Poly On Wry on DrSuzy.Tv
Length 1:45:46 Date: August 22, 2015
“Poly on Wry” is a tasty triple-decker sandwich of polyamorous possibilities, blended households, zesty triads, alphabetized polycules (poly/molecules), designer relationships (with a hat tip to Ken Haslam), open marriages, bonoboësque friends-with-benefits, bachelors-with-girlfriends, girlfriends-with-dating-contests, Dominant/submissive partnerships, kinky alliances, spicy swing parties and other non-conventional sexual arrangements.
That’s quite a mouthful, and this sapiosexually stimulating DrSuzy.Tv is stuffed like a big sex-information hoagie with juicy details that are especially worth tasting if you are currently trying to munch your way through the vast smorgasbord of possibilities for modern human sexual relations. For this kind of sandwich, instead of saying “hold the mayo,” it’s mostly “hold the mono,” as in, strict lifetime monogamy. Otherwise, just about any type of connection is cool, as long as there’s consent, honest communication and negotiation… sometimes hours, days and even months of negotiation. Experienced poly people tend to be masters of the bonoboësque art of cooperation.
My featured guest is popular non-monogamy and alt relationship consultant and educator Wry Mantione. Wry is a busy guy. Not only does he host “A Wry Perspective,” co-host Kinky Salon LA (along with Polly Superstar through whom we originally discovered Wry) and The BigFuckinParty, blog and lecture at the International Polyamory Conference, Stockroom, Pleasure Chest, DomCon, Wiznu Labs, Syrup Loft, and Sex Positive LA. He’s also at the center of a V-shaped polycule, and still dating as well as helping both of his girlfriends find new dates and relationships for themselves.
Nattily attired in suit, tie and mohawk, Wry is accompanied by the two pinnacles of his polycule V: lovely concert violinist Wicked and equally (though quite differently) lovely sideshow performer Nova Lux, as well as his “not-a-girlfriend” friend, Erin the dating coach.
The whole polycule-plus joins me on the bed and expounds upon their poly philosophies and practical applications, how they handle jealousy, as well as their changing feelings about these complex intimate arrangements, as they take turns letting my snake Eve slither up their arms and around their shoulders. Capt’n Max and I—happily “monogamish” (with a hat tip to Dan Savage) for almost a quarter century—express awe at our guests’ ability to find time for such elaborate sexual social lives, while still holding down jobs and pursuing artistic projects, such as Wry and Wicked’s metal band. One key is that all three are child-free, at least for now. More and more modern humans appear to be discovering that the less you use sex for procreation, the more time and energy you have to enjoy it as recreation as well as the basis of multiple adult relationships. Plus you give the planet an eco-break from all those disposable diapers. And amen and awomen to that.
Meanwhile, a couple of our favorite artists, Anthony Winn and Helane (actually, a practicing polyamorist living with her ex-husband and father of her two children, while openly dating debonair Bitcoin King JVP) sketch the guests as other Speakeasy members, friends and lovers hang out at the bar and make out in the Garden of Bonoboville.
The action kicks in after the break, when Wicked graces us with a fantastic free-style electric violin performance (above) that puts the whole Womb Room into a state of collective aural ecstasy, giving us eargasms that make us demand an encore.…
Wanting to give equal performance time to Wry’s other V tip, I impulsively invite Nova, who does sexy clown dancing and whipped cream wrestling, to dance to the music, but she politely declines, pleading lack of preparation (though we love spontaneity, it’s a fair point). Ms. Lux does arch her swanlike neck to accept a luscious lap of Wicked’s tongue when they take their turn in Bonoboville Communion as Wry looks on, all smiles. This is a very special moment for the whole V, as Wicked and Nova have never before touched each other erotically. Wonder if things go further later.
Bonoboville Communion brings out the nipples, and on this show, it also affirms our solidarity with the following afternoon’s #FreetheNipple “Go Topless Day” demonstration on Venice Beach. This is Wry’s first Bonoboville Communion, and he joins in with gusto which may be connected to his childhood priestly aspirations. Though he was not an altar boy, he does hail from a conservative Catholic clan (only some of whom do not approve of his current, openly non-monogamous lifestyle), and at one point, he seriously wanted to become “Father Wry.” Though opting out of the Catholic priesthood, he’s “still preaching… from different books,” he says.
We’re glad he opted out of the priesthood, because on this show, he’s first to free the nipple, offering his partially bared chest as an altar to sweet Aaliyah Corset’s tongue. Aaliyah, now an Institute therapist and always a slightly naughty girl, uses a little too much teeth… at least from Wry’s perspective (Helane spanks her for that in the after-party). As for Wry, he takes his Bonoboville Communion (the “body” being salt on the flesh and the “blood” being Agwa Coca Leaf Liqueur down the hatch) from Nova’s quivering cleavage and Wicked’s tender inner thigh—and from a quick glimpse, it looks like our vivacious violinist is going commando! Ooh la la!
We also free some lovely lady nipples, including DrSuzy.Tv producer Biz Bonobo, and fellow Institute therapist Chelsea Demoiselle, all four nifty nips bared for my personal delectation and the audience’s hoots of appreciation. as well as a few sweetly embarrassed glances.
And then there’s Luzer Twersky (catch his Best-Actor winning star turn in Félix & Meira and see him soon in Transparent), who may or may not be a winner in Wicked’s dating contest. Though it must be said that Luzer has his own non-monogamous arrangement with several sexy ladies who he often brings (separately) to the Bonoboville bar. Actually the more I think about it, the more I realize that I know a lot of non-monogamous people. Luzer’s bandmate from The Luzers, the magical HP Gundersen, is also here, his muttonchops having grown bushier as his smile grows broader in Bonoboville.
Back to Wry, who definitely has some cool perspectives. I love his proposal for “a gender neutral term that includes both a blowjob, which is incredibly meaningless and counterintuitive, and going down on a girl: A sucklick (as in) I got a sucklick last night. I was sucklicked last night. That guy gives good sucklicks. I wanna sucklick your clit. She’s one helluva sucklicker. They are sucklicking me right now. I’ll sucklick the fuck out of you. Sucklick my dick.” In fact, I may start using “sucklick” during discussions of oral sex in my therapy practice. Mmmm. Just typing it makes me salivate.
We also bond over our mutual appreciation of The Ethical Slut. But we lock horns on Sex at Dawn which Wry professes to “hate,” and which I, of course, adore and often quote in The Bonobo Way. Listen above to our short debate on the subject towards the end of the show (or watch it in Bonoboville), and decide for yourself if I’m right that the Wry Perspective is wrong on Sex at Dawn. Maybe “wrong” is harsh, but isn’t “hate” harsher? Perhaps he is confused. Cogently interpreting the evidence from early human history as well as our own anatomy, Sex at Dawn shows how non-monogamy is more natural to our species than strict monogamy, though it doesn’t purport to tell people of modern times that they *should* live in any particular way, except with greater understanding of our origins and less self-righteous judgment of others.
With such persuasive support for the lifestyle Wry and his girlfriends enjoy and advocate, I’m still trying to understand what the “hate” is all about. The critique Wry favors, Sex at Dusk, is rather poorly written, despite its finger-wagging attitude toward Sex at Dawn’s bonoboësque bent, winds up supporting, with further scientific evidence, just about everything Sex at Dawn says.
Perhaps the answer lies in Wry’s twitter which states, “I am not a contrarian,” implying that, perhaps, he is. That might explain the “hate.”
But hey, at least he doesn’t fight about it, and aside from our Sex at Dawn divergence, Wry is not all that contrarian, even graciously accepting a signed copy of The Bonobo Way I used to book-spank Biz. On the contrary (he he), Wry and his entourage are charming guests, and it’s a great show for anyone poly or alt-inclined. Plus Wicked’s violin is the bomb. See and hear more from Wry, Wicked and Nova at their Stockroom University talk in Silverlake this Saturday, August 29, 2-5 pm.
And speaking of talks, my Bonobo Way talk at CatalystCon has been changed from 11am to 12:30pm on Saturday, September 12th, which means more time to sleep, have sex or read the book, so it’s a good change.
More good and great changes in Bonoboville: Big Thanks and a bonobo handshake to Mal for his gift to the Bonobo Way and investment in our future, a gift that we will keep on giving with bonoboësque love. Because despite, our “selfish genes” (or maybe because of them), giving feels good and the power to give pleasure is the greatest power we have. More info coming soon about the Mal Project…
Speaking of sex, if you haven’t seen it, get ready to get enthralled in the real lives of real people grappling with their sexual relationships—monogamous and non-monogamous—on our new archival YouTube channel SEX CALLS.
Closing shout out to the Huffington-Post’s Steve Karras, self-proclaimed “Midwest chapter president of the Block Army.” This army makes love, not war. Which reminds me, whether or not, we can bring about peace-through-pleasure on Earth in our short lifetimes, we can make peace through pleasure in our own lives. We can create our own Bonoboville(s). And that’s the RƎVO˩ution that counts the most.
© August 22, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.