Kink Month 3 on DrSuzy.Tv: Praise the Lord & the Ladies!
Length 1:54:09 Date: October 17, 2015
Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners, Witches & Bitches, Tramps & Vamps… as nights grow long, Halloween draws nigh and “Kink Month” hits the midway spot, gather ye into the Womb Room Speakeasy Cathedral for an old-time evangelical revival meeting, bonobo-style, featuring a Pentecostal preacher, two porn stars, a sweetly sadistic mistress, a sagacious sex therapist and a snake (Eve) in the Garden of BonoBOOville.
Ranging from thoughtful talk about religious sexual abuse and the toxic pain of shame to the playful pain of consensual book-spankings, strap-on play, a wild ride on my Magic Dildonic Vibrating Broom (dildo, vibrator, spanking paddle, sweeper, costume prop and toy all-in-one!), the congregation climaxes with an ultra-busty Bonoboville Communion that would have Jesus and Mary Magdalene shaking the rafters of the manger. Bottom line: Religion in any and all denominations can be the basis of good kinky fun… if you’re doing it right.
The problem is, that so many get it wrong, from the ultra-hypocritical Pastor Ted Haggards and Jimmy Swaggarts of the world to Catholic priestly altar-boy-abusers to Orthodox Jewish, Muslim, Hindu and other religious leaders that shame their congregants for any sexual behavior or fantasy that is outside of the “married monogamy for procreative purposes only” and preferably “with the lights out” dogma. This, even though Jesus loves the sex workers and the Bible, Koran and other Holy Books are filled with kinky sex.
We talk about how kinky people are often grappling with strict, shaming, religious upbringings that conflict with their natural sexual desires. Hats off to the consensually kinky who at least try to do this stuff with pride, dignity and care for their partners. And to that we say Amen. And Awomen.
First up on the bed is Seattle sex therapist and Progressive Radio Network talk show host Dr. Diana Wiley, last seen in Bonoboville on our fabulous SSSS show. Dr. Diana has been conducting an in-depth, three-part Bonobo Way interview series with me. Our most recent installment, in honor of Kink Month, focused on “Bonobo BDSM.” Now visiting LA, Dr. Diana lends her expertise as a sex therapist in matters of kink, faith and the great damage that shame can do to humans. She also plays with my snake. Though here in the Church of Bonoboville we call it “snake-handling.” Eve provides a powerful reptile/human connection to all who touch her. Praise the Lord and the Lady.
Speaking of fire and brimstone, next in bed is Mistress Helly Hellfire, a sadistic little devil who looks like an angel. Helly played the title role in “This Ain’t Lady Gaga XXX” directed by none other than my old friend Axel Braun, the first man to make me squirt, along with—talk about kinky!—his dad, the late great Lasse Braun. In this show, Ms. Hellfire gives a mean Bonobo Way book-spanking to her old friend, DrSuzy.Tv producer Biz Bonobo, a.k.a. Elizabeth Aston. As Helly pounds Biz’s butt into pinkness, our visiting preacher punnily declares it “well-read.”
Which brings us to Pastor Jon, former Pentecostal minister who, after seven years at the helm of a church, rejected the “duplicity” of his position counseling young men to embrace chastity and purity while he was exploring sex (with his wife) in ways that could be called “kinky.” Now Pastor Jon—who happens to be a super-hunky, muscle-man “piece” of male beefcake that has all the ladies of Bonoboville drooling, stripping off his shirt and stroking his pecs—is the “preacher” half of the LA Talk Live radio duo, “The Preacher & the Porn Star.”
The “porn star” portion is the divine Raquel Devine, whose voluptuous va-va-voom cheesecake, decked out in Victoria’s Secret lingerie, matches the pastor’s gym-honed beefcake. Raquel and Jon were friends in high school, then went their separate ways, he into the church and she into various “normal” jobs until at the relatively ripe age of 30, she found her calling in the adult industry. Now reunited, the Pastor and the Porn star are now co-host and “friends, not lovers.” Though that doesn’t stop Pastor Jon from taking his Bonoboville Communion (with Agwa Coca Leaf Herbal Liqueur) off the altar of Raquel’s divine rack, nipple to nipple with the equally humongous bazooms of her dear friend Dayton Rains. Around this point, I drop the green Agwa garland around his neck. Thus Pastor Jon gets lei’ed in Bonoboville.
Speaking of getting lei’d or laid, we talk about Bill Mahr’s contention that mass murderers aren’t getting either. Though mass-murder motives are complex, we concur that lack of sex and the consequent humiliation are strong common factors in these mass shootings. We would even go a step farther than Bill and say that this is just one more great reason for decriminalizing prostitution, de-stigmatizing “paying for it,” and even government-subsidizing sex work for the indigent, those that need it most. That and (oh yeah) gun control. The last thing testosterone-poisoned misogynists need is easy legal access to assault weapons and almost no legal access to sex, which is essentially what they now have.
That brings us to a shout-out to University of Texas alumna Jessica Lin and her brilliant, bonoboësque and very clever #CocksNotGlocks campaign, a response to Texas latest pro-gun lunacy, a law allowing professors, students and sex-starved lab workers to “open carry” guns to class.
“Shoot the gun between your legs,” is what I say, and if you need inspiration, Dayton Rains, resplendent in a motorcycle mama vest, cap and g-string, and now a webcam and phone therapist with the Institute, will probably do the trick. She ultimately removes all the leather and chains to give herself up to Ms. Helly wearing a CalExotics black strap-on dong (covered by a Glyde America cruelty-free, all-vegan condom). Helly “loves black cock,” whether she’s on the giving or receiving end. As a giver, she’s a little rough with Dayton’s delicate flower, but when told of this, Helly becomes heavenly and gives Dayton a long loving kootchy kiss that has her doing the hootchy-kootchy-koo.
That calls for my turn at Bonoboville Communion which I take effusively from the proffered breasts and chests of all my featured guests, finished off by the “Blood of Christ,” a large shot of spiced Ron de Jeremy rum. Yes, indeed, Ron goes down my throat again, and in a religious ceremony with a real former pastor sprinkling the salt! It is a kind of communal ecstasy, and isn’t that what “communion” should be? Speaking of which, Raquel remembers having the real Ron down her throat in a reverse gangbang. All we can say is: Ron’s rum goes down easy.
Then once again Dayton’s yoni is so revved up, it’s smoking!
And the debauchery continues well into the after-party, where Ikkor the Wolf gives me a fantastic foot massage and nuzzles Helly at the bar in between her adorable attempts at dominating Handsome Hollywood Jake, and pansexual acts of bonoboësque passion continue in and out of dark corners of the Garden.
Next Saturday, the Kink Month festivities continue into Kink Month IV and then: Halloween in Bonoboville (“Night of the Masturbating Dead”)—so sexy, it’s scary! There, there, darling, don’t be afraid – T’is the Season of Masquerade…. And if you need to talk about it, you know who to call.
© October 18, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.