U.S. Voters Say Bush Sucks!
The votes are in. America has spoken. And what do we say? Bush sucks!
Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners. America has spoken. If we can’t get a divorce, we’ll just sit on your face, George.
Amen and Awomen. Eat Me, Bushites! Eat House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Just seeing a woman (even if she isn’t exactly Emma Goldman) poised to take over control of the United States House of Representatives saying “Today we have made history, now we must make progress!” makes my cheeks wet with possbility. Good old South Dakota came through too, rejecting a proposed law that would have banned nearly all abortions. And seeing Republican Senator Rick “Man-On-Dog-Sex” Santorum forced to get down on his knees to Bob Casey Jr. in my home state makes me want to sing, “Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania, land where liberty was born, Pennsylvania the keystone state where the bonds of tyranny were shone!” Then there was the fabulously flamboyant Republican Gay Sex Scandal Double-Hitter of Mark Foley and Ted Haggard which made a considerable number of well-spanked Evangelicals hold their noses and eat Democratic Party Pie.
But yesterday’s election was not so much about the individuals running for office in the House and Senate, and it certainly wasn’t a vote of great love for the Democratics. This was a Lesser of Two Evils rally. It was a referendum on the flabbergastingly evil reign of George II, the craven Bushites and the putrid, crony-riddled, page-diddling, mostly Republican War Machine.
Several months ago, I asked America (and myself), “How much longer are we going to suck Bush’s Dick?” For six years, America has just been swallowing this bastard’s lethal lies, as he pushed our heads down on his blatant load of crap. Many have died from this political throat rape. Others contracted political herpes. Some just kept their mouths shut.
But not now! Not this election. At least, now — finally! — the tables are turned. Maybe, if we can help them locate their spines, these Democrats can get the Bushman into a nice cozy headlock and make him eat some humble pie. Make him stop the war. Stop the torture. Stop the killing. At least, make him fire Rummy NOW. Make him get his head out of the hayseeds (where the few Bushites left are still scattered) and go downtown. And stop the Peeping Tomfoolery. Stop all the hypocritical faith-based baloney.
Yes, indeed. Praise the Lord and the Lady. Hip, hip hooray for the USA, at least for today. My bush tastes better than your Bush.
I know, I know, my democratic–secular-humanist–ethical-hedonist–anti-war chochita mÃa is too good for Dubya’s lying lips to even graze. After all, the President is not a very cunning linguist. But table-turning is sweet, and I’m enjoying this Bush-licking even more just knowing that he’d rather be sucking Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert‘s manly military-style republican member. This election renders Dubya a truly lame duck, a Presidential limp dick, and we ladies know what a guy like that can do: Swallow our squirt (though it’s too way good for you).
Perhaps I will have to eat these words, if and when the Dems disappoint. Perhaps that’s why, in the sweet afterglow of victory, I say let’s celebrate! Let’s spread our legs and our wings and savor the pleasure. It’s a little late in coming, this popular slap in George Jr.’s smug little Common Chimp face, especially for those of us who have opposed his bullying, bankrupt policies from the first Crusade. But better late than never. So let’s enjoy the electoral orgasm of the moment, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners. Because it feels good, yes indeed. Then let’s see if we can make our new representatives follow through on their promises to change, which does involve politically sitting on Bush’s face and not let him get up for air. Of course, we should do this with “civility,” like Nancy says. But we should do it now.
It’s time for America to follow the Bonobo Way of peace, pleasure, diplomacy and community. It’s time to wash the blood off our hands.