Easter Eve on DrSuzy.tv: Marcus London, Pamela Balian, Dr. Suzy, Idelsy Love, Se7en. Photo: JuxLii

Length: 1:35:01   Date: March 30, 2013

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With rainbow tinted eggs stuffed with kisses, condoms, panties and sex toys, this show honors Easter Eve, when Jesus Christ is Born Again, welcomed back to life by the Original Easter Bunny, Mary Magdalene, ushering in a new Spring.  It’s also Passover, the Week of Wine and Crackers and Shaking off the Shackles of Slavery.  And it’s Persian New Year (well, within a few days), so we celebrate that too.  It’s also La Primavera, the festival of the “first green” blossoms of the year when, according to classical Greco-Roman mythology, the radiant Goddess Persephone (Proserpina to the Romans) soars up from the Bowels of Hell, where her Bad Boy husband Hades (aka Pluto) keeps her all Winter long.  In Eleusis, the place of the erotic Eleusinian Mysteries, the Holy Daughter is “born again,” rejoining Mother Demeter (Ceres), fair-haired fertility Goddess of the Earth, who is so ecstatic to embrace the Fruit of Her Loins that She showers the world in Spring! La Primavera! Carissami Amiche… C’est la printemps, mes amants…

And then everybody gets Spring Fever. Spring is mating time, dating time, time to fly with the birds and the bees through the flowers and the trees, all buzzing, chirping, blooming and dripping with lustful fecundity. Spring! The word itself makes you want to leap for joy, strip off your clothes and dive into romance, especially after a long cold Winter. In Spring, all religions celebrate some sort of vital, faith-affirming holiday of rebirth, resurrection, renewal and return, both complementing and contradicting the season’s natural blooming eroticism. Yes, although the forces of Sex and God are usually quite at odds, sexuality and spirituality are, in many ways, just opposite angles of the same Easter egg. The mystical experience and the erotic experience are the most intense in human life; both connect desire with awe, love, anguish, ecstasy, terror, pain and extreme logic-defying pleasure.

But no, Easter doesn’t come from the Egyptian Love Goddess Ishtar (despite the phonetic similiarity and the much “liked” misinformed meme going around the web attributed to the Church of Sir Richard Dawkins).  It does come, in part, from the ancient Primavera Bacchanalia honoring Bacchus (Dionysus to the Greeks), another powerful, charismatic, male God of Spring. In the great Spring Dionysia of ancient Athens, playwrights like Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripedes presented tragedies and Aristophanes mounted his comedies, while the private Dionysia of Greece and the Bacchanalia of ancient Rome included ecstatic rituals and orgies celebrating this extremely popular, complex deity who, in a number of intriguing ways, foreshadows Jesus Christ.  How could a God of Orgies have anything to do with sweet Jesus?  Well, check out these eerie but strong similarities:

Both Gods have human “virgin” mothers and divine heavenly Fathers.
Both Gods were especially adorable babies.
Both Gods miraculously heal the sick.
Both Gods are intimately connected with wine.
Both Gods have, in a sense, their “flesh and blood” eaten and drunk by others.
Both Gods are androgynous, with many feminine characteristics, such as long hair, large eyes and peaceful, loving, empathetic, long-suffering natures.  But both are also stronger than any man, and flare with potent anger when crossed.
Both Gods are “rock stars”—extremely sexy, seductive and charismatic—with lots of followers.
Both Gods are Men of The People, not the Elites who are threatened by Their Holy Egalitarianism.
Both Gods are liberators and revolutionaries, overturning the status quo.
Both Gods treat women as equals (unusual for their times) and have many passionate, prominent female followers.
Both Gods have many slaves among their followers.
Both Gods preach that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.
Both Gods seduce you, saying that “Heavenly ecstasy is yours to enjoy if only you follow Me.”
Both Gods live among humans on earth as well as in heaven or Mount Olympus.
Both Gods die terrible bloody deaths, suffering for the sake of humanity.
Both Gods are resurrected in Spring.

And that’s just the basics.

But if Bacchus/Dionysus is so much like Jesus, why not have a Christian Bacchanalia?  Why is the idea so utterly ludicrous to our ears? There are many reasons, but essentially we don’t hold many Christian Bacchanals because the Christian Church managed to succeed with the upper classes on a massive scale like the Temples of Bacchus and Festivals of Dionysus never did. The Church became the Elites, as Barbara Ehrenreich so astutely points out in her book Dancing in the Streets: A History of Collective Joy, and the ecstatic essence of Dionysus/Bacchus/Jesus was repressed, oppressed and then, for the most part, lost. This is why some of us like to reach beyond the Church—not to mention the synagogue and the mosque—back to Bacchus and Dionysus to find the ecstatic essence that may have once been the power of Jesus before His divine whitewashing by the Church.

A note to my religious readers:  I love you too.  Please accept my apologies if you find this blasphemous.  I’m not trying to insult anyone’s religion here, not any more than I was on Purim, our Last Supper Seder or our Chocolate Jesus, Horny Hannukah show.  I’m just trying to celebrate an erotic Easter Eve—Praise the Lord and the Ladies, the beautiful Bacchantes of Bacchus—which brings me to our guests…

FEATURED GUESTS

Idelsy Love: A beautiful bacchante indeed, as well as a sleek little fetish model and lover of latex, Idelsy is a DrSuzy.tv virgin.  But she’s not a virgin to some of our toys, such as our Jesus Jackhammer dildo handmade with loving care by Divine Interventions, which she handled while dressed in a latex nun’s habit…how’s that for blasphemy (especially since she grew up Catholic)? But, like the Pope, she quit that. Not the Catholic schoolgirl outfit, mind you… but Idelsy prefers latex: how it looks, feels, to be touched and to sweat when wearing it. She gets her outfits custom made by Miami’s Maggie Delena, and she takes them off on the Womb Room stage. In tune with the ancient “Feast of the Phalloi,” she arrays herself with a number of phallic objects: between her boobs, in her hand and in her mouth, as we shackle her like Jesus, with a lovely set of Tantric shackles from CalExotics. This Spring, the Earth rejoices to see a naked Idelsy love, freed from her shackles, with a phallic lollipop between her lips and a Jackhammer Jesus between her tits.

Pamela Balian:  While Idelsy covers herself with latex, this masseuse/model (also a DrSuzy.tv first-timer) covers herself with tattoos—and Nuru Gel. This is the tasteless, transparent and very slippery substance that lubricates a “Nuru Slide” or a “Nuru Massage,” the Japanese massage practice in which Pamela specializes. If we only knew earlier… because unfortunately she, and we, didn’t bring any Nuru Gel, or the slide, else we may have gotten some lucky recipients to get a Nuru Massage on stage… next time!  Inspired by her Masonic heritage, and her Bluebell tattoo, which traditionally signals a truthteller, Pamela tells us a truth about her recently losing her squirting virginity, to our very next guest.

Marcus London: Winner of the DrSuzy.TV award for “Best Historical X-Rated Movie” for his brilliant and meticulous Spartacus MMXII: In the Beginning (still only available on DVD—get it through Wicked Pictures), Marcus is also the “Squirt Instructor” who made five women squirt on his most recent visit to DrSuzy.tv, including me. He did that at a leisurely pace—about an hour—but he just broke some sort of crazy record by making five women squirt in 15 seconds!  Now that’s what you call a quickie.  Marcus doesn’t make anyone squirt this show (what with all the womenfold either being on the rag or paralyzed with giggles), but he does look very nice in his Easter egg blue shirt.  And he tells us about some exciting new projects he’s got in the pipeline, including an adult version of Mad Max (could be a bio-pic of my husband, but more likely an XXX take-off on the Mel Gibson series), a gay male version of Spartacus (though Marcus will be on the producing side only) and an XXX film featuring none other than Jesus Christ and the Magdalene called “Positions of the Cross.”  Blasphemy or adoration, Marcus agrees, Jesus erotica is hot stuff in the new age of Ethical Hedonism.

Se7en: Lucky Se7en, indeed. He gets to photograph and make Spring Feverish love to lovely Idelsy Love on a regular basis. Maybe it’s his long, stiff beard. It looks stiff, but can it be stiff enough for…? Hmm.  Anyway, Se7en (and Idelsy) are also lucky enough to win our Bacchanalian Grape-Kissing Contest—in which the object is to pass a grape back and forth between two kissing mouths, and see who goes for the longest—beating Marcus and Pamela and winning them that CalExotics set of Tantric cuffs.   Se7en loves Jesus, his love seeming to actually grow in the course of this show, attributing his grape-kissing win to having Jesus on his side, as he clutches His portrait worshipfully.

WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION

Easter Eve, Passover, Persian New Year, Primavera, Bacchanalia, Spring Fever, Dionysus/Bacchus As God of Spring & Precursor to Jesus, Similarities Between Jesus & Dionysus/Bacchus, The Feast of the Phalloi, The Eleusinian Mysteries, The Myth of Persephone & The Origin of Spring, Mary Magdelene & Jesus as Lovers, Possible Pent-Up Sexual Jealousy Among Jesus’ (Gay?) Apostles, Possible Bisexual Nature of Jesus, “Feet” & Other Lower Body Parts as Euphemisms for Genitalia in the Bible, Some People are Turned on by Blasphemy, The Passion of The Christ by Mel Gibson vs The Last Temptation of Christ by Martin Scorsese, What’s Up With The New Pope?, Did the Pope Leave Because There Was a Gay Mafia in the Vatican That Was Going to be Compromised?, The Bonobo Way

PERFORMANCE EROTICA

Snake-Handling, Erotica-Stuffed Easter Eggs, Handmade Round Matzah From Israel, Performance Kissing, Latex Modeling, Jesus Jackhammer Between Boobs, Kissing Grape Game, Topless Modeling, Hysterical Giggling, Stripping to Christian Easter Music.