Why Presidents Should Celebrate Masturbation Month
By Dr. Susan Block
Merry Masturbation Month! May is Masturbation Month, having been so proclaimed by my mentor, Dr. Betty Dodson, along with the good folks at Good Vibrations, over 20 years ago, to honor the wisdom and courage of former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. In answer to a question at the end of a United Nations speech in 1994, Dr. Elders was sensible and bold enough to suggest that public school sex education programs teach that masturbation is a safe sex option and a natural, normal part of human sexuality. Instead of being applauded for giving an excellent off-the-cuff response, as she should have been, she was fired by the man who hired her, none other than sax-fingering, I-did-not-have-sex-with-that-woman President Bill Clinton.
Bill may have been one of our more bonoboësque presidents. He did manage to get a blow-job without losing his day job. Still, he was impeached as the nation was turned upside-down in a rabid pursuit of his stray DNA. Bottom line: He should not have fired Dr. Elders. If only he’d listened to her and just masturbated instead of spilling his presidential seed all over that blue dress – the devastating climax of the blowjob heard round the world, ultimately resulting in a win for George W. Bush that ruined not just a dress, but a country.
See, this is why everyone, even—or perhaps especially—the President, needs Masturbation Education. And this is why we all need Masturbation Month. So go ahead, go bonobos and give yourself a hand. Celebrate the month of May!
© May 1, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066. Email your comments to her at firstname.lastname@example.org and you will get a reply.
For Guided Masturbation, call 213-291-9497,