LUPERCALIA Class of 2014: Fat Mike of NoFX, Matty Boi, Dr. Susan Block, Goddess Soma Snakeoil. Photo: JuxLii

Length 1:28:56     Date: Feb. 15, 2014

It’s our fourth heart-shaped-ass-whipping celebration of The LUPERCALIA live on DrSuzy.Tv, and once again, we take the original Valentine’s Day of “floggers not flowers” from the overpriced florists and sappy Hallmark card sharks and give it back, with a whack, to the people. Since this primeval holiday was marked by consensual whipping and other practices now associated with “BDSM,” it’s a very special joy to share Lupercalia 2014 with one of the great BDSM “families” of the Left Coast, led by striking (in more ways than one) world-class domina, Goddess Soma Snakeoil, and her alpha slave/Daddy, kilted punk rock legend Mike Burkett, aka “Fat Mike,” lead singer/songwriter and bassist for one of the most successful independent bands of all time, NoFX.

Always rolling with a colorful entourage, the divine couple is served by Goddess Soma’s submissive FTM (female-to-male) transgendered “son,” Matty Boi (who just started hormone therapy and is promoting a “Topless” fundraiser at Sanctuary next Saturday to help him pay for his upcoming top surgery), and several other “BDSM family” members. All decked out in shiny rubber dresses and masks, they help make this Lupercalia (despite new Bonoboville being under renovation and not yet party-friendly) a very festive festival indeed. It’s also what Mike describes as “the best history lesson I’ve ever been to.”

Soma takes Bonoboville Communion from Mike’s armpit as JuxLii shoots. Photo: Dillan

And so unfolds the tale of the Lupercalia, that erotic prehistoric celebration of communal sexuality, mystical fertility, the rush of hormones, the howl of the wolf, the crack of the whip and the coming of Spring, held every year around February 14^th—until the early Church banned and replaced it with the far more chaste, sanitized and now thoroughly commercialized Valentine’s Day.

The Goddess belts Her slave with a JuxLeather Lupercalian belt. Photo: Dillan

What was the old Lupercalia, and what could it become? Let’s learn from the past before we speculate about the future. “Luper” is Latin for “she-wolf.” According to ancient Rome’s foundation myth, the twin brothers, Romulus and Remus, were suckled by a she-wolf (luper) in a cave they called the Lupercal. After Remus was killed and Romulus founded Rome, two “colleges” of nearly naked young men, the ancient Roman “frat boys” of the Luperci Quintilii (founded by Romulus) and the Luperci Fabii (Remus’ boys), got together in that dark, womb-like cave of the Lupercal in mid-February. There they sacrificed a goat, marking each other’s foreheads ritualistically with the goat’s blood. Then they feasted on roasted goat and drank a lot of wine, as the more sober among them cut strips from the goatskin, making some pieces into loincloths and others into leather whips called “februa.” Thus equipped, the Lupercalians left their cave, laughing and howling like wolves, as they raced through the hills and towns, wielding their februa, gaily smacking the willing behinds of women—and some men—looking for luck, love and perhaps a baby. The ancient Romans believed that such gentle smacks on a nubile bottom ensured fertility, which is not as scientific as an IVF clinic, but it probably did whip the local populace up into a frenzy for sex. In this spirit, the great, horned and horny god Pan, called Faunus by the Romans, lord of the wild, also lent his support to the Lupercalia.

Matty Boi spanks Trixie. Photo: L’erotique

Needless to say, all that wild whipping and public sex are a lot more interesting than Valentine cards and candy.  In fact, it was a little too interesting for the early Catholic Church which squelched Lupercalian enthusiasm by not only making it illegal, but by turning Pan/Faunus into the Devil, branding the horny old Lupercalian as “Satanic.”  Then it placed the more Church-friendly celebration of Valentine’s Day right around the time of the old Lupercalia, appropriating the color of goat’s blood smeared on human skin as its signature hue: bright cardinal red.

Lupercalian Gathering: Row 1: Matty Boi, Miss Antoinette, Ivy. Row 2: Mike, Goddess Soma, Dr. Suzy, Schmeer. Photo: JuxLii

Another symbol of Valentine’s Day seems also to be Lupercalian in origin. The classic Valentine “heart” looks nothing like the cardiac organ which shares its name. It does look like a well-formed, well-whipped set of buns, however. No wonder we call the perfect ass “heart-shaped.” Because the heart icon is shaped like the perfect Lupercalian ass.

Heart-Shaped Asses for Lupercalia! Photo: JuxLii

With sensuous Jux Leather februa, belts and floggers flying, we whip and spank several sets of buns on air, including Institute manager, Trixie Plenty, whose charming, heart-shaped derrière gets several over-the-knee smacks when she accidentally gives vodka to designated driver Matty Boi (don’t worry, he smelled it before drinking) for Bonoboville Communion. We also talk about Soma and Mike’s cool Vegas “punk house” where anyone can stay, Mike’s experience being badly psychoanalyzed by Dr. Drew, BDSM among bonobos, Mike being banned from Emo’s Nightclub and me from Sex Week at Yale, how testosterone makes men more controllable than women, how gorgeous Soma’s engagement ring is (a ruby heart surrounded by black diamonds, designed by Mike), and how Matty Boi’s nickname is “The Closer” because he gives Soma the cunninlingus that makes her cum more easily than anything else. Sometimes, when Mike cums before Soma, Matty eats her cream pie, putting an interesting twist on the cuckold theme which will twist around again when Matty Boi is Soma’s best man at the upcoming nuptials in May 2015.

Gonzo Bonobo is Faunus, aka the horned horny great god Pan, whom the Church dubbed the Devil. Photo: Dillan

Speaking of Matty Boi becoming a man, we get a good last look at—and lick off—Matty’s lovely breasts before they go under the surgeon’s knife. We’re sorry to see them go, but glad that Matty is realizing his dream. We support his motto, “Let No Mirror Define You.” Or as that horny old Transylvanian, Dr. Frank N. Furter said, “Don’t Dream It. Be It.”

With a few more whips, spanks and flogs around the stripper pole, so goes another great Lupercalia. Cruising the web, I see that more and more people in the BDSM and kink worlds are celebrating the holiday, some wielding the JuxLeather “Lupercalian” whips we adore. I still enjoy the couples-oriented love and romance of Valentine’s Day—and Capt’n Max and I did manage to get away from it all (to El Segundo!) for a very lovely, loving, wet and orgasmic one.

With My Valentine. Photo: JuxLii

But the whipped-up lust and communal pleasure of Lupercalia is the way of the wild. It could also be the way of our more and more pagan, BDSM-friendly and bonoboësque future.

More pix coming soon. Free audio above. Video now playing on DrSuzy.Tv.