Lupercalia in Bonoboville. Photo: Ono Bo

Length 1:35:37 Date: Feb. 20, 2016

by Dr. Susan Block

It’s a whip-cracking, she-wolf-howling, floggerific Lupercalia to whip all other Lupercalias’ horny, heart-shaped butts into shape. Date-wise, we’re actually a tad late for the Lupercal. That’s because Capt’n Max and I were up at UC Berkeley for Valentine’s Day (the sanitized, Catholicized, Hallmark remake of Lupercalia), sharing our Gospel of the Love Apes on the high holiday of love at the heart (or maybe the spleen) of the love revolution in beautiful liberal Bezerkeley. My talk went great (blog, video and pix coming soon!), and we had a deliciously romantic and orgasmic Valentine weekend, plus there was even a Lupercalia party; it seems like everyone and their pagan grandma is going Lupey for Lupercalia these Februaries. Though this Berkeley Lupercalia was basically just a cake and cocktails, featuring some lovely Lupercalian Berkeleyans, but no flogging or even a light spanking. No offense to the horny and Lupey of Berkeley, but we just had to come back to Bonoboville to whip it good.

And that is just what we do. With horns on my hat, I call upon the horned, horny, great goat-legged spirit of Greco-Roman god of the wild, Pan, also the patron saint of the bonobos, their Latin classification being Pan Paniscus. Not being very bonoboësque, the early Church turned poor Pan into the Devil, and the rest is Satanic history. But on this show, Pan (a.k.a. the Roman Faunus, a.k.a. Lupercus the shepherd god) reincarnates as “Bonobo Pan,” ruling lusty Lupercalia in Bonoboville.

The Lupercalia 2016 Commedia Erotica Players. Photo: Unscene Abe

Since Lupercalia is about “floggers not flowers,” we invite some of Southern California’s finest floggers, Dommes and Doms, including DomCon 2016 Mistress of Ceremonies Madam Raven Rae; “Kinkstar” Simon Odysseus Blaise/Simon Blaise (featured on Kinkstar for Kink Month and winner of the “Most Transformational” 2015 SUZY Award); sexy “sadist” Bettie Bondage and her adorable entourage of submissives (Amber Carter, Aly Armour, a.k.a. mouse, etc.); plus Speakeasy veteran, Jux Lii of Jux Leather (winner of the “Best Leather” 2015 SUZY Award and creator of our Lupercalian “februa” whips and floggers). Jux brings Tammie Parrott, winner of the 2014 SUZY award for “Sexiest Chauffeur,” and baby, she can drive my car. Indeed, Capt’n Max likes her driving so much, he takes off her top, and I pull down her bottoms. Then, long blonde hair flying, jeans down around her ankles, nipples as erect as Roman statues, her heart-shaped posterior being flogged sensuously by two Doms, Ms. Parrot steals the show.

But before we fall into a flogging orgy, we gather around the DrSuzy.Tv broadcast bed, surrounded by an incongruous mix of family (!), friends and fetishists, as our cave-like Womb Room is transformed into the womb-like Cave of the Lupercal, via the amazing power of the Erotic Theater of the Mind. Thus inspired, aroused and invigorated, I *channel* the great god Pan through my horny fake horns and, with the spontaneous Commedia Erotica-style assistance of my guests, staff, audience and the organic spirits of Tuscan vineyards (grazie Wein-Erotik-Edition!), I tell the tale of the original pagan Valentine’s Day.

Romulus and Remus suckle at the Luper’s ample teats as Pan blesses them. Photo: Ono Bo

The star of the Lupercalia story is its namesake, the “Luper.” If you don’t know a “luper” from a “leper,” the former is Latin for “She-Wolf.” Our Luper is played in fine “furry” fashion by the fabulous Dayton Rains, DrSuzy.Tv Ass. Producer and Institute therapist, resplendent in a snow-white stole with matching fake furry wolf ears and mitts, fingernails like claws and a butt-plug (fully inserted sans lube!) topped by a gorgeous fluffy white tail and not much else.

The twins are hungry! Photo: Ono Bo

The other two main characters of our Lupercalia Story are twin brothers, Romulus (played majestically by Simon Odysseus Blaise) and Remus (performed demurely by Amber Carter). Romulus and Remus are the sons of Mars, the God of War, and Rhea Silvia, the daughter of King Numitor of Alba Longa. Soon after Romulus and Remus are born, their evil great uncle Amulius, played by Capt’n Max, who happens to have been born in Rome, has them tossed into the Tiber River (prehistoric Roman infanticide or birth control?). Max represents his twin nephews as a couple of pieces of paper which he dramatically crumples up and tosses into the audience, careful not to hit his actual son, daughter and son-in-law, who happen to be sitting at the Bonoboville bar. It’s a family drama within a family drama! A surreal Lupercalia.

Back to the story where Romulus and Remus are miraculously rescued from drowning in the Tiber by this amazing she-wolf who “suckles” them in that cave they call the Lupercal. Interestingly, the word “lupa” is Latin slang for “prostitute.” This explains a lot, especially all the suckling. It also supports our Commedia Erotica casting of Dayton Rains as the Luper/Lupa who opens her furry stole to reveal her gigantic tits—I mean, teats—that suckle our heroes into heroism. Playing Romulus and Remus with more oral passion than passionate oratory, Simon and Amber suckle at the teats of the She-Wolf as if they’ve been trained by Aristophanes himself.

Meanwhile, here in the Womb Room Cave of the Lupercal, we tune into the primal spirit of the She-Wolf, the classical Cougar, the “Sacred Whore” of the original Valentine’s Day, the Great Wolf-MILF of ancient Rome. I’m not sure what this says about Romans and their animals, but I bet that a lot of those Tuscan shepherds got their calcium straight from the teat…

Back in the story, Romulus and Remus grow up, murder their Great Uncle Amulius (thank goodness that, in real life, Capt’n Max escaped to Cannes), return the kingdom of Alba Longa to their Granddad Numitor, and go on to create a whole new city. But these boys are sons of Mars, not bonobos, so they quarrel about a fence (of all things), and in a fit of sibling rivalry reminiscent of Cain killing his brother Able in the Judeo-Christian Bible, Romulus kills his brother Remus. Apparently, fratricide was a recurring theme among the ancients, both pagans and monotheists alike. Romulus is said to “regret” the killing of Remus, but he doesn’t lose much sleep before founding the city of both of their dreams which he names Rome, after himself, conveniently forgetting his beloved bro. Otherwise, Max would be from a city named “Reme.”

PHOTO 1: CAVIE.  PHOTO 2: ONO BO.  PHOTO 3: UNSCENE ABE

But Remus isn’t completely gone and, in our Commedia Erotica play, the reincarnated spirit of Remus is played by the elegant Madam Raven Rae, who looks like Abby Martin if Ms. Martin were a dominatrix specializing in foot worship. In the story of Lupercalia, the spirit of Remus lives on in a sort of college fraternity, the Luperci Fabii, as does that of Romulus in the Luperci Quintilii. As time passes, these two “colleges fraternities,” populated by hunky, young, nearly naked, Roman “frat boys,” meet at the Ides of February every year within that dark, womb-like cave of the Lupercal where the She-Wolf/Whore (Luper/Lupa) once suckled and loved their twin great-great-grandfathers.

In the ancient cave, the naked young frat brothers and their priestly leaders sacrificed a goat, honoring Pan, and marking each other’s foreheads with the blood of the sacred beast. In Bonoboville, we use red lipstick instead of goat’s blood (which would be a little messy), ceremoniously drawing hearts, x’s, an upside-down cross and a micro-penis on foreheads uplifted to Olympus. Upon being marked, the original Lupercalians laughed ritualistically. We laugh spontaneously. All those lipsticky hearts and peepees between our eyebrows are a hoot!

Marking Jake as he tries to open the Wein-Erotik. Photo: Ono Bo

The original Lupercalians then feasted on fresh roasted goat and drank a lot of wine. Here on DrSuzy.Tv, we forego the goat meat, but we do sip delectable Wein-Erotik-Edition, a very special organic wine from the vineyards of Tuscany, featuring fine erotic art images of Dolly Buster, a famous German writer, artist, actress and producer, on their labels. This is a wine you can’t even get in stores… yet. In the ancient Roman Bacchanalian tradition, we drink up their delicious red and white varieties, and party like pagans for Pan, Bacchus and Venus.

Wein-Erotik-Edition. Photo: Unscene Abe

Meanwhile, back in that ancient cave, as some Luperci got religiously plastered, others remained sober enough to cut strips from the goatskin, making loincloths and leather whips they called “februa” (and yes class, that’s where we get the word “February”). Thus equipped and very drunk, they sprinted out of their womb-like cave, laughing and howling like wolves, as they raced through the hills and towns, wielding their goatskin februa, as they gaily whacked and stroked the hands and willing behinds of women, also drunk, looking for luck, love and perhaps a baby.

The Romans called this event “The Running of the Luperci,” and they believed that such gentle, consensual whacks ensured fertility, which may not be as scientific as an IVF clinic, but it probably did whip the local populace up into a frenzy for sex, creating a baby boom around harvest time.

PHOTO 1: CAVIE.  PHOTO 2: ONO BO.  PHOTO 3: ANDY MARTIN

Needless to say, all that public whipping was a lot more erotic than a paper Valentine. In fact, it was a little too erotic for the early Catholic Church which squelched Lupercalian enthusiasm at the end of the 5^th century by not only making Lupercalia illegal, but by turning Pan/Faunus into the Devil, branding the horny old Lupercalian goat and all communal sacred sex as “Satanic.” Then they plunked the more Church-friendly V-Day right down on the same date as the old Lupercalia, even appropriating the vivid color of goat’s blood smeared on human skin as its signature shade: red.

Another symbol of Valentine’s Day seems to be Lupercalian in origin. That is, the classic Valentine “heart” looks nothing like the cardiac organ for which it appears to be named. It does, however, closely resemble a well-whipped set of buns. No wonder we call the perfect ass “heart-shaped.” Because the heart logo is shaped like the perfect ass.

Lupercalian Heart. Photo: Cavie

The Church may have banned Lupercalia for centuries, sugar-coating its lusty history with the forced coupling of Valentine’s Day, but we are bringing it back, from the annals of prehistoric Rome to the anals—and hot heart-shaped asses—of modern Bonoboville. “Floggers Not Flowers!” is the battle cry of the unValentine Lupercalian. And why not? I’m all for romance, and I’ve got the 23-year-old marriage certificate to prove it. But I’ll take communal lust and play over commercialized love and pressure any time. Better to have your buns beaten (lightly) on Lupercalia than have your heart broken (badly) on Valentine’s Day.

At this point in the show, my Lupercalia tale turns into an assortment of tails, well-flogged with Jux Leather and book–spanked by The Bonobo Way, climaxing with Romulus (Simon) and the resurrected Remus (Raven) sensuously flogging a topless and nearly bottomless Tammie Parrott, from the back and the front, in a flurry of flying golden hair, jiggling heart-shaped buns and smiles. Then Ms. Bettie Bondage does a needle play demonstration on Aly’s fine freckled back which explodes in a brief but spectacular blaze of Lupercalian fire. A sacrifice to the Gods and Goddesses of Pleasure and Pain, it is Shock & Awe… with no casualties.

Fiery Lupercalia with Bettie Bondage. Photo: Cavie

Either one of those fabulous moments could be considered the climax of our excellent, communal ecstasy-packed Lupercalia, Pan-Bonobo-style, though aftershocks continue throughout the bar, public gardens and private bedrooms of Bonoboville long into the night and early in the morning. Enjoy the archive of this wild, whip-cracking, neo-pagan, spanking-hot, suckling, heart-felt feast for all the senses, including your sense of history. And don’t be a stranger. Become a Block Studios member (a portion of your membership dues goes to help save Pan Paniscus from extinction in the wild), and #gobonobos for Lupercalia with us in the well-flogged flesh next year.

#GoBonobos for Lupercalia!

© February 21, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.