My New Year’s Gift to You: The 10 Commandments of Pleasure
Ringing in the New Year’s Weekend typing to the technofunk dance beat of DJ Thomas Lann, and I can barely stay seated in my big leather chair. DJ Tom and Colonel Clique have both confirmed for Eros Day 2006 ~ Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners, we shall be jammin!!
But it’s 21 days until Eros Day, and almost the New Year right now. So I want to give you a little New Year’s present, my Prescription for Pleasure in 2006, where I lay down the laws of getting laid and keeping love, hot sex and peace in your life and maybe on earth, my 10 Commandments of Pleasure. I’m just giving you the abbreviated version. If you want to get the whole thing, with juicy details, you have to get the book or DVD or download it or something.
But this is a good start. I suggest you make a New Year’s Resolution to improve your love life by following these commandments. They will give you pleasure. They will give you power. Most important, they will give you the power to give pleasure. The power to give pleasure is the greatest power you have.
Hey, they’ve worked for me and H for over the past 15 years. They should work for you, at least for some of you. No one set of commandments works for everybody. Notice I’m not lobbying to get my commandments placed in front of a courthouse. Though many couples hang framed sets over their beds.
And actually, you get two sets, one for the Ladies and one for the Gentlemen. That doesn’t mean men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We’re all from the same beautiful wild sexual planet Earth, and we’re far more alike than we are different. We all need sex. We all need love. We all need pleasure. So regardless of gender, follow both sets. Think of it as pleasuring both the masculine and feminine sides of your lover(s). We all have our masculine and feminine sides, especially when it comes to pleasure. So here ya go… Enjoy!
The 10 Commandments of a Lady’s Pleasure
1. THOU SHALT PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS OF HER DESIRE
Learn to find and touch her personal pleasure points. Like pressure points that promote healing when touched, a lady’s mental and physical pleasure points are erotic entryways through her emotional armor that allow her to receive pleasure.
2. THOU SHALT STIMULATE HER SENSES
Looking good is never bad. But most ladies are more auditory than visual, so say arousing things. It’s also important that you smell and taste nice. Take showers before going to bed instead of after getting out. Eat lots of celery and cinnamon. Ladies are most sensitive to touch. Explore the sensual paradise of her body. Find her hottest spots. Pleasure her feet and give her toegasms!
3. THOU SHALT COMPLIMENT HER MEANINGFULLY AND OFTEN
Just because you’ve told her once doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell her again–and again. The type of compliment depends on the lady. Worship her body, and she’ll be more likely to want to share it with you. Respect her mind, and she’ll give you the key to unlock her desires…
4. THOU SHALT ENCOURAGE HER TO SHOW AND TELL YOU HOW SHE LIKES TO BE TOUCHED
Reassure her that it’s okay for her to tell you what turns her on. Don’t be intimidated! Ask her to masturbate for you . Watch her carefully, not just for your own excitement (though it is exciting!), but to see how she likes to be touched.
5. THOU SHALT LISTEN TO HER
…and learn about who she is, what she’s been through, what she needs and what she wants. If you really listen, you’ll discover the little girl inside your lady. Pleasure her, play with her, and she’ll never grow old. Talk to her and, most of all, listen to her, and she’ll never stop speaking to you.
6. THOU SHALT MAKE HER LAUGH
Laughter is a mental orgasm. Amuse your lady. Be a fool for love. Act like a bonobo chimpanzee. If you can make her laugh, you can win her heart and her genitals will soon follow.
7. THOU SHALT GIVE HER THINGS
Since the dawn of humanity, when prehistoric gentlemen gave the best chunks of meat to the ladies they desired, men have successfully seduced women with gifts. The kind of gift depends on the lady and on you–it could be emerald earrings, sexy lingerie, a flower from a field, the gift of your emotional support or creative talent. It’s not that she doesn’t love you for yourself,” it’s just that a very primitive part of her responds to a gift as an erotic act.
8. THOU SHALT EXUDE CONFIDENCE AND VULNERABILITY
Your confidence makes her feel secure and excited at the same time. Your vulnerability makes you warmer and cuddlier. If you can combine confidence with vulnerability, you’re probably the kind of person who can talk about your feelings. Good for you! The strong silent type is a sex symbol of the past, and a good thing too, for he was often a secret psychopath.
9. THOU SHALT HAVE FOREPLAY
Foreplay is playful. Tease your lady’s personal pleasures points wherever you find them. Be patient. Learn to lick, lap, and love it! In real estate, it’s location, location, location. In female sexual pleasure, it’s lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.
10. THOU SHALT FIND OUT WHAT HER DREAMS ARE MADE OF
…and help her to realize them, even if that just means talking to her about them… Help her to explore, understand, and actualize her dreams, her hopes, her ambitions, her fantasies, and she will want to share them all with you.
The 10 Commandments of a Gentleman’s Pleasure
1. THOU SHALT ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS
…not for what you wish he could be. You can change little things, but not big stuff. If you simply can’t accept him, you probably shouldn’t be with him. And you certainly shouldn’t bother to follow all these commandments for him.
2. THOU SHALT ADORE HIS PENIS
Gentlemen love their own penises, and so should you. His penis is not just his greatest source of pleasure, it’s his identity. Explore his other erogenous zones, but you can’t focus too much affectionate attention on his precious penis. Love it in sickness and in health, in hardness and in limpness. Basically, the more harmoniously the three of you can live together, the happier all of you will be.
3. THOU SHALT BE A SOURCE OF BEAUTY IN HIS LIFE
You don’t have to be model-perfect. Just find out which parts of your body he likes, and accentuate their beauty. Dress for sex, at least occasionally. Love your body. Be a pleasure to his eyes, and he’ll never take them off you.
4. THOU SHALT INSPIRE HIM
Your intelligence, beauty, and integrity are inspirations to your gentleman. But your pleasure is his greatest, and your sexual pleasure is his sweetest inspiration. Men work to get laid, either by someone special, the whole world, or something in between. Be a beacon of light in this life. Inspire him to work, to live, to love, to please you.
5. THOU SHALT EXCITE HIM
Men are natural hunters and love the excitement of the chase. Keep him eroticized and just a bit off-balance. Complacency leads to displeasure. Keep him aware that others want you. Excite him with naughty surprises.
6. THOU SHALT MOTHER HIM, BUT NOT SMOTHER HIM
All gentlemen need to be mothered, but men have experienced different mothers and so enjoy different kinds of mothering. The secret of “pleasure-mothering” is to discover the precise level and kind of mothering to which your particular gentleman is most receptive.
7. THOU SHALT DISCOVER HIS DEEPEST DESIRES AND FANTASIES
Men love to explore their sexual fantasies and fetishes. If your guy doesn’t do it with you, he’ll do it with somebody else (or at least he’ll want to). If you can discover and enjoy erotic fantasies together, role-playing or just talking about them, you’ll press a precious pleasure point in his body, mind, and soul that he won’t easily give up.
8. THOU SHALT REMEMBER WHAT THY MAMA SAID, “ALL MEN ARE LITTLE BOYS”
With some gentlemen, it’s obvious. With others, it’s very deep inside, locked away in a mental closet. But it’s always there. Draw out the little boy in him, play with him, talk to him. And remember: All boys like toys. Boys tend to regard everything as toys or “objects,” at least sometimes. Don’t resent this aspect of your gentleman; play with it.
9. THOU SHALT REGARD HIM AS A HERO
Give him your admiration and he will give you his devotion. He may not like the word “hero,” but he’ll like the way he feels when you let him know you’re proud of him, because you touch a sensitive pleasure point: the male ego. Never define his heroism in terms of violence. Let him be your bonobo hero.
10. THOU SHALT SWALLOW
…at least occasionally. For most men, swallowing is a physical joy and a spiritual symbol. A communion of sorts. If he’s clean, his come is clean. If you’re not absolutely sure he’s clean, skip this one. Save come-in-your-mouth communion for a gentleman you love and are sure of.
All right, God and Goddess bless you. Now go forth, and give pleasure! Follow these commandments and bring hot sex and deep love to your relationship(s) and peace to your world.
And listen, darling, if you can’t follow them all, no worries. I won’t strike you with lightning or send you to Hell (my organization isn’t that powerful). But the more of these commandments that you follow, the closer you’ll be to your Land of Milk and Honey. If you follow just a few, well, at least you’ll get a few nice squirts of milk and honey.
Squirt in the New Year! Resolve to give pleasure to everyone you know ~ your lover(s), your neighbor(s), your friend(s) and your enemies. Happy 2006!
Okay, now I’m going to bed to have sex.