Hot Wax Hanukkah & the Alabama Miracle
Length 01:41:24 Date: December 16, 2017
The Miracle of Hanukkah is that the “everlasting light,” the sacred oil lamp of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem, contained only enough olive oil to burn for 24 hours, and yet it lasted for eight days, enough time for the Maccabees, the heroes of the Hanukkah story, to defeat their enemies in battle and obtain fresh oil to replenish the eternal flame.
The Miracle of Hanukkah 2017 in Bonoboville is that, along with our usual mix of spirituality with sexuality, serious political discussion with outrageous erotic play, we are visited by two very witty, special ladies from the Great State of Alabama where voters just pulled off a real-life miracle, aka the Alabama Miracle, the kind of unexpected mystical marvel for which people join together to praise the divine, and that’s another thing that we do on this show.
Honestly, I have mixed feelings about Hanukkah (or, if you prefer, Chanukah) and all religion, especially the major monotheistic faiths which use mythology and fear to try to control our natural, blooming sexuality, denigrating any form of sex that isn’t focused on procreation for the perpetuation and expansion of the religion itself, instead of acknowledging the benefits of sex for recreation as well as procreation, as well as relationships, not to mention peace, health and well-being. In my sex therapy practice, I treat many victims of religious sexual abuse from all over the world. This allows me to witness first-hand how authoritarian attempts to control natural human sexuality by the Church, Synagogue, Mosque and Temple lead to tremendous oppression, ignorance, bigotry, misogyny, hypocrisy and misery.
This is why I don’t put much stock in the mythologies or fear-controlling tactics of any religion, including Judaism, the religion of my childhood. However, since I was raised in a conservative Jewish household that celebrated the Hanukkah Festival of Lights in the shivery darkness of the Winter Solstice, those flickering lights are as much a part of me as my hats, lingerie and Yale degree. Thus, I continue to light the candles and practice other ancient traditions in my adult life, albeit with a hefty helping of irreverent, erotic and (some might say) “blasphemous” tweaking.
So on the 5th night of Hanukkah, 2017, I put on my “Jew blue” bra, stockings, “taboo” thong and high heels, a shtreimel-like hat, a tallith (prayer shawl) and a Star of David woven for me from the blue and white threads of prison uniforms by a Dr. Susan Block Show fan who happened to be an inmate at LA’s infamous Twin Towers Jail (but that’s another tale).
I start with the Hanukkah story, which is not one of my favorites, though it’s actually based on some real history (then again… fake news?). In 167 BCE, the occupying Greek king Antiochus IV Epiphanes outlawed the Jewish practice of worshipping only one God. The Greeks thought it was fine for the Jews to worship their Jewish god—sometimes called Yahweh, Jehovah, Adonai (“my master”) or Elohim (which, interestingly, means “gods”)—but insisted they not neglect the other gods, like Zeus and Aphrodite. The liberal, assimilated Jews accepted this requirement, but the fundamentalist Jews did not—believing zealously in their one God with a capital “G” and one God only.
And so it came to pass that a fundamentalist Jewish priest named Mattathias and his son Judah Maccabee, the so-called “heroes” of the Hanukkah story, led a guerrilla war against the Greeks and recaptured the temple, which these much-vaunted Hanukkah Heroes soon lost again. That is, like many military heroes, they won the battle and lost the war.
Moreover, this wasn’t just a conflict between Jews and Greeks; it was a civil war between intolerant fundamentalist Jews and Hellenized or assimilated Jews. Some say that the glorious Maccabees, the “freedom fighters,” were a kind of Jewish Taliban who would despise and perhaps even attempt to destroy liberal American Jews, and would probably throw in a little extra torture with their “honor killing” of a brazen heretic like me. Which just goes to show…
One person’s “freedom fighter” is another person’s “terrorist.”
There is righteousness and blame all around in the Hanukkah story, just as in the current news from the Middle East and really everywhere. This is why, though I was raised Jewish, I don’t believe Judaism is the “right” religion as opposed to all the other religions. I do believe in the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure, a kernel of which exists in all religions for all holidays, including Hanukkah.
“Not by might and not by power, but by my spirit, sayeth the Lord”
—a Bonoboesque Prayer recited at Hanukkah attributed to the Hebrew Prophet Zechariah
Women of Hanukkah
As you may have noticed, there aren’t any ladies in the Hanukkah Story. Actually, there is one horrid, pathetic wretch of a woman, Hannah, who is held up as some sort of heroine, but is really a fundamentalist lunatic who actively encourages her seven sons to defy the Greeks which she knows will get them executed. She watches each of her sons get tortured and killed, one by one, from her adult sons down to her tiny toddler (whom she also encourages to defy Antiochus who really wants to spare the kid), and after all of that, she kills herself. With Hannah as our role model, is there any wonder why Jewish girls are so neurotic?
This is one reason why, on this Hanukkah, I fill my Womb Room with several amazing, brilliant, beautiful women, Jewish and Gentile, to celebrate the Festival of Lights. And what a radiant assemblage it is; we don’t even need to light the candles to feel the glow!
Sheree Rose back in Bonoboville
My “Guest Rebitzen” is artist/Mistress Sheree Rose, whose work is currently being shown in “Every Breath You Take,” a group exhibition at the Jason Vass Art Gallery in Downtown LA, investigating issues of “voyeurism, creativity and recontextualization (combining) performance relics from Bob Flanagan inspired collaborations” between Sheree and other artists, including fellow DrSuzy.Tv guests, Rhiannon Aarons and Jeffrey Vallance.
As those of you who know me from back in the 1980s when I first arrived in LA and fancied myself to be a poet, I produced an event called “The Heart and Dagger Poetry Show,” featuring myself and a few others, including Wanda Coleman, Jack Grapes and this super hip skinny guy named Bob Flanagan who really opened my eyes, even while his were covered with black rubber eyeshades. Seriously, before Bob, I had never known anyone who actually enjoyed wearing a ball gag. I was fascinated.
I lost touch with Bob, but a few years later, I met Sheree Rose when she was a guest on my show, which was then on radio and cable TV. It took a few minutes of her displaying photos of “her” Bob, before I realized he was the same guy who had shown me the connection between kink and poetry. Sheree and I reconnected again on the show a little over a year ago, and we were both Guests of Honor at DomCon 2017.
Also, she was born and raised Jewish, like me, so we know the same Hanukkah prayers.
She even puts on a tallith for this show, before and after she takes off her shirt. Later , we gag Trump with a Bob Flanagan “Every Breath You Take” sticker.
Miracle from Alabama
I am also pleased to welcome two fabulously sassy, sapiosexually stimulating comediennes to the Womb Room (kudos to Phoenix Dawn for arranging their appearance). Lady Tuezdae regales us with a hilarious, truth-telling monologue about womanhood, sex and complicated relationships. She and her cohort, Caramel Grai, are celebrating their very first Hanukkah on this show. They light the candles and pepper this spicy show with salty humor.
They also provide us with a real-life miracle! Well, at least, you could (and I do) convincingly say “it’s a miracle!” after a few shots of Manischewitz.
That is, just as I’m thanking the Hebrew God, the Greek Goddess, the Baby Jesus and all the other gods, goddesses and angels that might have been involved, for granting us, the petrified snowflake liberals of America, the miracle of Alabama, Caramel and Lady Tuezdae both shout out (not in unison), “We’re from Alabama.”
Yes indeed, sing Hallelujah, Amen and Awomen. Miracles do happen, and no, miracles aren’t magical, except the kind that are fake news. “Real-life” miracles are just great big fat surprises that amaze and delight us. This is why some of us are calling the improbably and rather narrow but unquestionable victory of Democrat Doug Jones against the Republican fascist, sexist, xenophobic, Bible-thumping hebephile Roy Moore in the special election for U.S. Attorney General/Demonic Elf Jeff Sessions’ Senate seat, the “miracle in Alabama.”
Hope has risen up from Alabama, of all places. To be specific, it was the African American voters of Alabama who made sure we didn’t let this particular rabid Repugnican, Trump-beholden, slavery-loving, sexual predator into the Senate. To be even more specific, it was Black women, 98% of whom voted for Jones. They—and by vicarious extension, we (the snowflake liberals of America)—just put Roy Moore in his place. They also put the Trump Monster in his place: out in the woodshed, getting whipped by no-nonsense African American women for his toxic, macho, racist, fascist, narcissistic, old-time religion.
Here in Bonoboville, it’s as if Alabama’s Miracle is sending us these two angels, ladies of hope and humor (Caramel from Lauderdale Country and Lady Tuezdae from Hale) because if we can do it in Alabama, we can do it anywhere. It’s just a question of mobilizing our forces.
In celebration, we put our Trump doll in his place: gagged with a penis pacifier, whacked with The Bonobo Way and mocked by the ladies. He’s also got his Hitler moustache on for this show, in keeping with the Semitic holiday theme.
Hot Wax Hanukkah
From FemDoms to FemComs, we move on to the multi-talented Christine Dupree, former Penthouse Pet, wrestler, boxer, Hot Romantic author and Bonoboville photographer. This is also Christine’s virgin Hanukkah, but as the erotic adventurer and candlelight lover she is, she agrees to receive the first drippings of Hanukkah Hot Wax.
Before we drip, we light the “shamus” or “slave” candle (the name of which elicits some quips and guffaws from the Alabama contingent), which we use to light the other five candles for the fifth night of Hanukkah, as Rabbi Rose and I sing the bracha (prayer) over the candles (on three different menorahs!):
Baruch Atah Adonai
Elohenu Melach Ha Olam
Asher Kid’shan Mimitzvotav
Vitzi Vanu L’hadleek Nair
Some might recognize these Hebrew entreaties. Others might think we sound like terrorists preparing to commit an atrocity. I learned to sing these prayers when I was young, so singing them makes me feel young. Also, it‘s part of my identity politics. Sometimes I forget I’m not white, because I can “pass”—at a quick glance. But if the Hitler-lovers have their say, I’ll be forced to move to Israel or wear a Star on my arm, or maybe they’ll bake me into a delicious gingerbread cookie.
In accordance with the Block Family’s favorite Hanukkah betting game, the Hanukkah Candle Race, everybody picks the candle that they think will last the longest.
Then it’s time for Hanukkah Hot Wax! No, this was not a Block Family tradition, though I did enjoy playing with the melted candle wax, which my mother, father, grandmother and brother were constantly telling me not to do, both because it was a sacrilege and my attempt at cheating on the Candle Race.
But now that I have my own show, I can play with my wax all I want. Dripping it on other humans, especially gorgeous delightful humans like the amazing Christine Dupree and my lovely assistant Phoenix Dawn (another Hanukkah virgin who takes her hot wax in the second half of the show) is even more fun than dripping it on myself (which is still kind of fun).
We also light a couple of penis-shaped candles that are Jew-blue on the outside and semen-white on the inside.
So the snow-colored wax all over beautiful buns and boobs resembles nothing more or less than blobs of quickly coagulating cum.
Hanukkah Hot Wax has it differences from Professor Oni’s mesmerizing Kinbaku hot wax play. For one thing, the candle itself stays lit.
Kudos to Christine and Phoenix for being such gorgeous and courageous Hanukkah hot wax players!
Hanukkah Communion with Manischewitz
Our next ritual combines Bonoboville Communion with the Hebrew prayer for the wine, which is, of course, Manischewitz. First, Sheree takes Communion from me. I really enjoy giving her a good Waterboarding with the sticky sweet wine of her youth.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Christine takes Communion from Phoenix’s Altar. And what a beautiful sight that is. I would say “It’s a Miracle!” but I this show is miraculous enough already.
Meanwhile we’re so busy playing adult Hanukkah games that we barely notice that all of the candles have gone out except for Phoenix’s. So (though the Alabama contingent, as to be expected, looks a tad suspicious of shenanigans), Phoenix wins the Hanukkah race! She’s on a roll, having won the banana-sucking contest on last Saturday’s Funny Bunny XXXmas. She wins all the chocolate gelt.
A generous bonobo, Phoenix distributes her chocolate to everyone. If only the rich could distribute just half their wealth like that, we’d all be better off.
In the middle of everything, Ana’s cousin Frankie brings us pizza. Frankie’s Hanukkah Pizza? Sure, why not.
Well, we’re also celebrating Bodhi Day (actually, it was December 10th), Panchat Ganapati, Kwanzaa (okay, it’s beginning December 26th), Saturnalia, XXXmas and Winter Solstice (December 21st)? I love holidays, actually I love “perverting” holiday rituals in fun, erotic, ironically meaningful ways. After all, in a sexually twisted society such as ours, you often need the friction of naughty in order to feel nice. No offense to your religion, but Happy Horny Hanukkah, Merry XXXmas and Ho, Ho, Ho’s for Saturnalia.
Celebrate. Fornicate. Investigate. Repeat.
#MeTooWhatNext: Jewish Mothers Lighten Up!
In between all these deliciously naughty, perverted rituals, we talk about sex, politics and religion, including the #MeToo movement which I seem to have a little something to say about each week. Since we’re celebrating Hanukkah and more than a handful of the accused sexual harassers are Jewish, I start thinking about how many of the Jewish men of my youth, as well as many of my sex therapy clients, are raised by extremely loving, caring, highly intelligent mothers who tell them that they are God’s gift to the world and no mere mortal woman will ever be good enough for them. Of course, I’m not just talking about Jewish mothers here. Lots of loving mothers from many cultures do this to their sons. But it’s Hanukkah, and I’m thinking Portnoy.
The Alabama contingent resonates to this theory. In fact, Lady Tuezdae tells a joke, which seems to be based on truth, about not dating men whose mothers are alive.
Sheree wonders if I’m “mother blaming,” but agrees that a mother’s suffocating overbearing “love” and refusal to admit she can be “replaced” with another woman as #1 in her son’s heart, could contribute to the male sexual insensitivity that is at the center of many of these sexual harassment stories.
I talk about the relationship of bonobo mothers and sons, how it’s the only bonobo relationship that doesn’t include PIV (penis in vagina) sexual intercourse, but that bonobo moms encourage their sons to have sex with their hot Milf girlfriends as well as their younger female protegees. It’s kind of the opposite of saying that no female is good enough for you and could be one of the reasons that rape is rare among bonobos.
Lady Tuezdae is such a lady; she gives me a beautiful bottle of divine French perfume that I spray on everyone.
And I give her The Bonobo Way. She’s already a very bonobo mama, saying she’d love to introduce her son to his future wife.
Before we can go all Freudian on this, Ikkor the Wolf, who is not my son, enters the Womb Room and brings the vibe back to the physical. We strip him of his Bonoboville shirt, and the Alabama chorus sings its approval. Caramel even gets up, takes off her camo jacket, releases her “inner bonobo” and twerks like a pro as Ikkor sings “She Bad.” It’s not exactly a “miracle,” but it’s pretty damn great!
We all get into it. Maybe it’s the Manischevitz, but I feel like a Lubavitcher man gone all hiphop and crossdressed, twerking in my tallith.
Before we can say AWOMEN, this luminous show is out like candle burned to its smoking hot end. Whereupon, my Captain and I ascend our little stairway to heaven, where he takes off my tallith, and we partake in the ritual of the greatest Mitzvah (good deed) a couple can perform on a festive holiday like Hanukkah, which is (really!) the act of making love.
Pass the Manischevitz! May your candle continue to glow, and may miracles enter your nights.
Thanks to Our Volunteers: Videographers- Tim Liles, Gideon G.; Photographers – JuxLii, Chris Phillips, Russell Thomas; On-Campus Bonobos – Abe Perez, Camille Rosebud, Mita Altair, Harry Sapien, Gideon G., MarsFX, Clemmy Cockatoo, Ana & Miguel.
© December 16th, 2017. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.