Orchestra Surreal in Bonoboville. Photo: Ono Bo

Length 1:32:52 Date: April, 16 2016

By Dr. Susan Block

Yes indeed, this show is the ultimate tuneful top-off to a wonder-filled 24^th wedding anniversary week of bacchanalian celebration with bonoboësque friends, lovers, lawyers, icons and porn stars, and an almost continuous stream of music (traditional symbol of 24^th wedding anniversaries)—from rap to classical to improvisational to “Making Whoopy” on the ukulele—transporting us to new heights of sublime ear-otica, compliments of the effervescent, eclectic jazz of Elvis Schoenberg and members of The Orchestre Surreal.

In between all that whoopy last week, Capt’n Max and I even made a pilgrimage to see the real bonobos at the San Diego Zoo on our actual anniversary day (more on our amazing inter-species experiences there coming soon!), communing with our kissing cousins up-close and personal again, renewing our belief in the efficacy of The Bonobo Way and our commitment to saving the bonobos—as a species and as a culture—from extinction. I only wish I could have taken one of those beautiful bonobos home with me. Of course, I couldn’t do that, which is indeed the best policy for the bonobos, as well as our furniture.

PHOTO 1: ALEX LEGOLVAN. PHOTOS 2 & 3: ONO BO

But I did get to take home an adorable baby giraffe… with gigantic boobs.

Large-Breasted Giraffe in Bonoboville

And thus this magical musical “recovery show” commences, as I lead Dayton Rains, roleplaying a large-breasted giraffe, on a leash around the Womb Room.

Escape from the Zoo. Photo: Alex LeGolvan

Dayton the Friendly Giraffe is so cute in her San Diego Zoo mask—souped-up, Dayton-style, with pink lipstick and curly eyelashes—she could be a Disney cartoon character… well, except for the naked 32DDs.

Elvis Schoenberg & the Orchestra Surreal

Then it’s Elvis’ turn to play. The last time Maestro Schoenberg and members of his majestic Orchestra Surreal were on DrSuzy.Tv was almost a decade and a half ago, way back in 2002 (more evidence that time flies like the wind when you’re in love with your life)! The Orchestre Surreal was a fantastic phenomenon back then, and they’re even better now, although the only veteran members are Elvis (aka Ross Wright) himself and the Fabulous Miss Thing.

Elvis Schoenberg. Photo: Alex LeGolvan

New members include clever, honey-toned singer/songwriter Leslie Knauer and jovial, versatile bassist Al Teman (a girlfriend/boyfriend duet on and offstage) plus Dominik Hauser and Scott Breadman. Actually, this one small band has three basses, contributing to the show’s deep, mellow sound that is perfect for a 24^th anniversary “recovery.”

PHOTOS 1 & 2: ONO BO. PHOTO 3: ALEX LEGOLVAN.

Indeed, when Leslie sings “Don’t Be Scared,” her sound is sweet enough to turn our spotty-faced little giraffe into a beautiful porn star, like a kissed frog turned into a prince. More accurately, the Womb Room gets so hot that Dayton has to take her mask off, but the timing is terrific.

Warning: When Al launches into “Twisted,” aka “My Analyst Told Me” (Annie Ross and Wardell Gray’s brilliant little psychoanalysis ditty made famous by Joni Mitchell), he encourages me to sing along and, foolhardy “analyst” that I am, I do. At least, I try. It’s an easy, sing-songy song, though I don’t know most of the lyrics. But I do what I can, and the three basses are awesome!

Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style

All that warbling makes Maestro thirsty, so we offer him Bonoboville Communion with Dayton as “altar girl,” and his eyes light up like he won “Conductor of the Year.” Elvis communes with a musician’s passion for a fine instrument. Since he doesn’t imbibe alcohol, we treat him to Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style.

PHOTOS: ONO BO.

Like Waterboarding, CIA-Style, our kind involves passive ingestion of H2O, making the recipient want to spill their secrets. Though in CIA-style waterboarding, the victim’s “truth-telling” (which isn’t even usually the factual truth) is done to get the interrogator to stop. With Waterboarding, Bonobo-Style, they try to get us to continue.

Bravo Maestro Schoenberg for taking his Communion with good humor and gusto, licking his lips as he savors the experience.

No Means No & Hoka-Hoka Means Fun!

Sadly for us, Leslie and Al refuse to take any kind of Communion, even off of each other’s wrists. Though more power to them for saying no, if that’s how they feel, since Bonoboville Communion, like any erotic encounter, only works when it’s truly consensual.

However reasonable it might be, rejection stings a bit. But music is a proven painkiller, and so is sex. So the band plays on, and Dayton and I console ourselves by fooling around with her nifty new Trojan bullet vibrator (a nice dark lavender for the 24^th and with five speeds!) and creamy dreamy Astroglide.

PHOTOS 1& 2: ALEX LEGOLVAN. PHOTO 3: BAMBI BONOBO

Then we demonstrate hoka-hoka as we’d just observed bonobos doing it at the Zoo. I’d seen it many times on film and a few times in person, but never from such a close vantage point, and Dayton had never seen it before at all. It’s amazing to witness the power that arises from two rival females as they rub each other into conciliatory ecstasy. Ultimately, it’s the power to make peace.

Although Dayton and I wriggling together awkwardly might look like an upended ladybug struggling to get on her feet more than a powerful symbol of erotic female solidarity. Obviously, we need to practice… which is part of the fun!

69^th Year Communion

Bonobo Way book lover and Bonoboville member, Dr. Gareth celebrates his 68^th birthday in the Womb Room, beginning his 69^th year of life by taking reverent Bonoboville Communion from “Best Altar Girl” Dayton’s divine tatas with Agwa Herbal Coca Leaf Liqueur.

Between the herbal spirits and the altar girl’s assets, the good doctor appears enraptured by the experience, slightly dazed with a big blissed-out bonobo smile on his grey-bearded lips, limbs outstretched, butt on the carpet, while he leans back in ecstasy against Dayton’s cushy altar. What a way to kick off year #69! Btw, you too can spend your birthday in Bonoboville. Ask about our birthday specials when you call 310-568-0066.

After-Party Piano

As we commune, Elvis and his Orchestre Surreal mates continue to play, including Leslie’s intriguingly entitled number, “Porno Church of the Ugly Man,” based on a real-life experience, and you’ll just have to listen to the show above to hear that story.

Live Sculpture. Photo: Unscene Abe

Then we stroll through the bar and Bonoboville Gardens, around the bend and into the art gallery where we are treated to three pianists (matching our three bassists). First Dr. Gareth proffers some classic jazz that gets me and Nori Carter up and dancing. Then Maestro Carter slides onto the piano bench and his magnificent meanderings fill the rooms and balconies of Bonoboville once again, as as Bambi Bonobo strikes various challenging yoga poses that render her living sculpture among the artworks. Finally, Elvis Schoenberg’s inspiring improvisational noodling, accompanied by Al and Leslie on guitar, take us from Cloud 9 to Seventh Heaven. Then just before my feet turn to fire, Max whisks me off to the Captain’s quarters to continue our never-ending stream of private communion.

PHOTOS: UNSCENE ABE

What a nice ear-gasmic cap to an unforgettable anniversary week. Thank you for all that you do, my darling reader, to bring music, art, love, lust and bonobo revolution into our lives. Even if we don’t know each other, just by reading this, you are sharing the love.

Orchestra Surreal & Giraffe So Real. Photo: Unscene Abe.

In a sense, Capt’n Max and I are married bonobos. It’s a total contradiction, since bonobos don’t even pair-bond, let alone get “married.” But The Bonobo Way and our Bonoboville balance out our otherwise traditional marriage, taking the monotony out of matrimony, keeping it kinky and a little bit wild.

PHOTOS 1 & 4: UNSCENE ABE. PHOTO 3: BENNETT CORDON:

We couldn’t do it without you. And we couldn’t do it without music. As that homosexually frustrated old German genius, Friedrich Nietzsche, informs us truthfully in Twilight of the Idols:

“Without music, life would be a mistake.”

Make no mistake: Make music not war! #GoBonobos

♫ 24th Wedding Anniversary: Make Music Not War. ♫ Photo: Alex Legolvan

© April 16, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.