Swing It Your Way
Length: 1:42:14 Date: April 6 , 2013
“If you don’t swing, don’t ring!” Or as they say in Latin, “Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare.” And that’s what the sign said above the big mahogany door of that famous Mansion in Holmby Hills throughout the swinging days of the Sexual Revolution. Of course, you can “tintinnare” my mansion anytime (and my number is 213-670-0066), whether you engage in full-scale swap, soft-swing, kinky play, cuckolding, spicy vanilla, are swing-curious, or if you just want to tune into some sexy and sensual guests who like to swing it their way. And there are so many ways to swing—from couples gathering in a stately home for an orgy to porn stars who balance intimate relationships with wild sex scenes to a polyamorous threesome in love.
Swinging is nothing new. In fact, we probably lived a much more swinging lifestyle before the Neolithic spark of modern civilization—with its concepts of property and ownership, and efforts to control the fertility of the land, crops, livestock—and women. With the advent of agriculture about 12,000 years ago, human culture slammed down the mallet on our naturally open sexuality and made monogamy the mainstream state of things. For more on the fascinating changes that human sexuality has gone through over the past hundred millennia or so, check out one of my favorite books, Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by three-time DrSuzy.tv guests, Drs. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
Like our kissing cousins the bonobos who swing with each other as well as through the trees, we human apes are more naturally promiscuous than monogamous. Swinging isn’t the perfect solution for everyone, but it’s a lot more honest than cheating, not to mention more fun than stewing in monogamy fermented to monotony. But sharing an intimate relationship with one special person has its benefits. It provides a partner, a best friend, a witness to your life, someone with whom to share your deepest pleasures and sorrows, even if you don’t exclusively share every single erotic activity. For instance, next Saturday, Max and I are celebrating 21 years of lawfully wedded, “monogamish” (thank you for that marvelous term, Dan Savage) sex and love. Don’t miss it! In the meantime, enjoy this swinging show, consider the rainbow of erotic options available to you and…swing it your way!
Climax Parties (Gary & Desi): The owners and operators of Swing Climax met just six months ago and already are helping others to, euphemistically, “communicate” thru their establishment in LA’s San Fernando Valley. I haven’t been there yet, but our former Institute manager Zhang recommends it and Lisa was just there last week and also gives it the thumbs-up. Gary likes to watch Desi with other men (cuckolding anyone?). She’s not sure if it’s normal… but I assure her, if being common is normal, then it is! In any case, Desi is much happier being open now than in her previous relationships when she cheated. With his slick suit and tie, Gary looks kind of like a mobster, which we assume is just his swinging style, until Desi—dressed suspiciously like a mobwife—explains that their club’s theme of the night is “mobster,” which also happens to be one of her favorite fantasies (no wonder they feel right at home in my Speakeasy). Swing Climax holds parties every Friday and Saturday. Want to swing? Here’s your chance!
Lindsay Hearts & Nikki Hearts: These two “authentic lesbians” want to promote just that… authentic, lesbian sex. Sometimes that involves “Gold Star Lesbians”—that’s someone like Lily Cade who’s never had sex with a guy (which would make Max a gold star lesbian!). Lindsay is a fashion designer and erotic wardrobe stylist. Nikki wears the wardrobe and takes it off again, sometimes for Burning Angel, always only with women. Nikki also wears my strap-on, which, though awkward to put on, looks great on her, and it sure is one way to swing! Nikki, who wanted to be a herpetologist as a child, is also excited to hold my Snake Eve, definitely a swinger—and a very promiscuous slitherer. The Hartz Sisters who aren’t really sisters, but lovers, demonstrate hot lesbian monogamish love (they’ve been together three years!) with a swinging porno twist. In appreciation, our resident “Drink & Draw” comic book artist, Anthony Winn, immortalizes them in comic art (pix coming soon!).
Valentino: This AVN Hall of Fame adult performer directs, produces, acts, and has worked all over the world. That’s how he swings and, having recently received his MFA in filmmaking from the New York Film Academy, he’s branching out into non-porn productions. We ran into Valentino at our Harry Reems Tribute at Deep Throat the Play, and he’s the wandering swinger of this show, going from party to party, seeing if he can get laid. He sure did the last time he was on DrSuzy.tv—at our Halloween Bacchanalia 2009.
Fawn: This blonde, bubbly, bedimpled, swinging, single real estate agent is recently divorced and out to enjoy life and new experiences… And she has a few on this show, from partaking in our Bonoboville Boobie Shots ritual to riding the Sybian for the first time. She’s also a real real estate agent and she’s on the hunt for a new building for Bonoboville and the Institute—a 16,000-30,000 square foot hotel-type property in the LA area for our expanded urban erotic retreat. If you know of a great building for us, call us at 213-670-0066.
Jersey Boy: Having actually worked with bonobos in an Israeli zoo, Jersey Boy knows all about swinging and the power of females, and now he’s using that knowledge to run….a topless maid service. Well, that’s one way to swing it your way.
Christopher calls in to ask how he can meet a nice girl who respects or at least doesn’t mind that he’s autistic. A clothes-ripping fetish would also be nice. I support his challenge, but when I make some suggestions, and Christopher complains that they cost money, well, I have to say that everybody out there, swinger or not, autistic or voyeuristic, has to pay to play.
On Twitter, Brad (aka @AvidMasturbator) asks “Why are single men always excluded from swing clubs but single women aren’t?” Gary attempts to answer by talking about trying to achieve gender balance at the parties. But Brad still feels such policies—typical of most swing clubs—are “discriminatory.” But Brad, would you really like to go to a swing party with hordes of horn-dog males and just a few overwhelmed females? Because that is inevitable when you don’t place a limit on single guys. Most couples in The Lifestyle prefer parties with other couples and single women, so that female energy “rules,” as in Bonoboville. The good news for guys like Brad is that more and more swing clubs are now offering “Gangbang Nights,” also euphemistically known as “Single Guys Allowed,” and Swing Climax will probably be featuring these soon.
Weapons Of Mass Discussion: Swinging Couples, Bonobo Swingers, Cuckold Play, Cheating, Single Males vs. Single Females at Swing Parties, Gangbang Nights, Sex at Dawn, We Are Measure B Compliant!, Doing Porn is a Form of Swinging, Girlfriends, Gold Star Lesbians, Strapon Sex, Spanking, Mobsters & Mob Wives Fantasies, Swinging Into The Future, A “Dirty Vanilla” Is Someone Who Doesn’t Participate in Swinging but Watches & Enjoys the Environment, Watching Porn featuring a Woman You Desire Having Sex with Another Man Is A Form of Cuckolding, Gangbang Nites For Singles And Couples At Swing Clubs, Two Males On One Female “Starter” Gangbang, Clothes Ripping Fetish, Autism & Sex, Herpetology, Boring Nice People Are Much Better Than Boring Assholes In Any Relationship, Monkeys vs Apes, Bonobos vs Chimpanzees, Squaresville vs Bonoboville
Performance Erotica: Snake Play, Stripping, Putting on a Strapon, Drinking & Drawing, Bare Breasts, Bonoboville Boobie Shots, Nipple-Sucking, Modeling a Mob Wife Outfit, Panty Modeling, Riding The Sybian