Some call Betty the “Mother” of Masturbation, and some, the “Grandmother.” I prefer “Godmother.” After all, she didn’t invent the thing. But she did help to bring it out of the darkness and has nurtured it through the blinding lights (who says masturbation doesn’t make you blind?) of public discussion.

Our Speakeasy discussion included questions and comments from professors and porn stars, including USC Distinguished Professor Vern Bullough with his wife Professor Gwen Bullough, Porn Star Lorie Pleasure, with hubby Mark Hoffman of Wicked Temptations, Dr. Shoshi Meyer with hubby Dr. Arnold Meyer (not their real names), Sin Magazine Editor Karri Hayes, Dancer Amber Mercedes and an inventive young couple, Dan and Jan, who brought their adorable and very well designed sex machine, the Monkey Rocker, to be blessed by Saint Betty (which she did).

Now, Dr. Shoshi happened to be someone I hadn’t seen since we were both seniors at Harriton High School in Lower Merion, Pennsylvania. Besides being very bright and exotic (from Israel), I remember Shoshi as one of the prettiest girls in our class. Also (though smart, pretty and nice usually don’t go together), one of the nicest. Despite many years, two marriages and four children, Shoshi is just as I remember her. Does that make that awful truism true, that no matter what we go through, we’re the same as we were in high school? We connected because she looked me up to give a lecture on “Fetishes” to one of her graduate classes. So I invited her to the Speakeasy. Not having seen her in a few decades (and she’d told me over the phone that she’d gotten a lot “older”), I was a little concerned about how she’d feel in our erotic-outrageous environment. But she and her hubby seemed to fit in quite comfortably. I should have remembered; Shoshi was always a sexy girl, in addition to being smart and pretty, and that hasn’t changed either. The two of us were also horribly anorexic in our teens, but that’s another story, and thank Goddess, that part of us has changed…

The After-Party started with my art curator Kim Mendoza inserting one of Betty’s fabulous Vaginal Barbells into her ripe pussy. Betty’s Barbell is both a terrific pleasure toy and a practical PC-muscle exerciser. Just in case you don’t know your PC muscle from your politically correct personal computer, your PC (pubococcygeus), also called the pelvic floor or kegel muscle, is the muscle that you squeeze to stop yourself from urinating. It’s also the one that contracts and releases before, during and sometimes after orgasm. Like building up your biceps allows you to lift more weight without strain, exercising your PC muscle lets you have bigger, deeper, longer, more satisfying orgasms, and gives you better overall pelvic health. You can exercise your PC muscles with or without Betty’s Barbell—just squeeze and release! But having something solid and well-formed to squeeze makes it a lot more fun.

My own Barbell is one of my favorite dildos. It’s so good that my PC exercise sessions always end with an orgasm. The shape is elegant and discreet, like a regular little barbell except the ball on one side is larger than the other. What sets it apart from other the majority of other sex toys is the weight. Most dildos are so light that they pop out if you don’t hold them in. The Barbell, made of polished stainless steel, weighs almost a pound. Once inserted, it stays in place, even through the most explosive orgasms. Not only is it effective, it’s ultra-durable. While most sex toys seem built to break after a few uses, Betty’s Barbell is “a family heirloom that can be passed down from grandmother to granddaughter.”

Once Kim popped the big end inside, she let her arms dance around her head, as I applied the head of one of Betty’s other favorite toys: the Hitachi Magic Wand. This is the best of the kind of big plug-in vibrators that are sold in pharmacies where they masquerade as “massagers” to “relax tired muscles.” Well, they’re good for massaging your aching back, but they’re great for massaging your throbbing vulva (though the packaging doesn’t say a word about that). The plug-in massagers are 100 times more effective than all the battery-operated vibrators, pocket rockets and pearl divers out there. When I applied the Hitachi to Kim’s clitoris and labia, with the Barbell positioned firmly inside her vagina, she climaxed within about two minutes. If a gal wants to come quick and come hard, the Betty Dodson Combo — Wand and Barbell – is a can’t-miss ticket to almost-instant, intense female orgasm.

Betty isn’t big on squirting, as she explains in our Squirting Dialogues. But she’s a devout believer in the notion of “If it feels good to you, why not do it?” So when our Lydil Lydia looked desirously at the NJoy Double Ender Dildo, stainless still like Betty’s Barbell but curved like a G-spot stimulator, I used it on her to create a magnificent squirting orgasm of crystal clear ejaculate shooting like stars across the gallery. Actually, it started with Lydia licking my clit through my mesh g-string as I stood watching Amber give a very sexy lapdance (or perhaps it should be called a *full body dance*) to an almost naked Lori Pleasure, she of the impressive 36G bubble boobs and pierced clit (who moved in with hubby Mark after their first date). Lydia wanted more, but it wasn’t my time of month to receive much more (at least not in public), and anyway, t’is better to give than receive…. So I got Lydil Lydia to get on all fours, and I gave her a feel of the smaller end of the NJoy. She loved it, of course (no female can resist that smooth stainless steely penetration), and she wanted more. So I turned her around on her back, and gave it to her with the big end. I started gently, teasingly, but Lydil Lydia wanted more, so I gave the girl what she wanted, really pounding her deeply, forcefully, with my curved shiny steel-hard pleasure tool, until she screamed and squirted like a broken fire hydrant, all over the Hollywood Love Rug. Hallelujah, Sister Lydia, its Holy Water! My right arm got a good work-out, and Lydil Lydia could barely walk.

We also unveiled a new functional art piece, the Vulva Lounge, the ultimate in plush erotic furniture, now on voluptuous display in the Speakeasy Gallery. But no squirting on the Vulva Lounge, Sisters – or Brothers – it’s on loan from the artists (Jason and Molly Melmot)!

No DJs that night; we just spun our own house, danced, sipped Agavero, talked and chilled while Julie and Russ played with Betty’s Barbell (as well as Russ’ Barbell). Then I slipped into my private bedroom with H for my own private, ruby orgasms. My apologies to those of you with either religious or taste problems with my having sex when I’m on the rag, but tough; sometimes it makes me feel better. And H doesn’t give a damn; he’ll even go down on me at that time of month. For more on hot period sex, see my Story of Esther.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this bloggamy talking about my Aunt Ruby, especially since right now she’s kicking me in the groin in a most unsexy manner.

I’d rather end talking about Betty (now blissfully past the age where she has to struggle with an Aunt Ruby or an Aunt Flo) and what an inspiration she was Saturday night to a great, sexy, intimate evening at the Speakeasy, and what an inspiration she is and always will be to a freer world.