Sinfully PiNK FAILOSOPHY
Length: 1:49:02 Date: March 9, 2013
Unlike “YOLO”, “LOL” and “sexting,” the word “FAIL” was not invented by internet culture, but it is one whose form has been modified by it, crystallized into this succinct, punchy expression, half taunt, half rallying cry and all general public acknowledgment of missing the mark by a mile in an endeavor. Whether big or small, public or private, individual or collective, sexual or otherwise, we all experience failure. In a way, failure and disappointment (the root of the word “fail” is the Latin fallere which means to disappoint or deceive) are essential building blocks of success. When we attempt to do something new, when we try to stretch ourselves and change, we’re bound to fail sometimes. It’s the erotic trial-and-error cycle of life. When it comes to sex, revolution and just about everything else we do, we have to fail and flail a bit before we can evolve and succeed.
In keeping with the theme (developed at the 11th hour when I learn that one of my featured guests is a creator of MTV’s hot new cyber-candy show “Failosophy”), this live broadcast of The Dr. Susan Block Show is filled with flaming fails that bounce back into laughter, orgasms, insights, delights and wild tales of erotic, neurotic “failtastrophes.” From the static that’s been dogging us for so many weeks that at this point I’ve developed a fetish for it, to our music abruptly stopping in the middle of a sexy striptease, this show features a few more fails than usual. But I guess that’s one of the reasons that it’s so much sexy fun, the other being that I have some fresh hot guests (listed below) in the Womb Room, courtesy of Ideal Image Models.
As usual, this show goes according to my basic “failosophy” of sex: the best-laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. When we embrace the inevitability of failure, we can go easier on ourselves and enjoy the pleasure and humor of life, love and lust. Technical fails are embarrassing enough, but sexual failure can be deeply humiliating and, unless you have a humiliation fetish for being pink with shame—or having your sinful ass spanked until it glows pink with blame—that can put a damper on desire. Actually, this calls for a commercial: If you feel like you’re constantly failing at sex, you might want to try phone sex therapy. Seriously, maybe we can help. If you’re just a garden-variety failure/sinner, join the club and enjoy the show.
Gareth Reynolds: Creator of the MTV show “Failosophy” (hosted by wide-eyed failosopher Hasan Minhaj), Gareth makes me feel like a big success right off the bat by saying that my show is like “walking into heaven.” You’d have thought our mutual friend Chris Gore would have prepared him, but then who can prepare anyone for Bonoboville? Gareth keeps the comedy rolling—in between stretches of rapt silence where he just stares in awe at my other guests having wild sex on the show bed—and regales us with tales of his own fails. Even though we’re active participants in Eve Ensler’s One Billion Rising movement (which I’ll be speaking about at the Culver City Democratic Club this Wednesday night), and we understand that men can be raped (though women are by far the major victims of sex crimes and rarely the perpetrators), Gareth’s story about his ex-GF giving him a (sort of) unwanted last blowjob doesn’t garner him much sympathy from the Womb Room. When he cries “Mouth-Rape!” they cry “Fail!” Poor Gareth. All the girls who would have otherwise given him an appreciation BJ for being so hilarious steered clear lest he cry “Mouth Rape!” on them. Double Fail for the Failmaster!
Selma Sins: This luscious little lapsed Catholic with extra salsa was caught having sex with her boyfriend at the age of 14 by her mom, and she’s been committing sweet salacious “sins” ever since. Her large Mexican family still doesn’t (really) know she’s a porn star, but if and when they find out, “they’ll just have to deal with it.” Even if they give her a “fail,” Selma will prevail as she is turned on by erotic condemnation and the punishment that follows. A Sybian virgin, Ms. Sins rides that mean machine into orgasm as I spank her for her sins, then has another orgasm at the mouth of a fellow Ideal Image Model. Then she wows the after-party by voraciously sucking and screwing a very lucky (and rather large) VIP member of our audience (scroll down to find out who!).
Amor Hilton: Our sweet Amor is always pretty in pink, and she’s pinker and prettier than ever! Last week, she helped us Sexually Heal; the week before, she triumphed as Queen Vashti at our Purimschpiel. This week, she reminds us that even beautiful people fail, with her story about her inability to keep up with the “hottest lesbian in the universe,” the gorgeous but sexually brutal daughter of an unnamed rockstar who sounds a lot like a product of the War of the Roses. Amor’s Sexual Fail Tale one-ups Gareth in the “women can be rapists” department and reminds us all to protect our tender pussies and penises from rampaging fingers and teeth. She also does another awesome striptease around the stripper pole.
Sasha Casey: We’re happy to introduce this very fresh adult film star, another pink jewel in the Ideal Image Models crown, doing her very first radio show ever (not that this radio show is like any other radio show). Prepared to fail or succeed, Russian-born/Seattle-raised Sasha comes in the spirit of the theme, wearing a hot pink top, pink panties, and pink earrings, and taking most of it off to show some skin—hot pink after I spank her on the Sybian. As a finale, she provides tour de force cunnilingus to Selma’s sinfully pink clitoris. Then she spends the night in Bonoboville. In fact, as I write this, I think she’s still here with our lucky engineer.
Rod Teddout: Another friend of Chris Gore, Rod is a cartoonist with The Simpsons under a different, less ridiculous name. Afraid of failure, Rod stays quiet, except to agree that Marge’s hair looks like a blue hard-on. In the after-party, he does a couple caricatures, including one of your truly that is a case of failosophy-turned-art when he runs out of room on the paper and has to draw my boobs on a separate piece. Then he sketches a professional rendition of Homer on Sasha‘s right butt cheek and Bart on her left.
Andrea: Unexpectedly, this audience member and cousin of that lucky engineer of ours gets up onto the stage, takes off her sweater and does a nice little pole dance—so sweet that Amor sings out “I’m gonna rape your cousin!” to that same failosophical engineer.
Lya Pink: The namesake of our original theme arrives late (FAIL!), but steps right up to dance around the pole without further ado, doffing her top to reveal her pink nipples and give her birthday boy/hubby Alex a sweet wifely lapdance, demonstrating the spirit of positive failosophy.
Isiah King James: We used to think Isiah was always surrounded by hot women because of his charming personality, dashing good looks and the fact that he’s the publicity director of Ideal Image Models. But in the after-party of this show, we discover another “hidden” reason, when sexy Selma Sins pulls down his pants and rides his long strong member into a few more orgasms. NOW we see why they call him “King.”
Anthony Winn: Artist-in-residence at the Speakeasy Bar, Anthony continues his famous “Drink and Draw” sessions in the afterparty.
Vanessa: More kudos to our can-do Institute manager for continuing as temporary show producer. Hopefully we’ll get a new show producer soon since we lost ours so abruptly and disturbingly last week. Interested? Apply here or call 213-670-0066.
Sharday: Assisting all with a gorgeous smile and a bodacious booty-shake in the Womb Room and at the bar.
WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION
Failosophy (Hot New MTV Show), Failocracy (Our Government?), Chris Gore, Hasan Minhaj, Failtastrophe, Fail Night, Sexual Fail Tales, Pink, Sins, Mom Catching Daughter Having Sex, Female Rapists, Finger-Raping, Rape BJ, It’s Good to be a Sexual Sinner, Nobody Should Be Raped Unless They Really Want To Be (Rape Fantasy), Static Fetish, Foot Fetish, Porn Stars Are Real Stars, Agency That Promotes Its Stars as Hookers, Next Time You Hear The Gardeners Mowing the Lawn It May Be Someone Riding a Sybian, The Bonobo Way
Modeling Pink, Stripping and Dancing In Front of Your Cousin, Striptease in Front of People Who Aren’t Your Cousins, A Lapdance for Your Husband’s Birthday, Cropping and Spanking a Perfect Bare Ass, Spanking a Naughty Sinner While She Rides the Sybian for the First Time, Paddling a Butt Pink Because Spanking Isn’t Hard Enough, Spanking For Your Failure!, Bonoboville Body Shots, Girl Girl Sex, Hot Pink Girlfriend Cunnilingus, Pink Fingernails on a Pink Pussy, Fingering While Licking an Exotic Clit for the First Time, Sucking the Spirit of Sex Right Into the Mouth, Receiving Oral in Bondage, Bonoboville Bodyshots AKA Salted Nipples, Drinking and Drawing, Hula-Hooping, Interracial Penis in Vagina (PIV) Sex in the After-Party.