Kafkaesque Sex: Sodomy, Squirting & The 9th Amendment
Length: 104:04 minutes Date: 07/07/2012
“I am a cage, in search of a bird.” -Franz Kafka
I originally named this show “Kafkaesque Sex” in reference to my guests, the UCLA psychology-professor fronted band with hot topless back-up singers: Crying 4 Kafka. As it turns out, the band, dubbed “the pundits of punk” by the LA Weekly, is not the only Kafkaesque aspect of this surreally sexy show in which various technical malfunctions and prop disappearances thwart me, my staff, guests and (probably) you, yet ultimately lead all of us to amazing climaxes of great orgasmic, artistic, educational, masturbational and utterly hilarious heights. Such is life, sex and Kafka.
Now just in case you don’t know Kafka from the Kardashians, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), the Czech author of such masterworks as The Metamorphosis and The Trial, was considered one of the greatest writers of the 20th century, famous for his profound, absurdist scenarios that are, on a cerebral level, even wilder than this show, but without the happy, orgiastic, singing, dancing, squirting-on-the-Sybian, bonobo-esque ending.
Dr. Paul Abramson: This UCLA psychology professor, critically acclaimed author, columnist, gospel choir singer and lead vocalist of Crying 4 Kafka—dubbed “a national treasure” by LA Weekly editor Drex Heikus—kicks off this show with a big bang that brings to mind the recent discovery of the Higgs boson. This is Professor Paul’s second appearance on the show, his first being Sex Appeal, based on his book by the same name. This time, the sex-positive prof brings another book, Sexual Rights in America: The Ninth Amendment and the Pursuit of Happiness, which virtually resurrects the all-but-forgotten Ninth Amendment of the U.S. Bill of Rights. The Ninth Amendment is meant to give us those rights that the other amendments leave out, such as the right to engage in whatever kinds of consensual sex we like. For instance, the common practice of sodomy (which includes both oral and anal sex), which Crying 4 Kafka celebrates in raucous rock fashion with their signature song “Give Sodomy a Chance.” Having spent much of my life defending our First and Fourth Amendment rights, I can see that now, thanks to Professor Paul’s constitution law lesson, I’ll also be rooting for the Ninth.
Vanessa Goodmanson: The quintessential pretty blonde Playboy model with natural boobies, a beautiful booty and a Kafkaesque smile through the absurdity of it all, Vanessa regales us with tales of parties at the Playboy Mansion (not as wild as my Speakeasy, but you could get “discovered” while getting your body painted, as Vanessa did), bad anal and how various ex-lovers size up next to her 12-inch Adult Play Parlor dildo, before hopping on the Sybian, riding it double with Kitty.
Kitty Twinkle Toes: Kafka wrote, “I am a cage, in search of a bird,” and Ms. Twinkle Toes might not be searching for a cage but she definitely is one special bird. This prima ballerina-turned-fetish model comes to my Womb Room wearing toe shoes, a headdress made of turkey feathers and a top that reveals her nubile nipples before she even takes it off. Kitty went from dancing with New York’s famed Joffrey Ballet to being a paralegal and is now an “avante garde fetish nude ballerina model.” During her double-Sybian ride, Kitty squirts (not to be confused with a spraying cat!). During Crying 4 Kafka’s rendition of “This Is Not A Love Song,” she dances around our pole–en pointe! The Joffrey’s loss is BonoboVille’s gain.
Chris Gore: After a hiatus of several weeks, the silver-tongued, silver-haired comedian returns to his role as “court jester” of the Womb Room, amusing “Us” with Kafkaesque quips when his mouth isn’t hanging open in appreciation of the other guests’ “perfect boobs.”
Teagan Presley: Adam and Eve contract star, director and winner of multiple AVN Awards, nicknamed “teacup”, this petite, Britney Spears look-alike joins us via Skype along with her manager/fiancé of 5 years, Joshua. Due to those Kafkaesque technical difficulties, our interview is cut short, so we hope to have them on the show again—in the flesh, in the Womb Room!
Catherine Imperio: Manager and backup singer for Crying For Kafka, Catherine shows us the meaning of her company’s name—Electric Sex Entertainment–as she dances and sings, topless, in garters, and later, does shots off of her fellow backup singer Sam’s pierced nipples.
Sam: “This is Not a Love Song” scrawled on her bare boobs in black Sharpie and a blonde Mohawk that reaches to the Speakeasy ceiling, Sam is the “other” Crying 4 Kafka backup singer and wild topless dancer. After the show, I turn her into a human pool table hitting balls into her “pocket” with a cue that ends in a large dildo. It’s even more fun than it sounds. Moreover, it’s downright… Kafkaesque!
Brandon Thibeaut: Drummer boy and smiling stud for Crying 4 Kafka, Brandon does most of the show in a tight black thong and not much else. Inspired by Professor Paul and stimulated by Sam and Catherine, it’s easy to see why Brandon is smiling so much.
Jess DP: Following the Kafkaesque motif, Jess is looking for a cage, or perhaps, a master to put her in one. She is, after all, a sub with no master at the moment. Garbed in a skin-tight, pleather catsuit that squeezes her curves, she shouldn’t have trouble finding one.
Callers: Lance wants to know if it’s ok for him to jack off with a rubberband around his penis and testicles. My panel of experts says yes. In Kafkaesque terms, his bird is in a tight rubber cage.
Weapons of Mass Discussion: Kafka, Kafkaesque Sex, The 9th Amendment, The Bill of Rights, Sexual Freedom, Sodomy, Smoking Marijuana, Living in NYC, The Playboy Mansion, The AVN Awards, Homemade Sex Tapes, Biblical Names, Looking For A Master, “They Fit” Condom Company, Singing In A Gospel Choir, Fetish Modeling, Body Painting, Bonobos
Performance Erotica: Crying 4 Kafka Singing & Dancing, Double Sybian Ride, Shots of Sofia Coppola Vintage with Adult Play Parlor Cock Shotglasses, Ballet En Pointe, Pole Dancing, Showing Off Tattoos, Web Cam, Multiple Nude Boobs, Mohawked Hair, 12-Inch Dildo, “This Is Not A Love Song,” “Give Sodomy A Chance,” Squirting, Emergency Change to Agwa Ritual, Vibrating Monkey Toy, Condomania Condoms, Adult Play Parlor Hand Vibrator, Rickshaw Rides, Naked Hula-Hooping, Pool Table Orgy With Dildonic Cues
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