Petraeus-Gate in BonoboVille: Centaur Sex, Military Fetishists & DNA Exploding Everywhere!
What has become of “privacy” when even the chief of the CIA can’t carry on a secret love affair without the whole world finding out? Welcome to the eerie new era of the American Surveillance State (ASS), bastard child of the Military Industrial Complex (MIC) and the Patriot Act, making sure that, whether you’re a terrorist, a mom or a four star general, Big Brother is watching you (yes, you too!), quite possibly without his shirt on.
Out of this perfect frankenstorm of sex, spies, perma-war and deep, penetrating, “All In” surveillance comes “Petraeus-Gate,” one of the biggest poli-sexual messes to ejaculate out of the Beltway since Bill Clinton got a too-sloppy blowjob (though—unlike General P—he managed to hold onto his day job).
Since not everyone in BonoboVille is a poli-sex junkie as addicted to Petraeus-Gate as I am, Capt’n Max and I take the first few minutes of this super sex-educational show to summarize the whole basic convoluted story, using Gawker’s handy-dandy Petraeus-Gate flow chart, embedded in DrSuzy.tv show producer Tasia Sutor’s fabulous patriotic, erotic, military-fetishized set.
And with that, we bring Petraeus-Gate “to life,” Commedia Erotica style, based on the not-too-farfetched notion that Petraeus, his paramour/hagiographer Paula Broadwell and that other “other woman,” Jill Kelley (not the porn star!)—all of them having been laughed out of Washington, Harvard and even Tampa—come out West, bleach their hair blonde and get into porn.
David Petraeus: The former CIA director and four star general is played with laconic sensitivity by DrSuzy.tv recurring guest/porn star Brock Hard AND Master Liam’s wooden horse. Brock gives the spotlight to Petraeus the Centaur (for more about the meaning of the original ancient Greek “Petraeus” who was a mythological centaur, half-man/half-horse, read “Galloping Petraeus,” also posted in Counterpunch). But in the after-party, Brock takes the lead, living up to his last name and getting it “All In” to his adoring biographer, climaxing with a week’s worth of DNA evidence all over her well-toned tummy.
Paula Broadwell: Petraeus’ svelte hagiographer and gung-ho lover is played with panache by porn star Shay Golden who comes to the part with not only a special love for her leading man (who happens to be her boyfriend) but, in a stroke of accidental type-casting, we discover that Shay is an avid rider, owner and lover of horses because “they are beautiful, amazing and you can train them to do whatever you want.” But no, she’s never had sex with a horse. Though when I tell her about the original Petraeus being a centaur, she exclaims, “I wish that was real—I would definitely have sex with it!” She does ride the wooden horse/centaur while making out with Brock as Petraeus and Jill Kelley/Vicky Vixen, then rides the Sybian to multiple orgasms and spends most of the after-party having hot spy sex with the Spy Chief who winds up leaking classified information all over her beautiful belly.
Jill Kelley: The other “other woman,” the voluptuous vixen in the middle of Petraeus-Gate, is played by voluptuous Vicky Vixen. Having been a military wife, Vicky understands military stress which, in her case, led to a sexless marriage, divorce and then freedom to strip and get into porn. Vicky takes it all off to reveal her beautiful, bountiful, all-natural DD boobs and bouncy bottom with her single tattoo of a 69 in the small of her back. In my Petraeus-Gate sex fantasy, I imagine catfighting Jill Kelley and Paula Broadwell making up by making out, which is just want Vicky and Shay do, licking and kissing each other as Shay rides Petraeus the Centaur. Then Kelly/Vixen sucks the Centaur’s big horse dick and gives El Generale coitus a mammalia with her natural DDs. It’s the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure, and it’s a lovely sight to behold. In the after-party, Vicky dips into the CalExotics basket and chooses a hot pink “Body & Soul” vibrator that squeezes her luscious labia and clitoris into several MIC-shattering orgasms, one of which has my finger inside, Hurricane Jill Kelley storming all over my happy knuckles.
Washington and The Media: The war-loving corporate press and his many adoring fans in Congress and two White Houses were giving General Petraeus what in media hack parlance are called “blow jobs” long before we found out that Paula Broadwell was giving him real ones. So it’s only fitting that one of our favorite fellatrixes, sultry shemale Jaslyn Lee, who fellated Bottom the Ass in A Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream, fantasizes about “sucking Marine cock,” and opens extra wide for centaurs, horses and men who are hung like them, should nail this role with a virtuoso performance that even another cock-sucking champ (Vicky Vixen as Jill Kelley) is impressed. Btw, even though we are not required to comply with LA’s new moronic Measure B, our horse cock is always covered with a changing supply of Condomania condoms.
Weapons of Mass Discussion:
Petraeus-Gate, Spy Sex, Military Fetish, The Military Industrial Complex, The Surveillance State, Generals & Biographers, Chief Spies & Secret Lovers, Sex-Starved Americans, Decent Sex, Bill Clinton, Cigar in the Pussy, Petraeus (Old Horse Face) as Centaur. Discipline, How to Have an Affair, All Eyes Are Watching All of Us, The Centaur in Greek Mythology, The Centauromachy, Horses, Military Stress, Secret Love Affairs, The Bonobo Way
Performance Erotica: Embedding, Snake Play, Riding Petraeus the Centaur, Striptease, Agwa Booby Shots, Sucking Off the Centaur, Dildos Dripping with Saliva, Sucking Dildos, Coitus a Mammalia with Natural DDs, Pants Around Ankles, Tramp Stamp: 69, Deep Throating, Salty Nipple Licking, Sybian Riding, Shaved Bare Vulva, Shaved Vulva with Landing Strip, Communal Ecstasy, Military Sex, Cunnilingus, Spanking, Multiple Orgasms with CalExotics Vibrator, Marathon Fellatio, Military Fetish Orgy, Hot Missionary Position Sex, Ejaculation All Over Stomach