Astroglide or Crisco: Holy Oil on the Senate Seats
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The Wall Street Journal reports that “three Christian ministers blessed the doors of the hearing room where Senate Judiciary Committee members are now considering the U.S. Supreme Court nomination of Judge Samuel Alito.” Capitol Hill police stopped them from entering, but in “a bit of one-upsmanship,” the three said they had snuck in the day before (some post-9/11 security we got here!), dabbing holy oil on the seats to be occupied by Judge Alito, the senators, witnesses, Senate staffers and the press. ‘We did adequately apply oil to all the seats,’ said the Rev. Rob Schenck, an evangelical Christian and president of the National Clergy Council in Washington.
Counterpunch Editor Jeffrey St. Claire asked me “Was it Astroglide or Crisco?” As you may recall, former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft used Crisco to lubricate his “head” for momentous civic occasions, and this would probably be the choice of the ministers. I think it’s safe to say that these Men of Gawd would not be rubbing Astroglide, K-Y Jelly, Wet or any of that infidel olive oil into the Judiciary seats. The question is who will pay the cleaning bill for all those greasy Holy Oil stains now spotting the Senators’ pants?
I call for an investigation into how these ministers got into the Senate hearing room to oil up the seats of our Senators. This is a nonconsensual Congressional sex act, not to mention a real breach of security.
In the meantime, if you’re in the DC area, let me know if you spot any Crisco pants among you, for they are the anointed ones and the greaseballs…
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01 · 13 · 06 @ 6:41 am
Shall we send the poor dears some “StainStick”? Then again I am sure this is not the first time they stained their pants. I am sure they have it already. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it. Kisses
01 · 12 · 06 @ 3:57 am
I can’t stop laughing, Crisco oil, What happened to ITALIAN OLIVE OIL ! This is a major issue for the World Trade Organization. Are we italians to be discriminated agaiNst ?Does this mean no one can be safe against CRISCO oil attacks by christian terrorists?With MUch Love and caring,your friend in Italy.Carlo Filangieri