Bawdy Storytelling @ The Speakeasy: Naughty Tales & Naked Tails
Length: 96:57 minutes Date: 07/23/2011
Bawdy Storytelling fills the Womb Room at my Speakeasy with naughty tales (and naked tails) in this narrative, comic-erotic show. With my beloved snake Eve writhing around me like the Serpent around forbidden fruit, I commence the festivities with an overview of the art of bawdy storytelling, from prehistoric campfires to Bible tales to Chaucer’s Wife of Bath to the Speakeasy itself. Then, the Bawdy Storytellers spin their yarns of sex, love, libertines, fisting, assholes, strap-ons, foot fetish massage, spanking, testicle play, swinging, group sex, incest fantasies, man-eating pussies, and summer camp magic shows that turn into marriage proposals (congrats again Katie and Mona!). Funny how some bawdy stories have a way of turning into timeless romance (like the story of my crazy marriage)…
Dixie De La Tour: San Francisco’s original “Bawdy Storytelling” ringmaster, Dixie is now spreading her torrid tales of “unbridled filth” in the Southland, encouraging other lusty troubadours to join her. Making her virgin appearance on my show, she shares a bawdy story about incorporating foot massage into sex with a swinging couple that’ll knock your socks off, licks Agwa lime salt off Adrian Colesberry’s “moobs” before downing her shot, then peels off her shirt to reveal her own epic set of endowments—designed for massive titty fucking and holding large, phallic microphones.
Adrian Colesberry: A bawdy biomedical engineer, Adrian is also the author of the eponymous How To Make Love To Adrian Colesberry, a very personal tutorial complete with charts and graphs; it’s both a razor-sharp parody of sexual self-help books and a truly helpful sexual self-help book, proving that something so focused and individualized can’t help but become universally relevant. This is also Adrian’s virgin visit to the Speakeasy and he seems to have arrived through the back door because that’s what his bawdy story (and his book) linger lovingly upon: the “unconquerably nasty” anus. So beguiled are Dixie and Malaika by Adrian’s rather large mind, they feel compelled to lick his nipples and his furrowed, sweaty brow during Agwa time—causing his glasses to steam. Later, I punish Adrian (for what, I can’t recall), giving him an old-fashioned OTK, pants-down spanking with a freshly signed copy of How To Make Love To Adrian Colesberry.
Malaika Millions: Burlesque queen and third wave feminist, our very own MM lends her glamorous, gleaming inner thigh above her black fishnet stocking to Morgan’s Agwa salt-licking tongue, flashes her classic black panties, and tells bawdy tales of strap-on play, ass cramps and overly strong kegel muscle squeezes that sent one lover to the ER for brain surgery which, thankfully, was successful, but just goes to show: you literally can fuck someone’s brains out.
Morgan Bailey: This is the fourth appearance of Morgan Bailey’s legs (her loooong-stemmed American Beauties are featured guests in their own right) and porn star Morgan Bailey herself on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Even after a full day of being fisted on webcam, Morgan still stands tall and sassy, telling bawdy tales of losing things up her ass (good thing that fist had an arm attached to it) and inadvertent golden showers involving two unnamed Speakeasy photographers. Morgan strips down to her hot pink thong, showing off the new tattoo up her ride side depicting an apple-laden tree in the Garden of Eden and a beautiful serpent modeled after Dr. Suzy’s snake Eve.
Katie Kinns: Her first appearance on my show having been on Halloween 2007 (check out 19-year-old Katie on the Erotic Insurgent Masquerade), its particularly heartwarming to hear Katie’s story: the announcement of her engagement to fellow porn industry boyfriend and sweet summer camp love Mona Sunoy (aka Bob). Katie chimes in on Mona’s tale of how he popped the question, then shows off her lovely natural C cups for him to lick and everyone else to enjoy, proud that they’re now big enough to “knock over drinks and things.” Plus, she reveals that her hot pink panties are the same color as Morgan’s, graciously donating them to the Panty Boy collection.
Mona Sunoy: Bob (his real name) tells the more-cute-than-bawdy story of how he proposed marriage to Katie two weeks ago at summer camp. In front of a great campfire, surrounded by kids, he pretended to demonstrate a magic trick and picked Katie as the ‘volunteer.’ With her eyes closed as instructed, he got down on his knees with only a ring and the willingness to risk ridicule. Not much risk, as she giddily accepted as soon as she opened her eyes. Awww….. Congratulations Katie and Mona, and many sappy returns!
Caller 1: John Smith tells his own bawdy foot fetish story of obsession with his older sister’s feet. When they were young, sis would shove her feet in his face, and this seemingly healthy dose of older sibling abuse somehow evolved into teenage John sneaking into her bedroom, while she sleeps, to suck on her toes. I disapprove of surreptitious incestuous activit. But John insists he’s only foot bound, not incest inclined. Though tellingly, he hangs up on me when I suggest he find a nice foot-fetish-friendly girlfriend who is not his sister.
Weapons of Mass Discussion:
The Art of Bawdy Storytelling, Testament, Testifying on Testicles, Show And Tell, Song of Songs, Garden of Eden, The First Sex, Exhibitionists, God as a Nasty Voyeur, Libertines, Filthy Stories, Biomedical Engineering, Comedy, Unconquerably Nasty Assholes, Jealousy, Golden Showers, Bed Accidents, Porn Stars As Stunt Performers, Athletic Sex, NewFound Respect For Male Thrusting Duties, Cumming from Being Kicked in the Balls, Losing Things Up The Butt, Incest, Foot Fetish, Toe-Sucking, Arab Spring, Muslims Wanting Pussy, Cock And Squirting, Proposing At YMCA Campfire, Literally Fucking A Man’s Brains Out, Man-Eating Pussies, Old Sex Manuals, Pussy Cleaning Before Cunnilingus, Technology Pivoting To Sexuality, Eternal Sexuality That Drives Humanity, Hornblowers, The Sterilized Art Of Pussy Eating, Knocking Over Drinks With One’s Newly Grown Boobs, Bonobos, Ethical Hedonism
Big Boob Flashing, Moob (Man Boob) Flashing, Panty Flashing, Ball-Flashing, Cock-Flashing, Agwa shots, Inner Thigh-Licking, Steamy Glasses, Boob-Licking, Ass-Licking, Wrist-Licking, Sweaty Eyebrow Licking, Microphone Titty-Fucking, Shemale Striptease, OTK Spanking The Author With His Own Book