XXXmas Eve Orgasm for Peace, Hanukkah Candle Races & Saturnalia Spirit of Holiday Sex
Length: 97:47 minutes Date: 12/24/2011
No A-list porn stars, best-selling authors or champion wrestlers on this one. No, for Xmas Eve & the 5th night of Hanukkah, we make it a “Family Show.” But when I say “family,” I don’t mean Focus on the Family (and I doubt they would approve); I mean our very own Speakeasy den of denizens, artists and multi-talented resident perverts—the Bonobo Gang. From high-stakes Hanukkah candle-racing to a Nativity scene presented with Divine Interventions dildos and a Baby Jesus butt plug, we honor the winter holiday traditions in our own heart-warmingly debauched way.
I dress up as Dr. Suzy Claus in red bikini trimmed with white faux fur and a matching micro-mini garter skirt from Adult Play Parlor, and Tasia is my feral reindeer pulling in a bag of sex toys, also from Adult Play Parlor, with something for everyone in the Speakeasy family, almost all of whom are wearing Santa hats, like a platoon of depraved elves.
After some impressively naughty Agwa salt licking and a fascinating lesson in the Saturnalian sexual history of Xmas–did you know that Santa Claus represents the penis coming down the chimney (which is the vagina)?–the show explodes in a beautiful Hitachi-propelled Orgasm for Peace on Earth, Pleasure for All. Amen…and Awomen!
Meet Dr. Suzy Claus’ Elves:
Helen: General manager of the Dr. Susan Block Institute, she is this Hanukkah’s reigning queen of candle racing, having won three times in a row, as well as the Chinese side of the double Asian nipple suck-off.
Jonni Lynch: Newbie Jewbie porn star last seen on RadioSUZY1 on our Halloween Skydiving Sex show, Jonni reminisces about her childhood Hanukkah experiences being limited to a broken electric menorah and gets the cutest little mini-Hitachi from Adult Play Parlor, before breaking her boobs out for the double Asian Agwa salt nipple suck-off.
Tasia Sutor: Our effervescent show producer first appears as a kinky reindeer with red antlers and an Adult Play Parlor butt plug “tail” wagging behind her. Then she transforms herself into the sexiest snowflake on crystal clear stripper shoes and gives me the most adorable “Happy Dradle Day” card, addressed to “My Saviour: Dr. Susan Block” and “Dr. Suzy Jewzy” with a handmade pop-up drawing of me in lingerie and hat being crucified to a very large cock.
Ivy Thornton: Our social media manager, dressed in a delectable black number, accented nicely with the two ivory towers atop her chest, provides the grand finale to the show with her own Hitachi-ignited XXXmas Eve climaxxx.
Nori Carter: Our show technical director, IT, webmaster, bartender and so much more, Nori may lose the Hanukkah candle race, but he gets crowned winner of the double Asian Agwa salt nipple suck-off. So there.
Justine Middleton: Our lovely editorial assistant hides behind her laptop for most of this fine family program, but sneaks out momentarily to slobber salt onto Jonni Lynch’s arm, and show off some sweet little XXXmas ruffled anklets and heels, then rocks out with the hula-hoop in the post-show.
Robert McQueen from Kansas City wonders if I’ll ever do a nude shoot for Playboy. And we wonder if he’ll be getting us a Cadillac for XXXmas.
Kent and Chi: Winter Solstice Orgasms for Peace activists, this couple traces the historic sexual, Saturnalian roots of Christmas. Did you know the Xmas tree is a phallic symbol, and the gifts around the tree represent drops of semen? Think about that next time you’re trimming your fir.
Weapons of Mass Discussion:
Family Show, Speakeasy Family, XXXmas, Hanukkah, Kinky Kwanza, Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, Family of Wonderful Perverts, Even Porn Stars Have Families, 99 cent Store Holiday Spirit, Holiday Sex is a Mitzvah (Good Deed), Sex with God, Holiday Sex Storytelling, Saying “Family” Sounds like a Cult, We Respect all Offenses, The Great Emotion Around Hanukkah Candle Races, Santa only Visits the 1% who Have Chimneys, Phallic Santa Entering Chimney like a Vagina, Blow Jobs for Jesus, Xmas Tree as Giant Penis Exploding with Lights and Gifts Around It Representing Semen, Santa is a Big Fat Dick, Bonobos
Hanukkah Candle Racing, Betting Gelt on Longest Lasting Candle, Nativity Scene with Divine Interventions Dildos, Baby Jesus Butt Plug, Virgin Mary Dildo, Death Dildo, Buddha Dildo, Bautista Doll, Mary’s Booty Doubles as Balls, Antiseptic Fashions, Stockroom Speculum, Boobs Out, Sexy Socklets, Agwa Cult Koolaid-Drinking, Cute Agwa Salt Nose Licking, Licking Salt off the Back, Giggling, Boob Sucking, Floral Holiday Nipple Clamps, Reindeer Nipple Shots, Moving Targets, Cock Sucking at the Family Christmas Eve, Arm Slobber, Taking the Tits out, Duel Asian Boob Shot, Christmas Carols, Adult Play Product Pushing, New Squirting Realistic Cock from Adult Play Parlor, Anal Lube for Jonny, Ivy Sucking Cherries, Tasia as Reindeer with Red Antlers, Gag & Butt Plug Tail Pulling a Sleighful of Toys from Adult Play Parlor, Tasia as Human Snowflake in Stripper Shoes, Booty Popping, Lisa with Power Button, Squirting Cock Fight, Nailpolish Gifts, Love Pecks on the Inner Thigh, Ivy’s Orgasm for Peace, Double Snowflake Nipple Sucking, Merry XXXmas Orgasm, Candy Canings, Holiday Hooping