The SUZY Awards: Amor Hilton, Anthony Winn with Agwa, Jack Nice, Goddess Maya (holding Award and The Bonobo Way), Snake Eve, Dr. Susan Block with more Agwa, Dark Phoenix with Unlicensed Professionals’ “Buttload O’ Months” Calender, Chelsea Demoiselle with Bonzo in Bonobo Designs T-shirt. Photo: BW

Length 1:52:26:00   Date: Dec. 27, 2014

Three’s the charm, whether it’s a hot threesome or the third annual DrSusanBlock.Tv awards honoring show guests who charmed, challenged, inspired and aroused us over the course of this erotic adventure-filled year. Now officially nicknamed “The SUZYs,” these very special awards pay tribute to “excellence in broadcast artistry and exhibitionism,” venerating the pursuit and cultivation of peace through pleasure, better sex education, more entertaining erotica, a more sex-positive ethos and more bonoboësque Weapons of Mass Seduction. To win, you must have been a guest on The Dr. Susan Block Show sometime during the year 2014.

Our awards shows are always intimate and festive, bubbling up between the holidays like champagne. This one celebrates the season, The Bonobo Way and the winners with Agwa-infused, breast–baring, “Nipple-Freeing” Bonoboville Communion as we watch some of the award-winning clips. We also toast the birthdays of two of our favorite people (who also happen to win awards), the “Most Adorable” Amor-able Amor “Baby Block” Hilton, skyping into the show live from an undisclosed Walgreens (or is that CVS?) and “Drink & Draw” winner, Stripperella artist Anthony Winn. We also have naughty fun with the actual SUZY award, this being the first year we have a physical trophy, a lovely, phallic, golden Oscar replica with shimmering wings and a white hat (or is that a halo?) made from a Condomania condom, rendering the SUZY award trophy Measure B-compliant.

Now that the ballots are in and the envelopes open, I’d like to congratulate the winners, console the losers (though one “loser”—actually Luzer, is a winner!), and present (all rise for a standing erection—I mean, ovation!), in no particular order, The DrSusanBlock.Tv 2014 AWARD WINNERS…

“Most Bonobo” – Chase Ryder

“Kinkiest Committed Couple” – Goddess Soma & “Fat” Mike

“Best Sex Advice” – Ed Asner

“Most Acrobatic Sex” – Haley Sweet & Dark Phoenix

“Most Sex-Positive Political Candidate” – U.S. Congressional Candidate Rose Izzo

“Most Adorable” – Amor Hilton

“Best Leather” – Jux Lii of Jux Leather

“Most Congenial Revolutionary” – Polly Superstar

“Most Poignant Erotic Memory” – Danny Glover

“Mother Teresa of Sex” – Alexandra Silk

“Best Pick-Up Artist” – Luzer Twersky

“Hottest Pharmacist” – Dr. Sarah Russo

“Classiest Porn Star” – Tera Patrick

“Life of The Party” – Charlotte Stokely

“Most Political Sex Act” – Chelsea Demoiselle and Jack Nice

“Most Intelligent-Sounding Porn Star” – Nina Hartley for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance

“Most Intelligent Sounding Porn Star” (male) – Tyler Knight

“Best Musical Sex Parody” – 50 Shades: The Musical

“Best Networker” – Luc Wylder

“Most Copious Female Ejaculator” – Vicky Vixen

“Most Copious Male Ejaculator” – Isiah King James IV

“Sweetest Blowjob” – Amanda Blow

“Most Cunning Cunnilingus” – Dane Cross with Emma Snow

“Sexiest Author” – Anka Radakovich

“Sexiest Swinger” – Lulu

“Soundest Spanking” – Mistress Tara Indiana

“Sexiest Cake” Jamaica’s Cakes

“Best-Dressed Guest” – Emily Marilyn

“Most Edifying Sex Educator” – Sheri Winston

“Most Sustainable Sex Advice” – Stefanie Iris Weiss

“Sweetest Sinner” – Selma Sins

“Soundest Sleeper” – Ron Jeremy

“Mayor of Bonoboville” – Ron Jeremy

“Most Orgasmic Sybian Rider” – Tina Romantica with Hercules Liotard

“Wildest Sex Toy” – InJoyUs

“Handiest Sex Toy” – Doc Johnson iRocket

“Best Condoms” – Condomania (President: Nicole Donnelly)

“Best Edible Aphrodisiac” – Cannabelly

“Most Bonobo-Knowledgeable Mainstream Star” – Dan Haggarty

“Best Twerking” – Harley Dean

“Still-Sexiest Sex Symbol” – Christopher Atkins

“Sexiest Chauffeur” – Tammie Parrott

“Most Enthusiastic” – “Love Boat” Captain Gavin McLeod

“Wildest Exhibitionist” – Shay Lynn

“Best Elvis Impersonator” – Smokey Binion Jr

“Rottenest Guest” – Robert “Corpsy” Rhine

“Most Poly-Handy” – Dark Phoenix

“Most Cosmic” – Neil Degrasse Tyson

“Most Erudite Flatulence Fetishist” – Kelsey Obsession

“Best Drink ‘n’ Drawer” – Anthony Winn

“Most Nonconsensual Torture Fetishists” – The CIA

“Coolest Blast from the Past” – Ginger Lynn

“Most Dynamic Duo” –   Catherine Imperio & Samantha Fairley

“Best Hair” – Catherine Imperio & Samantha Fairley

“Sexiest Promoter” – Catherine Imperio

“Best Buttload” – Samantha Fairley

Speaking of “Buttloads”… HAPPY NUDE REAR !!! By this show’s end, we bare Chelsea’s end (see photo), proclaiming our Nude Rear/New Year’s Resolution to make 2015 “The Year of the Bonobo.”

Happy Nude Rear from Bonoboville! Featuring Maya, Dr. Suzy, Chelsea’s Nude Rear, Agwa, The Bonobo Way, Dark Phoenix. Photo: L’erotique

Again, “three’s the charm,” and there are three parts to this resolution: 1) learning The Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure and female empowerment, 2) releasing your “inner bonobo” in the bedroom and beyond, and 3) saving the real bonobos from extinction in the wild. We can’t do it without you! So have a Happy Nude Rear! Free the Nipple! Stop Police Brutality! Drop-Bras-Not-Bombs! And get ready to GO BONOBOS in 2015!