Last year, I did a Master’s Tea on “Sex at Yale.” This year, SWAY director Dain Lewis asked me to talk about sex in relationships, so I’m giving them The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. It’ll be a variation on the talk I’ll be doing at UCLA’s Ackerman Grand Ballroom on Valentine’s Day (that’s right, my darling bloggamists – it’s college week!). As those of you who know me know, I personally received these commandments on Mount Sinai during a lost weekend with God and the Goddess and a bottle of Agavero, and soon I will be transmitting them to all the pleasure-starved Bulldogs and Bruins coast-to-coast. Not that many of these kids are in America’s top colleges to learn about pleasure. You and I and they know what most of them are there for, why they’re cramming their young heads full of facts to impress jaded professors, and why their parents are forking over big bucks: POWER..

But the power to give pleasure is the greatest power we have. There’s an old saying: People give you power for two reasons: 1) because they fear you, or 2) because they love you. The regular Big 10, as well as all religions, most governments and some spouses, play on the first reason. The 10 Commandments of Pleasure give you power for the second reason. Follow them, and you will awaken and fulfill erotic desire in others. Follow them, and you will learn to use your sexual power to give pleasure. What could be more delicious?

Delicious as they are, these commandments are based on very strong values. But when I talk about values, I’m not talking about “family values,” at least not those paper-thin hypocritical Father-knows-best-Mother-takes-Prozac-Kids-consider-suicide “family values” that lying politicians get all excited about. I’m talking about personal values. I’m talking about sexual values. I’m talking about the value of pleasure and not violence, the value of love and not war, the value of lust and not greed, the value of knowledge and not ignorance, the value of the Bonobo Way and not acting like a Baboon, the value of dildos and Pocket Rockets and not guns and ammo, the value of sexual connection and not gender competition, the value of giving and not holding back.

So we’ll see how these values go down with at the Bush Family’s and my beloved alma mater. And then there’s Valentine’s Day at UCLA. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what I can wear to both lectures that conveys *pleasure,* but won’t get me accused of sexual harassment. It’s tough being a teacher these days!