her from the Womb Room ceiling like the world’s prettiest piñata.
Haley Sweet: She’s that gorgeous harem girl/suspended piñata I just told you about who wows the after-party with her wild sex with Haman/Dark Phoenix. She also shares some hamantaschen (Thank you, Cantor’s Deli!) with me, orally, and vaginally. Is it kosher to eat hamantaschen, the cookies named after the famous villain, out of a harem girl’s twat? Is it shaped like the twat itself, perhaps another symbol of female power (besides being Haman’s hat)? Do we care? It feels good! And tastes good! And looks really good! Yummm!
Daryl Wright: Coming on strong like a Jewish James Brown, our beloved stand-up comedian Daryl Wright is hilarious as “Pimpin’ Cousin Mordecai”, the one who brokers the deal between his younger cousin Esther and King Ahasuerus, both in getting her the crown, and furthering a real world plan to keep the Jews alive. In the Purim story, as Haman falls, Mordecai rises. When Daryl, as Mordecai, is invited into the harem, perhaps to represent his heightened position in the King’s Court, he also rises. It’s well deserved, because all night, Daryl has to watch all the others easily “get some,” complaining that even “Haman got his nuts played with before he got killed!”
Brianna Brooks: Another sweet Ideal Image Management model, Brianna loves Twitter and is the first to shake her hot naked, impeccably groomed body in the “virgin” contest. Her twinkling smile makes the king’s golden scepter glow, but his love for Esther is sort of preordained.
Heidi Hollywood: Yet another Ideal Image Management hottie (there are so many people from this wonderful, up-and-coming agency for this show, they might be one of Ahasuerus’ 127 provinces), Heidi plays one of the hot harem girls, really shaking that bellydancing scarf with her bodacious booty.
Victoria Veil and Jesse Flores: These two marvelous transwomen, both back for return engagements, play the royal “eunuchs,” who take care of the king as well as the harem girls. Having had their genitalia removed or cut, the ancient eunuch is the precursor to the modern transsexual, although in the old case, it was painfully involuntary and quite abusive. Our transsexuals still have their junk, and they delight in playing and getting played with, taking part in the touching, flogging, and general Womb Room mayhem with all the other “straight” females and males.
Max Hardcore: Max may be an adult film legend, and free speech rights pioneer, but tonight Max just wants to rock out, and we hear his musical current running, just enough, all through the show this evening, via electric guitar and wild blonde wig that looks suspiciously like Amor Hilton’s actual hair.
WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION
Eating Hamantaschen That Look Like Vulvas (Or Haman’s Hat), Drinking So Much We Can’t Tell the Good from the Bad, Stripping the Naughty Queen Naked & Flogging Her On The Cross for Refusing to Dance Naked Before Drunken Princes, Virgin Parade, Harem Girl Striptease, On and Off the Stripper Pole, Kissing the King’s Dildo Scepter, Sucking the King’s Dildo Scepter, Esther Goes From the King’s Scepter to the King’s Cock, Harem Girls Pleasing the King, Eunuchs Pleasing Haman, Riding the Royal Horse, Shaking A Booty Wrapped in Shining & Clinking Gold Jewelry, Haman being “Hung” from His Own Gallows, Sharing Hamantaschen Between Mouths, Moistening Powerdery Hamantaschen in a Wet Vagina, Eating Hamantaschen out of a Harem Girl’s Vagina, Sticking Hamantaschen in a Pussy to Moisten Them, Footplay, Foot Massage, Spanking, Assplay, Slapping, Caressing, Screwing, Doggy-Style, Woman-On-Top, Trapeze, Suspension