Just in time for the holidaze, now available for your perusing and gift-giving pleasure : the third English language edition of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. So, as a Holiday Bloggamy gift to you, I am hereby posting an excerpt from the new edition that did not appear in the first or second edition. Coming in under The 5th Commandment of a Gentleman’s Pleasure: Thou Shalt Excite Him is the following chapter on the popular new subject of Sperm Warfare (hopefully, this will help you survive the holiday party season with your relationship, libido and ego intact):

Give the Gift of Pleasure to Someone You Love, Even If That Someone Is You

Sperm Wars

Most men are excited by the idea of their wives or girlfriends being with other men. They may or may not like it. But many a man finds himself aroused upon seeing his lady flirt with a stranger. He may be jealous, even angry. Still, he can’t help but want to make love to her as soon as they get home, his erection stronger than usual, and his ejaculation more powerful, as if he is pumped up to win some sort of sexual competition with the other male for the prize of this valuable female, his wife.

A more adventurous gentleman might even encourage his lady to have sex with the other man, or at least talk about the fantasy, perhaps while pleasuring her with a dildo (which *represents* the other man). Traditionally, this kind of husband is called a “cuckold,” an old English word that carries connotations of humiliation. But most gentlemen who enjoy watching or imagining their female primemates having sex with other men in threesomes, at swing parties or with dildos, aren’t humiliated at all. They just feel extremely excited, and experience harder erections and stronger ejaculations than usual.

What’s going on here? There are many explanations, and it would take another book to cover them. But one of the more compelling reasons for this type of male arousal lies in human evolutionary biology. Until recently, biologists thought that there was only one kind of sperm in semen with a single goal: to swim to the egg and inseminate it. It was assumed that the ejaculatory release of sperm was like the proverbial gunshot before the big race with all the little tadpoles swimming directly to the egg. Recently, evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis found that these “egg-inseminators” make up only about one per cent of a man’s sperm count. So what about the rest of the tadpoles? It seems that most sperm behave less like a bunch of individual marathon racers than a football team, with some players on offense and others on defense. They discovered that many sperm don’t swim to the egg at all, but clearly hunt and kill sperm from another man that might also be in the vagina into which they and their brothers have spurted. These killer sperm actually contain *weaponry* that destroy the *enemy* in a “Sperm War.” Or, using football terms, they are the offense, tackles and fullbacks in the Super Bowl of Sex going on inside the woman. Other sperm on a man’s *team* play defense, blocking and protecting their inseminator-quarterback brothers from other men’s warrior sperm.

Sperm Warfare

Why Sperm Wars? How did this genetic football game come about? Scientists speculate that, like our cousins, the bonobos and common chimps, our human ancestors were not monogamous, and often several males would mate with one fertile female within a few days of one another. These different men’s sperm would then intermingle within the one woman, duking it out for the evolutionary reward of fertilizing her egg.

Sperm Warfare Explains Men’s Passion for Football & Other War Games,
as Well as Male Excitement Over Female Nonmonogamy

Whenever a gentleman gets ready to have sex with a lady, he unconsciously considers the odds of her being with another man. If he feels she is totally faithful to him, he might be happy about that, but his erection won’t be at its strongest, nor will his sperm count be at its highest. Unconsciously, his testicles *know* they don’t have to fight an adversary, so they need not generate the full army (or football team) of several hundred million sperm. Therefore, he *conserves* semen. After all, he only needs to send in a few sperm to reach an egg where he has no rivals. But if he sees his lady having sex, or if he just feels that she could–whether he likes the idea or not–his testicles spring into action and produce as many hundred million warrior sperm, blockers and inseminators as they can. The result is that the man has a much stronger erection, more copious ejaculate and a more intensely pleasurable orgasm than he routinely does.

Apparently, the human male is wired to be aroused by sexual competition. This is one reason why so many men love porn, in which they tend to be watching a woman they desire having sex with someone else. This is also why so many men, even if they adore their wives, get sexually bored with them. If a gentleman feels there is no possibility that his wife could be with another man, his sperm count will stay *comfortably* low. As long as jealousy doesn’t overwhelm him (and a lady should respect her gentleman’s boundaries), a hint of rivalry excites the male.

Remember: A lady doesn’t actually have to have sex with the other man to create this scintillating “Sperm Wars” effect. It is only necessary that her primemate think she might, even if he just imagines it. Indeed, for most couples, the power of Sperm Wars is best and most safely explored in fantasy. For more on that, see Gentleman’s Commandment #7: Thou Shalt Explore His Deepest Desires and Fantasies.

Now, if only we could keep the wars to the sperm, and stop the wars between people…

More on Squirting, Bonobos and Sweet Semen Recipes
“Sperm Wars” is just one of the new chapters in the Third Edition of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. There’s also a new one on “Female Ejaculation,” a new Introduction to the Third Edition, and updates to “The Bonobo Way,” “Chemistry Class,” “G-Spot Hunting,” “Recipes for Sweet Tastin’ Semen” and more.

Eros Day Is Coming…
So, the holidays are moving along at a nice laid-back pace here at the Speakeasy. No orgies this month (so far). But my H and I are making up for the lull with more primemate sex of different kinds. Just to keep those Sperm Wars brewing, we talk in bed about what might happen on EROS DAY 2008. Because you never know…

Speaking of Eros Day, we are very pleased to announce that Heaven Itself has chosen sexual Olympian and porn atar of Greek ancestry Jack Fountain to reign as Eros on Eros Day 2008, and his wife of 15 years, the gorgeous and delightful Amazon Darryl Hanah (erotic persona of Darryl Hannah) to be Aphrodite (Venus to the Romans). This real-life married couple proved themselves to be true sexual Olympians in their sensational perfomance on The Dr. Susan Block Show last month in our Erotic Insurgent Masquerade. January 19th will be our Ninth Annual Eros Day, and with Darryl and Jack, the Hottest Married Couple in Porn, reigning amongst us, it is bound to be an awesome one, so make your reservations now.

A brand new bonobo has entered the world. His name is Tutapenda, and he was born on 10/29/07 at the San Diego Zoo. Check out his photos, then express your Inner Bonobo by joining our new community BonoboWay.com. and if you want to learn more about the “Make Love Not War” chimpanzees or need the perfect holiday gift for the ethical hedonist/evolutionist in your life, get The Bonobo Way DVD. A portion of the proceeds goes to help save these highly endangered apes from extinction (as well as saving the Speakeasy from eviction ;-)