Celebrating Masturbation Month, Not Armed Forces Day
Length 01:45:30 Date: May 19, 2018
Hoka hoka and hallelujah! Praise the Lord and the Ladies… especially these ladies.
American War Day
It’s also Armed Forces Day (which even our own ex-military bonobos didn’t know about). Don’t we have enough military holidays? We’ve got Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day, Independence Day and now National Armed Forces Day. Why not just call it what it is: War Day. Or National Bomb Day? Drone Day? Killing Machine Appreciation Day?
No wonder so many American young men—from “incel” frustratos to religious racists—go “crazy” and kill people. They are raised in a society that honors killing performed out of “patriotism” by our much-decorated “armed forces” with holidays, parades and praise for their killing ways. They also have easy access to guns, though they sometimes weaponize cars, planes, pressure cookers and fertilizer. Whatever their “motives,” they all have serious sexual problems at the root of their madness.
The most recent shooting that gunned down ten students and teachers in a Santa Fe, Texas school seems to be related to this sub-cultural epidemic, according to the mother of one of the victims who publicly rejected the shooter’s sexual advances. As if he’d taken a page out of the incel-praised and crazed Elliot Rodger’s manifesto of hate, the Santa Fe teen, took his Dad’s legally purchased guns, went to an art class, and calmly killed that girl plus at least nine of her classmates and teachers. In an ammosexual society such as ours that honors killing above all human endeavors and denigrates any sex outside the “norm” (ie., sex work and masturbation), mass murder is becoming a macabre sort of mating dance.
Of course, our unPresidented Trumpanzee fellates the NRA and throws gas on the fire, and it will keep getting worse before it gets better… unless we can learn the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure.
There are many aspects and 12 steps to liberating your inner bonobo, but the destigmatization of masturbation is one of the most important, not just for the individual’s personal well-being, but for the public safety of all. For your own pleasure and the good of society: Shoot the gun between your legs!
There should be no shame in the simple, healthful, almost always harmless act of self-pleasure. But alas, there is a lot of shame—whether the innocent wanker is made to feel like a sinner, a sex addict, a hapless cuck or just the proverbial “loser.”
This is one reason that we celebrate self-enjoyment with joy, jokes, tips and true stories of our own masturbation revelations on DrSuzy.Tv—all the time, really, but especially during the merry month of May.
Demask & De Guests
I open this show decked out in my Demask latex ensemble that I wore at DomCon 2018 (blog and utterly awesome pix coming soon!).
Guess I just couldn’t get enough of the pleasure—and pain—of the exquisitely made, blood-red and black latex corset with buckles in front and laces in back, bra, zip-up panties and skirt, though I accessorize with a different hat, stockings and heels.
Complex corsets like this are a challenge to put on properly. My fabulous Ass. Producer (yes, she’s an associate producer who hauls ass) Phoenix Dawn has to buckle me in and lace me up, as well as lubricate my latex in a little show before the show.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Thus trussed up, I welcome the congregation to our little Church of Bonoboville, and I introduce my guest sexperts and sexpots, starting with the “Queen of the New York Sex Scene” Lola Bastinado, also sporting a corset that shows off her voluptuous Femdom beauty, cut-out pants that match my thigh highs, hoop earrings big enough for a small bird to fly through and hair as red as my latex bra.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
What a special pleasure to reconnect with Queen Lola B., especially after not having seen her since January, 2015.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
We’re also delighted to welcome back sweetly sexy 2017 SUZY award winner for “Hottest Porn Starlet,” Lexi Mansfield, looking adorable as ever in a slinky white vinyl tank slip. We haven’t seen Lexi since our Funny Bunny XXXmas when she took her first wild squirting Motorbunny ride. This time, we take it to the next level (more about that further down).
During her “Masturbation Confession,” Lexi confesses that though she didn’t masturbate as a young girl the “regular way,” she did occasionally hump her stuffed animals.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
On her virgin DrSuzy.Tv voyage, Silvia Saige is a comedienne/adult film actress, a sexy, multi-talented Midwestern brunette who grew up among strict Baptists in Kansas and took the road from “corn to porn” that led her to Hollywood, Bonoboville and all kinds of adventures.
Discussing masturbation, Silvia says that she didn’t touch herself sexually until she was 19 years old, but then she made up for lost time, even jilling off while driving.
Responsible sex therapist that I try to be, I feel compelled to tell my audience that though it’s titillating to fantasize and talk about it, masturbation-while-driving is one of the few cases where self-pleasure is not safe sex, unless you’re driving a tractor on your own farm. Watch out for that cow!
Though if you’re just a passenger in the moving vehicle, fap away! But there too, you distract the driver at your own risk, and that of everyone else on the road.
Sometimes sex is just a personal freedom, and sometimes it’s of collective concern. It takes true wisdom (that most politicians and religious leaders don’t have) to know the difference.
Graciously, Silvia serves as Bonoboville Communion Altar Girl.
Photos 1-3: Jux Lii. Photos 4-5: Randolph Stormbreaker
PHOTOS: JUX LII
What’s better than one Bonoboville Communion? A Double Header, of course!
PHOTOS: JUX LII
The Womb Room is blessed with an encore with Lola as Communer.
Then I do the same for Lexi. Mmmm… such soft luscious lips. I could extrapolate many layers of naughty taboo meaning from the erotic mother-daughter tableau of Lexi in virgin white taking Communion from her Cougar Bonobo Mama in red and black, but in the moment, it just feels good. And sometimes, simple down-to-earth girl-girl pleasure is all the meaning one needs.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Lexi’s Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style, is sublime.
I do feel compelled to clarify that we use the term “waterboarding” in a lighthearted fashion. It is nothing like the real-life, thoroughly nonconsensual, life-threatening waterboarding supervised by Bloody Gina Haspel, our new CIA Director.
Bloody Gina is torture-loving Trump’s warped idea of a strong woman, a little old lady who looks like a kindly kindergarten teacher, but is really a ruthless sadist and blind “order” follower, upholding the very worst in toxic macho male values.
Bad Dragon Good Times
Lola brings us a very cool present, a box of provocative and kind of hilarious cyberskin Bad Dragon sex toys that boggle the mind, body and libido.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
It’s the perfect M Month gift box for the wanker who has everything.
There’s a bright blue “sleeve” that operates like a big heavy fleshlight (with a very tiny hole), except the opening looks like a shark, especially the teeth!
A plastic fantastic vagina dentata? Jaws for faux blowjobs?
There’s also a big black tentacle, perhaps inspired by Japanese hentai tentacle porn. That certainly sparks some sapiosexual, g-spot stimulating conversation. We make tRUMP suck it, though it’s a little big even for his big mouth.
And then there’s the “dog dick.” Yup, complete with the part that expands like a plug upon penetration. What the human erotic mind won’t come up with for fun and sex games. Well, it’s better than fetishizing AR-15’s.
A lot better.
Motorbunny Orgasms for the M Month
When we come back from the break, Phoenix lubes me up again.
in honor of Masturbation Month, I mount the Motorbunny.
I feel rather regal straddling the machine in my Demask ensemble.
But with Lola operating the controls, I surrender rather quickly to the powerful vibrations penetrating the lubed up latex panties.
Phoenix joins me, hoka-hoka style. As we embrace, I release all resistance (no, not political Resistance; small “r” resistance), climaxing on the machine.
Merry Masturbation Month! Wheeee!
After a vibrator-induced orgasm, I always want to turn off the vibrator. I ask Lola to turn it off, but she doesn’t (of course), with a wicked smile, so I tumble off the Bunny into the bed.
Then we decide to up the ante and take this show on the road.
Well, onto the floor.
Here, we are less likely to fall over, at least not from a distance that would hurt.
So the three of us—Phoenix in front, Lexi behind, and me as the Demask Latex Monkey in the Middle—pile onto the Motorbunny.
Mmmmerry Mmmmmmasturbation Mmmmmmmmmmonth!
Lola gleefully operates the controls as we writhe and play and finally climax (my second in ten minutes) with Phoenix squirting!
Wow; four wild ladies and a mad orgasm-inducing machine meet Masturbation Month in a clit-on collision of fun.
Unlike a head-on collision, you could say this is a safe kind of masturbating while driving.
Ikkor & More
After all that straddling, we need to get up and dance.
Ikkor the Wolf to the rescue!
As he sings “She Bad,” Lexi and I dance around him, the girl in virginal white and the mature woman in bad black and red. Meanwhile, Lola and Phoenix cuddle, spank and commune to the beat, and everybody goes with the flow
Pr. Harry & Pr. Max
With so much bad news—real and fake—assaulting our brains, it’s nice to bask in the refreshing shower of spring flowers that is the Royal Wedding, held the same day as this live broadcast. Naturally, we get to talking about it. Lexi and Nori (at the bar) even watched it live, and our own Clemmy Cockatoo made scones, fresh cream and jam in celebration of the Royal nuptials of her second-hometown.
So, the Good News is that the Royal Wedding was a success. That’s the Power of Love… and a billion pound party at British taxpayers’ expense. But seriously, the event was beautiful, partly because Trump wasn’t there! Not even Ivanka. But there are other significant reasons.
Megan Markle, now Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Sussex, is so naturally gorgeous, she could wear a bag with sleeves and make it look good. And basically that’s what her Givenchy bridal gown looked like: a blindingly white trash bag with sleeves. Oops, did I say “white trash”? Let me quit before the cattiness gets out of the bag, and say, good for Hollywood Homegirl Meghan Markle! She seems to be happy and in charge of her life. Prince Harry (though with that beard, I’m calling him Prince Hairy) looks to be thoroughly in love… with an older woman—a cougar, no less—a proudly “bi-racial,” divorced, feminist, environmentalist, activist actress who says she is now “retired from acting,” but is really embarking on the biggest role of her career, playing a real-life princess.
Let’s hope she’s not “acting” in love. That would break Harry’s heart. Look at what happened to his Mum, after all. That was a big beautiful wedding too, back in 1981, when Lady Diana was a 19-year-old virgin and Prince Charles was 38, with a girlfriend on the side (Camilla, she whom he once rhapsodized about being her “tampax” and subsequently married after Princess Diana’s 1997 death in a mysterious car crash). The Harry/Megan wedding was infinitely more appealing and, dare I say, hopeful, featuring an older wiser bride, a smitten groom who didn’t look like he’d rather be out bird-watching, a very mixed guest list, with not a Trump on it, and the Kingdom Gospel Choir singing “Stand By Me” at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle, with all the hopeful, interracial integration that implies.
And why shouldn’t Megan bag a Prince? I bagged mine: Prince Maximillian Rudoph Leblovic di Lobkowicz di Filangieri, Prince of Prague on the Lobkowicz side and Prince of Naples on the Filangieri side. But where’s my silver blue 1968 classic electric Jaguar convertible? Well, we’ve got the vintage Bonobo Limo, which is better, because “no couple is an island,” and it has enough room for friends.
Speaking of Royal Couples, tRUMP called his wife “Melanie” in a tweet welcoming her home on the same day of this broadcast. Stormy Front coming into the White House? Now that the Dotard has gotten the First Lady’s name wrong, and for any number of other reasons, she probably won’t be sleeping with him any time soon—if ever again. Let’s hope the Donald jacks off that micro-peepee occasionally instead of staying up all night tweeting, rallying the basest of his base, watching Fox News-Porn, breaking our Iran agreement and shooting off missiles into various countries.
But back to this show, which has a quirky life of its own, with ups and downs, shooting off into all different directions, squirting orgasms and sapiosexual conversations.
The after-party followed suit, with our chief photographer losing his pants. After the after-party, I realize that I owe my Prince at least one orgasm, and I always pay my debts. After all, I wouldn’t want him getting jealous of the Motorbunny.
Merry Masturbation Month! Hope you find your Prince or Princess, if that’s what you’re looking for, but if you don’t, that’s cool too. Traditional marriage and romance are great; we’re into it, but it isn’t for everybody, and it isn’t the only option for great sex and good loving.
Whatever you do, whomever you’re with, prioritize your own pleasure, for your own health, well-being and the good of society. Fire that Tomahawk missile between your legs. Make like bonobos, not baboons. Make love not war. Make love to someone you love tonight, even if that someone is you. I love you.
Thanks to Our Volunteers: Videographers— Kris A, Ray H.; Photographers – B-Natural, Randolph Stormbreaker, Flex, Jux Lii; Interns— Matthew Phillips, Michael Sullivan; On-Campus Bonobos – Phoenix Dawn, Abe Perez, Camille Rosebud, Mita Altair, Harry Sapien, Gideon Grayson, MarsFX, Clemmy Cockatoo, Ana & Miguel
© May 20, 2018. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.