“AVN Amor” on DrSuzy.Tv with Chelsea Demoiselle, Amor Hilton with her SUZY Award for “Most Adorable, Snake Eve, Dr. Susan Block with Agwa Coca Leaf Liqueur & JuxLeather Lupercalian Februa, Goddess Maya with The Bonobo Way. Photo: L’Erotique. Inserts: Dark Phoenix live from the AVN Awards Show

Length 1:53:23:00 Date: Jan. 24, 2015

by Dr. Susan Block

Despite losing three DrSuzy.Tv staff members to three different far-flung happenings—the AVN Awards, NAMM and the Sundance Film Festival—plus mid-broadcast backlash from Bonoboville’s executive branch, I manage to pull a fairly decent show—from awards to arguments to orgasms—out of my hat or Amor Hilton’s ass, I’m not sure which. Well, maybe “decent” isn’t the best choice of words…

Joining me in-studio are the adorable amor-able Amor, sultry Chelsea Demoiselle, sexy Goddess Maya and sweet snake Eve in my broadcast bed, with cute-but- contrary Capt’n Max behind the bar. A few minutes into broadcast, we go “on location” to the swirling, sparkly center of the pornstar storm at the Hard Rock with our man Dark Phoenix webcam-streaming LIVE from the AVN awards show. The audio is not the crystal-clearest, but once DP figures out how to turn his camera phone sideways, we find ourselves in the best seats in the house, front and center stage, as the winners shriek with selfie-love, the crowd goes wild with alcoholic ecstasy and the presenters hike up the slits in their sequined evening gowns to bump, grind and out-twerk each other in a joyous, glorious, amped-up, Vegas-y version of Porn-Star Karaoke. All the raucous, randy fun of being right in the middle of the AVNs without the crippling foot-torture of tromping through aisles of slot machines to get to wherever you’re going.

We’re very happy, though not surprised, to hear DrSuzy.Tv veteran (and winner of “Most Bonobo” in 2013), the bootilicious and bodacious Sinn Sage, win “Best Girl-Girl,” or the boyish sweetheart of fan-based erotic entertainment, Porno Dan, wins “Mainstream Star of the Year,” and even less surprised that our old friend, Axel Braun, sweeps the awards yet again, this time for his parody of “24” (featuring several DrSuzy.Tv guests and pals, including Juxlii on crew). As those of you who know me know, Axel Braun made me squirt for the first time on New Year’s 2000 (uncorking the bubbly for a new millennium), with the verbal assistance of his dad, our even older friend, Lasse Braun. We are still, in a way, “Squirting Central” here in Bonoboville, because another DrSuzy.Tv alumna, Bonnie Rotten, who squirted for the first time with Juxlii during an after-party, just won an AVN award for “Best Squirting.” Making that scene would now be illegal in the UK, not to mention dissed as #justpee by certain folks. We do mention it though, which engenders an in-bed discussion of how last Saturday’s demo with Rainey Lane, as well as Chelsea’s, Amor’s and my own personal experiences, shows it is almost as #notpee as a glass of spring water. Nothing wrong with a nice golden shower between consenting adults. It’s just that female ejaculation is a different activity and, call it what you like, but female ejaculate is a different fluid. I call it “Holy Water.” So how ‘bout it, researchers? Time for a serious study that points out the differences.

Going Bonobos with Kim Fowley before D-Day. Photo: Mad Passion

Around half-time, we #freethenipple(s) for a lusty, salty, Agwa-infused round of Bonoboville Communion. We take this opportunity to toast our dearly departed friend, Kim Fowley, revolutionary rock icon, most famous for discovering groundbreaking all-girl band, the Runaways (with Joan Jett, Lita Ford, Cherie Currie). Another favorite DrSuzy.Tv guest, first brought by none other than Corpsy, constant companion to the moribund and the beautiful, Kim wore KISS make-up, talked about his ongoing battles with various cancers and, during one Bonoboville Communion, cleverly slipped his putter-tongue into Tiger Woods’ favorite hole-in-one (Joslyn James‘ ass). On “Night of the Masturbating Dead,” Kim chanted “WET… WET… WET…” as sexy Sophia Jade pleasured herself. A wild genius and true sweetheart, I miss him, though I can imagine him now orgiastically partying with the Earth and the earthworms as he merges ecstatically with the universe. It’s The Bonobo Way. 

The photo of Kim Fowley sticking his putter up Tiger Woods’ favorite Hole-in-One (Joslyn James) that Facebook deleted even though we censored it! Photo: AJ

Turns out Amor’s “Nana” was pals with Kim Fowley since his Runaway days. This is the same Nana who (according to Amor) had the good taste and bad manners to “steal” her granddaughter’s personally autographed copy of The Bonobo Way. Hey Nana, I’ll give you your own book, but give Amor’s back to her!

We also talk about Bruce Jenner’s transition. Well, I talk about it, and Max grumbles that he doesn’t want to hear about anyone who has anything to do with the Kardashians. I explain that many of our clients and audience members are interested in Jenner, the most famous celebrity ever to transition publicly, but apparently Max never ate his Wheaties. He feels Bradley Manning (and I don’t disagree), another MTF (male-to-female) “transwoman,” did something far more significant than Jenner, releasing documents revealing Western war crimes to Wikileaks and the world. Manning is now languishing in a U.S military prison on a long sentence, unable to get the medication he needs, while Jenner can walk around freely and go to elite doctors, albeit in the gilded, open-air prison of tabloid paparazzi scrutiny. Though I still believe Jenner is well worth talking about (and I’m sure I’ll be referring to him again in future shows), in bonoboësque style, I opt for marital harmony over defending my POV. At least, I try to. But the captain will not be appeased. At least, not until after the show… Who said being married to your captain was a cruise on the Mediterranean?

With only a few tense minutes left, I opt for a climactic tension release: a Sybian ride! Courageous Chelsea volunteers to doff her pants and panties to mount the mighty Sybian—with a rather large, lubricated, Condomania-covered dildonic attachment (maintaining Measure B compliance all the way)! Ms. Chelsea requests that Master Aryn operate the speed and rotate buttons, and he steps up from the audience to take the controls with great glee, speeding up, slowing down, counting down and coaxing a shouting, “WET… WET… WET” (Kim-Fowley-inspired) orgasm from our Ms. Chels soaking the Saran wrap and the towel under the Sybian!

More Weapons of Mass Discussion & Commedia Erotica: Valentine/Lupercalia Coming–Featuring JuxLeather “Februa” & More Pagan Paraphernalia; RIP Peter Pontiac (Cartoonist Friend of Capt’n Max); RIP Saudi King Abdullah; Saudi Beheadings & Terrorism; Beheadings vs. Bombings; Amor Says the Reason We have Haters is Because “Mom is Always Right;” Why Everyone is Depressed (& Not) About Valentine’s Day; How the Heart Logo Is a Well-Whipped Ass; Anonymous vs. Terrorism; Amor’s G-String Panty Exchange (Black Lace for Pink & Blue Skulls) for Panty Boy; Spanking Amor with My Pink JuxLeather Finger-Flogger; All the Girls Collapse into a Cuddle-Puddle as Capt’n Max Rants About the Kardashians.

© January 25, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is an internationally renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels.