LAPD Defense Counsel Don W. Vincent intones: “I notice…that one of the dildos is a giant one. Is that something you use in your show also?”

Background Links

For the original press release, click here.
For the article on how my lily-livered lawyer was afraid to stand up for my First and Fourth Amendment rights, along with a lot of other Patriot Act-intimidated Americans, click here.
For letters protesting the USA Patriot Act, Ayatollah Asscraft and my cowardly attorney, click here.
For then-Mayor Dick Riordan’s public apology to me at The Pantry, click here.
For my open letter to then-Chief of Police Bernard Parks, click here.
For the story of the trial, also known as “The Dildo Dialogues,” under the auspices of Federal District Court Judge Manuel L. Real, click here.
For the text of my appeal, read my briefs.
For LA Deputy City Attorney Amy Jo Field’s request for an extension on her answer to my appeal, click here.

Settlement Time
Okay, assuming you’re now up-to-speed on the story, here’s the good news – well, the first part is not exactly “news,” since it happened in 2003, but I never posted anything on it before, so here it is: A few weeks after LA Deputy City Attorney Field got her extension to answer my appeal, in the Spring of ’03, she called me and asked, “So, what do you want?” This was the beginning of negotiations – always preferable to war, and usually preferable to going to court. The result is that they paid me a settlement, the amount of which I, of course, cannot disclose. Oh, and don’t even think about asking me for a loan; remember, this was over three years ago. Let’s just say that, next time you visit the Speakeasy, consider that some of the erotic amenities are courtesy of the LAPD. Other items are thanks to my cowardly old attorney who also paid me a settlement in a separate lawsuit. 2003 was my Year of the Settlements.

Judge Manuel Real Struck by Block Curse
None of it was thanks to Federal District Court Judge Manuel L. Real, who gave both the cops and the lawyer a pass, then gave me a verbal tar-n-feathering in his “courtroom of terror” (as described by defense lawyer Victor Sherman), snarling that I should be grateful that I hadn’t been arrested, molested, beaten or killed, seeing as I had pictures of nude people on my walls and a big furry pink penis-shaped pillow on the set of my show. Then he refused to allow the jury to deliberate. So I wrote my appeal, got my settlements, and put the Block Curse on Judge Real.

Judge Real Now Facing Impeachment
Sometimes it’s takes a while, and now, over three years after he abused the Constitution in my case, the Block Curse has settled, like a raven making its nest, on his hoary head. Yes, mean old Judge Manny is now facing impeachment. The resolution was filed by U.S. House Judiciary Committee Chairman James Sensenbrenner, R-Wis (of all people), for having “allegedly seized control of a bankruptcy case involving a defendant he knew, then allowed that defendant to live rent-free for years in a house she’d been ordered to vacate.” The case smells pretty sexy to anyone with a sense of smell, since the defendant was Deborah M. Canter, the attractive ex-wife of one of the owners of Canter’s Deli in LA’s Fairfax District. I can just see the lust dripping from Manny’s jowls as he tries to thrust his old gavel into Debbie Canter’s lox and bagel.

An impeachment of Judge Manuel L. Real for “high crimes and misdemeanors,” would be a sweet grand finale indeed to the Dildo Dialogues, and it does look imminent. Regardless, the sanctimonious adjudicator has been caught with his robe open and pants down. It’s nice to know in these times of terror, war and our civil liberties slipping through our fingers like sand, that sometimes, on odd occasions, justice prevails.