Miley May, Amor Hilton, Haley Sweet, Dr. Susan Block, Rainey Lane, Loni Legend, Ron Jeremy, Charli Piper. Row 2: Jux Lii of Jux Leather, Chelsea Raw, Pussy Peddla. Photo: Irwin J

Length 1:45:00:00 Date: Feb. 14, 2015

by Dr. Susan Block

It’s V-Day 2015 on DrSuzy.Tv, and we celebrate Western civilization’s high holiday of love with a fantastic, orgiastic festival of lust. This sexy star-studded tribute to Lupercalia, the original pagan Valentine’s Day, is one wild, whip-cracking, spanking-hot, swinging, suckling, heart-felt feast for all the senses, including your sense of history.

Just in case you don’t know, the history of the idealized, sanitized and highly commercialized holiday we call “Valentine’s Day” is rooted in the fascinating, ancient bacchanalian end-of-Winter festival of the Lupercalia (listen to me tell the story here), which we citizens of Bonoboville have resurrected from the annals of prehistoric Rome to the anals (and hot heart-shaped asses) of modern life. Yes indeed, long before there was the  ”holy crap” of 50 Shades of Grey, there was the sacred, consensual “BDSM” of Lupercalia in red. Get that illuminating history lesson here.

But you don’t have to know or even care about history to enjoy the eye and ear-candy of Valentine/Lupercalia 2015 in Bonoboville, blessed with a dazzling array of lovely lady stars, including Miley Cyrus porn double Miley May, Haley Sweet, Amor Hilton, Rainey Lane, Chelsea Raw, Charli Piper and Loni Legend, all baring their beautiful body parts for the Lupercalian whip as well as each other’s pure pleasure. Joining the Valentine party is the Mayor of Bonoboville himself, our old friend the porn icon, Ron Jeremy, who bares only one part, but that’s the part the fans want to see.

With all our parts (and hearts), we party like pagans with a passion that is almost (but not quite) religious, veering from talk show to orgy to poetry to flog-fest (featuring Jux Leather floggers and “februa”) and back to the orgy in one spirited hour and a half (spirits by Agwa and Dirty Tequila). The after-party is even wilder with howling hot Sybian rides and romantic Valentine threesomes, foursomes and moresomes propagating around the studios, on-camera and off.

As always, I am your “horny housewife,” but for Lupercalia, I actually sport horns on my hat in honor of the hornéd and horny, great and goat-legged Greco-Roman god of the wild, Pan a.k.a. Faunus. Intent upon destroying the popular cult of this lusty down-to-earth nature deity, the early Church ingeniously turned Pan into the Devil, and the rest is Satanic history. Pan comes alive in the Womb Room which becomes the Cave of the She-Wolf (“luper”) who is said to have suckled Rome’s legendary founder Romulus—or was that Ronulus Jeremy? Ron certainly does a lot of suckling of several beautiful “freed” nipples (“I’ll take two nipples for a dime,” quippeth Ronulus) and gets his “schmeckle” suckled by Miley (something Ron and Miley have in common: both parodied Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”) and Loni simultaneously. DrSuzy.Tv casting producer Dark Phoenix also wears Pan horns and his schmeckle doesn’t do too badly either. Do horns make the man?

In the midst of all this Pan-inspired pandemonium, we take a couple of Valentine tweets from Panty Boy and Chris G as well as a call from our favorite Elvis tribute artist Smokey Binion, Jr. who sings “Happy Birthday” to Haley (as we give her heart-shaped booty a pre-birthday Lupercalian spanking) and “Love Me Tender” to all the Valentine beauties and their booties. Special thanks to Chelsea who gave me an lavish Valentine/Lupercalia card declaring me the “Queen of Hearts,” signed by just about everyone in Bonoboville on this special night, and baptized with someone’s Holy Water (or whatever that is blurring all the signatures on the bottom).

As the sexy festivities continue into the wee hours, Capt’n Max and I slip away from the crowd for a little private celebration. Much as we adore our bacchanalian Bonoboville, after almost 23 years of marital bondage, we can’t resist the romance of a little tender love.

© February 15, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.