Dr. Suzy & Pr. Max, The Applicant (with Dirty Tequila & Pocket Rocket), Dr. Susan Block (with Snake Eve), Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas, Kanzi the Genius Bonobo, Layla Now, Cate & Sam celebrating Gay Pride Day. Main Photo: Abraham Perez

Length 1:31:46     Date: June 7, 2014

As we turn a new page in our favorite “unlicensed professionals” Cate and Sam’s “A Buttload of Months” calendar, the merry Masturbation Month of May makes way for June Busting Out all over Bonoboville. This breast-baring, bonobo-loving, LGBTQ-pride celebrating, coupled and “uncoupled,” slightly silly DrSuzy.Tv show features our sexy, sultry and super popular Block Institute therapist, Layla Now, as well as in-studio guest “The Applicant.” Both are new Bonoboville members and both joyously bust out for June—not to mention for us!

How to get June to bust out with beautiful boobage, as opposed to annoying little flying beetles (June bugs) or, much worse, another shooting rampage? We have a number of ways, from erotic hypnotic suggestion to outright asking to abject pleading (check last year’s June Busts Out for ideas). But we find that our beloved ritual of “Bonoboville Communion” brings out the nipples like June brings out the flowers, especially with a shot of dangerously delicious Dirty Tequila (for your nipples, not your flowers).

We also discuss and show some amazing footage of Kanzi, the “rock star” bonobo-in-residence at Dr. Sue Savage-Rumbaugh’s Bonobo Hope sanctuary in Iowa. An Einstein of great apes, Kanzi craftily makes and utilizes his own “Stone Age” tools, comprehends 3000 words in human English, can “speak” about 500 words through his lexigram system, beats humans at Pac-Man, builds a campfire on which he toasts marshmallows and has played music with fellow rock star Peter Gabriel who called the cross-species musical collaboration “one of my most extraordinary experiences as a musician.” We’re delighted to see more and more people “going bonobos,” spreading the word about the Make-Love-Not-War great apes (who are almost 99% genetically similar to humans), because it’s going to take a lot of spreading—and maybe some serious busting out—to save our kissing cousins from extinction.

Speaking of busting out, it feels good to bust out of the closet, so Happy Gay Pride Week, brothers and sisters, lovers and sinners! Max made one of his cute Freudian slips, calling Gay Pride “Gray Pride,” which maybe could be a new meme for AARP. Despite a few language malfunctions, our hearts are with you as you march and dance in gaiety and transcendence. Closets are for clothes, and life is for living… with love and pride. Bust out in June, not to mention any other month of the year! And if you’re in the closet and you need to talk about your gay, trans or bi-curious fantasies, we’re here for you.

From busting out to busting up, our Weapons of Mass Discussion lead us to the impending divorce of Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas, whose PR representative has announced that husband and wife “have “thoughtfully and consensually decided to finalize our almost twenty years marriage in a loving and friendly manner honoring and respecting each other, our family and friends and the beautiful time we have spent together.”

Wow. That’s even more “loving and friendly” than Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announcing a couple months ago that they were “consciously uncoupling”

I guess I’m a little old-fashioned because I’ve always thought breaking up was a bad thing, or at least not something to applaud. But the tone of divorce in our society is definitely changing. Now when celebrity couples “uncouple,” they or their PR people declare it with joyous flowery language more like a wedding announcement than a divorce. More power to them. The more you can swing through life—whether through divorces, economic down-turns or other disasters—joyously, like a bonobo swinging on a vine from one tree to another, the better off you probably are. Moreover, humans aren’t naturally monogamous, which makes strictly monogamous marriage very difficult for many people. Understanding this, divorce is no sin, nor is it even a failing. For more and more people, it’s just another life stage.

Still, I’m glad my 22-year-old conjugal coupling with Pr. Max shows no signs of uncoupling. In that spirit, I repost the following (unedited) blog that our very own Nikki Knight wrote about a recent day in the life of Max and me:

Hi, my name is Nikki and I have the good fortune of living at Bonoboville, assisting with the Dr. Susan Block Institute.

I’ve been here about 2 months and in that time, there is one fact that stands out to me: the love between Dr. Suzy and her captain Max. The best example of that deep bond I’ve seen to date happened yesterday morning in the most adorable way.

Early yesterday morning Max had to go for his bi-annual cancer check up, in which he gets poked, prodded and tested until he finds out if his former cancer has indeed and gloriously been eradicated. I was working in the office and usually Dr. Suzy is busy with her thoughts tirelessly on the completion of another book, and not just any book… a book that details what living like a bonobo means to her in the context of mankind, but in a socio-sexual way. We are all very excited for the completion of this book. — Now back to yesterday morning — Dr. Suzy was agitated but hopeful in a little girl way. I could sense what I read as her worried but hopeful pleading with the universe to please let her beloved have a clean bill of health and please universe, let it be soon. Every time the phone rang, she perked up, hopefully, willing each (numerous and regular) call to give her the news that her precious Max was in the clear. Finally the call came! Max was declared cancer free once again and from Dr. Suzy’s office you could feel the relief flooding out of her. You have to understand, Dr. Suzy is a very self-possessed, in charge and unflappable hub in this wheel we call Bonoboville. To see her childlike joy over the pronouncement of Max’s good news really touched me. 

But if was not that which I write about here, it is what happened in between her hearing Max’s glorious news and his arrival back to our idyllic little island of Bonoboville. The tiny little ball of blonde fury that is Dr. Suzy was pacing, waiting, watching for her prince’s imminent return. The call came that he was minutes away and could someone come down to let him into our highly secure location… well I quickly went to the front gate to let Max in but he was not yet there. I look up to see Dr. Suzy at the top of the stairs, kind of pacing, on her toes, repeatedly looking askance towards the front gate asking silently “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?” both happy but anxious. Moments later I see Max pull up with his driver, Luzer, and he is grinning, and exits the car with a spring in his step and glow to his face I’d not seen before. I let him in the front gate, pat him on the back as I say “yayyyyy Max” and he whisks by me and lights up the stairs to his Juliet who is now beaming and enveloped once again in that childlike joy that is so endearing. As Max gets to the top of the stairs, a rung below Dr. Suzy, there comes the moment I shall never forget. She reaches her hands out and puts one on each of his cheeks, adoringly taking him in with her grateful eyes, and then kisses him tenderly and victoriously, then does it again another 2 times just to make sure. It struck me, 22 years of marriage and they were still madly in love, still couldn’t stand to be apart and more poignantly, were in this thing together, tied like two vines crawling the same wall inextricably bound one to the other, scaling this wall of life higher and higher. 

Why do I write this? Because Dr. Suzy is always writing about her observations of life but I wanted to speak of my observation of her life and that I was grateful to witness how precious life is to these two lovers, mates and companions. We all should be so fortunate to have such love.

Thank you, Nikki. Thank you, Universe!