Night of The Masturbating Dead
Length: 108:13 minutes Date: 10/22/2011
There’s nothing like a joyride on a nice hard broomstick to celebrate the witching season. And one wild, high-flying, enchanted joyride—with dizzying twists, turns, squirts and rolls in the corpses—is just what this show is. Opening with an invocation to witches through history and featuring all kinds of swallowing—from sword dildos to real 27-inch swords—as well as masturbation, golden showers, spanking, fetish Barbie dolls and hilarious, insightful, explosive Weapons of Mass Discussion from my many sexy, lively, dead and undead guests, this Halloweenish show is more fun than a hearse-full of porn stars.
Jacky Joy: A virgin to the Speakeasy, this Philly Girl turned porn star starts the show as a rather demure “Nurse Jacky.” But when she rips off her costume, big bare boobs bouncing like floats in a Halloween parade, she grabs my wooden paddle and wallops the last remaining life out of Corpsy and just about every other living (and dead) thing on my bed, including my pretty producer.
Corpsy: In his third appearance on RadioSUZY1, Robert “Corpsy” Rhine, founder and Deaditor-in-Chief of Girls and Corpses Magazine, turns my Womb Room into a Tomb Room for Halloween, strewing dozens of creepy cadavers and body parts all over my bed, even hanging some limbs from the canopy. Hiding his dead eyes behind shades for the first part of the show and his whole dead head under a zombie mask, Corpsy and his corpses are happy stiffs as all the hot girls in the Speakeasy hump them passionately and even suck their withering members.
Brianna Belladonna: Medieval Italians called their village witch “belladonna,” and Brianna Belladonna is a sideshow sorceress out of a Halloween fantasy. We’ve often had fellatio experts on the show who give head “like a sword swallower.” But Brianna is a real sword swallower! In fact, she is one of only 8 professional female sword swallowers in the world. She sucks down a 27-inch heavy metal sword like she’s just scarfing down linguini, then bends at the waist and lets me pull it out! I feel like King Arthur with Excalibur. Not stuck on cutlery, she also bends a wire hanger from the inside of her esophagus (she calls it “the reverse abortion”) and does a trick with a condom that you have to see to believe.
Sophia Jade: Another Speakeasy virgin, lovely 19-year-old Sophia lives up to her name (meaning “wisdom”) when she takes control of the Womb Room by announcing that she loves to masturbate on camera. Never having jilled off in a bed of corpses, Sophia is up for a Halloweenie experience. She doffs her bra and launches her Pocket Rocket over sheer black panties. Then she flings off the panties (another donation to the Panty Boy Collection), keeping on her lacy garters, and comes to a shrieking climax, with the help of Kim Fowley’s spoken word incantations and the general vibe of communal ecstasy and appreciation for her breathtaking beauty.
Chris Gore: G4 comedian, zombie connoisseur, man about town and creator of a new stop-motion show called Fetishvil starring some amazing dolls, though Chris has been to the Speakeasy before, this is his maiden voyage on RadioSUZY1. He opens by confessing he’s wanted to have sex with me since he first saw my HBO show and cleverly nails my Halloween character as “Broom Dilda.” Then he proceeds to lay out as many dolls as Corpsy has corpses. If you’re a Barbie Doll fetishist with a kinky streak, check out Fetishvil. In the middle of the show, a caller asks Chris if he is fond of anal sex. For his answer, click the link above and listen.
Kim Fowley: Music legend and producer of the original Runaways, this is Kim’s second time on RadioSUZY1, wearing similar “drag queen junkie” makeup. Whenever he finds himself in front of a microphone, Kim chants or recites Beat-style poetry about everything from masturbation (the word is “WET”) to the Lord Satan.
Amanda Blow: One of our favorite porn stars and guests on RadioSUZY1, Amanda is her usual ebullient, imaginative and smoking hot self, wearing nothing but a string of pearls (that she gave me!) and skimpy lacy panties that she pulls aside to squirt a sparkling golden shower into her fiancée Brittany Blaze’s eagerly awaiting mouth. Tinkle, tinkle, little porn stars…
Brittany Blaze: Back on the show for the first time since Eros Day 2010, Brittany is now engaged to Amanda and, if all continues to go well, I (as a Universal Life Church Minister) will be marrying them in the Speakeasy Cathedral shortly. But the champagne is already flowing from Amanda’s urethra, and Brittany is guzzling it like Perrier Jouet. As opposed to last week’s caller into golden showers, Brittany’s love for drinking Amanda’s pee has nothing to do with humiliation, and is all about intimacy and sensuality. It also inspires our own Ivy Thornton to give her buddy Bear a golden shower in the after-party.
Mister E(xxx): Back for his second round on RadioSUZY1 (having first visited us with the lovely April Flores), Mr. E, aka Mister Exxx, is an erotic film director, fashion fetishist and “nerd porn” filmmaker, tonight with the delightful Sophia Jade.
Danielle: Just before we go from live broadcast to erotic after-party, I squeeze in a teaser with this hot journalist holding a pipe in one hand and a mini-fleshlight in the other from Ryan Esteban Stabile’s Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend. We’ll see what she writes about her experience at the Speakeasy…
Robert from Kansas asks Belladonna how many swords she can swallow down before gagging. Looks like three swords is the charm.
Will from Ohio asks Jacky if she likes to pee on people. She actually just did a piss video earlier in the day, though she’s more of a ball-whipper herself.
Nameless caller from nowhere asks Chris Gore if he likes anal. He explains that if you tell a girl it’s like yoga, she’s more likely to let you fuck her in the ass. Chris is a giver.
Weapons of Mass Discussion
Scary Sex, Why Fear Often Arouses Us, The Witching Season, Harry Potter Vibrating Brooms, Broom as Phallic symbol, Witch as Female Symbol, The Dead in Bed, Halloween Month, Occupy the Cemeteries, Belladonnas as Healing Witches, Riding a Broom is Like Using a Dildo, Elvira’s Cleavage, Zombie Sex, Chicks into Biting, Eating is Sexy, Zombies Displaced the Vampire, Ben Tripp’s Rise Again, Sex and Death, Cancer, Chemo, Peter Pan of Panties, Keep Garters on for Sex, Church is a Great Place to Masturbate, Washable Corpses, Peeing is Intimate, Horror Films Have the Same Noises as Porn, Dark Side of Human Nature, Necrophilia is Illegal, Too Much Lube is Just Enough, Fashionable Sword Swallowers, Overcoming the Pain, Sex Week at Yale 2012 and the Current Threat to Sexual Literacy, The Bonobo Way
Riding a Magic Dildonic Vibrating Broom, Halloween Performance Poem, Frolicking Among the Corpses, Stripping, Masturbating with Corpses, Masturbating with Panties On, Masturbating with Panties Off, Masturbating with 2 Vibrators, Masturbating to “WET” Beat Poetry, Masturbating to Loud Music & People Telling Jokes, One Guest Climaxing in My Bed as Another Guest Loudly Invokes Satan, Nipple Licking, Topless Masturbation. Natural Breasts with Hardening Nipples, Spoken Word at the Speak Easy, Wet with the Original Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket, Using Two Vibrators, Taking the Dress off and Keeping the Pearls on, Golden Showers, Peeing in Mouth, Tweeting Broom Dilda, Squirting, Sucking the Broomstick Head, Blowing the Corpse, Swallowing a 27-inch Sword, Sticking a Sword to the Bottom of the Stomach, Pulling It Out, Swallowing Wire Hanger (“the Reverse Abortion”), Condom on a Nail up the Nose, Abusing a Corpse, Going Topless, Showing Off Panties, Beautiful Big Bare Bouncing Boobies, Nasty Corpsy Tongue on the Ass, Walloping the Corpse in the Ass, Sucking the Head of the Magic Dildonic Vibrating Broom with a Condomania Condom on it, Playing with Anatomically Correct Fetish Barbie Dolls, Doll Sex, Spanking, After-Party Agwa Boobie Shots, Stripper Pole Dancing, Trapeze, Hula-Hooping, More Golden Showers, Monkey-Rockering, After-After-Party Hot Sex, Marital & Extra-Marital Orgasms
Thanks Justine Middleton for editorial assistance with this bloggamy.
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