Masturbation Exploration on DrSuzy.tv ♥
Length: 1:39:02 Date: May 18, 2013
Here in Bonoboville, the merry Masturbation Month of May is sort of like Christmas time for Christians, Ramadan for Muslims, Pesach for Jews, Pancha Ganapati for Hindus or Visakah Puja for Buddhists. Leaving out the religious abuse, repressive dogma and intensive shaming practices of organized religion, but with an equivalent sense of meaningful togetherness, plus a dash of joyous irreverence, communal ecstasy and multiple orgasms, we honor something mysterious and eternal, yet deeply personal, and therefore (I would say), “spiritual”: the wondrous gift of self-love.
The great Greek philosopher Diogenes the Cynic probably said it best when he praised the blessing of masturbation: ‘If only it were as easy to satisfy my hunger for food by just rubbing my belly as it is to satisfy my hunger for sex by just rubbing my gyro here…” Well, he didn’t call it his “gyro”; they didn’t even have sandwiches back in 4th century BCE Athens. But you get the idea.
The great American philosopher George the Carlin put it slightly differently when he said “If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter.” No wonder T-Rex was such an angry dinosaur. Monkeys, chimps, bonobos and our other primate relatives have the optimal arm-to-crotch proportions for optimal sex-for-one. It’s almost like our flexible hands and fingers (as opposed to the stiffer paws of other mammals) didn’t just evolve for grasping tree branches and digging holes but for strumming and thumbing our pleasure parts.
And so on this springy, mid-May Saturday night, we come together (and separately), Masturbators, Fornicators, Wankers, Monkey-Spankers and Plank-Yankers, Meat-Beaters and Nub-Rubbers, Pearl-Polishers and Ham-Slammers, Hog-Floggers and Oil-Drillers, Snake-Charmers and Gopher-Grinders, Fist-Humpers and Muffin-Buffers, Ball-Jugglers and Duck-Pluckers, Pud-Pounders and Bush-Beaters, Shank-Shaggers and Finger-Painters, Wood-Shiners and Grotto-Gropers, Sybian-Riders, Pocket-Rocketers, Hitachi-Honeys, Salami-Slappers, Sausage-Squeezers, Pickle-Ticklers—wait, are we in a sex institute or a deli?
And we testify by grabbing our testicles and holy vulvas, sometimes declaring “Lord, I masturbate! And I am not ashamed!” at the tops of our lungs, with all our hearts, souls and gonads. It’s a religious experience without the religion part. Amen and Awomen. Cum, let us play…
Odette Delacroix: This bright-as-sunshine Loyola Marymount alumna turned perky porn starlet and custom video producer proves that good things cum in small packages. And having graduated suma cum laude (in English lit), little Odette cums very loudly, especially while riding the Sybian, testifying as she cums, “Lord I masturbate! And I am not ashamed!” What a sexual revelation! Sweet petite Odette (who will play a nun in her next porn) likes the Sybian better than the dildo her mother threw at her when she virtually caught her masturbating with it. Having taken communion many times in her French Catholic youth, Odette enthusiastically partakes in Bonoboville Communion, offering up her perfect petite breasts as a sacrificial “table” for body shots (thank you Jello Shots LA!) and lascivious licks of lady lust (speaking of L words). Pulling off her nude pantyhose and panties, she reveals a luxuriant thatch of pubic hair on her mound, with smooth-shaven vulva below, creating an exciting look and feel. It’s no wonder she gets a drooling fan call from Brad the Avid Masturbator, to whom she wishes a merry Masturbation Month which we are sure he will have, thinking of her…
Penny Jean: We welcome with open arms and legs this DrSuzy.tv virgin from Atlanta (or Atlantis?), first because she cums with alt porn pioneer and Speakeasy bar man of mystery Jack The Zipper, and second because she’s just amazing. Her striking, super-slim, tan, pierced and exotically tattooed body reminds us a bit of Bonnie Rotten, and her passion for sex is like a mystic’s passion for god. Or maybe it comes from her apparently super-cool mom (shout-out to Mama Esther) who is watching the show. Once Penny went into the Hustler offices on Wilshire and had sex with almost everybody there. She practically does that here in Bonoboville, having steamy hot full-on Measure B-compliant interracial intercourse with at least two guys and a few girls after taking her first Sybian ride. After several orgasms, also shrieking as she cums, “Lord I masturbate! And I am not ashamed!” she embraces the entire machine like a lover. When she heard it cost about $1300, she wanted it even more. We did give her a Phil Varone pink vibe to take home. Having recently had sex with Phil, she was happy enough with that—and then with the two big cocks—one white (DJ Juicy Jay) and one black (Moe The Monster)—to forget about the Sybian…at least until she comes back on her next swing through LA.
Amor Hilton: Baby Block returns! We’ve missed our Amor over the past few weeks, but tonight she’s resurrected from her death bed, or wherever she was, and she looks more angelically erotic (or is that erotically angelic?) than ever. The last time she was here was on our Drop Bras, Not Bombs show, when Moe The Monster dropped a bomb on her chest. It was all for a good cause… two good causes, in fact. This time she’s the first to drop her bra again, doing Bonoboville Communion with sweet petite Odette Delacroix, learning about “edge play” and bringing an entourage that includes a new BF named Michael who’s almost as pretty as she is.
Hart Fisher: The host of “Hart Attack,” bringing you the best in uncut horror and satanic films, proclaims himself “evil,” even to the point of eating your children(!), then blames his mother and the city of Chicago for making him so. Hart’s entire masturbation life changed when he got a “Prince Albert.” From this, and along with Jack the Zipper‘s allusion to chi, we delve into a discussion of edgeplay. Some of the ladies, Amor especially, don’t at first get the attraction of delaying orgasm… wouldn’t you want to just come? But let’s face it… as opposed to ladies, when a guy has an orgasm, it’s usually time to sleep or have a sandwich (or a gyro); the party’s over. So delayed gratification can result in much greater gratification, and can also be great practice for those Quick-Draw McGraws out there. Though he dislikes untrimmed pubes on a lady, he sports a wild mane of his own on his head. But he is very skilled at foot massage, as he demonstrates on my high-heel-crunched foot in the after-party.
DJ Juicy Jay: We met Juicy back in 2006 and now he’s DJing parties with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre. Already tall, with his huge elevator boots, he’s a towering eight-foot giant. And he doesn’t even take his boots—or his pants or multiple belts—off when he turns masturbation into fornication with Penny Jean in the after-party. Nevertheless, he does take his cock out. And he’s pretty bonobo about it when Moe The Monster turns his instant romance into an interracial MFM threesome.
Rusty Fox: His main contribution to the show is another term for masturbation: “Bean Flippin’.”
WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION
Masturbation Exploration, Merry Masturbation Month, Many Terms for Masturbation, Diogenes the Cynic, George Carlin, No Wonder Tyrannosaurus Rex Was So Angry With Arms Too Short to Masturbate, Obama Like All Presidents Trampling on our Rights, Using Balloons as Dildos, No Masturbating While Driving (Although it’s Probably not as Bad as Sexting While Driving), Parking Lot Head is OK But Not Road Head, Growing Up French Catholic, Meeting in a Motel, Fetish for Women with Athletic Socks, Masturbating Regularly Until Getting a Prince Albert, Pubic Hair Vs. No Pubic Hair, I Like All Kinds of Bush Except George, Preferences for Hairy Bush & Bald Pussy, Edgeplay Vs Coming Quickly, Bonobos Masturbate and Use Sex Toys, We are Loking for Investors to Contribute to the Next Stage of Institute Development, Follow the Bonobo Way
Snake Play, Striptease, Topless Bonoboville Communion (Thank You Jello Shots LA), Winding up the Masturbating Tranny Doll, Poledancing, Hard Nipple-Licking, Wearing a Bra as a Belt & Making it Look Much Better, Doing a Complex Striptease, Pills in Boots, Losing One’s Sybian & Bonoboville Communion Virginity All in One Night, Scratching Sniffing & Squeezing a Beautiful Ass, Rubbing Bush Together a la Bonobo Hoka-Hoka, Stroking Bush, Rubbing Clitoris with a Phil Varone CalExotics Vibrator, Being a Human Table for Bonoboville Communion, Mutual Masturbation, Hitachi Play, Kissing, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Threesome, Wild Fucking in the WombRoom After-Party, Hulahooping, Rickshaw Rides, Sybian Rides, Ejaculation Communion, Multiple Orgasms, Communal Ecstasy (The Feeling Not The Drug)