Sex is playtime for adults. At least, when it’s good, it is. Like children enjoy playing with toys, many adults enjoy playing with sex toys.

They don’t have to be elaborate or electrical. Fruits and vegetables will do the trick, especially if they are long and firm, like cucumbers or zucchinis. If you’re a size queen, you might try an eggplant. I call these organic sex toys “nature’s own dildos.”

For guys, it’s a little more challenging. Some guys swear by the Banana Method which involves microwaving a firm banana skin with about half the banana inside for around 12 seconds. Then voila, you have “nature’s own pocket pussy.”

You can also use household objects. For instance, a flat-sided wooden hairbrush or an oversized spatula make very nice paddles. Any object that gives you or your partner pleasure can be utilized as a sex toy.

First Sex Toy: The Sprinkler

I discovered my first *sex toy* when I was about four. One hot summer day, I was jumping around the sprinkler on our backyard lawn, when suddenly I realized that the cool water spurting up from the little device felt especially good when I straddled it. I “played” like this over the sprinkler on many more occasions, usually wearing a bathing suit, of course. A few times, I pulled it aside or even all the way down for more direct access to this suburban fountain of pleasure, much to my mom’s chagrin. Of course, I didn’t have orgasms at that age. But I loved the feeling of the chilly water titillating my tiny genitals in the sweltering heat of the afternoon. I still love the feeling of water spraying against my clitoris and labia, as do most females. Now I use the showerhead as a sex toy. Though if I ever leave Downtown and have a lawn again, I just might revisit that sprinkler…

From the Venus of Willendorf to the Real Touch

Sex toys are as old as human history. What I believe to be the earliest existing sex toy is also the oldest piece of sculpture known to humankind, the Venus of Willendorf, a small figurine of a voluptuous, naked woman which some experts say surely doubled as a dildo.

And sex toys are also as new as the eerily lifelike Real Touch, the first artificially intelligent robot vagina, which I recently sampled at Erotica LA. Most high-tech sex toys, like Hitachi Magic Wands and Pocket Rockets, are built with a woman’s needs in mind. But there are also sex toys designed for men, several of which we are now offering in Shopping Heaven, from cock rings to butt plugs, and cock-and-ball harnesses to P-spot stimulators, we have all your pleasure points covered. And we just recently started carrying the world-famous, sensation-rich Fleshlight. Guys tell me it’s the most life-like and sensuous male masturbator they’ve ever tried. And much neater than the Banana Method.

Sparkle, Freddy & Eddy Do The Speakeasy

One of my favorite LA couples, Ian and Alisha, a.k.a. Freddy & Eddy, happen to be sex toy experts, as well as the power couple behind Love LA (see more in this bloggamy). A few weeks ago, they joined us on RadioSUZY1 and talked about how toys and games help to keep the lust alive in their long-term, monogamous marriage (child included).

The Sparkle Freddy & Eddy show also introduces model-lingerie-goddess extraordinaire, Sparkle Sparkle Bang Bang to RadioSuzy1. Sparkle kicks off the show by going through a grocery list of illicit drugs (yes, she did ask me for blow at the Bondage Ball. No, I don’t have any), then wowed the Speakeasy with her curvaceous, to Bettie Page-ish, pool-sharking moves. In keeping with the sex toy theme, we also had a dildo-fight (kind of like a sword fight, but with rubber dicks,.

Sex Pot on RadioSUZY1

It was fitting to follow in Miss Bang Bang’s sexpot footsteps for our next show by combining the two; sex and pot, that is. The one thing I could check off from Sparkle’s illicit grocery list was cannabis, though that’s not even considered illicit, at least not here in California where you can get a medical marijuana license that entitles you to possess and even grow small amounts of the green. If you want to learn how to get a medical marijuana license, as well as the best hemp aphrodisiacs (our guests recommend The Truth and White Rhino), listen to Sex Pot. The show features gynecologist and medical marijuana physician Dr. Darryl Harris and Kush LA publisher Michael Lerner, whose pics are also mixed into this bloggamy. Chef Daniel brought us the most luscious white and dark chocolate covered strawberries we’ve ever tasted. Then, inspired by the THC Fairy, he ate them out of Jacklynn’s luscious, quivering bellybutton. What a great food-and-sex combo!

Mae Victoria Bids Adieu for the Bunny Ranch

More spanking, half-nekked fun and sex toyplay with a Pyrexions glass dildo ensued in The Hooker & The Hottie, with porn star, “Hooker” author Mae Victoria just before she farmed herself out to our old friend Dennis Hof’s Moonlight Bunnyranch Bordello. Apparently, hooking in Hollywood ain’t what it used to be. See hot topless Mae when you join the bloggamy.

Haute Hats in Downtown LA

Hats, on the other hand, are more popular than ever, praise the Lord and the Lady, especially the ladies who enjoy the seductive, teasing curves of an elegant chapeau. Max and I strolled around Virginia Postrel’s Hat Exhibition at the Downtown LA Fashion Walk a couple weeks ago. You can check out some fabulous Louise Green and Arturo Rios millinery creations in the right column of this bloggamy, as well as my favorite gold and brown bonnet from the Downtown Fashion District’s own Too-Too Hat Company.

Can a hat be a sex toy? Hmm…Maybe that’s the real purpose of the witch’s peak..